The last episode of Desperate Housewives, rocked! It's really me, I promise. After months (years?) of ragging on this show, last night pulled it out. I think what did it for me was no one was a caricature of the person I grew to love the first season, they were true to themselves. Susan was crazy, but she had decent reasons, and she wasn't too over the top. Edie was a manipulative bitch, but that's really why we fell in love with her. It's not an episode of DH if I don't want to kick Edie in the crotch. Bree was extra crazy homemaker, but her storyline was actually enjoyable. Lynette was in your face, but not horribly manipulative like she has been recently and Gabby, well Gabby (Eva Longoria) stole the night for me. Eva's performance warmed my cold bitchy heart for the first time ever for her. Brava, Ms. Longoria. Brava. Also, I apologize for the lack of pictures for this show, I just can't find any decent ones.
The show begins with Mary Alice telling us about how there was a spree of mischief down the street. I don't remember the exact term and that's the best I could come up with. Katherine (Dana Delaney) has some sheets that are trampled, and I think it's Mrs. McClusky's grill that's toppled over. And one of Lynette's twin's skateboard is gone. Then we see how all this happens and it's the best opening for this show yet.
Carlos trying to hide. Hahahaha.
Carlos and Gabby are doing the horizontal mambo at her house (why she's still there I'm not sure) and Edie shows up. Carlos hides and Edie wonders if Gabby's seen him, since he said he was going out for a run. Gabby says she hasn't seen him and Edie starts to walk in. Gabby stops her and says she just saw Carlos go into the house. Satisfied, Edie leaves, but Carlos is pissed since he's obviously not in two places at once. He has to high tail it back across and down the street to Edie's before she gets back. Gabby stops Edie while Carlos makes his getaway, running through the back yards of Mrs. McClusky, knocking her grill over and Katherine, running through her hanging laundry and trampling it. Carlos falls to the ground, avoiding Edie and realizes he's not going to make it. He sees one of the twin's skateboards on the ground and while Edie's yelling at the kids to stop playing in the street, Carlos is hanging onto the back, Back to the Future style, and lets go as Edie pulls ups. When he gets to the back door he realizes he doesn't have keys and when Edie walks in you think he's going to be busted but instead he's standing inside looking at a broken window, wondering to Edie who this neighborhood vandal could be. This opening was genius, and had me laughing out loud through most of it.
Susan's story is sorta boring and I see way to much of Skeletor's tits. Seriously. I mean, I guess they're nice, for a skeleton. Victoria's Secret needs to set age limits on their lingerie. She's eating for two at breakfast, which for her is eating for one. Julie comes in and says that she wants to go to a party down the street that night. Mike thinks this is a bad idea since he's worked plumbing jobs at that house before after parties and have pulled out some crazy stuff. Susan doesn't like the sound of that and tells Julie she can't go. Later though, feeling guilty, she tells Julie to go, and that she wants Mike to feel a part of the family, but ultimately she makes the decisions. I agree with this logic, and even can see how lying about it to Mike isn't necessarily awful. I'm gonna go feed the homeless or something with all this good will I'm dishing out.
But of course, in normal Susan fashion she has to ruin it. Mike tells her, as they're about to get it on, that he's glad she sided with him about Julie, and that he drove by that house earlier and he heard loud music, saw kids getting sick outside, and even saw some girls running around topless. Yeah, way to call the cops, Mike. Susan doesn't like this and runs out under the guise of getting more whipped cream for their night of love, which she's bought a sexy negligee for. She throws some clothes over the lingerie, but when she gets to the house to find Julie, the guys immediately think she's a stripper. I can actually see that. She does find Julie, who's innocently enough drinking some orange soda. And can we talk about how the party does NOT look out of control like Mike said. Something tells me he's onto Susan's little game. Julie's pissed when Susan pulls her and Dylan out of the party and Mike busts them when they walk in the door, with Julie admitting everything. Mike's mad at first, but they make up and go upstairs to have what I can only imagine is bony sex.
Over at Chateau "nobody loves me" Edie blackmails Carlos. She keeps bringing up the fact that he has $10 million dollars and he keeps telling her to shut it since the IRS can't know about it. I don't know anything about embezzlement, or off shore accounts, but couldn't he just move his money? Who knows. She buys herself some fancy ass car and calls it his birthday present to her, but he says no go. He can't lay low with this money if she's spending seemingly beyond their means. She offers to take it back and gives a mischievous smile. Later, when he gets her a cake and wonders what she got herself from him for her birthday she proposes to him, saying that if they get married she won't be able to testify. I'm not lawyer, but I think that's a misconception that spouses can't testify against each other. He agrees though. I really hate Edie. Why does she want to be with him again?
Katherine spots the girls, minus Lynette, having some coffee and goes to join them. She says she thinks they should have a little luncheon to cheer Lynette up. They all think it's a good idea and Bree takes charge and tells everyone what the bring, and assigns herself the usual dessert. Katherine doesn't like this and wants to bring dessert herself. They have a non threatening homemaker fight and Bree wins. When the luncheon happens the girls dive in to dessert and are astonished, saying it's the best pie Bree's ever made. Katherine sits there all smug and I realize I hate her. Bree tastes it and looks at Katherine who admits it was her pie, that she switched them out. Later, Orsen (is that his name?) thinks this is despicable as Bree makes pie after pie trying to replicate the recipe.
When Bree goes over to Katherine's house, she brings over a mincemeat recipe and asks her for the pie one in exchange. Katherine refuses, and they get into another lovable argument, and Bree sees where Katherine keeps her recipes. When Katherine and Dylan go out, Bree sneaks in. Unfortunately the family comes home arguing. Dylan had been out earlier and Mrs. McClusky mentioned her father who she said had come by a bunch when she was little. Dylan confronts her mother, as Bree listens from the kitchen, and says that she told her her father left and didn't love her. Katherine tries to deflect but we know something more is to the story when Katherine slaps Dylan, who runs upstairs. Bree overhears Katherine and Adam talking about how Dylan can never know or something evil like that, and Bree slips out, without the recipe but with the realization that strange things are afoot.
Lynette's going through chemo and Tom (who's lost some weight and sexiness) starts getting her all depressed, so she kicks him out. When she's at the little get together Katherine arrange she mentions this and all the girls volunteer to meet her up there. Everyone accept Gabby, who avoids the topic. Because this is Lynette, when the two are alone Lynette wonders what's up, and thinks this is a measure of their friendship. Gabby finally agrees, but when she's at the hospital she keeps leaving the room and Lynette, being Lynette, calls her out on it. In the best scene Eva Longoria has EVER had, she tells Lynette about her father dying of cancer in the hospital, and how her mother always made her have on a brave face, but she doesn't think she can do that with her because she's afraid of losing her. I'm tellin' you folks, it was great.
The show ends with all the girls in the room with Lynette, at a chemo party Gabby has arranged and Bree checking out Katherine and her fake ass smile. Meanwhile, Carlos is meeting with who we can assume is a contract killer, giving him money telling him to take care of Edie. Can this bitch finally get her comeuppance?
This was hands down the best episode since the very beginning of last season or the end of the season before. Nothing too outrageous and just enough intrigue that it didn't feel far fetched or over the top. Let's hope next week is just as good.
