This episode was so on the edge for me. I was very afraid we were slowly slipping back into the rut that was the beginning of the second season, where everyone was a caricature and I didn't care if they lived or died. Like I said, it walked the fine line the whole episode but ended up being good. Hopefully that was just a blip and the jackasses that were the women of Wisteria Lane from a few months ago, won't return. And a note, I wasn't able to find any pictures for this episode, so I apologize. I added a few, not really DH related, but that's the genius of having my own blog, I can't do whatever I want.
Oddly enough, Tom's not even in this episode, but damn he looks good here
Lynette's called to Parker's school because apparently he's starting to get curious about what's underneath women's skirts. I'd think he'd be one of those kids that just tape mirrors to his shoes, but he's not like his mother, he's bold, tells people exactly what's on his mind. The teacher says she caught Parker trying to trade a cookie for a peak at what's under Cindy Lou Who's skirt and see her vajayjay. Of course, the teacher doesn't call it a skirt, she calls it a pinafore. I don't know what the hell a pinafore is. It's a cookie right? When Lynette finally sits Parker down and asks him why he's a perv, he says that one of his buddies told him that's where babies come from which thoroughly confused him since how the hell can a baby fit up there. Honest question. Lynette's not really ready for this situation, so she tells him that Tom will be back in a few days and he can explain it. Kinda the parenting skills I excepted from Gabby, not from Lynette. He says that's cool, he'll just ask his buddy's older brother, apparently this guy knows everything.
That gets Lynette interested in helping her child and sits down with a glass of wine and some crayons. Yeah, my mom had to be drunk too to teach me about that. She draws some stick figures to tell the story of how life is created and tells him that when the mommy and daddy hug real tight, a seed is magically implanted in the mommy, resulting in a baby in 9 months. He doesn't believe her, but I kinda do. She says that mommies never lie and when he won't go upstairs and wash his hands, that Santa won't bring him presents at Christmas. Nice.
Later, Lynette comes into the house and finds Mrs. McClusky hard at work on a Fudgesicle. Before she leaves she tells Lynette that Parker asked to see her vajayjay. Not just that, he asked if he could put a seed in it to see if a baby grew. I just threw up a little in my mouth. When Lynette tells her that she did try and explain the birds and the bees, she just softened the blow a bit, McClusky tells her that she did it all wrong. What she should have done is explained it and made it sound sick, so that when he thought about doing it later, he didn't want to. And so we find the root of most men's problems. When she's talking to Parker later and telling him that it's not right to talk to a woman about her vajayjay until you're old enough to know what to do with it, he just doesn't get it. He keeps asking "why". Finally she can't take it anymore and blurts out that its dirty and disgusting and she'll wash his mouth out with soap. He looks extremely hurt and she starts remembering all the times he was obsessed with things, and how happy he was. So instead of sitting him down and explaining to him what she meant by all of that, she just goes out and buys him a puppy. Lord knows men stop thinking about vajayjays when dogs are around.
While all of this craziness is going on, Bree's at the courthouse, ready to finally go mano y mano with Andrew. Peter's there with her, and they're holding hands. I love this relationship. She and Andrew are staring each other down when all of the sudden Carol Burnett shows up. What the hell is she doing there? Well, apparently she's Bree's step mother, Eleanor. Danielle called in the cavalry to help her family out. I bet she didn't tell them about the big hot black man she's dating. When Eleanor makes some snide comment about Peter and his long hair, Andrew quickly tells her that he's Bree's AA sponsor, which of course causes Eleanor to nearly have a heart attack. She's not used to family members getting help through a professional group.
Bree's father comes out of the judge's chambers and announces that he's old friends with the guy and has gotten a continuance. This pisses Bree off because she wanted more than anything in life to stomp Andrew into the ground in front of an audience. Her father, Henry, thinks it's nonsense to air all of their dirty laundry out in the open, and they can settle everything as a family. This man is clueless.
When they finally get home and sit around a table, Henry tells Andrew and Bree that he heard about this new technique some Dutch doctor is claiming works to help forgiveness. You just have to say that you forgive that person and the heart will soon believe it. I wonder if I can make someone love me that way. Regardless, Andrew and Bree aren't buying it, but when Andrew plays the victim to his grandparents and says it, Bree's forced to. Eleanor doesn't really believe this mumbo jumbo, but she goes along with it because her husband thinks it's great. Andrew then takes this time to talk about the trust fund he wants, since that was the whole reason for the lawsuit to begin with. Henry doesn't think that's a good idea and Andrew blurts out that he couldn't possibly live with someone who hit him. Bree admits that she slapped him but we all know how much he deserved it. When Andrew says it's because of her drinking, Henry's surprised when Eleanor tells him Bree's in AA. Bree shoots back, pointing out that he was drunk when he ran over the neighbor's mother in their car, killing her. Andrew tries to get in a good jab by saying she watched George kill himself, the same man who killed his father. I'm not sure people would consider this a bad thing, but I guess he does.
When Bree goes downstairs at nighttime, she finds Eleanor sitting on the couch brushing her hair. Not the hair on her head. Ewe, get your mind out of the gutter, she's brushing her wig. Bree sits down and Eleanor tells her that they're taking Andrew back to live with them in Rhode Island, because Andrew's asked to live with them. Bree refuses to let him go and Eleanor tells a sweet anecdote about when Bree was a child and would make these awful cookies that she kept baking and forcing them to eat. Bree says that her mother loved the cookies but Eleanor says that some people praise children when they don't deserve it. Ouch, this bitch is rough. Eleanor points out that Bree always resented her for her high standards. Bree corrects her and says that no, it was because she made some kick ass cookies. Eleanor then takes her hair and tells Bree that they're taking Andrew with them and that she should just realize that she failed as a parent.
Later, Bree's peering out of the window when she sees Andrew and Justin arguing about Andrew going all the way to Rhode Island. Andrew peels away, leaving Justin there. Bree comes out and asks what's going on. Justin says that Andrew just told him that he was leaving and how sad he is. Bree tells him that she knows they're good friends and Justin points out that he loves Andrew. Bree rightfully asks him why he loves him and he explains, which is quite sweet. When his parents kicked him out because they were ashamed he was gay, Andrew told him that he should be ashamed of them, not the other way around. Andrew said they were stupid not to see how great he was. Justins says that Andrew doesn't take crap from anyone and how could you not love someone like that. You can almost see the light bulb go off over Bree's head. She then recruits Justin to help her keep Andrew in town.
And so the plan begins. Bree comes downstairs with some of Andrew's boxes as her father and step-mother pack up what's left of his stuff. Bree hands her father the opened box and it's full of porn. I'm assuming this is Justin's porn, or Justin told Bree where to find Andrew's stash, either way it's kinda icky, but awesome. He picks up a movie called "Rods". I've seen it, not as good as everyone says. He then looks through a magazine. Eleanor catches him and scolds him for looking, but he's mesmorized, they're all dudes. This is strange because whenever I show my guy friends my male porn collection they never want to look at it. Anyway, the grandparents are flabbergasted and appalled. Bree just says, "boys will be boys" and shakes it off. She says that it's probably just a phase. From a woman who's been in love with many gay men, trust me, it's not a phase. Bree points out that regardless of what it is, it's not her problem anymore. Eleanor pulls Henry into the other room to have a "serious" talk.
Andrew comes home, excited to be getting away from his mother and wonders where the grandparents are. Bree says that they left but left him a nice little note. The note says that not only can he not live with them, but they're taking away his trust fund. I feel truly torn here. As much as I like to see this little bastard's trust fund taken away, the fact that it's taken away because he's gay is completely fraked up. He wonders what he's going to do and Bree says that he'll just have to stay there with her. He's a bit shocked but she says that she wants to make it work. She's even had a nice talk with Justin and invited him over for dinner. Later we see Andrew and Justin sitting at the dining room table playing a cute game of cards as Bree comes in, all smiles, but a little uncomfortable, to serve them a huge ass apple pie.
The most boring story is about Paul and Felicia. I'll keep it simple. Obviously Felicia's pissed Paul's not only there, but that he's alive at all since he killed her sister. Still not sure how he hasn't been arrested for this, but I'm sure it was explained and I ignored it. Anyway, she decides to take matters into her own hands, but not kill him, just scare the crap out of him. As he steps out of the house he takes a hard spill on the front porch. Felicia's in her yard, mixing some cookie batter. This show's all about the cookie today. Anyway, she faux wonders if he's okay and he says that he slipped on some shortening. Hey, you think you're pissed now, try getting that crap out of your clothes. Later, as he's lighting the bbq it nearly explodes because someone's switched out the lighter fluid for gasoline. Again, Felicia's there to offer her concern. He's a pretty smart guy and realizes she's behind this, telling her she should come over later for some burgers and a margarita, he's got a great blender they can use. Then, early in the morning Paul hears and sees a tarp go over his house. When he and Zach come out, a crew is putting one of those disturbing looking termite tents over his house. They're surprised he's still in there. Felicia comes over and fakes like she accidently put their number on the work order and not hers. Paul's got her number alright. He walks up to her and they whisper. She makes some snide comment about Mary-Alice killing herself and Paul attacks her. Of course no one heard what she said, they just wonder why he's trying to beat up on an old lady.
Over with Susan, she comes over to visit Karl after Edie's gone. He's of course in a towel and nothing else, which isn't half bad because he has a pretty nice body. Anyway, he she wants to know what the hell all that bed stuff was about the night before. Whu whu whut? The night before? There are so many things wrong with this being the day after the party, I won't go into them, one of them being Susan not being on the cane anymore, but I'll let you guys figure it out. (Hint: Carlos and Gabby's story below couldn't have happened a mere 24 hours later because the stripper had the baby during the engagement party) Anyway, Karl says that he's in love with her still and wants to be with her. She comments that the helium hasn't even gone out the balloons from his engagement party yet. Karl says that if she says the word, he'll leave Edie so they can be together. He threatens to take his towel off so she can feast her eyes on what she's missing and part of me really wants him to do it. She gets appalled that he would even suggest this, being engage to such a saint, and storms out.
At home, Susan's gotten some nice red roses. Julie's pissed because she's opened the card and read that they're from her dad. She reads this somehow as Susan's fault and berates her for having feelings for her dad again. When did Julie become a little bitch? I mean, yeah what Karl's doing is despicable, but why is she being a bitch to Susan, her closest confidante? When Susan asks if they're still going to the movies, Julie says they're not, and to just call her dad if she wants a date. Susan decides to go alone and when she gets there Mike shows up with a date. She looks kinda skanky, but definitely a step up from Skeletor. Susan tries to duck down in the seat so he won't see her, but we know how these things go. He says fairly loudly that he's going back out to get some napkins and Susan quickly hops up and sits next to the first guy she sees, the lovely Kyle MacLachlan. She quickly explains the situation and when Mike sees the two of them, says hi. Kyle introduces himself to Mike, saying he's a dentist. Mike wonders how they met and Kyle says that he's been looking in Susan's mouth for years, and last week he decided to put his tongue in it. Ha, that's awesome! Susan's a little startled but grateful to Kyle when Mike leaves. She wants to know if she can sit there during the movie and before he can answer his date comes back. Didn't we know something like that was going to happen to her?
Later, there's a knock on Susan's door and it's Kyle. Apparently when she ran out of the theatre she dropped her wallet. I wonder what Mike was thinking when he and his date went to leave and he saw Kyle with some other girl. Regardless, Kyle tells her that he put one of his cards in her wallet in case she wanted to sit next to each other at the movies on purpose. Very cute. She says she has a complicated love life and next thing we know they're sitting down in her kitchen, talking about it. She's explained everything and he's as confused as we are to who it is she really wants to be with. She also admits that she does have feelings for Karl, no matter how hard she tries to deny it to him and Julie. Because he's a perfect stranger and won't judge her, don't worry honey, I think he already has, she wants his opinion on the situation. He tells her that Karl is a tool and a coward, that he just wants her to make the decision because he can't do it. He's so right about that. He then gets up and tells her that if she does need that tooth whitening, his card is still in his wallet.
Susan walks into a ballroom while a band practices for a Bar Mitzvah. Karl's in there and has called Susan, saying it's an emergency. Since we all know what a douche he is, it's not really an emergency. She complains and gets ready to leave when their song starts playing. They start dancing until he brings up that whole, 'give me the word' thing. She takes Kyle's advice and tells Karl that he's a coward and just wants her to do the hard work. She says that he's the same weak coward that walked out on her a few years ago. Ain't that the truth. Then she leaves.
Karl shows up at her door, looking sad, his car in the background. He tells her that he broke it off with Edie. Not for her of course, but that she was right, he's a coward. She feels bad for him but you can tell a little happy, since this is just what she wanted to happen. Then, being the brain surgeon she is, she invites him in for some wine. The next thing we see of them, he's in bed and they're snuggling. She admits that she does have feelings for him and that she's so happy things have worked out. Personally I would have given it a day or two before sexing up my ex husband/husband three doors down from the woman he just broke up with, but hey, that's just me. Soaking in their post coital bliss, Susan's phone rings, it's Edie, looking for Karl. He calmly talks to her and promises to pick up the juice from the store on his way home. Hmm, curious. When Susan questions him about it he admits that he didn't really break up with her, he told her he was helping Julie with some homework. Apparently, he just needed to see if Susan still wanted him. Susan remarkably picks up on the fact that he just cheated on Edie with her. She's the "other woman". Karl doesn't see what the problem is, now that he knows she wants him, he can break up with Edie for real. Susan's pissed and starts throwing his clothes down the steps. Sitting at the kitchen table is Julie, doing her homework. I'm a little sick to my stomach thinking she was downstairs listening to her parents do it. She just rolls her eyes and Susan shoves Karl outside in his boxers.
Carlos and Gabby are in court with the baby they kidnapped and named Lily. The judge doesn't take kindly to people stealing babies out of hospitals, even if the mother is a white trash stripper. The state argues that they did find the father of the baby, who's unfortunately at Spring Break in Florida. When they told him he was a father he texted them back, using some teenage lingo like "bummer" and "this blows my mind". A Rhode Scholar, I can tell. Until the court can rightfully hear from the birth father, the judge grants Gabby and Carlos custody.
Once home, the girls come to Gabby's house to see the baby. We find out they named her Lily after Gabby's grandmother. They remark how good Gabby looks for being up all night with the baby. They assure her that Lily will probably sleep through the night in a few months. Gabby blows this off since she's going to be hiring a nanny and night nurse to mother the child. Carlos overhears this and is appalled. They start arguing and the women leave them to it. He doesn't want to pawn his kid off on some stranger to raise. I have to whole heartedly support him on this one. She argues that if she's well rested, she'll be a better mother during the hour or so a day she gets to spend with her. Carlos brings up how great his mother was and worked her finger to the bone. Gabby yells that that's what put her into an early grave. Oh yeah, that and walking in on her daughter-in-law doing the gardener and running out into the street and getting hit by the neighbor's drunk teenager.
That night, or some night (the way the continuity is on this show it could be any time) Lily is crying in her room. Carlos wakes Gabby up to get her, since he has some interviews the next day and needs to be well rested. She bitches and moans and he wonders what her problem is since with Xiao Mei cleaning she really has nothing to do around the house. Gabby jumps up and goes to get the baby. Then she walks into poor Xiao Mei's room and wakes her up. She tells her to watch the baby and she won't have to do windows the next day. There's so much wrong with this bitch I don't even know where to start. Xiao Mei is confused, but does what Gabby says, taking the baby out and singing to her while Gabby gets into her bed and goes to sleep.
I'm really gonna beat this woman. The next morning poor Xiao Mei is sleeping on the job because she was up with the baby the night before. Gabby comes down and says how much she appreciates her help. She's even going to give her a free spa day. This makes Xiao Mei happy until Gabby tells her she's leaving for her yoga class and to feed and put the baby to bed. The next day, or soon thereafter, Gabby's running out of the house to meet Bree for lunch. She yells to Xiao that she'll be back soon. When Gabby runs into the restaurant, she apologizes to Bree for being late. Bree's cool with it. She tells Gabby about seeing Xiao Mei just a bit ago at the spa. Gabby's heart sinks, but thinks that maybe Bree was just seeing things. Bree says no, it was her, they spoke for about twenty minutes and she said that Gabby got her this nice spa package. Gabby realizes she sucks at being a mother and races home to her infant daughter left unattended. The kid looks fine but I think this is the last time Gabby's ever going to leave that kid again. When Carlos comes home he's surprised to see Gabby with Lilly strapped to her in a baby holder thing, doing yoga. He offers to take her and she says that's okay. It's an extremely sweet moment that I'm glad happened. If it hadn't I would have thought Gabby was a mean hearted bitch who I wanted to kick in the face for being such a bad mother.
I debated whether or not to post this picutre because I was afraid you wouldn't continue to read on
I just love Aras, even looking like a Meth addict.
