I was really sad when I found out that Janice Dickinson wouldn't be a part of America's Next Top Model. I loved watching her freak out on the models and grind against Nigel. Because really, who wouldn't want to grind against Nigel? Imagine my happiness when I learned she'd have her own show. Not just that, she'd be starting her own modeling agency, allowing her to pollute young people's minds and distort lots of little girls' body images.
This woman is a crazy bitch, but I love her. I love that people walk into her agency and she tells them to strip and they do it, or tell them to kiss a transsexual and they do it. She has power many of us only dream about having. I do think this is a good idea, she has a lot of knowledge about the fashion industry, especially where to score the dope, so she's going to be a great mentor.
This picture thoroughly distrubs me. Look at her arm!
In the first two episodes, we were mostly treated to Janice picking out the select few who would be lucky enough to join her agency. See Janice has "the eye". Kinda like Grandma Fettuccini giving "the eye" to someone. She and her cohorts go around the country, apparently, searching out the best looking people they can find. I live in LA, this is such an easy task. There are beautiful people everywhere. Kinda like the beautiful girl they find on what looks like the 3rd Street Promenade. Her name is Dirty Hobo or something like that, and Janice gets her to come to the open call. Of course she picks her, along with a few other skinny/ugly model type people.
Janice then does a photo shoot with them, where she tells them what an honor it'll be that she's doing the photo shoot. And by doing the photo shoot I mean sitting down next to photographer and telling the models what to do.
She has another open casting call and finds even more people to add to the poor five she signed during the pilot. Juxtaposed to all of this is her home life with her two children, who she claims she does all of this for. I believe her, although I'm sure the fact that she's a fame whore doesn't hurt.
During the second show, or thereabouts, she tells us that she's going to take on a business partner. I guess because she doesn't know anything about business, like adding and subtracting, she needs someone there. Someone who knows the business inside and out, who runs their own agency in San Diego. Because really, San Diego is the model capital of Tijuana. The guy, Peter Hamm, comes in and decides to take on that role. What a horrible name. It's like being called Dick Pork. Because really, that would suck.
At first I'm happy for Peter's arrival, then, he really loses me. Janice brings in all her previous picks and he starts berating them about their height and their weight. Janice agrees, in part, but doesn't like the way he's treating the girls. She tries to defend them but it's clear who wears the pants in the family, and it's not Janice, although she'd let us believe it's her.
And then, in yet another open casting call, he picks out this bimbo big boobie slutty girl. He claims it's because they can book her with Maxim and FHM and all those misogynistic magazines, but I think it's because she gives him a hard on. Even the flaming make up artist tells Janice that the girl is f*cking ugly. I wouldn't go that far, i think he's just jealous, but she isn't model pretty. Janice doesn't like her and lets the girl know she's only there because Peter wants her to be. I actually feel sorry for the girl.
Finally, after everyone is chosen, Janice has a talk with Dirty Hobo girl. She says that she really wants to help her, but she thinks the girl needs a nose job. I can see where she's coming from, it's sorta wide. The girl says she's always wanted one, and Janice sets up a meeting with Dirty Hobo and Janice's favorite plastic surgeon. Unfortunately, Dirty Hobo doesn't show up. They told her to meet them at the corner at 8am, and I guess that was too earliy for her. Janice is pissed, luckily her surgeon gives her a few shots of Botox and she feels better. At least I think she feels better, I can't tell because there's no expression on her face.
This is actually a woman...
One of her models, a hot guy with dark hair and blue eyes, comes in dressed in a suit, and breaks it to Janice that he can't continue because he got a real job. She's genuinely happy for him, and wishes him well, even though she claims she really didn't want him anyway. Hell, I'll take him.
Then it's the show down of show downs. Janice and the Dirty Hobo. She comes in, looking not as dirty, and Janice wonders where she was. Dirty Hobo then starts acting strange, like she's practiced this speech in the mirror and is trying to be professional, but it's coming off as creepy. You know when people who don't normally use big words start saying, extemporaneous and magnanimous, it's just weird. She tries to tell Janice that when she first met her, Janice said she'd help her find "housing". I'm assuming she means an apartment. In Dirty Hobo's defense, she did. I think Janice is still high from the Botox because she tells Dirty Hobo that she's not her mother, and she's not responsible for her. Dirty Hobo then gets real mad and says that if she knew she wasn't going to help her get "housing" then she wouldn't have stayed. The whole conversation is quite odd, and ends with Dirty Hobo storming out, all pissed, and Janice telling her never to come back. I'm sad about this, because what a great story this would have made.
Another great story (the producers manufactured) was a girl Peter found wondering around Hollywood and Highlands, right outside of Janice's office. I'm thinking she was camped out there because she saw the film crew. The producers hurry up and rounded up a few passerby and told us that was her family, but I'm not really buying it. The girl is cute, in that model ugly sorta way. They hurry up and take her pictures and you'd think Janice just found a pot of Botox on the street. She does photograph well.
... and this is actually a man!
As Janice hugs all her new models, we get a quick glimpse of Michelle from America's Next Top Model cycle 4. For those of you who watched it, she was the one who had that awful skin disease that made her head blister and peel. She's quite ugly as well, so she'll be a great model.
I like the show, and have added it to my season pass. Janice is fun to watch, kinda like a train wreck where a plane dropped out of the sky and crushed it.
