Okay, that's not exactly true, they're not the same show, which really surprised me. I thought for sure I'd tune into Treasure Hunters on NBC and find out it's exactly like The Amazing Race. I also thought I'd be mad at that. Come to find out, it is similar to The Race, but that's okay. And the parts that are different are actually quite compelling. I sat through the two hour premiere and liked it a lot. There were a few twists as well and the dumbest of the dumb people being not who I thought.
As I said before, the show's basically The Race, but instead of Phil handing the winning team a check at the end, there's an actual treasure. I really don't think it's 18th century pieces of gold, like they show in the commercials, but it's something that I guess the teams can take to the bank. Like every reality show, teams will be given clues along the way that will eventually lead them to the final destination, or they'll be eliminated. There are three players to a team and they each have their own personality and name. None of that naming thing that happens on The Race so we don't have the confusion of The Weavers calling people different names all the time.
Our five teams are starting out from Alaska. The host is Laird Macintosh and I hate him. He looks like an Old Spice model with a real mechanical voice. And his name is Laird, that's just lame. I don't know if I can call him that. La-Lai-Lair, nope, can't do it. Mac? Apple? LM? Mac it is. Anyway, Mac tells the teams that for this adventure they'll have a Motorola Razr that he'll use to communicate with them, a laptop, and special access to Ask.com. And who's sponsoring all this you might ask? Don't worry, it'll only be answered about fifty thousand times during the course of the two hours. Mac explains that the treasure they're trying to find is shrouded in mystery, guarded by a secret society called the Opus Dei and you'll need Robert Langdon to help find it. Oh, sorry, I got distracted by the uncanny similarities to The Da Vinci Code. It's produced by the same people and I'm hoping Dan Brown's getting a cut of this because that'd be messed up if he wasn't.
What the five teams don't know is three thousand miles away is another group of five teams, in Hawaii. They must have drawn the long straws. They're on the USS Jefferson. I only say that because it'll mean something later. We know this because The Race never tells us the names of the boat unless it means something.
What the hell is that stupid ass tattoo? A bomb and a devil. For a "Genius" he's really stupid
Mac comes on screen and tells the teams that they'll be getting clues along the way and blah blah, good luck. Suddenly, on the USS Jefferson, the group hears beeping. Morse code beeping. The five teams on the USS Jefferson are Genius, Grad Students, Air Force, Fogal Family and Brown Family, who are black. Remember on The Amazing Race they had the Black Family, which was also hilarious and ironic. As is this. Anyway, the Geniuses figure out that because they're on a Navy ship, there may be a Morse code book somewhere. And guess what? They're right. The Grad Students also figure it out, but the Geniuses take the book out of the room. Eventually all the teams figure it out and have to tell one of the crew members where the next location is, according to the code, and if they're right, they get to jump off the boat and swim to their waiting speed boats.
Doesn't she look like Paris Hilton here? It must be the open mouth and puking in a bag.
Unfortunately, the Fogal Family is having a little problem. Girl Fogal is getting a little seasick. I think she saw one of the Geniuses take his shirt off. She pushes through though. It's the Air Force and Fogal Family who get to the guy at the same time, but the Fogal Family lets the Air Force go first since they helped them figure out the Morse code. I like the Fogal Family, they seem to be fair and he's a minister. The last team to depart the boat is the Brown Family, three robust brothers, one who only learned to swim a few weeks before the show shot, so he struggles but finally makes it onto the boat.
Up in Alaska, the next group of teams are The Young Professionals, Miss USA, The Ex-CIA, The Southie Boys, and the Wild Hanlons. I have to stop and compliment Daddy Hanlon for the awesome mullet. I haven't seen a mullet on TV since... well, since I can't remember. Work that mullet. These five teams also get a Morse code message and the Ex-CIA are first to find the book. Just about everyone else finds it except Miss USA and Wild Hanlons. Doesn't help that Daddy Hanlon is looking under rocks outside for it. I know he's just trying to be thorough, but still, it's quite comical. The Ex-CIA make it to their next location before the Hanlons even start going into building to look.
I wish she would have drowned him
In Hawaii, the clue from Mac tells the groups that in Hana Bay there are containers at the bottom of the ocean, probably about ten feet or so down. Inside is a map to their next location. Air Force, Grad Students and Fogals are first to them and one of the Grad Student girls grabs one but can't lift it out of the water. When she comes back up for air, the Air Force guy gets it. He realizes his mistake and lets her have it back. She opens it for whatever reason to get the clue out, and Papa Fogal comes up and takes the clue out and swims away. WTF?!? That's just so wrong on so many levels. I felt really sorry for the Grad Student girls. This was the second time in less then ten TV minutes they've been shafted. The map the teams find tells them to hike through the woods and find the next clue, scattered amoung plane crash wreckage. When the Brown Family finally gets there Big Daddy Brown has to be pulled in by one of those rescue jet skis.
Crap, it didn't seem that big when I watching the show
The Ex-CIA have made it to the spot the Morse code instructed them to be. They get a phone call from Mac who tells them to follow the little rock formations and that their clue will be frozen somewhere in the ice. I suddenly have a flash of Daddy Hanlon crawling in ice caves and underneath the glacier. When the teams get to the right spot, one member has to repel down the side of the glacier and find a map that's embedded in a huge block of ice. In the block of ice are the words "Stillwater Washington". When the Ex-CIA get back to their helicopter, they have to tell the pilot where to go using only the map and those words. They figure out that it has to mean "Lake George". Get it? Stillwater= Lake, Washington = George. That's right and they head off.
Mullets and beauty queens, gotta love it
Miss USA and the Wyld Stallyns finally make it to the repel, not without stopping a few times because Daddy Hanlon was worn out and really, the girls weren't used to climbing up mountains. That's not part of the Miss USA program. They should have been in Hawaii for the swimsuit part. Anyway, they all find the ice, but one of the Miss USA girls gets it out of the ice because she doesn't think she can carry the block of ice back up. You know, cause girls are weak. Once back at the choppers I'm impressed that it's young Billy Bob Hanlon that figures out that "Stillwater Washington" means "Lake George".
The helicopters have taken the teams to Lake George where there are more of those rock formation things that hopefully I'll get a picture of because I'm blanking on what they're called. UPDATE: I couldn't find any pictures. Sorry. Buried somewhere is their next clue. They just start digging in the mounds and the Ex-CIA are the first to find the clue, it's a silver cylinder letter decoder with instructions to head to Lincoln, Nebraska. Hmmm, USS JEFFERSON, Lake GEORGE, and LINCOLN, Nebraska. Sounds like a pattern to me. I'm thinking they'll not be taking the helicopters there, but there's no real explanation on how they're going to get there, or determine who's first, so I'm confused. When the Wild Hanlons and Miss USA finally got to Lake George and the Wild Hanlons find the clue, the dumbass Miss USA team then give up because they think this is the end. Luckily for them, it wasn't, and they all head to Lincoln, Nebraska.
Hiking in Hawaii sounds wonderful. That's what all the Western teams had to do. The Geniuses start out in first place to their next clue, but the Air Force soon passes them because they're the Air Force. Then, the Geniuses go another way through the forest and get lost, and the Air Force make it to the seemingly crashed plane. There are crates lying around, as well as canes, made to look like they fell out of the crates because that's what the plane was transporting. Oh, so mysterious. Mac tells us that to open the crate the teams have to figure out the key is in the cane. This is really reminding me of Sahara at the moment. Good movie.
Is this an episode of LOST?
After a minute the Air Force figures it out. I'm hoping they don't leave the key. The clue they find told them to go to Lincoln, Nebraska. Ah, so now they'll meet up, I get it. The Grad Students find the crash site around the same time as the Fogals and Nerds, I mean Geniuses. There is no mention of the a**hole move from Daddy Fogal. To further solitify my hatred for this team, Daddy Fogal lets the crate top drop on his daughters finger and she's obviously hurt. He ignores her and so does his wife. He even tells us how focused he was, that he didn't even realize she hurt herself. Wow, parental instinct. Then when they get the box, Mama Fogal starts screaming like a banshee and I want to kick her in the face as well as her husband. When the Geniuses box doesn't open, they steal the Grad Students' box. Usually I don't feel sorry for pretty blondes, but I do now.
Mullets are even cooler when they're paired with camouflage
All the teams converged on the City Hall building or whatever it is in Lincoln, Nebraska, on different sides of the building. Mac messaged them to all meet him on the other side and they all go running around. Talk about funny when they all meet in the middle, very surprised to see the other sets of teams run up. One of the team members notes that he thought he was looking into a mirror. You know, like one of those mirrors where you don't see yourself, you just see other people. Maybe he thought it was a one way mirror.
Mac then tells them that for the next leg of the race, they'd be working in pairs. They said they paired them up, at least the first team, based on the fact that they were first to complete the tasks. Air Force and Ex-CIA. The other ones they paired up because they thought it'd be good drama. My favorite was the Brown Family being paired up with Miss USA. They choose busses and leave.
And in case you were wondering, tonight's show is sponsored by Ask.com
Once on the bus, Mac calls them and says the bus driver is going in the wrong direction. At this point I'm actually starting to like Mac's voice. It sounds sorta Mission Impossible, which goes with the show. He tells them that in their possession they have all the information they need. He also says something about using information from earlier to solve the puzzle. He then lets us in on a little secret. There are two possible answers to this clue and the driver's been instructed to take them to either one, only one being right. Miss USA and the Brown Family figure out that they have the map they found in their crate that has Greek letters on the back, and the cylinder they found buried in the ground. They use the code on the cylinder to decode the letters on the back. It spells out Mt. Roosevelt. They then started talking about the other things they've done the past day or two. They discover the words Jefferson, Lincoln, and Washington were all used. Doesn't take a genius to figure out Mt. Rushmore was the destination and they tell the driver who turns around to take them there. Within half an hour the rest of the teams figure it out as well.
That is, all the teams except the Geniuses and Young Professionals. Actually, the girl Young Professional says she thinks it's Mt. Rushmore, but the boy Geniuses ignored her. Come to find out, there's a Mt. Roosevelt close to Mt. Rushmore and they decide to ignore what Mac said about thinking about past things and just go with the most obvious and wrong answer of Mt. Roosevelt. They tell the driver and get all excited when he says he'll take them there. They must be hitting themselves upside the head right now as they're watching this. Especially since Miss USA and Wild Hanlons both figured it out as well.
Once at Mt. Rushmore, the Brown Family and Miss USA find out they're on their own. Mac calls them and tells them some riddley fiddley clue about only seeing two of the faces on the mountain, and to pay attention to the order of things, and know that history has a way of changing. Once they figure out where that area of Mt. Rushmore is, to see the two heads, then they'll find time capsules. There are 9 clues in the time capsules and only ten teams. This clue will be the first of seven parts of a map that will eventually lead them to the treasure. The team that doesn't find the map will be eliminated.
Over at Mt. Roosevelt the Geniuses and Young Professionals are running around trying to find the clue. The Young Professionals are getting a bad feeling, since there is no one else there. Not even tourists. But the Geniuses, because they're Geniuses, think they're in the right spot. Then, they see a table, with a map laid out and a cylinder like the one they have in the middle. Mac tells us that it's an animorphic (?) map and so is the map they have. If they place their cylinder in the middle, like demonstrated on the table, it'll be a reflection of Mt. Rushmore, and they'll know they're in the wrong place. All of this is too hard to grasp for these apparent "Geniuses". In their download they admit that they overthink things. Yeah, or they're dumb "Geniuses". It's happened. The guy Young Professional calls around to everyone else's cell phone. Quite an interesting ability. The Wild Hanlons are at Mt. Rushmore, looking around aimlessly. The guy Young Professional slyly gets it out of them that they're at Mt. Rushmore. The Young Professionals hurry and tell the "Geniuses" who have been wandering around, thinking. They head off to Mt. Rushmore, which we're told is about 40 miles away. Not as bad as I thought, but they're at least an hour behind the other teams.
They shouldn't be worried too much because the Wild Hanlons are looking everywhere but the right place. Daddy Hanlon even looks in a trash can. You know, cause that's where clues could be. In trash cans. Oh, and under rocks too, or caves you can barely crawl into.
"92! I swear it's 92! That's when I started growin' my mullet"
The teams finally started to find the time capsules. They need a code to get into them. Doesn't take long for most of them to figure out it has something to do with the order of the Presidents. Then, because Mac said something about the history changing, they realizes the code is the Presidents the way they appear on Mt. Rushmore. Just about the time the Young Professionals and "Geniuses" find the place, the Wild Hanlons find the capsule. Daddy Hanlon is sure he knows the code. "54". Maybe it was "35". Or "22 times 11 times 16, how much does that come out to?" I sh*t you not. I have no idea where the hell he was getting these numbers. Lucky for them the "Geniuses" somehow make it to the area before the Young "and fit" Professionals" The two decide to work together since they are all from Texas. Finally that "genius" starts to kick in and they realize it has to do with the order of the Presidents and the pale "Genius" shouts out a number. The Wild Hanlons try it and it works. They thank their fellow Texans and take off. The Young Professionals finally show up and it seems these "Geniuses" are having trouble with their box. They trade boxes and eventually open it, leaving the Young Professionals in last place, being eliminated.
If that's not f*cked up I don't know what is. It was totally those "Geniuses" faults and the Young Professionals got kicked off. That's not justice! Damn you NBC for not having justice!!!
So now the teams are off, hopefully around the world to find the treasure. Mac also tells us that they'll have an Orbitz account so they can book their tickets through that. I was wondering how they were going to do that. Since most of the drama in The Race is in the airport. Now we have a game going. This was just the warm up for what's looking to be a pretty fun series.
