So it's been a long time since I recapped anything, and even longer since we checked in on the love of my life, Jack Bauer. After (stop reading if you haven't seen this season) Curtis was killed, I lost all hope. I mean he was Curtis. Curtis, Curtis! Now if you haven't watched the show and you've seen his name four times in the past two sentences, then you may have figured out what happened. Curtis died. That's not completely accurate, Jack brutally killed him by shooting a bullet through his neck to save a terrorist. Yeah, I'm obviously still quite upset.
I'm sorry I got distracted by Jack's cute ass.
Now, let's recap what's happened since we last spoke. Deep breath in...
"Are you sure we're brothers? You're sssoo much better looking."
We found out that the guy that was behind not only the plot to kill Palmer last season, but who turned Jack into the Chinese was actually Jack's brother, Graham! Didn't see that one coming. Graham's married to Rena Sofer, and come on, Rena Sofer is SO out of his league. We find out that Rena and Jack had a little thing, I'm assuming before he was married to Terri, whom he shared a 20 something year old daughter with so I'm just guessing this Rena thing was a VERY long time ago, but by the looks of the way they're acting towards each other, it was quite recent.
Anyway Jack finds his brother and interrogates him, you never want to be interrogated by Jack, and from the looks of it, even if you're family. Speaking of family, we learned that Jack's father is involved as well, although he led us to think he was good. I kinda thought it was okay too when his father killed Graham, but he tried to blame it on Jack, and 'oh no you di'int'.
"That'll do pig, that'll do."Luckily that storyline didn't play out too long because Jack eventually figured it out and exchanged himself for his nephew who his father was holding hostage. Oh yeah, all this time Jack is basically rogue, but do we expect anything less with our dear Jack? No. His father was about to kill him, but I guess killing one son a day is his limit, and he walked away from Jack, not without leaving him a clue.
Jack picked up the phone his dad left him, dialed, and guess who answered? Former disgraced President Logan. He had a beard and claimed he knew how to find out who was behind the nuclear attacks. At this point, since Jack disarmed a bomb and one went off, there were three nukes left. Fayed wasn't the only game in town and had gone to a Russian, Gredenko for help. I'll call him Denko. Anyway, Denko was thrilled to be working with the Arabs, because he knew that Americas would always blame Arabs. Wow, he's got our number. Denko was actually the middle man in the decommissioning of the bombs that went through Jack's dad's company. That's how Jack did the connect the dots to Denko.
So, Logan tells Jack to come to his "compound". Since he was the President, the government, and Wayne in particular, didn't want the people to go through a public trial, so he sent Logan to live on some big ass ranch on house arrest. I'm not sure about all of you, but riding the horses, fishing, swimming, doing stuff like that isn't nearly as bad as let's say, prison. What would be great is if he was on that land, with the horses and lakes and couldn't actually leave the house. That'd be stellar.
I can't let this go without commenting on how amazing Jack looks in a suit. He really is the hotness.
Jack, who was back from being "rogue" went to Logan's compound and found out that Logan has a history with the Ambassador to Russia, Markov, who probably knows where Denko is. Logan wants Jack to take him to the Russian embassy. As we know, Jack and embassies don't mix, and after Logan can't get any information from Markov, Jack goes back in to get it, "Jack style". And Jack style means, cutting off fingers.
Before all that though, Logan thinks he knows how to compel Markov to talk, get his ex wife to help him. Yes, crazy Martha's back! And so is Aaron! We knew they had a little love connection, but the whole relationship is quite sad now. She's crazy as a loon and he brings her groceries. It's kinda like a man and his stroked out mother. It's weird.
Anyway, Logan visits Martha, who is quite uncomfortable with him being there, but convinces her to call her good buddy, the first lady of Russia, and convince her husband to call Markov and tell him to give up Denko. All this starts to play out, but not before Martha stabs Logan in the neck with a paring knife. This bitch is crazy. They take Logan out just about the time Martha gets a call back from her friend. They talk and eventually the Russian Prexy does call Markov, but he's an ass, and won't give up Denko. Before I tell you about the fingers, Logan is transported to the hospital and en route, his heart fails. We never actually see him dying, which means to me the actor is smart and had it written into his contract in case he wants to come back. Smart.
Okay, back to the fingers, since Markov isn't talking, Jack cuts his pinkie finger off with a cigar cutter. I mean, if you have to lose a finger, the pinkie is the most expendable. While this is going on, Bill and his team, which now consists of Ricky Schroder playing Doyle, the new Curtis (CURTIS!) figure out that Jack's trapped at the embassy, trying to get information out of Markov. I have to say one thing here, Doyle? I mean, Ricky's making Doyle sexy, but Doyle? I know it's not his first name, which is Mike, but Doyle? It reminds me of those things you crochet and put on a table. Anyway, back to the show. Jack finds out that they're going to be using unmanned drones to carry the nuclear weapons into a city, and that the guys are hiding out somewhere in the desert. As Jack's calling to tell Bill about the newly realized threat, the door blasts open and Jack's taken prisoner by the embassy guards.
This picture is so exciting. Pinkieless and Jack being thrown back
CTU realize Jack's in custody and decide to go in and get Markov themselves. The good news is the Russian Prexy has given his blessing for them to take the embassy. When Jack wakes up from the door being blasted out in his face, he explains to the guard what's going on, and the guy actually believes him. Unfortunately, when that guy is making a call to CTU he's attacked by another Russian and killed. When that guy goes to kill Jack, he acts all bad ass and kills the guy instead. All the Russians are looking for our dear Jack, and he tries to get a call out to Bill again, but it doesn't go through, just that he does have information. Luckily the attack Doyle's about to launch now includes finding Jack alive. They get in and get Jack, and Jack gives them the location of where to find Denko, Fayed, and the drones.
You got somewhere to be Doyle?
When they get to spot it's too late, but they do discover a drone is on it's way already with a nuke attached. Back at CTU they're tracking the drone and it drops out of their radar. They learn there's a data stream of some sort coming out of CTU and it's coming from Nadia's terminal. Not another mole, pretty please. Doyle works her over a bit and then Milo, who has a crush on Nadia, interrupts and says they've found the location of the drone pilot. Jack and Doyle get there and kill the guy, and Jack pilots the drone to relative safety. It does catch on fire and there's a minor radioactive leak. Nothing like the bomb exploding over San Francisco like it was supposed to, but still not a great outcome.
In the search of the computers, an agent, Johnson, shows Doyle a chip that exonerates Nadia, she had no idea anything was happening to her computer. Johnson says that Doyle will get into a lot of trouble if it's found out that Nadia isn't a traitor, since he was the one leading the charge. Johnson gives the chip to Doyle and says he owes him for what happened in Denver. We found out earlier that Milo and Doyle had a history from Denver too, but we're not sure what it is. Milo hates Doyle because of it.
This pic is from a few eps. ago, but is so bad ass. Jack just stands there all silent with the terrorist behind him and just says real quiet, "Now", and these guys come busting in the windows behind the guy. Bad Ass!!!!!
When the teams get back to CTU, Johnson decides to tell Milo that not only did he give Doyle the chip, but that Doyle's been sitting on it because he doesn't want to get in trouble. Milo is pissed. Doyle better be careful, he may poke him to death with that pointy ass chin. Milo confronts Doyle and when Bill tries to break it up Milo tells him what Johnson said. Luckily, Morris runs over and says that Doyle gave him the chip when he first arrived and asked him to authenticate it. Yeah, Doyle should have told Bill about the tape, but he certainly wasn't trying to hide it.
Milo feels like a douche. They let Nadia go and to apologize for thinking she's a traitor to her country, Milo puts his tongue down her throat. Personally, a nice "I'm sorry" would have done it for me. These people have been up for almost 24 hours with no sleep and seemingly no food, I'm not sure they smell too good. Chloe sees this, but she's one to talk. Morris, after being kidnapped because of his computer skills and tortured, we learned had a drinking problem. Luckily, after having a drill drilled into his shoulder, is doing surprisingly well.
Never knew the DMV lighting was so good.
Conveniently picking up a phone call between Denko and a guy named Hauser, CTU picks up the Denko trail. He realize he's going to meet this Hauser guy, who works at some facility that has access to all these other facilities, I really don't remember. Anyway, when Jack gets to Hauser's, they shoot him, but leave his autistic brother there to help them out. Hauser, who was just trying to take care of his brother, (so it's okay for me to think he's cute, right?) tells his brother to do whatever Jack says and that he'll meet him in the hospital. With Lenny's help, they're able to capture Denko who says he'll give up Fayed, who has the rest of the nukes, if he can get full immunity and promise that they won't ship him back to Russia. He also says that they're going to be targeting a nuclear facility.
Meanwhile, in Crazytown...
Wayne is meeting with Assad. He tells him that he wants Assad to go on television for a joint statement. Karen quits because freakin' ratty Tom Lennox, blackmails her into resigning. Wayne doesn't like the timing, but accepts it. Karen leaves, back to Bill. Daniels, the Vice President, doesn't like the idea of getting in bed with Assad. I like the idea. I mean, politically. Wayne thinks that by Assad coming forward, they can bring unity to the West and the Middle East.
Someone else doesn't like that idea, namely Reed, Tom Lennox's assistant. In fact, he tells Tom that he has a plan to make sure the President's plan of uniting the world, never sees the light of day. Oh, what is that plan you may ask? Why it's to kill the President. Look, why they always trying to kill the black presidents? I didn't see anyone lining up to kill Logan and he was the WORST one. Anyway, at first Tom doesn't like the idea. Reed says not to worry, that they have a guy coming in that will place a bomb at the podium so that when the President is up there, the bomb will go off and Wayne will be killed as well as Assad. Since America always blames the Arab, it'll be natural for us to believe that Assad planted a bomb. I'm assuming it would be when he stopped time and slipped away from the armed guards surrounding him at all times.
Tom agrees to it and gets more detail. He and Reed are meeting down in the cellar in the compound and after Tom agrees to it and Reed leaves, Tom immediately calls the head of the Secret Service and wants to meet with him. Unfortunately, Reed figured he might turn and knocks him out with a fire hydrant. Tom's forced to watch the man Reed gets in assemble the bomb and plot to kill the President. Because that's really the only answer to this problem, kill the leader of the free world. Tom tries to get free of his binds, but can't. Everyone's looking for him but Reed keeps making up excuses.
Mardi Gras! Or assassination attempt.
Reed does plant the bomb, and it does go off. Poor Assad notices the bomb and runs off the stage in time to be killed. Wayne is severely hurt and taken into surgery. Everyone's still looking for Tom and there's a search order given on the facilities. Reed talks his cohort into letting Tom go, that he knows that it's all for the better good, and that Tom would be implicated in what's gone on too, since he gave Reed Wayne's itinerary and went along with the plan. Tom agrees and when he and Reed walk out with the cohort and are confronted by the guards, Tom gives them all up as conspirators.
"President Palmer was..." WAS WHAT DAMNIT!? Hurt? Killed? Once a priest? What man?!?
The Vice President is now in power and I think he gets off on it. He's played by the wonderful and oddly attractive Powers Boothe. He's a bastard I tell ya. The Veep, not Powers, although I've never met him. Once I met this guy named Powers Boothe, but it wasn't the same guy. It was odd. Anyway, the Vice President goes against EVERYTHING Wayne stood for. He basically reinstates Tom by blackmailing him to argue his position. He tells the Ambassador to whatever country Assad was from that he's going to order a nuclear strike if another bomb went off. He also said that Assad was probably involved with what happened to Wayne, even though Tom told them about the men confessing what they were doing. Because, hello, he's Arab. Speaking of Arab, do you think this blog has been flagged by the government. If so, hi there, Arab Arab Arab, Jack Bauer rules!
Tom thinks he's crazy, and so do I. Karen eventually realizes what's happened to Wayne and understands that she needs to go back since she'll be the only sane voice in the bunch. Bill downloads Daniels on everything that happened, and when the nuke almost hits San Francisco, Daniels readies our Navy to fire off a nuclear attack. Even after the drone lands and has a minor radiation leak, Daniels says that it's a "dirty bomb". I really hate this bastard. He says that it's in retaliation for all that's happened that day. Um, does he not get the briefings? A Russian guy is behind it!
"Say what?"
Karen sees this as dire and goes to Sandra Palmer, who's there waiting for word on Wayne. Karen wants to bring Wayne out of the coma, risk brain damage or death from a swollen brain, and get him to stop Daniels. At first Sandra's a little apprehensive, but then goes balls out and they stop the drug that's putting him in the coma. Daniels is furious and wants the doctor to stop, but luckily the doctor's more concerned with the Hippocratic oath. I mean, taking the patient out of a coma kinda falls under, "you aren't doing it right" but I see his point, he has to listen to Sandra, the next of kin, and not the Vice President of the United States.
"No, I will not bring you ice chips!"
Daniels is ready to launch the attack, with the objections of Tom, who says that now that they have Denko, they can find Fayed, remember him, but Daniels is truly looney and orders the strike. The team tells him that they can't do that, since the PRESIDENT ordered them to stand down. The phone rings in the room and Uh Oh, it's daddy calling. He's sitting up and looks quite lucid, and tells Daniels that he ordered them to stop and that he's well enough to resume his duties. In your face Phone Boothe! When Daniels hangs up, he announces that he wants Wayne checked out, that he obviously has a screw loose and wants the Attorney General to relieve Wayne of command!
You know I'm never gonna talk smack about my baby, but COME ON. I've loathed people on this show before, they, even Logan, have had some point. Why is Daniels such a crazy bastard?! Really, that wasn't rhetorical. Why is he? Jack needs to get back in there and start kicking some ass and taking names. Oh SNAP. I almost forgot the best part. Jack learned that Audrey is dead! Yes. Apparently she was over in China looking for him and got into a car accident. Sounds suspicious to me too Jack!
Watch out boys, she'll chew you up!
Why do I think the hair person ran out of ideas and just made these last two hairstyles up?
"See this is your hand..."
Dirty mouth? Clean it up!
