The season premiere of Lost happened last week and I was thrilled. I missed our beautiful castaways, especially Sawyer. Wow, that man can even make sweat, dirt and a little crazy look good. Real good. Unfortunately we didn't get to see the other side of the island, i.e., our side, but did I mention we saw a lot of Sawyer?
Remember the beginning of last season, with Desmond, and he's working out and has a blender and we're thinking, "What the frak is going on?". It was sorta like that. The scene opened and it was some blond. At first I thought it was Penny but then I realized it wasn't, some random blond chick. She looks like she's in a normal suburban house. She burns some muffins, listens to music, sets her living room up for company. People show up they start reviewing a book. Oh, a book club. I love book clubs. I wonder if they're reading Oprah books. Apparently some guy's not happy with the choice for the week. He says he knows why "Ben" isn't there, that he wouldn't approve of them reading that book, that he wouldn't read it in the bathroom. Personally I think book reading in the bathroom is kinda ridiculous. How much can you get through at one sitting? A page, maybe two.
As they're arguing about it, the house starts shaking and a light bulb turns on above my head. The group runs out to the front yard and oh look, it's Henry Gale, or whoever he turns out to be. Also in the crowd is Ethan, the guy Charlie ends up killing. Oh, it's a flashback. You know how I feel about those! Henry looks up in the sky and good holy Lord, it's a plane, that's breaking up. IT'S THE PLANE CRASHING! BAD ASS! It's our castaways' plane! It explodes and breaks up in the sky, one half going one way, and the other half going another way. As the plane crashes Henry turns to Ethan and tells him to go to one side of the island. He then turns to Goodwin, who Ana-Lucia ends up killing and tells him to go to the other side, that there may be survivors and that both men should pretend to be one of them. He also wants them to report back in three days with a list. Oh shite!
As everyone's run off to do their duty (haha, I said "duty) Juliet, the new blond, is spotted by Henry. He looks at the book she's holding and comments that he guesses he isn't in the book club. Not with that attitude, mister. When the camera pulls back we see a shot of the little village they live in, with a gazebo and all. We also see the two section of the plane, on the two side of the island, still smoking. It's extremely BAD ASS.
We then jump in to another flashback. It's Jack and he's a pedophile. Okay, maybe he's not. He's watching his estranged wife, Sarah (boring) at the school she works at. She's getting chummy with another teacher outside and Jack doesn't like it. When they get to the lawyer's office he even tries to contest the divorce, but as we know from last season, she a ho. Jack's way too suspicious, wants to meet the guy, know his name. At first I thought that was just obnoxious, but this is the guy who stole his wife away, he should have a right to know. He gets too obsessed with it. He even starts thinking maybe his father is the person his wife left him for. He has Sarah's phone records and finds his father's number. When he follows his father into an AA meeting, they get into a fight and Jack gets arrested. When Sarah bails him out she tells him that she called his father to ask his advice about him, you know, how to get him to stop stalking her. The guy she's seeing is there with her, but she won't let Jack meet him. Why'd you let the guy come in the first place? I just think that's rude.
On the island, Jack wakes up and is in some sort of glass enclosed room. When he gets his strength back he tries to break out, but it's impossible. In the outer room, the door opens and in walks the woman from the beginning, Juliet. She begs Jack to calm down and stop trying to get out, but he just wants to know where his friends are. They have a pissing contest, and oddly enough, she wins and he doesn't find out where his friends are, or any other pertinent information. She leaves and at some point he tries to drink some liquid that's dripping out of the ceiling. He spits it out immediately. I think it's probably oil. Ewe. He then hallucinates a bit. He hallucinates that the broken intercom in the room is being used by his father, who says, "Let it go".
Juliet comes in to Jack and she has some food. She says that the drugs they gave them to knock them out is causing him to be dehydrated. When he tells her about the intercom she thinks he's probably delusional too since it hasn't worked in years. Jack notices a red button behind Juliet and asks her what it's for. She claims it's for emergencies. He also wants to know about the camera in the corner of the room, and who's watching him. Did he actually think she would answer that? She shows him the sandwich she has, a grilled cheese, and it looks good. She wants him to sit against the side of the opposite wall so she can bring the food in.
Jack's not being very cooperative. She asks what he does and he says he's a repo man. Wow, if repo men looked this good... I would totally stop paying my bills. Who am I kidding, I don't pay my bills anyway. She knows he's lying to her, and he doesn't really care. She asks if he's married and he says no, which from the fire behind his eyes she has to know is a lie. He wonders if her job is to make sandwiches, which is silly because if that was her only job she wouldn't have burnt it a little. She says that she did put the toothpicks in. Which is again silly, toothpicks on a grilled cheese? The melted cheese naturally holds the sandwich together. So basically her job is futile. Jack finally decides to tell the truth when she asks where the plane was coming from and what he was doing in Sydney. I'm thinking she would have found that out from Ethan or Goodwin, or Claire who they had hostage for awhile.
Juliet leaves and when she comes back, Jack wonders what's going on. She says she wants to give him the food and water he needs to get rid of his dehydration and that by him letting her come in, that doesn't mean that he's giving up, or losing. He finally heads to the back corner and sits down. She comes around and opens the door. As if we didn't think this would happen, Jack jumps up and attacks Juliet. She has a taser-like weapon and he grabs it and puts it to her throat. He pulls her out of the room and finds a door. He wants her to open it and she says she can't. She says if she opens it they'll all die. Suddenly, from down the hall, Henry appears. I'm just going to call him Ben for now, because although no one has said it, we know he's the Ben they were talking about earlier. Jack's a bit surprised to see Ben, but really, should he? He threatens that he'll kill Juliet if they don't let him out. Ben doesn't look too hurt, he says to go ahead, that when the door's opened, she'll die anyway. Doesn't seem too torn up about it, but Juliet doesn't seem too happy with that statement.
Jack eventually pushes Juliet out of the way and she and Ben start running down the hall towards the other door, as Jack twists open the door they told him would "kill everybody". Ben gets to the other door first and closes it in Juliet's face. The door Jack's at creaks and before he realizes it, it pops open and water starts gushing in. Juliet's able to grab onto a pipe and calls Jack over. They make it into the cell's outside room and close the door behind them, even though the water is up to their waists. She yells for him to hit the button, the red button which she mysteriously calls the "yellow" button. He hits it and the water starts to come out. When he turns around Juliet hits him in the face, knocking him out. Um, ok. He's face down in the water and she reluctantly pulls him face up so he won't, you know, drown.
When Jack wakes up he's back in the box and Juliet's on the outside, with some papers. He figures out that they're under water and that they used to hold sharks there. She confirms this, and adds dolphins too. The dolphins liked the intercom box Jack was trying to use earlier, but the sharks just didn't get it. He then wonders if this is another Dharma station, which she again confirms, says it was called "Hydra" which totally makes sense and is so cool. Jack guesses that she and Ben and the rest of them are what's left of the people who ran the facilities. She says it doesn't matter who they were, just who they are, and that his name is Jack Shepard. She then starts reading from the file folder she has in front of her, listing his history. He's surprised at them knowing who he is, and she says she knows everything, including things about his friends and family. He wants to know if that includes his ex-wife and Juliet wants to know what he wants to know. He's a bit embarrassed when he asks her if Sarah's happy. When Juliet says that she is, Jack starts crying, sobbing really. Juliet uses this time to see if Jack's ready to not attack her when she gives him the food and he says yes. After she's successfully put the food in, Ben is in the hallway. He tells her she did a good job. She's probably still a bit pissed about what happened earlier and just says thanks, and walks away.
Kate's somewhere on this compound too. In fact, she wakes up, probably about the same time as Jack does, in a shower. Looks sorta like a locker room. Zeke's there and tells her to take a shower. He's really nice about it and besides the fact that, you know, he may be a sociopath, he's really not that bad. She asks where Sawyer and Jack are, and he doesn't answer. He leaves and she showers for a few acts and when she's finally done, they've left her a nice dress to put on. She does and they march her to the beach. Ben's there, under a tent with some nice food prepared for her. He makes her put on some handcuffs, which she does, and wants to know where Sawyer and Jack are. He wonders why she chose to ask about Sawyer first, and really, is that a real question? Why wouldn't someone ask about him first. If they didn't like hot men with accents maybe. She tells him he doesn't know her.
She also demands to know why he brought her here and made her wear the dress. She's not asking nicely and you can tell he's getting mad. He says that he figured the ocean would calm her, and the dress would make her feel like a lady, and using a fork would make her feel civilized. Then he tells her that the next few weeks are going to be very unpleasant. Uh oh, that can't be good.
Sawyer's in some sort of animal cage. They've thrown him in and across the courtyard is another pen. Some guy's in it and immediately I think, "He's a plant". Not a plant like with leaves, a plant like, he's going to get information and then tell everyone, and he won't really be a prisoner. Then I thought that's really overdone and I hope this isn't who he's going to be. In Sawyer's pen, there's a big button with a knife and fork on it. I quickly assumed this is where the food was. There's also some sort of spout and a pedal on the other side of the pen. Sawyer pushes the food button, like I would have, and over the loud speaker is a recording that says, "Warning!". Unlike me, Sawyer decides to push it a few times, even though the other prisoner warns him not to do it. On about the third push, there's a huge shock that comes through and knocks Sawyer to his ass. His cute little ass.
He's not deterred though, he gets back up and starts trying it again. He's still talking to the guy in the other pen who he's calling "Chachi" for reasons which I don't know. He's telling him about Sayid, and being tortured by him, and him torturing one of "Chachi's" friends. Suddenly, he doesn't hear Chachi anymore. When he looks into his pen, Chachi's gone. Soon, Chachi appears in front of him and uses something to pick the lock and release Sawyer. Now I'm sure this guy's up to no good. Why would he release this guy he's known for 30 minutes and can't even figure out his Skinner Box? Seriously. Anyway, Sawyer gets out and runs the opposite way as Chachi. He doesn't get too far when Juliet shows up. She points that taser-like thing at him and shoots him, knocking him out. He's thrown back into his cell. Zeke and the Others bring Chachi to Sawyer's pen and force him to say he's sorry he involved him in his escape.
Later we see Sawyer still trying to figure out that damn food thing. He eventually gets it and there's some stupid music that plays and this nasty fish biscuit thingy. Then some other food pellets fall out and water starts to gush out of the pipe. He's drinking and eating when Zeke comes by with Kate. He puts Kate in the opposite pen where Chachi was and when she sees Sawyer her knees almost go weak, as anyone's would. Zeke takes the cuffs off of her and her wrists are bruised and bleeding and he says he's going to bring her by some antiseptic later. Aw, see, he's nice, sorta. Sawyer brags that he figured out the riddle and Zeke tells him it only took the bears two hours. Oh, the bears! I wonder if he means polar bears!!!
After Zeke leaves, Sawyer asks Kate if she's okay and she says yes. He compliments the dress and she says they made her wear it. It's really not that bad, probably better then the pants she probably crapped in when they snatched her last episode. He then asks if she's hungry and tosses her the fish biscuit. This is a very nice gesture, but didn't this bitch just eat a whole breakfast. I don't care how scared I was, I'd be eating that egg and bacon like a mad woman. I'd also be eating Sawyer, but that's beside the point.
The first five minutes of the show totally made up for the boringness that is Jack. I mean, he's very easy on the eyes so I can get past his boringness, but in the previews, for I hope this week, we see Sawyer and Kate having a very heavy lip lock. I love it!
