NERDS RULE!

This is getting exciting! I mean we always knew The Race was exciting, even during the Family Edition, but now it's getting good. Even if you aren't watching it fear not, you can pick it up at any time, tune in and I promise you'll be hooked. I mean I'm not talking Jack Bauer promise, but definitely a Terry on Survivor promise.

We're still in the lovely Sicily and Tyler and BJ are the first team out of the gate. They open the clue and are instructed to drive to Catania, about 135 miles away and find an amphitheatre (yes, another one, there's lots in Italy). While they're getting into the car they remark that although they like the frat boys (Eric and Jeremy) they're pretty dumb. Wow, if that's not an on the nose statement I don't know what is. BJ comments that dumb people wind up having the best of luck. Ain't that the truth, especially if they're big boobed blondes. Hopefully, like BJ points out, the dumb luck is bound to run out.

Because of BJ and Tyler's flight last episode, they have a nearly two hour head start on Eric and Jeremy. As E&J are leaving they talk about the hippies and how the guys are nice, and they can tell they have more worldly experience then them. Yeah, but can they chug a beer in less tehn 5 seconds, probably not. Dude. They don't comment on how it's their shear dumb luck that's keeping them going, but pat themselves on the back for getting this far. The rest of the teams start trickling out now. When Joseph and Monica leave, they stop and ask for directions. Joseph comments about how nice it is to have someone stop for them that early and that it would never happen in America. No, they'd stop, then they'd rob you afterwards.

When Lake leaves he tells us what a bad mood he's in because he's sleep deprived. Oh, is that why you're an a**hole? I thought it was because you were born that way. Michelle tries to talk about how they may bicker but they move past it. All he needs to do is give her a quick slap across the face and she's back telling him everything he does is right. Dave and Lori leave and talk about how frustrated they got with each other at the end of the last leg. They say lots of "I love yous" and I start to get worried. I also get worried for last place team Ray and Yolanda because for the 100th time they stop and ask for directions. Can they please buy a map? Please? At least this time the people help them. Joseph's right, these people are nice. It is Italy. As Fran and Barry drive they obviously take the wrong way and it looks like they're clear on the other side of the island. I'm a little happy because that means MoJo and RaYo are definitely still in the game.

The dumbass fell for it

When BJ and Tyler arrive in Catania, they discover the gate they need to get into is locked until 830am. They put a note on the door with a sign up sheet saying the teams are first come first serve and that they're first. As they rest in the car Eric and Jeremy come in and nearly fall for it until they realize it's a joke. When the gates do open at 8:30 the two teams find the cluebox which tells them to go around the small property and count all the heads on the fence. Once they have the number find the groundskeeper and tell him. If they're right he'll give them they're next clue. The guys finish it easily and get their next clue. It's a Detour. This Detour they have to choose between Big Fish and Little Fish. In Big Fish each team member has to carry a 32 pound swordfish through the streets of Catania to a huge market and look for an Italian dude named Jagino who will take the fish and give them the next clue. Little Fish has the team go to the same market place and try and sell four kilos of small Triglia fish.

The two sets of guys both choose the Big Fish one and go grab the fish to carry it. It's disgusting, dribbling fish juices and blood all over the place. Probably not too different from Eric and Jeremy's nights at the frat house. Around this time MoJo makes it to the amphitheatre and run around to count the heads. Joseph gets one less then Monica but decides to trust her counting ability over his. It works out and they head off to do Big Fish. The hippies and frat boys get to the market and find Jagino to gives him the fish. Their clue tells them to drive 40 miles to Siracusa and find Ponto Umbertino. As they start out, both teams agree to follow one another but Eric and Jeremy ditch the hippies right after they leave. When they find the signs that lead to Siracusa it looks like the hippies go the wrong way. To me at least.

Amazingly, Fran and Barry make it to the amphitheatre. I don't get it, they clearly took the wrong way but arrive in the same order they left in. Confusing, editors, just confusing. They spot the fence posts and go around counting them. When they're done, Fran starts calling out for the groundskeeper. Hey, I guess there's more then one way to find him. When they get the Detour they decide to sell fish, a wise choice.

Touring around the city still are the bottom three teams, Lake and Michelle, Dave and Lori, and Ray and Yolanda. They're all stuck in traffic. Lori wants to stop for directions but Dave doesn't think it's a good idea. Apparently he knows his way around this foreign city, saw it in a dream the night before or something. Ray and Yolanda decide to park and make a run for it. Could be a good decision but knowing them it'll be a horrible one. Again, they don't get any help from the locals but Yoland points out it could be his brisk American attitude.

That's gotta hurt

MoJo have now secured their fish and are making their way through the city. Monica starts out in a great mood although she's hauling 30 pound of slimy dead fish. She's great until they get to the market and start their near futile search for Jagino. Would be okay if they weren't asking for every name but Jagino. Fran and Barry arrive around this time to sell their fish and- good holy God! Barry's taken his shirt off and he's hiding a carpet. A gray shag carpet. I guess Fran likes the bear type of man. The fish selling seems to be working out fairly well. Unlike the fish carrying which Monica is having difficulty with. I mean I gotta give it to the girl, I'd have a breakdown too. Joseph gets frustrated and is walking too far ahead of her. She starts crying and the silly Italians around her are laughing. As much as I love these two, I'm laughing too. They finally find Jagino and give him the fish. Joseph's pissed though because he thinks they asked him if he was Jagino awhile before and he said no. Not all Italians look alike. Just the ones with dark hair. Fran and Barry notice them leave and soon sell enough fish to also go. In the car to Siracusa, Monica complains a bit about the fish guts she's wearing but laughs it off, making me realize that even with the breakdown in the market, I still like her.

When Fran and Barry finally get to their car and find the Siracusa on the map, Lake and Michelle arrive. Fran hurries Barry in the car, not wanting to lend any help to Lake. Smart lady. Lake and Michelle find the clue and bicker a bit as they're counting the heads. When they go around the grounds of the amphitheatre to find the groundskeeper they run into a funny Italian man who pretends to be the groundskeeper. Lake shakes his hand and waits for the clue as the man smiles at him. He soon learns it isn't the right person and I'm waiting for some red neck comment but it never comes. Hey, Lake, why disappoint now. The two run to the swordfish guy and Michelle wonders if this can really be the right person, she doesn't want to steal anyone's fish. She's okay marrying a disgusting excuse for a man and procreating with him, but damned if she's not gonna to steal someone's fish. When they head off she says that she's used to carrying around a kid so this dead fish doesn't mean anything to her. I have to give it to her, she does pull through and they find Jagino quickly and head off.

Lake and Michelle leave the fish area and just as they're making it back to the car Ray and Yolanda show up at the amphitheatre. As Lake drives out of the city he insists he's going to hire a cab to take them out. Michelle, with the map, thinks it's a dumb idea since it's not to difficult because she HAS A MAP! He "overrules" her decision right about the time they find the sign for Siracusa. Take that! Ray and Yolanda count the heads and go do Big Fish. Dave and Lori soon arrive as well. They both finish quickly and make their way to Siracusa, Dave and Lori look to be 10 or so minutes behind them.

Finally Eric and Jeremy arrive at the Roadblock. In this Roadblock one member of the team has to get into a kayak and play kayak polo with a professional team. They'll make anything into a sport these days, although there does seem to be some skill involved. Once they make a goal they'll get their next clue. The whole thing would be harder then it ends up being if the players actually tried to play with them instead of throwing them the ball and letting them shoot. I guess none of them would make it if the "professional" players actually tried to play them. Once Jeremy gets the goal he and his boyfriend head off as the hippies are just arriving. The clue tells them to go by foot to the Pit Stop. The hippies do the task and are hot on Eric and Jeremy's tail. (insert sarcastic snort: http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/amazing_race/001901.php)

It's like he's wearing brillo pads on his shoulders

MoJo and Fran and Barry arrive at the kayak and the guys do the task. I wonder how hard it is to put sunblock on a back that hairy. Anyway, Joseph is pretty good while Barry sucks pretty bad. Around this time Eric and Jeremy get to the Pit Stop that's made extra lively by a little mariachi type band playing. They've won a cruise for two which they'll enjoy after the race. Oh yeah they will http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/amazing_race/001901.php. MoJo finishes the polo task and head to the Pit Stop and Barry's still having trouble. After much effort he finally makes it and they too leave.

I've tried to figure out what the hell that is they're wearing but can't. The microphone and battery are my first and only guess

Lake and Michelle arrive and she's pretty apprehensive that she can do it. I'm wondering why he pushes her then I realized later (because I think about this show all of the time) that he's done most or all of the other ones. Since lovely Chip and Kim, they've made the rule that they have to split the tasks evenly. Michelle does it and although she's not getting the shot, she's doing a fairly decent job, even with Lake yelling at her. And can we find out why the hell he's running around without a shirt on? I think the professionals feel sorry for her because they just basically sit there and feed her the balls until she gets one. They get the clue and Lake seems oddly excited to be headed to the Pit Stop. I think he has a crush on Phil, but really, who doesn't...

Especially MoJo who come up on Phil as he's doing a little jig with the band. Phil's from New Zealand, the land of Russell Crowe and his band, you'd think he'd have rhythm, but he doesn't. Cute moment though. Fran and Barry and Lake and Michelle arrive soon after that, or so it looks from fancy editing. Ray and Yoland find the Roadblock and Ray takes it on. I get a bit worried when his kayak flips over because it doesn't look like it's easy to get back into, but he's a superstar and quickly gets in and finishes it just about the time Dave and Lori, supposedly, gets there. Of course since Ray and Yolanda are plagued by not having any sense of direction they're wondering around trying to find Phil. Hey, here's a hint, listen for the music and crowd of people. Dave and Lori finish and start looking for Phil as well. No surprise though it's Ray and Yolanda who show up first. All of the sudden I have the realization that this could very well be a non-elimination round. My roommate quickly points out that the producers would be bastards to make this leg non-elimination because they all smell like fish and would be forced to give up all of their possessions accept the clothes they're wearing. She's right, it's an elimination round and Dave and Lori are out. I'm mildly upset, but not really.

HA HA SIKE! I'M NOT DUMB

So we're just about a third of the way done the season sop it's twist time! Remember it's about this time we realized Nina was a mole, that George Mason, dying from radiation poison piloted the nuclear weapon into the dessert and blew up, when Jack killed Chappelle and when Air Force One was finally blown to bits. The major threat is over, now it's time for the third and final chapter of the season. Always something good, but a little bit sad to know that in a few short weeks we won't see our dear sweet Jack Bauer for nearly eight months.

Bad ass!

When we last saw Jack he was being blown up at the gas distribution center. Never fear, like the true phoenix he is he rises from the ashes, much to everyone's relief. He's carrying Bierko and has the medics take him back to CTU. Luckily for them the nerve gas has been destroyed thanks to Jack and everyone is safe. Or are they? I mean they are, from the nerve gas, but there's still eight or so hours left so something else has to go down.

Jack gives Bill a call on his cell phone and they talk about what's going on. Jack's sure Henderson wasn't the main person behind everything's that happened. From talking to him earlier he can tell someone else is pulling the strings, someone else much higher in authority. Jack admits to Bill that he's scared. Wow, this must be big, nothing scares Jack, except maybe this... http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/4045/1881/320/ugly.0.jpg

Karen, meanwhile, is talking to the Vice President who wants to know how the CTU takeover is going. Karen admits that she hasn't done it yet since they were going to wait until Henderson was caught. Gardner doesn't want to wait any longer and instructs Karen to go ahead with the takeover. After she hangs up she admits to Miles that she's worried how Bill will take all of this, seeing that it was CTU who saved everyone's asses today. Miles, ever the weasel, suggests they get Audrey to sign a document stating that Bill has mismanaged the crisis and that Homeland Security has a bigger wiener. I don't know why they think this will work because Audrey's obviously loyal to CTU. Or is she? Of course she is! Down in the pit Bill confides in Audrey that Homeland Security is gonna go fire everyone and absorb CTU. He doesn't understand why Gardner wants this to happen. Hmph, I wonder why! Pretty soon people from Homeland Security start showing up and Karen makes an announcement to everyone about what's going on. Basically they're all fired and the Homeland Security team is now taking their place. This is really fraked up.

Meanwhile, Henderson's hold up at a coal plant. What's up with the natural resource references the past two shows? I'm sure it's just coincidental, but interesting none the less. The commando who's been chasing Wayne informs Henderson that Wayne got away.

Speak of the devil, Aaron pulls into the Presidential compound and opens the trunk, revealing Wayne. Looks like the only thing he hurt was his hand. He tells Aaron that Evelyn, Martha's aide, was President Palmer's source within the White House. Wayne thinks the President was killed because of something Evelyn passed to him. In the compound Evelyn is calling it a day. She says goodbye to the First Lady and starts to leave. Outside the room she's stopped by Aaron and Wayne. Wayne says that he traced emails David got and found they led to her. She tries to deny it but then admits that it was her, that she has proof of who was behind the assassination and everything that's been going on today but she can't give them the name. When pushed, they find out that her daughter's being held by these people who say they're going to kill her unless Evelyn gives them the evidence she has. She and Wayne make a deal that if she gets her daughter back, she'll give him the evidence. Wayne calls Jack and tells him about what they've found out. Jack's positive it's Henderson behind this. He tells Wayne to meet him and at barn, with Evelyn. Wayne gets Evelyn to leave the retreat alone, in case she's being watched.

At CTU, Miles has shown Audrey the statement which implicates Bill in everything that went wrong. She's no dummy and refuses to sign the paper. He claims she's going to be blamed a bit too if she doesn't sign it since she's DOD. She's still not having it and refuses to sign. After she walks out Jack calls her on her cell and updates her on what's going on with Evelyn and Wayne. He needs satellite surveillance on the location Henderson wants to meet Evelyn at. When Audrey tells him about Gardner having Homeland Security take over, he thinks Garnder may be a part of the conspiracy. Whatever's going on with CTU, he needs the satellite.

Audrey realizes what she has to do and goes to Miles and Karen. She agrees to sign the stupid paper saying the reason is because she wants to protect DOD and her father. Before she signs it though she says her only request is Chloe be kept on and assigned to her. They agree to her terms and Audrey signs it.

As Henderson holds Evelyn's daughter hostage, Wayne tells Aaron to stay at the compound to not arouse suspicion. Wouldn't you know it, as they're talking Gardner rounds the corner. Wayne quickly hides his bandaged hand from view. Aaron lies to him and says Wayne's there to give him a memento President Palmer wanted him to have, since they were so close. Wayne pulls the sympathy card and says he has to take off because they're flying his brother's body back to Washington. Gardner gives him his condolences and it seems fake.

Back at CTU, Chloe's still pissed, as am I, that Homeland Security's fired everyone and is taking over. Miles tells Chloe, with Bill standing there, that she's saved though, that Audrey wants her to stay on and help her out. The little shite also lets it out that Audrey signed a paper saying that all of this was Bill's fault. Even though Chloe doesn't believe this, Audrey walks up and confirms it. Chloe looks like she wants to rip the bitch's eyes out.

I'd be scared of that forehead too

Driving to where they're meeting Jack, Evelyn tells Wayne that the person who's bribing her said he'd know if she told anyone about the evidence. This further convinces Wayne that someone at the compound is behind this. Evelyn feels responsible for Palmer's death, since she was giving him information that eventually led to his death. When her phone rings Wayne patches Jack in and Evelyn answers it. It's Henderson who questions her on why Wayne was at the compound. She plays dumb and tells him she didn't see him. He believes her and puts her daughter on the line to prove she's still alive. Henderson gives her the address of the coal plant.

After the call Jack calls Audrey and tells her where the drop is going down. Audrey goes to Chloe for help, but she's still mad thinking she gave up Bill to Homeland Security. Audrey quickly explains that she had to sign it and tells her that Jack needs their help.

Wayne and Evelyn pull up to the barn to meet Jack. Once inside a car pulls up and when the person doesn't immediately come into the barn Wayne's spooked. Luckily, it's only Jack who comes around back to meet up with them. Jack promises they'll get her daughter back but Evelyn doesn't give up any helpful information about the conspiracy. Jack calls Chloe and she's uploaded the satellite images to his PDA. There are about ten guys watching the place where Henderson is. Jack doesn't want Wayne to go since his family needs him. Wayne insists, since these are the people who killed his brother. Plus, he was in the Marines. Jack says that going to Canada for a stint doesn't really count, that he didn't actually kill anyone before. Wayne's confident he'll be okay.

Gardner blabs to Logan that Wayne was there earlier to see Aaron. Gardner wonders why Wayne would drive all the way out there and not say hello. Logan buys the excuse that Aaron and David were close and that's why he drove all the way out there. He also thinks maybe Wayne didn't want to see him because of the whole fiasco last year, with Palmer saving his ass and Logan not being as appreciative as most people in the situation. He didn't say all that, but that's what I was thinking.

With Jack, Evelyn has just dropped him and Wayne off outside of the plant. He assures her that they'll get her daughter back, but that she has to do what they've planned since Henderson's just going to kill both of them anyway once he gets what he wants. When Evelyn pulls off Chloe gives Jack the route to the plant. Jack takes out two of the men on the perimeter. Wayne has to take out a sniper and Chloe guides him to the man. He hesitates a minute but then shoots the guy. Jack runs up to the roof and takes out a man by slitting his throat. Bad ass! When Henderson radios the now dead man Jack does something fancy to the walkie to make his answered unclear so Henderson doesn't recognize his voice.

When Evelyn pulls up to the site Henderson calls her and tells her to open all of the doors and trunk to make sure no one is in there with her. I was sure someone was going to be hiding out, but no such luck. Jack has the sniper rifle and watches as Henderson approaches the car with Evelyn's daughter. As Henderson lets the little girl go to her mother he asks for the evidence. Evelyn just ducks and Jack starts shooting the guys around Henderson. Why he doesn't take out that mofo first I'm really not sure. Wayne starts taking out some guys too and in the shooting Evelyn's been shot in the leg. Henderson takes off in his car and Wayne and Jack try to shoot him while he gets away but don't hit him. Jack quickly calls Chloe and wants her to reposition the satellite, unfortunately she can't. Jack goes to Evelyn who's leg isn't seriously injured and demands she tell him who's involved. She tells him that the Vice President had nothing to do with this.

In the car with Henderson he calls the mole on the phone and explains about Jack showing up. He tells the person that Jack and Wayne will be killed before they get the evidence. When the person he's talking to comes into the light its none other then President Logan. Scandalous!