WE'VE GOT GAS

Let me start off by saying how much I liked this past episode. You gotta love an episode with mild torture. I do have a big problem with one of the plot points, which I'll get to later. I love it though that most key points are resolved quickly this season, with a new set cropping up. By no means does any of this mean that I love this show any less, because I don't.

When we last left our trusted crew they had just figured out that Cummings was up to no good. Jack wants to go in and kick some ass, but McGill is worried about their credibility for calling out the Chief of Staff. Jack suggests going to Mike Novick, since he can be trusted. McGill is still a bit worried and Jack says that he'll go himself to meet Novick, that way CTU doesn't have to claim any responsibility. McGill agrees and tells Audrey to get him squared away. While they're together Audrey confesses she's been cold to him. She still can't believe he's there with her, alive.

Audrey and Jack , ick

Cummings on the other hand, is hoping Jack's dead now. Nathanson is questioning him and says that the nerve gas is on it's way to the port. How right he is, the yellow tie man and his accomplice, Shaeffer, are driving the shipment to the port.

The Secret Service is still looking for the wack job we call the first lady. Logan's pissed she hasn't been found yet. He tells them to look for the crazy lady running around in her robe. She shouldn't be that hard to find. Here's hoping the Secret Service finds her before the press does. To make Logan feel better, Mike shows him a nice home movie, him and his kids at Christmas. Actually, it's a terrorist video, obtained through unknown means, showing the effects of the nerve gas. Mike explains that this batch of nerve gas is ten times worse. Why the terrorists didn't send that demo I don't know. Anyway, Mike gets a text message from Jack... "MN, IMHO WC's FUBAR. LMAO, CUL8R. THX, JB".

What it actually says is that they need to talk on a secure line and to tell no one. Cummings sees that Mike has gotten a message and is curious. Mike leaves and calls Jack. Jack tells him that he has information on the nerve gas, but Mike can't tell Logan. Mike's a bit skeeved by this and is hesitant to meet with Jack. Jack says that it has to do with Cummings. Mike agrees and tells Jack to meet him outside of the ranch.

When Jack is leaving CTU he runs into Diane. She wonders if he's coming home with them and he says no, that he has to see the crisis through. Diane's no dummy and asks him if he's still in love with Audrey. He says he loves a woman who can talk without moving her mouth. Jack does admit that he doesn't know how Audrey feels.

Cummings and Nathanson are listening to Jack's call with Novick, apparently he didn't call on a secure line. Anyway, Nathanson is pissed that Jack's still alive and wants Cummings to kill him when he gets there. Also at the compound, Agent Pierce, Aaron, finally finds Martha hiding out in the stables. Apparently she likes all kinds of jackasses. She pleads with him not to turn her in, saying that she thinks someone in the administration is trying to set her up. For a second there it looks like he's going to help her, or at least believes her. But then some other agents walk in and take Martha back to the house.

At the dock, Shaeffer is inside of the freight container messing with the nerve gas. I'm thinking he's gonna start melting, but he doesn't, he synchs some sort of timer with the handheld remote detonator. At least that's what it looks like it is. When he comes out the yellow tie man is suspicious. Shaeffer hands him the timer and walks away.

At CTU Diane and Audrey come face to face. Diane back hands her and they start roll down the steps in a flurry of punches. Diane can take her. Instead of that male fantasy, Diane just confronts her about her feelings for Jack. She tells Audrey what Jack said about still being in love with her and asks that if she doesn't still love him, to let him go. Audrey is surprised and immediately calls Jack. She squeals on Diane, saying she knows that he still loves her. Audrey also wants to know if he's coming back to her. Here we go again, this woman just doesn't get what it takes to be involved with a super agent. Send that sh** over to me.

Aaron tells Logan that they found Martha and starts to talk a bit about her accusations. Unfortunately Cummings walks in and Aaron leaves. Logan's having second thoughts about sending Martha away to Vermont to the looney bin but Cummings insists that it's the best thing to do. Cummings also tells Logan that Jack Bauer is on his way to the ranch. He says that Jack is going to tell them that he, Cummings, helped the terrorists get the nerve gas. Logan is surprised when Cummings confesses that he helped leak the whereabouts of the nerve gas to the terrorists. Logan is furious and yells at Cummings that he's a traitor. Cummings reassures him that he's not a traitor, that he's a patriot. Um, okay. He claims that he only let the separatists think they were going to get the nerve gas to use against the Russians. What he did is called a reverse gainer triple lindy and when the terrorists get the nerve gas to their base camp, he's going to set it off prematurely, killing all of them. That, in turn, will "prove" that Central Asia has weapons of mass destruction, and will be a reason to send more military to that area, to increase the flow of oil. Do ya get it? THIS is the reason he killed Palmer, the one true President of the United States, because of wanting FRAKIN' oil!!!! I'm pissed. Logan eventually figures out that that's what this means, that this turd had Palmer killed but Cummings is able to convince the weak minded Logan that not only was this okay, but that it's too late for it to be stopped. He says that the man who he had working inside went dark, and he doesn't know where he, or the canisters are. I mean, I do feel a bit sorry for Logan, since Cummings did just blind side him, and he doesn't really have anything he can do, but he's a tool.

Jack meeting up with Mike

Jack finally makes it to the ranch to meet Mike and as they begin to talk, Jack's sonic ears pick up the sound of helicopters. He accuses Mike of setting him up and as the cars come pulling up with the helicopter overhead, Mike swears he never told a soul. As the Secret Service arrest Jack, Mike tries to talk them out of it, saying that he invited Jack there for a tour of the compound and tea with the First Lady. They don't believe him. Of course Jack doesn't have the chance to let Mike in on the whole Walt Cummings being a traitor thing. Timing is everything. Cummings tells Logan that Jack was the one who was going to leaking sensitive information to Mike and since it makes sense that other CTU members would know this as well, he's afraid his involvement will be found out. Logan wants a guarantee that the canisters will be destroyed before they get to Russia. Cummings tells him that if wants him to take a sh** in a box and label it guarantee he'll do that, he has the time, but a guarantee is only as good as the man who makes it, so frankly, there ain't no guarantee. Cummings demands CTU be taken off the investigation and because weak ass Logan doesn't know what to do, he agrees to it. Palmer would never have let that happen. NEVER!

Martha gets back to her room and tries to get in touch with Logan, but he's ignoring her. He's too busy kissing Cumming's ass. When the Secret Service escort Jack back to the compound, Aaron sees this and is curious. He asks one of the other men who ordered Jack's arrest and he tells him Cummings. Aaron's eyebrow lifts and he spidey sense goes off. Somethin' ain't right.

Back at CTU, everyone is confused when they're told they're off the case. McGill says he tried to call but Logan's not taking his calls. Jack and Mike are both unreachable, so of course Buchanan thinks something's up. He wants to disregard the order to stop the investigation which doesn't sit well with McGill. Buchanan suggests that maybe that's because McGill is a little bitch from District who doesn't know what the hell he's doing. McGill asks to speak to Buchanan outside and he jumps on his leg and starts humping it. Buchanan apologizes for what he said, but says that it is kinda the truth. He tells McGill that he needs to be a little faster on the uptake and that they have to do everything possible to stop the threat. McGill finally agrees to do what Buchanan suggested and disregard the order from the White House, then he yells, "I'm telling mom" and runs upstairs.

Martha meanwhile is taking a walk down looney memory lane. As Evelyn packs, Martha remembers the better years, when she didn't have a straight jacket hanging up in her closet and Logan trusted her, believed her. She wishes for those days.

Aaron

Aaron goes into the room where Jack's being held. Jack tells him about someone in the administration helping the terrorists. He says that it's Cummings, and that Cummings was the one who ordered Palmer's assassination. He knows that Aaron was a friend of Palmer's, and knows that he cared for him. Aaron admits that the First Lady is also on the whole, mole in the administration bandwagon. He doesn't tell Jack that she's certifiable, but regardless, Jack begs him for his help. Aaron goes out to another agent and tells him that Jack escaped, and to run and tell everyone.

An eye for an eye

Back with Logan and Cummings, Cummings is pissed because he finds out that CTU is still working on the nerve gas investigation. He wants Logan to call them directly. Before he can, Aaron comes in with Jack behind him. Jack immediately confronts Cummings and accuses him of being a traitor. He starts kicking h is ass actually. Logan asks Aaron to stop them, but he says that he's doing his job, protecting the President (gag). Jack tells Logan everything he knows about Cummings up until now, and Logan surprises him by admitting that he knows it all. In a great moment, Jack pulls a knife on Cummings and puts it up to his eye ball. He says he's going to cut out each one of his eyes, and then his nose, and then his lips, and then his arms and legs, but he's going to let him keep his ears so that whenever someone walks by him they'll say, "Good God what is that thing" and it will all echo in her perfect ears. Cummings ain't no dummy and realizes Jack's not bluffing. He admits that the gas is in Long Beach, about to be shipped out. Jack gets CTU on the phone and puts Logan on speaker. He tells the gang about where the nerve gas in and Logan tells them that they're still on the case.

Jack and Aaron both place their badges and guns on the counter and Jack tells Logan that they're both prepared to turn themselves into authorities. Logan orders Aaron to pick his badge and gun back up and order Cummings out of his sight. Logan tries to explain to Jack that he was coerced and that Cummings had lied to him, saying it was too late. Jack and Logan share a moment when they realize that Jack being alive is another problem they don't need. Jack promises that all he wanted to do was find out who killed Palmer and that as soon as the terrorist threat is over, he'll disappear again. Logan hesitates but then agrees with that plan. The two men shake hands and the President thanks him.

Martha makes her way to the awaiting car to take her to Vermont. The Secret Service stops them before they drive off and Logan runs up, pulling her out. He apologizes for being a tool and not believing her. She's reassured finally that she's not crazy and that Cummings was working against Logan. Before he goes he tries to kiss her and she pulls away. Smart move.

At CTU Chloe and Edgar use their nerd skills to find out which container the shipment is in. They send Jack a picture of the yellow tie man and they identify him as Ivan Erwich. Erwich used to be a chemical engineer until he went all separatist.

This is during the 3 seconds Logan wasn't a tool

The S.W.A.T. team finds the container and raids it. The feed is going both to CTU and to Logan and Jack. When they get into the container all they find are empty boxes. You can tell the canisters were in there and taken out. Also in there is Shaeffer, dead. Jack calls for Cummings to be brought in and he sees Shaeffer's body and says that he was the person they had on the inside. As he's standing there, Cummings' cell phone rings from what he recognizes as Schaeffer's number. Of course it can't be Schaeffer though since they're staring at his dead body. It's Erwich who tells everyone, via speaker phone, that Schaeffer confessed to everything. Cummings tries to tell Erwich that this wasn't Logan's idea, and to not blame him for what happened. Erwich's not hearing it and tells them that "Your country is about to pay a very steep price." Muuwaahhhh!

HELL NO WE WON'T GO

This past Sunday's Grey's was aiight. I think they're mostly gearing up for sweeps in February, so the next few episodes should be better than average. Especially next week when there's a "Code Black". I've heard that means there's a bomb in the building! Of course the fact that you have a name for when there's a bomb in the building is quite scary. And we know average for this show is still damn good.

Outside of Seattle Grace the nurses are picketing, asking for fair wages and better work hours. George, Izzie and Christina have to run the gauntlet to get in and of course Christina is first. The crowd ends up throwing food at her. Looks like a ham a cheese sandwich on rye. Ew, with some mustard. Izzie wants George to come with her, but his family is made up of, from what I can remember, jackasses. Apparently all these jackasses are union so he doesn't want to cross. Izzie goes anyway and gets accosted by a crème brule and those little pigs in a blanket thingys.

Meredith is visiting her mother in the nursing home. The woman at the front desk mentions how happy Ellis is when Dr. Webber, i.e., the Chief comes for a visit. She loves being around her Chocolate Honey Bear. Meredith looks in on her mother with the Chief and notices him touching her lovingly on the hand. She doesn't go in but we see the face of confusion. Or maybe it's just gas.

She ain't no Dr. Bailey

Later at the hospital we get introduced to Dr. Bailey's replacement. I didn't quite catch her name since I was waiting for Christina to slug her due to her lovey dovey attitude. She thinks that all you need is love, and that love heals, and love is a battlefield. Wait, she doesn't think love is a battlefield, but I do. Anyway, even after having months of the Nazi, the team can't wait to get away from this nut job. Alex and Christina get a case with a honeymooning couple. How do we find out that they're on their honeymoon? They're doin' it in the small hospital bed in the middle of the emergency room. Wow, romantic. Anyway, the woman has an aggressive rash on her leg and the group examines it. She hasn't done anything out of the ordinary except step on an oyster in the ocean. They realizes something's up when the rash visibly climbs the woman's leg as they stand there and talk. They send her in for surgery.

"I coulda been your daddy"

Meredith is just wondering around the hospital when she comes upon an old lady who's in bed, obviously delusional. She's calling out to her husband and Meredith assumes this means the man has just walked away. The woman starts to have trouble breathing and Meredith calls out to the nurses, but guess what, they ain't there, they're outside wanting more money. Greedy bitches. Eventually she finds a nursing student who helps her get the woman on a breathing tube. Later, Meredith runs into the Chief who asks her about Ellis. Meredith doesn't let him know she saw him there earlier.

She's rethinking her position on birth control

Izzie's patient is a girl who looks like she's about eight who's pregnant. It's Addison's case because the girl's baby apparently has a small tumor on it's neck and they need to operate. Addy tells the girl and her mother that they'll do a c-section and partially deliver the baby to operate, and then deliver her fully once the operation is successful. The girl's mother is concerned about cost and Addy tells her that she and one of the doctors at the clinic the girl was transferred from are old friends, and to not worry about the cost. Addy leaves and Izzie explains to them that it isn't charity, that Seattle Grace will be able to consider it a write off. Izzie notices the girl's reading Shakespeare to the baby and relates to her because they're both from the same area. A little area known as... the other side of the tracks.

Outside at the picket line George is still holding strong with the nurses. They ask him to go in and check on their patients. This is the scene where we realize how important nurses are. Medical dramas like to throw that out every season or so, an episode that demonstrates the usefulness of nurses and the high and mighty attitude of doctors. We forget about it by the next episode, so it's all good.

In the operating room Alex, Christina and Dr. Love are operating on the rash lady. They realize it's the flesh eating bacteria and send all but non essential personnel out of the operating room. Who in there is non essential? Not really the best time to mop the floor and change the light bulbs I'm guessing.

Over with Meredith and the old lady, her girlfriends have shown up and are upset she was put on a respirator since they lady is Do Not Resuscitate. In the nurses' absence her chart was mishandled and wasn't there for Meredith to initially see. She asks the woman's friends about her husband, and where he might be. They tell her that her husband is dead and she was probably seeing him and about to cross over when Meredith stopped her. Unfortunately the lady's only living relative is her daughter who lives in Oregon. She has to make the trip down to Seattle with her lesbian lover.

When you assume you make an ass out of u and me

Christina's not having any better luck. Since the flesh eating bacteria is happening so quickly, she thinks they should just amputate the woman's leg. Dr. Love doesn't think this is a good idea. Christina points out that if she was a 50 year old man she wouldn't think twice about it, but because the woman is young and in love she shouldn't get the best treatment. Dr. Love is impressed with Alex's compassion, who also wants to keep the leg and try to save as much of it as possible. Of course as soon as Dr. Love is out of ear range he admits to it just being a much cooler surgery. He's a tool. A cute tool, but a tool no less. Christina goes to Burke and tells him how she thinks this chick is screwing up. Burke goes into the operating room with Dr. Love and tries to be cordial, saying they don't get to see many flesh eating bacteria cases at Seattle Grace. Dr. Love, who I'm going to call Dr. Bitch from now on, says that she didn't think they saw them at all. She pretty much puts Burke in his place and he is forced to walk out with his tail between his legs and Christina feels like even more of an a**hole.

George refuses to be a scab. He likes being a festering wound

George comes in and out of the hospital a few times, seeing the Chief and Burke. He says he's supporting the nurses so they let him not work. At one point he even yells "Fair wages!" to Dr. Burke who shots him a look that says, "Oh no you di'int". George runs off.

"Shut up ho, I'll break this bottle over your head"

At Joe's later the girls are all sitting at the bar talking about their days. Izzie excuses herself and leaves. A nurse walks by Christina and pours a drink in her lap. Not really sure why she did it. Because she's a doctor maybe? Maybe Christina voted no and proposition 15 or doesn't signal when she makes right turns. I really have no idea, it's quite confusing why they'd be mad at the surgical interns, but it doesn't sit well with Christina. She wants to cut the bitch but Meredith holds her back.

"Here's a picture of my great-grandmother, Rose Dawson, she was on the Titanic"

Izzie goes back to the hospital and checks on the pregnant girl. Izzie tells her that there's more out there then working at some diner, trying to make ends meet. She shows the girl a picture of a little girl and tells her that this is her DAUGHTER. Yes! Izzie has a daughter! Didn't see that one coming. She tells the girl that she gave her up when she was young and that she doesn't regret it. She also pointed out that while she read the baby Shakespeare to her while she was pregnant, in a few years she won't be reading Shakespeare to her anymore. She says she'll be smoking Pall Malls making the little girl rub the corns on her swollen feet. The mom tracks Izzie down a bit later and is pissed she told her daughter to give the baby up. The daughter hasn't told the mom about Izzie's success story, so the mom just thinks Izzie's being a stuck up bitch and doesn't know what she's talking about. Izzie tells her that she knows she wants the best for her daughter, and to just get over whatever it is she thinks of Izzie and consider it. Later, Addison gets Derek to help out with the case and they operate and deliver the baby, and when they do, she looks healthy. Izzie visits the girl afterwards and she asks her if she regrets giving the baby up. Izzie says she doesn't, but you can see the pain in her eyes.

Christina arrives home, where Burke is playing with his instrument. Oh, and he's also playing the trumpet. He says that he never saw a problem with attendings dating interns until what happened that day. Christina thinks about it, but doesn't say anything. When they're both back at the hospital she goes to him and says that she's not used to being wrong. He insists she go to Dr. Bitch and apologize. She grudgingly does, with Dr. Bitch being completely smug about it. Bailey would kick her ass.

THIS is why they call him McDreamy

A bit later Meredith finds the Chief in the hall and tells him she saw him with her mother earlier. She asks him if he thinks her mother is lonely. He says yes, he does. Since the old lady's daugther has arrived they finally pull the breathing tube and turn off the machines. Her friends and family stand around her, waiting for her to die. When the old lady finally dies, Meredith runs out of the room and into the supply closet and breaks down, sobbing. McDreamy has seen her go in and comforts her. They share a few tender moments and I'm screaming at the TV for them to kiss, but she's too fragile. I hate that in movies when the woman is crying so hard that all she can think to do is kiss the guy. I mean I get it, but kinda corny. Meredith says that she doesn't want her mother to be lonely when she dies. She finds the Chief and tells him that he should continue visiting her mother, and that anytime he wants to hit that, he's more than welcome to also.

What baffles me is he's still playing his game

In the end the Chief works out a plan with the nurses and they agree to come back to work. We also see McDreamy and Addy cuddled up in bed together. His mind seems to be elsewhere. I think he wishes he was where George is right now. George is also in bed, playing with his toy. Nah, it's just a handheld, I mean a Gameboy or something. Izzie comes in and gets in bed with him, followed by Meredith. How these three people fit in this tiny bed I don't know, but they do. George asks if Meredith and Izzie want to make out, with each other.

THE AMAZING RACE IS AMAZING AGAIN

At least, let's hope it's back to the show we know and love. That's not to say I didn't enjoy my Linzes and Rolly Weaver, but this season has some people we're sure to enjoy, albeit probably not for too long. Don't forget to watch the 2 hour premiere on February 28th on CBS!!! Here's a quick rundown of our new players...

Let me introduce you to this year's Jonathan and Victoria/Colin and Christie. Lake and Michelle have been married for thirteen years and have three kids. The first word Michelle uses to describe herself is "loyal", i.e. he can treat me like a tool and I won't care because he's my husband. They have the potential of being a good team, but unlike Jonathan and Victoria, they don't have a lot of worldly traveling experience.

I can tell already that I'm gonna love these girls. I'm hoping they wear their chest barring outfits the whole time. Reminds me of Rebecca Weaver and her coochie cutters. Haha. Anyway, this is Danielle and Dani. Yes, both of their names are Danielle and they're BFF. They're from New York so I can't wait to hear the accents. They claim they want to use The Race to experience all the different cultures in the world. They can feed a few villages with their milk jugs.

Um, yeah. This is BJ and Tyler. From their picture I thought they may be rodeo clowns, and I'm not too far off. These two are best friends who met in college. BJ moved to California to pursue surfing, karate and frisbee. At first I thought this was a mark of a real loser, then I realized that there's a lot of those three things here. Especially in the early morning when I spy Mr. Miyagi on the stump doing the crane. Tyler at least has the slightly redeeming quality of falling in love with a Japanese girl and walking the 2000 mile length of the country, I guess to woo her. Not sure if it worked, but my guess is it didn't. They may be the dark horse of the bunch. They're well traveled and something tells me they won't have trouble asking for directions.

On paper, Ray and Yolanda look like they could have a shot at this. Dating for five year she's a track star, he's an attorney. The only thing that might get in their way is they both describe themselves as opinionated and stubborn. That's probably gonna make for some good TV, as long as they last longer than the first round. Their bios don't mention any traveling they may or may not have done, so that's a red flag immediately.

John and Scott I thought at first glance were a gay couple. Apparently I was wrong and they're just lifelong friends. John does like long walks on the beach in Cape Cod and hangs out with his two Great Danes, Hector and Percy. Seriously, I didn't make that up. What's interesting is Cape Cod is where Scott lives. Hmmm. I don't really have high hopes for this pair since John is afraid to fly and hasn't been on an airplane in 8 years. Sure will be fun to watch though!

David and Lori have been dating for three years and poor Lori wants to get married. David, on the other hand, wants to wait until he gets his career going. He's a musician who is "involved" in the underground music scene... in Kansas. So what that tells me is he works at Kinkos during the day and goes to clubs at night. Lori, honey, listen to me, his career will never get going. Maybe they need the $1 million the most. Of course he'll probably throw the game just so he doesn't have to marry her. Don't worry about Lori though, she has a great career as an assistant manager at Pizza Hut to fall back on. I jest, they both look really nice. I give them to until episode three.

So Eric and Jeremy are going to be either totally cute, like adorable brothers Greg and Brian, or total tools. I think they're gonna be tools running around chasing the Hooters girls around. They're both extremely outgoing and athletic, and their charm will probably get them far. I'm gonna need a little compassion from these guys to actually root for them. Top three is my guess.

All I keep thinking when I look at Fran and Barry is Gretchen yelling "MEREDITH!!!" and falling down in the cave. I loved them and they gutted it out for a long time. These two have been married for 40 years and look extremely healthy. They've done extensive traveling and are an adventurous couple, so I have hopes they'll make it a bit farther than Meredith and her husband. Ha. Plus, Barry's ex-military and was in Vietnam.

I guess at some point they may call Lisa and Joni the "lime green" team, but let's hope not. These sisters spent more than 20 years apart when their father died and the one stayed with their mother and the other one didn't. They really didn't get into it in their bio why they stayed apart so long, but here's hoping one of them is a royal bitch. Talk about some good TV.

I'm gonna call it right here. This is the winning team. I think they're the new Chip and Kim/Kris and Jon. In their bio, dating couple, Joseph and Monica sound like a sweet, loving couple who just want to have fun. They've both traveled, they look athletic and they don't have any weird Jesus complex. I mean maybe they do, but they didn't mention it in their bio, so I think they're safe. Even if this team doesn't win, it's gonna be close. I'm calling it now. (See me in May when I feel like a tool)

Another favorite team of mine is Wanda and Desiree, our only parent/child team this round. They may be considered by other teams as an underdog, not sure why, but I can just see the man teams underestimating them. We may have to endure an only child breakdown, but the multilingual Wanda will probably be a good person to keep around during any Spanish speaking countries.

MY DVR SUCKS

So this morning I woke up because I was so excited to watch In Justice today. Okay, so I didn't wake up for that sole reason. The jackass above me was blasting his stupid music at 8:30 and that woke me up. Anyway, later that day I had my Gatorade and some chips, and had gotten real comfy in my big comfy chair. Imagine my surprise when I pushed play on my DVR and there was only 1 second recorded! I'm sure it'll repeat at some point, but until then, I missed it! I'm so pissed! I bet it was a good episode because all of them are good. Sorry I won't have the recap this week for it but I'll be back next week to tell you about how good this show is.

LIKE THE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS...

So I know I promised a long time ago to recap the Days of Our Lives and Passions, so I'm gonna do it now, and then hopefully do it every Monday, after a week's worth of shows. This one might be a bit longer since I will give a quick background as well for those of you who haven't seen it in longer than the rest of us. I am writing this for the people who watch the shows, so if you don't, and you have any questions about characters, plots, back story, whateva, let me know, I've been watching these things forever. Please be aware that I'm the queen of fast forwarding. I've been watching this crap for long enough to know when the meaty part is coming. I may miss a sentence or two that's important, but if it's important, the writers will have the person, or someone who overheard it, either say it over again or play it in a flashback. So don't worry, I'll catch the main idea.

First, Days of Our Lives...

Frankie comforting Jen

As you may or may not know, a few weeks ago, a seemingly dying Jack, drove his care off of the bridge and was presumed dead. If you remember he has some incurable disease. You know the one on soaps where they never say what it is, they just call it a "disease" and all we know is there is no cure for it. But, Jack isn't dead. In fact, he's watching over his family, looking much better than he did before the crash. Anyway, before he did a Thelma and Louise off the only bridge in Salem, he told Frankie to look after Jen when he's gone. Frankie and Jen used to be an item back in the day, before she fell in love with Jack, got married and had a kid. So since Jack is now supposedly gone, Frankie is trying to hook it up with Jen, but not in a bastard sort of way. Jen's feeling guilty. Some other stuff has happened recently with these two, but like I said, I like to fast forward. I think they're both just getting to know each other again and falling in love. I'm sure Jack will show up, cured, right about the time Jen and Frankie finally commit to each other.

Austin and Carrie

I am so bored with the whole, Lucas/Sami/Austin/Carrie/Nicole trapezoid, it's really pissing me off. I fast forward through most of it. Basically Lucas and Sami want Carrie and Austin respectively. Why does this sound familiar, oh yeah, because they did it in the mid 90s. It's really a stupid story line. The latest is Carrie and Austin were really getting along great there for awhile. Until Austin's company took over Carrie's. Of course, Austin didn't know it was Carries, mostly because Sami found out and didn't tell him, just to cause a wedge between the rediscovered love of her sister and the man she wants, Austin. Carrie's not being it and is pissed. She says that he's lied to her, and how can she be with someone that would take over a company and fire all of its employees. Um, funny how she could be with him earlier in the week when he was telling her about taking over a company. Anyway, Austin tried to reverse it but it's no use, her company, her little baby, is dead. Lucas lets everyone know about Zack and Claire and Carrie and Sami have a little bonding moment, but I'm sure that won't last.

Ewe

Another storyline I'm not really watching is the Marlena/Alex/John/Kate drama. Long story short, Marlena fell down the steps awhile back, feels like forever, and got amnesia. Alex North shows up, claming that he and Marlena were married back in the day. He says that they had a baby but she lost it. Because of this she doesn't have any memory of their entire life together, and that's why she never told her family about it. Um, ok. John and Roman think something's up with him. Originally there was, he was brainwashing her into forgetting about her love for John. This wasn't working until Marlena thought she saw John and Kate hooking it up. Around that time is when Alex decided to tell everyone that he's her husband. They called the illusive ISA and Shane (old time character from the 80s who they only bring up now when they put a call into the ISA) and had him check out the story. It checked out and since Marlena is so concerned with her vows (you remember Belle being a product of her affair with John while she was married to Roman) she decided to stay with Alex. Some crazy lady, Lois, showed up awhile ago claiming to not only be a fellow psychologist of Alex and Marlena's, but said she knows that Alex was violent towards Marlena. This is all John needs. He doesn't want Doc anywhere near Alex, but Alex knows the truth, that Lois is a crazy biatch, trying to kill Marlena. John shoots Alex, who wakes up from a coma just in time to save Marlena from Lois before she's killed. Marlena is so touched she wants to renew their vows and basically gives it to John. I mean, no "it", but "it". Next thing we know Alex is visiting Lois in the looney bin and it seems like there's something more going on with these two when they share a passionate kiss.

Meanwhile, Bo and Billie's bastard child Chelsea is a bitch. She's like 19 years old and a wild child. She just found out in the last few months that Bo and Billie are her parents. Bo and Billie thought she was dead until recently when after her adoptive parents were killed, they realized she was theirs. She's been a bit of a problem lately. She was in an accident that was her fault and her license got taken away. Of course he plays the little "poor me" face with Bo and he gives her his car to take out. She's playing music, trying to make a call, putting on lipstick and eating a Big Mac (something of which she needs desperately) and she runs over something in the road. She flips out because she doesn't know what it was and calls Bo. He rushes to her and tells her it'll be okay. Chelsea's boyfriend, and Bo's adoptive brother, Max (I know, sorta ewe right) comes along and tows the SUV to his shop. He starts to fix it up and Chelsea talks Bo into not reporting her so she can keep her license. The only problem with this is...

The thing she ran over in the road was Bo and Hope's youngest, 2 or 3 year old Zack. Hope left him at a friends house for the night and after the friend tucked him in, he was able to pick a few locks and chase the cat out of the house. He ran into the street and his big sister thought he was a speed bump. Hope has a funny feeling. I'm thinking it's just gas, but she goes back to her friends house to check on Zack. She finds him in the middle of the road in bad condition. Unfortunately Zack dies. Bo realizes that it was Chelsea who did it, and tries to cover it up, feeling horrible for lying to his wife about who really killed their child. Billie comes back and realizes what's going on so she confesses to killing Zack. Any detective worth is sod would figure out that she wasn't even in town when this happened. I'm sure they'll figure it out eventually and Hope will be pissed at Bo. Everyone is trying to talk Chelsea into giving herself up, that it's not fair for Billie to take the blame. Bo of course is torn because, it's wrong for Billie to be in prison, but he doesn't want Chelsea to be there either. Plus, he certainly doesn't want to tell Hope the truth, and the fact that he kept it.

In another baby dying story, Belle and Phillip's baby, Claire, was in desperate need of a liver. Although I shouldn't say Belle and Phillip's baby, Claire is really Belle and Shawn's baby. See, awhile back Belle and Shawn hooked up in a barn, both claiming they don't remember what happened. Another soap opera trick, if I fall asleep I can wake up and not remember anything, even if it was as good as hooking up with Shawn Brady. The only people who know that Claire isn't Phillip's is his bitch mother Kate, and his father Victor. Victor's been trying to tell Shawn (his grandson) the truth, but Kate keeps sticking her nose into it. She doesn't want Belle and Phillip to know the truth because she thinks Belle will leave him for Shawn. She doesn't care that her actions might cause Claire her life, seeing that she needs blood transfusions and what not. Mimi also starts to suspect that Shawn may be the daddy. He ends up proposing to her in the hospital which is a bit odd. Luckily, but very unluckily, because of Zack's death, Claire gets his liver and is about to live. It's nice he can help his niece, step- cousin, second cousin, step cousin twice removed. I love soaps.

And on Passions...

Alistair with a knife in his back

Alistar, the patriarch of Harmony, is still in a coma. At the New Years Eve party someone stabbed him. We're not sure who, but he totally deserved it. He was going to reveal all of Harmony's secrets. Just about every person had a secret, so a reason to kill him.

Gwen, Ethan and Theresa in Bollywood

Theresa loves Ethan eternally. She's just lied and schemed to get him away from his wife, Gwen. Although most of her lies have been to benefit Ethan, and get him away from that bitch wife, she isn't lying about one important thing. Ethan, for most of his life, thought he was a Crane. Turns out, he's not, he's Sam Bennett's son. His mother, Ivy, was with Sam before he was torn away from her by Alistair and her own father. She had Ethan and passed him off as Julian Crane's. Theresa found out about this, while she was engaged to Ethan, but didn't tell him. Instead, she scanned the information into her computer. She didn't want him to find out and be hurt. Unfortunately, Gwen and her horrible mother Rebecca, found the information and emailed it to the tabloids. Because this came from Theresa's computer, Ethan thought she did it, and left her. He was actually going to go back to her at some point, but Gwen got pregnant and he felt he had to stay. Theresa eventually schemed her way into getting implanted with Gwen and Theresa's embryo. Unfortunately, she lost the baby and seduced Ethan into making love to her. He thought it was Gwen who was there. I actually think he knew it was Theresa. Theresa had his daughter, who now Ethan and Gwen have custody us because they accused her of being an unfit mother. So Theresa has custody of her son with Julian, yes Julian, his name is Ethan, but they call him Little Ethan. Very cute. Because Theresa so no other way to get Ethan, and her daughter, back, she married Alistair. Alistair, in turn, holds her captive basically, making her his becon call to all of his needs. Yeah, all of his needs. He also adopts Little Ethan, basically keeping Theresa his slave forever. Everyone was up in arms, but she's been trying to kill him ever since she married him. Unfortunately, one of those times she tried to kill him with poison guacamole and Ethan ate it, sending him into a seemingly irreversible coma. Gwen was going to pull the plug but Ethan, with the help of Noah Bennett, kidnapped Ethan. It was only about a day she had him, but it was enough, once they finally found him and got him back to the hospital, for him to recover. Now, Gwen and Ethan seem to be moving to India with Jane, Theresa's daughter. She keeps trying to get them to stay, but can't think of what to do. Ethan truly loves Theresa, and is really only with Gwen because they've been together so long and he's already committed to her. I really hope Ethan and Theresa end up together, no matter how many people disagree. Theresa will soon discover the evidence she needs that Gwen and Rebecca sent the information to the tabloid and I'm sure Ethan will be shocked. Unfortunately she doesn't have that much time because Ethan is being transfered to India, hence the Bollywood number they had on Friday which was extremely entertaining. Oh, and one more thing about this storyline. If I hear one more person yell at Theresa I'm gonna throw up. I mean yeah, she's scheming, but she really loved Ethan and wants him back. Is what she did right? Not really, but Gwen has done horrible things too and is so self righteous. I'd say Theresa needs to kick her ass, but she's already done that.

Chris and Sheridan

Meanwhile, poor Sheridan is still looking for her missing son. Her half sister, Beth, stole him and with the help of Alistair, has been going around the world, alluding the police. Also on their tail for awhile was Luis, Sheridan's one true love, Theresa's brother and Pilar's son. Unfortunately, the news came that Luis was killed. Sheridan was heartbroken and felt horrible because she had sent him away. Luckily, or unluckily, we don't know yet, she met Chris and his son James. Sheridan is missing Luis and her son, Marty, so much that she's let Chris get close to her. Together they've found out that Marty may be being held in Hawaii. Something's up with this guy and Alistair has something on him as well, we don't know what it is. What we do know is that it seems that Luis is alive! Passions was doing webisodes on their site and Alistair talks to the mystery man, Otto, and talks about the person who Sheridan "aches" for. I'm just assuming it's Luis, could be Marty. Check it out here...

http://www.passionsred.com/chapters/chapter12.shtml

Another person that Otto was involved with is Rachel. Rachel is Katherine, Sheridan and Julian's mother's sister. Rachel was presumed dead and for the longest time Sheridan thought she killed her. During the New Years Eve party Rachel finally revealed herself. She had been in the mansion and all around Harmony for some time, dolling out advice and tormenting Alistair. At first Sam thinks that maybe it was her who attempted to kill Alistair.

While at the mansion for the New Years Eve party Eve sees a mystery person, not Rachel, trying to kill Alistair. It's not yet revealed who this person is, in fact, maybe I'm wrong, but it kinda looked like there were two mystery people.

Fancy and Noah gettin' it on

The only person who actually cares for Alistair is his granddaughter, Fancy. Fancy is in love with Noah Bennett, and Alistair's not too happy about that. During the New Years Eve party he had a little talk with Noah as well. He knows about his past and will reveal it to Fancy. While Fancy and Noah are out, an old girlfriend of his, Maya, shows up. She follows them around in true soap opera mystery for awhile until she finally reveals herself to Noah. Yeah, I am not a fan of hers. She looks like a bitch. Apparently, before Noah came back, he and Maya had an intense relationship, one that he wrote a letter about and Fancy found a while back during the Tsunami. Yes, I said Tsunami. Anyway, she's tracked Noah down and together they share a secret. The flashback is a bit confusing but it looks like they witnessed some dude getting shot in a an attic and ran. Noah wanted to go to the police, but Maya didn't. Sounds fishy to me. Noah doesn't want Fancy to find out that Maya's in town. While he and Fancy are making love, he accidently says Maya's name. Fancy is pissed and threatens breaking up with him.

Fancy has been busy helping Fox propose to Kay. Fox is her brother, another Crane, and is in love with Kay Bennett. Kay was a crazy bitch for a long time, going after Miguel and hating Charity for a long time. In fact, Kay discovered that Ivy, Fox's mother, hired a man to come into town, David Hastings, and pose as her amnesiac mother, Grace's, first husband. Once Grace decided to stay married to David and leave with him and her supposed son, John, Kay's father Sam, went back to Ivy and they've been together. Kay feels guilty about not telling her mother or father the truth, and both she and Ivy are holding that over each other's head. Ivy certainly doesn't want to lose Sam because of this. Unfortunately, Tabitha the witch warns Kay not to get engaged to Fox. They both see in the magic bowl (har har) that something horrible will happen at their wedding. The last few days have been Kay avoiding Fox's proposal at all costs. Tabitha and her cute daughter (with Julian) Endora always steal the show, and although Tabitha is a bad witch, always trying to break people up, Endora is turning out to be a good witch, helping Kay and Fox out when she can. Last we saw, Kay has figured out that Ivy and Valerie are in cohoots and out to get her.

Pilar and Martin were married years ago and produced Theresa, Luis, Miguel, Paloma and Antonio. Martin, unfortunately, left years ago with Katherine Crane, thinking if he stayed his family would be in trouble. He fell in love with Katherine and they've been living in sin ever since. They came back a little while ago, revealing that they were both alive. Pilar was pissed, but eventually took Martin back. The only problem, like Ethan, he's not married to the woman he truly loves. Pilar wants him to commit to her and Katherine just got up enough balls to start and fight for her man.

Simone's a lesbo.

On the younger front, Eve and T.C.'s daughter Whitney, is becoming a nun because she found out that she had a baby with her half brother, Chad. I'm holding out hope that they aren't really related, but right now we finally know that Chad is Eve and Julian's child. Julian is one fertile dude, right? Eve and T.C.'s other daughter, Simone, just came out as a lesbian. T.C. is not happy about it and rips her a part all of the time. Hey, at least she's not a hooker like his best friend Sam's daughter. And yes, I did say hooker, full fledged. Jessica is a drug addict hooker who's been conned into this life by someone she thinks she loves, drug dealer pimp Spike. Girl, never fall in love with your drug dealer/pimp. Trust me, it never works out. Come to find out Alistair hired Spike to seduce Jessica to the dark side because of his hatred of the Bennetts. Not sure yet what that's all about.

I have this same outfit in my closet

As I do more of these weekly blogs I'll get more specific, and hopefully funnier. It's a lot easier to free style when I'm not worried about years of story to get out in such a short space. There's also other characters I could talk about, but won't at this time. More on them later.