SURVIVOR: FANS VS. FAVORITES

At first I wasn't sure what to think of this premise. In a way, it's a great idea. I loved Survivor: All Stars, so to have another chance to see some of these great characters is a plus for me. But do I really want to see wanna-bes? Of course, that's what all the contestants are anyway, wanna-bes. So I was torn. Would I rather the other team be other "all stars"? I was thinking yes. I didn't like when Real World/Road Rules Challenge let "fans" join, so why would I like it when Survivor did it? I know that's sorta not the same thing, since RW/RR Challenge is a piece of trash, but that's what I was thinking in the beginning.

The show starts and the silly "fans" are on a canoe, there are ten of them. They're making their way to the beach. At this point I would look around and see that there were only ten people and start wondering WTF was going on. Either they've edited out the people wondering what the deuce, or they are truly idiots. I'm thinking they're idiots.

When they finally get to the beach they get on their mat and Jeff announces that they're already in their team, and lets the "favorites" come out one at a time. There are some light cheers for some people, and some people flip out. My "favorites" of course are Ozzy and James. I love these two. Hey, remember when Survivor was racist? Good times. I mean, not so much. And the last person they announce is Jonny "DoucheBag" Fairplay. And seriously, can I just name myself something dumb and people start calling me it like it's my real name. Please, I'd like that. I'm going to call myself Goddess of all things Holy and Good. GATHG for short. Okay, that's not short, but you can just call me Goddess. How did this DB end up a "favorite"? Eh.

Take that!

The first challenge is running/swimming over to a nearby island and getting to the team canoe. The good thing about this challenge is there's an Immunity Idol somewhere in the area and the person who finds it can't be voted off at the next council. The nice camera person shows us that the idol is on the front of the boat. The teams then race to the other beach. Ozzy does his cute little dolphin thing, but one of the fans beats him and they all start looking around. I thought this was going to be obvious, but everyone makes it to the beach without anyone finding them. Finally, DB finds the one on the boat first. He then decides to get the other idol on the other boat, which I think is a great idea. I mean, if I liked DB. He goes for it, but Yau-Man sees it as well and nearly tackles DB. Yay Yau!!!!! Give it to him good! In DB's download, he's all pissy because he thinks it's not nice to tackle him for an idol. You're supposed to be a professional wrestler DOUCHE! This man is 80, don't tell me he hurt you. And most importantly, YOU ALREADY HAVE AN IDOL. Man I hate this guy. So Yau gets the idol, love. But, DB dropped the other one, and walked away???? Yau spots a fan, Kathleen, and tells her to hurry and pick it up. She does, and gets the other idol. I'm so confused right now. All things will be revealed later.

So the teams then go to their separate beaches. The favorites come together and build shelter, make some fire, get some food, and do all they need to do because they're old hat at this. James likes that there's all these people with a good work ethic. He also like Parvati, who's only claim to fame on her season is that her name sounds like poverty and she's sorta slutty. James is okay with that. Another little love connection is between Amanda and Ozzy. How much do I love this? I love it a lot. The only problem with this is you know what happens when people start bonding? They become a threat and people want to vote off one of the two. Everyone is noticing these connection and I'm sure they're starting to think the same thing. Oh, and DB is being a DB. DB.

Over at the fans camp, they're not doing so good. They don't know how to build a shelter, they haven't had food, water or fire, and it rains a lot there. I mean it rains a lot for the others too, but it really affects these guys because they don't have a good shelter. Luckily they aren't complete idiots because they put out things to catch the rainwater. Speaking of idiots, the woman who got the immunity idol, Kathleen, is one. She asks the (obviously) gay man if he's a homosexual. Actually, she doesn't ask, she just announces it as if she's Ellen. Do you remember that? Best TV moment. He tries not to curse out this homophobe since she is on his team. The rest of the team then talks about what a big mouth this woman has. I actually kind of like her. She's not mean, at all, yet, she just doesn't know when to shut the hell up. Can't fault her for that, and she knows she does it.

"I can't remember, am I a douchebag? Yes."

Before they go to the Immunity Challenge the favorites talk about who they want to vote out. Slow your roll people, you don't even know who wins the challenge. Jonathan, Yau-Man, and two bitches I don't know, Eliza and Ami, decide to vote out Parvati. I can't say that's a bad choice, we know she's part of the James/Amanda/Ozzy group. Back with my favorite group, they decide to vote out Eliza, because she's kinda of a biatch from her season. I don't know, I didn't watch that one. Now, we have these two groups of four, and the people who are the outsiders are Douchebag and Cirie. Remember Cirie? I didn't. I mean, I remember her from her season, but I certainly forgot she was even playing the game. Hey girl, how's it going?

This is when the true ignorance and stupidity of this tribe starts. James' group tells DB that they plan to vote out Eliza. And if that isn't bad enough, when DB does what DBs do and tells the other alliance that Eliza is out, they tell DB what their plans are. Seriously? Just dumb. Now DB thinks he's the shite because the other teams actually trust him. I kinda agree with him when he says that they're kinda dumb to trust him of all people. Jonathan tries to make up for it by telling us that he'd love to take DB to the finals because nobody would vote for him. Sure Einstein, nobody would vote for him, but if you align with him in the first day, he will screw you over! No please, please, align with him, I really want you to.

So it's finally time for the first Immunity Challenge. I'm already over it. The favorites act all high and mighty like they know what's coming, and the fan's just stare at the other people with their mouth open and spit coming out. You know, because they're so in love with the other team. But don't get me wrong, they want to kick their asses, but they want to do it in a respectable way. The challenge starts and I tune out. Really, these are not fun anymore. Guess what? It's a puzzle. Oh, and guess what? It's an obstacle course. Boring. It does get exciting though when the favorites move a little too slowly, okay a lot too slowly, and the fans really kick their asses. The best part of the whole thing is when Eliza gets thrown out of the cart. She annoys me.

The fans actually win, by a large margin, and kinda stuffs it in the favorites face. Kinda dig it. The favorites go back and mope a bit as the fans think their shite don't stink. Trust me, give it a few days, it will. Now it's time to figure out who to kick out. I really don't understand why one of the teams doesn't pull Cirie into their voting. I guess this is kind of how she played the game originally, so why fix it if it ain't broken. Oh yeah, I know why, because you lost!

DB tells us in his download that he's missing his girlfriend who is pregnant with their little girl. That would be sweet if I didn't think they were all losers. Do you know who his girlfriend is? She's that idiot from America's Next Top Model, cycle 4 or 5 that had that skin rash on her forehead, oh yeah, and was ugly. I mean good for them for making some ugly ass babies. DB tells Parvati this and she says that he should pretend to the other team like he's going to leave and ask them to vote for him. Then all the rest of the group will vote for Eliza. Let's forget for a second that this will probably get DB voted out and I am ALL for that. Parvati, the other group is voting for someone you guys aren't voting for anyway, so who cares if they vote for DB or not. This would have been awesome if this was her way of voting out DB, because that would be brilliant. But as we've learned, she's not brilliant.

DB goes back to Jonathan's group and tells the unsuspecting dumbasses that he wants to quit. They all do their, "awe, don't quit, you're the only big enough assh*le I can win against". Jonathan, I think, has a moment of doubt, but really, when would you ever think this is a good plan? They all go to tribal and it's out in the middle of the water. Kinda sweet.

Jeff immediately talks to DB about how he's doing and DB admits that he just wants to go home. You know, DB is the kind of guy who at a party has this funny as hell practical joke that everyone laughs at. But then, about an hour later, he's still talking about it and you just want to beat the shite out of him. Yeah, that's DB. Anyway, DB says that he just wants to see his girlfriend and kid and wants to be voted out. Jeff tries to get it out of him whether or not this is a gag, and he says that it's not. I'm still wondering though. Then it's time to vote.

Thank the Lords of Kobol they decide to vote this douchebag out. He seems happy about it, and I wonder if he doesn't understand that he won't get the first flight out of Micronesia. He gets sequestered until the entire show is over in a little hut type area that's very similar to where he just was, but he won't get a million dollars at the end. I'm just happy the douche is gone.

SURVIVOR TONIGHT!

Just a reminder, tonight starts season 16 (!!!) of Survivor!!! I didn't remember either. Go James! Go Ozzy! Boo Johnny Fairplay!

BITCHES AND QUEENS SURVIVE

Sweet Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Last Sunday was the season finale of Survivor, and if you haven't heard, you need to get your head out of the sand. Okay, out? I'll give you a quick telling of the story. About the lies, speeches, and the moment we always dread, when the final three make it to Hollywood after a few months of eating right and showers and typically look much, much worse. How is that even possible. I wasn't able to find that many good pictures, but use your imagation, I did, and I know you've got one.

So the last few episodes were a bit exciting. Most of it involved the Femullet. She was the swing vote on a few Tribals and she definitely changed the game. None of that helped her and she still didn't win the money, but she won something else, and no, I'm not talking about a haircut. I'm talking about the wrath of lunch ladies around the world, and especially in her home town.

Mr. Tvgrrrl was on his way to the top three. Okay, that's a lie, but in my mind he wins it all, we find each other in Hollywood and we go on to have a fun, happy, sexy life with lots of fun and happy babies. It was down to Skinny Bitch, Amanda, The Queen, Token Asian, and the man I were to marry if anything happens to my one true husband, Jack Bauer. Or, Bear Grylls, or that hottie from Moonlight, Mick St. John. So MTVG is fourth in line, but hey, if you're going to be loved by Tvgrrrl you would wait. You know what I'm saying? Of course you do.





So Femullet was the deciding vote in going with TA and MTVG and either securing her place in the finals, or sticking with her original alliance, the Queen, Skinny Bitch, and Amanda, which, who was she kidding, would get her out as soon as they got rid of the other two. And because to be a lunch lady you don't need a high school diploma, she decided she wanted to be number four. Now, I would have accepted this if she would have given a speech and said, "I know this will probably guarantee me NOT winning, but my integrity is more important to me then a million dollars." But she didn't. So she voted my future fourth husband out, and then voted TA out too, leaving her with just the other three in her original alliance.

At this point I was really pulling for Amanda. I know she organized the whole James oust, but if we think about it, that was pretty good move on her part. Later, in the reunion show, Jeff asks James about that fateful decision not to play one of the TWO idols he had. Yeah, he feels dumb. But don't worry about our little gravedigger, he won the fan favorite award and got 100 Gs. I love that guy.





So it's down to four and there's a moment when you think maybe the Queen will be voted out, but he's not, he stays in and Femullet leaves. Buh-bye. So the three left standing are not really my favorties, by any means, but I have to say, the Queen played one hell of a game. I like Amanda the most and Skinny Bitch... What can I say about Skinny Bitch. Besides her name summing her up, she truly is a biatch in the worst sense. In her download she tells us that she's skated through this and slipped through the cracks. I think about how I can make a really funny joke at this on my blog but then realize it's way too easy. WAY TOO EASY.




Now it's time for my least favorite part, the final Tribal council. This is where the catty bitches really come out. James starts, and from what happened to him, I'm expecting, like years past, for him to rip people a new one, but wait, he's not. He's actually going to be cool, not bitter, and ask them a silly question. Not that I blame him for not being catty, but he could have at least asked a question that had some meaning. Like, "If you could do one member of the jury, who would it be and why?" I love you James, but you could have thought of something.



We go through all the ousted tribe members and the person who surprises me the most with her rudeness is Jamie. Do you remember her? I don't. I know I called her something and can't even remember that. Oh, The Blonde. I think. The only thing good about it is she's totally rude to SB. Love it! Then Jean-Robert comes up and I'm expecting the worst. In fact, everybody is. He asks the Queen WTF was up with him voting him out. I get angry at first, but then realize that he never did get an explanation, like we did. The Queen tells him, like he told us, that JR came up with the same idea he had, which, let him, the Queen, know that JR was coming up with the same strategy, and was now a threat, so he got rid of him. This shut JR up, and was awesome. That was the single most defining moment.



Femullet came up and cried about it, boo hoo. Most everyone else was pretty tame. Then everyone voted and we saw that each person, even SB, got one vote. Femullet voted for SB, I'm assuming since Amanda and the Queen excluded her on a reward on the last day.





Jeff then goes to tally the votes and when he comes back tells us that he's going to read the votes, tonight. Even though I was alone in my apartment I screamed a little. But then Jeff said that they're in Hollywood and it pulls back to the soundstage. I had to rewind that because it did not look different and you damn producers had me fooled. We then see all of the contestant, a few months later, waiting for the results. They look bad.



The Queen, was actually starting to look attractive with a rough beard and longer spikey hair. And I know this sounds crazy, but SB actually looked better skinny. And what's with the bangs on her and Amanda, not working. Ew.





So Jeff starts to read the votes, and damn if SB didn't get another one. We know who that was, right? Frosti. He wants to get into this skinny pants. I think I just threw up in my mouth. (BTW- I confirmed with CBS that he was her other vote) The Queen gets two and Amanda gets one. Now it's the last vote, which means it's either going to be a tie, between SB and the Queen, or the Queen will win. Thank the Lords of Kobol it's the Queen. He and his faux mullet win it all.

After they celebrate and he does some awkward crying, JR lets us now that it was how he answered the questions that cinched it for him, and even though he said to him on the island that if he voted him out he would make sure that the Queen wouldn't win, he changed his mind at the last minute.







James then wins the fan favorite after 45 minutes of useless banter and not enough shots of MTVG, who apparently is now dating the Blonde and is still a virgin. What? Something is SERIOUSLY wrong with her. If he were my boyfriend... I'm just sayin'. Then Jeff asks Femullet about her lunch lady status and apparently she didn't get her job back when she returned and is now the custodian. Wow, that totally sucks. After the break, before the end of the show, Jeff tells us that mega rich producer Mark Burnett told him at the break that he's going to give Femullet $50,000. Wow, that is so generous, and pathetic. I mean, not on his part. This is a hand out and not a very good one. Because you have some sad story he's going to give her $50,000? Good for her and all, but still, cut your hair. We did find out, in the last few days, that Femullet lied! Apparently she got PROMOTED to custodian before she left, because, according to the superintendent of schools in Podunk, she now has higher pay and benefits. What the frak?

So this is how it goes. The good news is they've moved up the premiere of the next season (thanks striking writers!) and it will now be in February. It's "fans" versus "favorites". I love this idea. I hope the favorites kick their asses. Although, not that I watched it, but when they did the Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV with fans it BLEW. They haven't announced the cast, but we know that one person who was in this past season will be in it. PLEASE LET IT BE JAMES.

IS THERE A GRAVEDIGGERS UNION?

In the time since I told you guys about the show, we've had some interesting outings. Once the merge happened it was inevitable that the old Fei Long tribe, with my dear sweet Erik (Mr. Tvgrrrl), would just get picked off one after the other. Color me happy when things didn't really go that way. First Jean-Robert got kicked out, which was interesting because he had a Godfather moment with the Queen and told him that if he back stabbed him he'd do everything in his power to make sure he doesn't win a million dollars. Too bad the Queen didn't listen and voted him out anyway.

Then Frosti became friends with the anorexic and they had to get rid of him before he got jabbed in the eye with one of those dangerous sticks she calls bones.

That lead up into the last episode. After Frosti was voted out Jeff surprised everybody, including me, by telling them that they weren't going back to camp, that they'd be having a Reward Challenge right then. Phew, I was concerned they were about to vote someone else out, and that person was going to be MTVG. That would have been tragic.

Anyway, Token Asian wins and decides to take MTVG (good call) and Femmullet with her to the rewards, which is a night at the Shaolin Monk's place. That sounds more interesting than it actually was. That's a lie, it was very interesting. And who knew Femmullet had a hidden talent. Not only does she have the coolest haircut ever, but she is also a black belt in Karate. It's probably that dumb Karate that anybody can do. She is definitely not doing it with someone like that guy in Karate Kid. He would totally make her cut her hair. Anyway, it's a cool reward, and anything is better then sleeping out in the open. Of course, not much is better then sleeping with MTVG. Hey hey now, keep it clean.

Back at camp though the four people left, Anorexic, the Queen, Amanda and James realize that this is the final four. Amanda's actually not as happy about it as you'd think. James keeps saying that there's no reason it shouldn't be the four of them. But Amanda says that if she's ever going to shake up the game, now is the time to do it, when they still can. Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of this.

When the others get back the next day there's heavy rain and the other tribe members are sitting in a hole to keep dry. It's a nasty muddy hole, that the anorexic totally belongs in. She gets upset when TA comes over and starts telling them about their trip. Um, she was asked Skinny Bitch. Oh, I like that better.

Later MTVG sees and opportunity, knowing that James has the Immunity Idols, and suggests that James come over to their side, with him and TA. James doesn't like this idea at all. He wonders why he would go with the evil two, when he has a solid five on his side. Hind sight is 20-20. He does comment that MTVG must be dumb. Talk about being a grave digger. Har har.

On their way up to get the TYRA MAIL Amanda tells Skinny Bitch that she thinks they should blindside James at Tribal. I don't like where this is going. She says that he has both Idols so he's secured himself to be in the final three. SB decides that's a good idea, since she has no original thought in that chicken head brain of hers. Can you tell I don't like her?

Dear God

The whole tribe goes to the Immunity Challenge and it's another Chinese themed challenge, throwing throwing stars. It's sorta boring, so I'll just tell you, MTVG wins. I'm so proud of him. I could just kiss him. For real, I could.

Back at camp the choice is clear to James, they have to vote TA off since MTVG has Immunity. Amanda pulls the Queen asides and says that they should make a move on James. She makes a good point, saying that who wouldn't give him the million if it came down to it, since he deserves it. Sure, he deserves this because he's a good guy, but he hasn't played the game very well. He may have the two idols, but he didn't find them, either of them. The Queen likes the idea, although he knows the other team will be writing his name down, so if this doesn't work, and James plays the idol, then it's the Queen that'll go. He decides to play his luck.

And they're about to go to Tribal, you can tell James may think something's up. He tells us that he's bringing the idols to Tribal, just in case. He thinks he may hear someone say something during Jeff's banter and that'll get him to use the idol. Dear God I hope that happens.

Alas, it doesn't. Jeff comes over with the box and says that it's now or never to play the Idol. There are a few tense moments, with cuts between James and the Queen, us knowing that one of them will be voted out. It looks like James is going for the Idol, but, he doesn't. If my roommate had been at the house I would have been screaming at the TV. Since she wasn't I figured it'd be crazy of me to yell at the television with no one around to hear me.

I do feel a lot better with his departure, since in his download afterwards he realized his mistake and didn't hold any grudges. He went out with dignity, which, if he had to go, is the best way to go. So TA and MTVG have lasted another week, and it's down to the final five. Only three more episodes left and I can honestly say it's anybody's game. I'm thinking Amanda is the dark horse. The only thing standing in her way is the Queen. That bitch will do anything to win a million dollars.

DEAL WITH IT BITCH!

No pictures of MTVG this episode, so here's one from before. Ssiiggghh!


Survivor is getting good, y'all. We finally got a merge and damnit if it wasn't an exciting tribal. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating. It was good!

The show starts off with the anorexic's tribe coming back after voting off Sherea. Jean-Robert decided to talk to the anorexic about her feelings towards him and she tried to tell him that he was an ass, but her arguments were pretty bad. "You treat me bad." Boo freakin' hoo. Just shut up and eat something. Seriously, she should be foraging for some grubs or something. She's close to death. She called out the Queen and Amanda about sucking up to JR, which they sorta do. But they're playing the game you waif. She tells us in her download that the Queen and Amanda mistake her disliking them the least, as friendship. And the girl wonders why nobody likes her. Why is she still there? She sucks major shakaka at the challenges, her arguments for keeping people are purely selfish (which means she'll save her own butt when the time comes, what's left of it anyway) and she's just a complete jerk to everyone. Really. Why is she there? The Queen tells us later that that's just the way they're playing the game and that the anorexic should "Deal with it, bitch". OMG, I'm kinda starting to love the Queen.







Back at the other camp, James realizes he has to get that second (not so hidden) immunity idol from the entryway thingy. When the other people go off to the river, he works on getting the idol off, but takes the wrong one, without the writing on the back. He throws it on the ground and hurriedly picks off the other one. He laughs to us, with us, that he now has both of the idols, since he still has the other one the Queen and Amanda plucked off and gave to him before. I love this game.







Later at James' camp, they're all laying around and Blondie notices something's missing over the archway. Ya think? Glad you're not in a helicopter trying to spot a lost Boy Scout or something. She and MTVG find the (non) idol on the ground and Jamie immediately hides it, getting excited that they probably just found the other idol. Later that night, as the token Asian and James are out trying to get some food, Blondie goes through James bag. She finds the two idols, but doesn't unwrap James' clothes to actually look at them, so she's convinced that the idol she has is the real thing, not knowing that the real ones have writing on them. OMG, this is the best ever.



James eventually realizes the piece he discarded isn't on the ground anymore and figures Blondie and/or MTVG probably took it think that's the immunity idol. He laughs, and I laugh, about how wonderful this would be if they actually played it at tribal. Yeah James, we're with you on that, I would LOVE IT. Blondie's been getting on my nerves, especially since she went into James' bag and is hitting on Mr. Tvgrrrl.




The next day they all come together and Jeff tells them to drop their buffs. Everyone is actually happy to merge, especially Blondie who tells us that this is actually good for her since she has the (non) immunity idol and can play it since she'll probably be on the chopping block. One can only hope! Jeff then tells them that they'll have their typical merge feast, and he makes a point to remind them that the game never stops. Uh oh, I feel a questions challenge coming on.


They all make it to the feast and it's pretty cool. There are Chinese fireworks, dancers, food, rain, it looks like a lot of fun and a few of them do a few shots. I'm sorry, but drinking alcohol is the last thing I'd be worried about. Actually, because of the toilet situation, eating would be too, but I'd make myself. I'd probably also make sure the anorexic ate as much as she could. Seriously, the girl is close to death.





When they get back to camp they decide to rename their tribe something dumb. Black Mamba or something like that. Jeff then shows up at the camp and they seem less then enthusiastic about his arrival. I'd be going apeshite for a clean man right about then, but hey, that's just me. He tells them that it's time for their first individual immunity challenge and it'll take place right there. I was right, it's all about the feast they had the day before, and how much they can remember. I'm thinking JR has this nailed because he was the only one who told us before the feast that he knew what Jeff was doing by telling them the game is always on.


The game starts and JR gets out pretty early. Eventually it gets down to Blondie and Frosti and I'm hoping to the Lords of Kobol that it's Frosti because I seriously want Blondie to play that (non) idol at tribal. My wish comes true and Frosti wins immunity.

The rest of the show is people trying to figure out who should be voted out. Token Asian's old tribe figures out that a lot of people don't like JR, and their best bet would be to vote for him and hopefully some people, like the anorexic, will vote for him too. Frosti realizes he's probably the swing vote, since he has alliances is both tribes, and that this is going to be the most important vote yet. Token Asian realizes she's on the chopping block and tells Blondie that one of them is probably going, unless they can pull James and Frosti on their side. MTVG and Blondie approach Frosti and tell him that they found the (non) immunity idol. Frosti, of course having seen the real one, just plays along with it. I'm thanking the Lords of Kobol that Frosti doesn't tell them the truth. Now if it was MTVG who was on the chopping block I'd be sending my vibes out hard core that Frosti says something. But since it's not, buh-bye.







The Queen and JR talk about who's the best to vote out. The Queen says he thinks Blondie is the stealth leader of the few other tribe. But JR doesn't agree. He thinks the Token Asian is the biggest threat to him, since he likes her, and after a few days of being with her, he may not be able to vote her out, so getting rid of her now is a good idea. Um, that should be a BIG sign Queen. JR then gets all Godfather-like with the Queen and says that if he back stabs him or if anyone else decides to go against their alliance, that he'll hold the Queen responsible and if he makes it to the final two he'll do everything in his power to make everyone else vote against him to win. Damn. Calm down, son. The Queen just agrees to this. And this is when I'd think that maybe voting JR out now is a good idea. All he'd have to do is convince Frosti or one other person, maybe Femullet, to vote JR that night, so he'd be out quickly. I'm hoping he's smart, like I am. Blondie then finds the Queen and makes him a proposition. She says that if he keeps her in the game, then tomorrow, she'll tell him who has the two immunity idols. Since the Queen already knows this, he just nods and laughs about it later to us. Blondie thinks she's pretty damn smart, and as she pats herself on the back, I just laugh and laugh, because she's probably watching this back somewhere in Alabama or wherever the hell she's from regretting every dumb word coming out of her mouth. It's not clear when they go to tribal who they're going to vote out.

At tribal Jeff immediately asks JR about how he feels in the game. JR then talks about the anorexic, saying nobody really sees her as a threat, when she is. I think that's because when she turns sideways she disappears so people don't remember she's there. But can I say that this is an amazing observation and 100% TRUE. The anorexic doesn't like this much, and gets all whiny. Please someone slap her.







Everybody goes to vote and I'm holding my breath. When the hell is Jeff going to ask them to present the immunity idol? Right before the votes are read Blondie interrupts Jeff and you see James practically jumping out of his skin with laughter. Blondie tells Jeff that she'd like to present the (non) immunity idol. She takes it to Jeff, all proud of herself. Jeff looks at it and tells them that if someone has the immunity idol, then this would be the time to play it. DRAMATIC PAUSE. But this is NOT the immunity idol. He then tosses it into the fire. BAD ASS JEFF, BAD ASS. JR sighs a loud sigh of relief, because he knew what that meant.


Jeff tallys the votes, and it's Blondie was gets the most votes. I bet she feels really dumb. Haha. It's really funny though. I'm kinda sad for MTVG because that was his girl, but hopefully next week he'll form some alliances. Like with Frosti, Token Asian, and the anorexic. I still love James!

GRAVEDIGGERS UNITE!

Last we left our castaways, token Asian and Blondie threw the challenge so they could start kicking off the rival teams people. Underhanded! Well, James, my new fave, was pissed, since he doesn't like unfair play.

When we get back to camp, the next morning, he tells us that he's still going to pull his weight around camp, even so much as to let the other people on his faux team relax so come next immunity challenge they'll have no excuses.

Over on the other team, the Queen tell us, and his cohort Amanda (who the hell is she?), that he wants to find that damned immunity idol. You can tell she's a little put out that the Queen didn't tell her this earlier, and he claims he was going to tell her, but that he didn't because he wanted to find it first. Um, ok. She believes this. He then says that they have to win the next reward challenge, because if they get to steal someone, they can steal James, who will give them the clue they'll need to find it. I think this is a great idea, especially if they realize there's another immunity idol at the other camp, James can find that one and save himself.

So they get to the reward challenge and aren't too surprised to see that Aaron is gone. I won't get into the specifics of this challenge, because who really cares. The fun part though is that during it, token Asian gets a chance to have a brief moment with ABW, and tells her that they threw the last challenge for her and Frosti, so they'll be united when they merge and have the numbers. ABW isn't hearing it though and goes about her business. James hustles through the challenge and my palms start sweating because if they vote him out I'm going to be frakkin' pissed. I LOVE HIM! Oh and MTVG, but whatever.

Fortunately ABW's tribe wins, and they steal James. James seems to be happy to be back with his team, including femullet who we know he has a crush on, cause come on, who can resist a mullet? I know I can't. Their reward is going to a tea house where they'll shower, get some food, some tea, and a sh*tter. Jean-Robert's excited to take a crap in a real bathroom. I can't say I blame him.

The Queen and her court

I'm just excited the anorexic's going to be getting some food. They get into the tubs, eat some food, do their business and are having a great time. James even takes a shower and man is his body amazing. The Queen takes James aside and tells him about what's in the tube. He says that whatever he does, give it to him, because he can save him. Oh, this is getting good.

James tells us that he really has nothing to lose by giving it to the Queen, even if he's lying. When he does give it to him though, he goes back to James and says that it's a clue to the immunity idol, and that he'll find it, give it to him, and then James just has to throw the next immunity challenge so they'll all vote for him and James will vote for the token Asian who will get voted out. I love this plan, although James did have a melt down earlier about how he doesn't like to lose like that, but whatever, I love him!

Back at the other camp though, they realize, with ABW ignoring token Asian earlier, and Frosti not making eye contact, that maybe they misjudged them, and throwing the game isn't the best idea. Huh, ya think? So they decide to actually try to win. Damnit!

Once the winning tribe gets back to camp, the Queen and Amanda (I don't have a nickname for her because I still don't know who the hell she is) go over to where the idol is and start trying to get it off. They're not slick about it, and Frosti comes over to lend them a hand in whatever it is he thinks they're doing, and when they get the idol off, it falls and Frosti sees there's something on the back. Amanda stands on it, refusing to give it to Frosti. I don't know why this doesn't cause a scene, but the three of them go to the side and they have to tell Frosti what's going on. He accepts this, since he doesn't have any real alliances left, and the Queen gives the idol to James, and tells James that as soon as he gets back to the other camp he has to get the other idol.

The Queen also pulls femullet and the anorexic aside and tells them, because he knows they won't be sitting out the next challenge, that they HAVE to win it, because James is going to try and throw it, and it'll save him from elimination. Femullet is ready to work, she doesn't want to see her man go.

At the challenge we find out it's about eating. I know it's going to be gross, but I am so happy the anorexic is going to eat. And of course, it is the nastiest shite I've ever seen. They all eat and it's 2-1, in James' team favor. They have to win with 4. James and femullet are up, and they have to eat bird fetuses. This is the single nastiest thing I've ever seen them eat on this show. James eats about half and then pretends to slow down, to give femullet a chance to finish the dish, but, because it's almost as nasty as the lunches she serves as a lunch lady, she can't get it down. Finally, seeing his girlfriend's struggling, he just eats the rest of it, relieving her of her burden. She apologizes to him and it's a nice moment between the two of them.

So now only one more person from James' faux team has to get the food down and it's between MTVG and Frosti. They're racing to finish and it looks like Frosti may do it, but at the very last second, MTVG hits Jeff's arm to tell him he's done and as Jeff turns to him he opens his mouth, probably a split second before Frosti, and that team wins. James just hangs his head.

Oh a good note though, he still has the immunity idol. The elimination is fairly uneventful. The group still wants to vote out the other tribe members, ABW and Frosti, who came over a few days before. The anorexic doesn't like this idea though because her and Jean-Robert don't get along and the first chance he gets he's going to vote her off. I understand what she means, but going to the group giving that as her reason is just dumb. Not that I'm surprised she's dumb. The Queen does take this under advisement and pulls Amanda in and tries to argue why kicking Jean-Robert out may be a good idea. They make it sound like it might happen.

I'm torn, at first. But then during tribal council, Jeff asks Jean-Robert how he's feeling, and he answers in an articulate way. Then ABW gets all abw and asks if Jeff asked JR all that and basically puts the nail in her coffin by making it personal and looking like an a-hole to everybody. Bye bye ABW. Jean-Robert lives to fight another day. Let's hope if James ever is on the chopping block he's with Jean-Robert and they tie because Jean-Robert's gotten enough votes that anyone who ties with him from now on will be in the clear.

This season's getting good, and I hope James has a little more fight left in him. Next episode is the merge. Nice.

SURVIVOR: CHINA

So for the past few weeks I haven't really talked about Survivor. Okay, so I haven't talked about anything, but bare with me. This season has been pretty ho hum. There are a few people I've hated, one guy I wanna just eat all up, and a few bitches I want to slap.

It started off pretty benign, with a church lady, an anorexic and a big old queen, and unfortunately the church lady is gone. There's only one or two people now that truly stand out as someone I'd actually want to win.

See, this is why I like China

This year they're in China and the game is a little different. First of all, the place seems to be a little nicer then the tropical islands we've been on in seasons past. I know that sounds crazy since it's not "tropical" but the water doesn't seem to have any inhabitants. I wouldn't mind swimming in the water. From what I can gather from the shots of wildlife, there are no lurking sharks or alligators. The worst we've seen are snakes and spiders, and as long as they're not in the place I go to the bathroom, i.e., the water, I'm okay with that. And the challenges are fun too because they're Chinese themed. Some people have called these racist, (Survivor's never been racist, sheesh) but personally I don't think picking up a flaming ball with two gigantic chop sticks to put in a bowl so that we get huge Chinese fireworks is racist at all. Silly, but not racist.

The game started out simple enough, they split into two teams, had to build shelter and make a fire pit, which is always fun to watch people do. I'm sorry, but if I ever did this game, which I would not, I would get every McGyver book ever written and be able to make fire with my underwear and some monkey poo, because we all know every place they go has monkeys. Speaking of underwear, because this cast is utterly stupid, when they got to China they were dressed to the nines (for them) and when Jeff told them the game was starting, they were not in proper attire. Me, I would have been wearing four layers of clothes starting the minute I got off the plane. Or, you know, the minute the cameras started rolling.

See?

One tribe has a poker player, a queen, an anorexic, a female mullet, who I'll just call femullet, and a big black gravedigger named James, who I'll call James. The other tribe has a token Asian, I mean, we are in China, another queen, an ABW (angry black woman) and the hotness whose name is Erik, aka Mr. Tvgrrrl, MTVG. A little aside here, can we talk about how MTVG looks so much like my other boyfriend, Milo aka Peter from Heroes? Uncanny.

They all became fast friends and we learned that there is no exile island this season, BOO! Instead, they have a hidden immunity idol that's hidden at camp, sorta like last year. Remember last year when the guys found it and voted off Lici or whatever her name was that told them where it was. Hahah, suckers! The trick this year is that they get to "kidnap" a member of the other tribe after the reward challenge who will give a clue to one of the other tribe members of where the idol is. Fancy camera work tells us it's a placard on the frame of their shelters. Nice job producers, as if we couldn't think these people were any dumber.

Yay James!

During all of this, on the tribe that has MTVG, there's one big douchebag named Dave. See, at the first tribal council Jeff made the mistake of telling them that they needed a leader and asked who wanted to be next voted off. Dave raised his hand and said he'd take that leader role. Unfortunately he decided this is Jeff giving his permission to treat everybody like shite, and starts ordering them around. ABW doesn't like this and eventually tells him so. You go ABW, I'm with ya! This causes tension in the tribe. But don't worry, after a few days of this the tribe decides to vote douchebag Dave off anyway.

Over with James, the poker player, and the anorexic, the anorexic is looking more and more sickly and I'm thinking it's time the producers stepped in before she died. Usually it takes until the end of the game to get like this, but she was pretty much this way at the beginning. I'm sorta wondering why the casting people decided to cast her. Unless they wanted a Survivor death on tape, that'd be cool, although they'd have to change the name of the show. I mean, not cool if she wasn't a big time bitch. The poker player has me on the fence. He's cool because if he wanted to he could read all of these people like nobody's business, and maybe that's what he's doing, but he's rubbing everybody the wrong way. He's still there though, so I'm confused.

Over at the other team MTVG and Blondie (I really can't remember her name) are growing closer every day. I really like Blondie, so I'm okay with her crush on my boyfriend. And really, who could blame her. They have a heart to heart in the water and he confesses to her that he's a virgin. At playing Survivor? Oh, no, like a real one. That's sorta sweet, and extremely hot all at the same time.

ABW doesn't look so A anymore

Last episode they changed the game up a bit. James' team was given a note that told them to choose two players from the other team to come to their team. They figured out pretty quickly that they were trading players and thought about what would happen if the other team chose their best, James and sorta douchebag/sorta hot Aaron. They chose to have ABW and Frosti (I didn't make that up) who are both great players, come over to their side. When MTVG's team got the same note, they were happy because that meant they'd have two more members. Um, ok. Imagine their surprise when they got the other team's note that told them to send over ABW and Frosti. Ha ha! BURN!

There are so many things wrong with this picture

James and Aaron get there and immediately think they probably have a tough road ahead of them, since there are three of the other team and only two of them. I don't think they have anything to worry about. That's until I hear token Asian and Blondie strategizing. They say that Frosti and ABW will probably be kicked off while they're at the other tribe, and if they merge, that means that it'll be 3 originals from their tribal and 7 of the other ones, which they think means the other team will just pick them off. Okay, I'm with you there. So they decide to kick off Aaron and James immediately. And not just kick them off, they want to THROW the immunity challenges so they can do it. Okay, this I'm not okay with. I LOVE LOVE LOVE James. I think he's a good person. He actually had a mini crush on Femullet because she was a strong woman and hard worker, who was having business in the front and a party in the back. This plan really pisses me off.

It pisses me off more when they execute it. They do a horrible job at putting a puzzle together, even start laughing when they lag behind. Poor James is trying to figure out the puzzle but with these two girls trying to sabotage it he just gets frustrated. I feel sssoo sorry for him. He really is a sweet guy and this whole not playing fair thing is not something he likes. The other team wins the challenge. Oh, and just so you know, they were going to vote off the poker player, not one of the other tribe members. So there token Asian and Blondie!

Once they're back at camp MTVG doesn't know what happened and wants to know just as bad as Aaron and James, so he asks them. They admit to what they did and he seems fairly appalled. I tell my roommate, who's been dealing with my yelling the past five minutes about it, that this is the perfect time to align himself with the other guys. I know he has a thing for Blondie, and this whole virgin thing probably means that he's an upstanding guy, but this is wrong, so wrong.

James tells token Asian that he can't deal with people acting like this, and not giving it their all, and he'd rather go home then be a part of a team that doesn't even try. NNNOOO.

At tribal council Jeff asks them wtf. I love Jeff. He grills them until they admit that they were doing it to knock off the two guys. James is about to bust out of his skin as he rips into them about how unbelievable they're acting and says again that he doesn't want to be a part of this. He comes very close to just telling them to vote him off, but he does say that he wants to stay in the game, although he hates what they're doing. When the vote comes down it's Aaron who gets voted out, not James. I'm both happy and sad about this. James is a good person, seems to be at least, and to have to spend more time with these conniving people who are going to throw games just to get him out seems cruel. But, I have hopes for him yet, and I just hope he can find the immunity idol and save himself.

As irritated as this makes me, this is why the game is just starting to get good. The people I'm okay with winning is Blondie (yeah I know, I just ranted about what a bad thing she did), MTVG, Frosti or James. Viva La James!