I LIKE MIKE

Hi, how ya doin'? I remember you.

Unfortunately, I'm not talking about the amazingly beautiful and talent multi-medal winning swimmer from my hometown, but just for shites and giggles...

Now that we've gotten that out of the way, the Mike I'm referring to is our favorite and most attractive convict, Michael Scofield. I know it's been awhile since I've spoken about him, and I am not happy to admit I stopped watching mid season, but that's all behind us now.

What do you think these dorks did to get arrested in Panama?

Anyway, the last we left our dear Michael he was trapped in this hell hole of a prison down in Panama called Sona. Sona sucked. Sona was a prison people had given up on. I actually think this a good idea, that we should use for our prison system here. Just throw all the criminals in a jail and make sure all the escape routes are covered and get the hell out of there. Let them fend for themselves. Regardless, Sona blew big chunks, and I was afraid for our lovely Mr. Scofield.

What the crap kind of art is going on here?

Lincoln was now on the outside, but unfortunately, bliss didn't last that long. Besides Michael getting busted and thrown back into prison, Lincoln's son L.J. and Michael's girlfriend Sarah were kidnapped. The kidnappers know that Michael is in Sona and since he's the end all be all of prison breakouts, they contact him, wanting someone inside broken out. Michael doesn't want to do it, but seeing his lady love and nephew are going to get murdered, he decides to do it. They give him a week.

I would break IN to a place to be with these two.

First he has to find the guy, which he does. He's some hot British guy who I'm hoping does not die momentarily. Come to find out, the company wants him bad, for some coordinates he has. He has them written in a bird book of sorts, that Lincoln finds and has Michael give back to the guy. At this point, the guy, Whistler's, girlfriend is in the picture. She hooks up with Lincoln to try and help with the escape. Sucre learns that his girlfriend is safe, but back home and not really wanting to see him. I wonder why. She's still pregnant and he sends them money. Because his whole reason for escaping basically never wants to see him again, he decides to stick around Panama and help his friends out. You know, his friends who broke him out when he had about a month more of his sentence? Yeah, them.

Lincoln doesn't really like waiting around for Micheal to figure something out, so he tries to go after L.J. (is his name really Lincoln Junior? Hahaha) and Sarah. Unfortunately, the woman who we'll eventually know as Gretchen, foils the plan. In retribution for this action, she sends him a nice present, Sarah's head in a box. Yeah, it was very Se7en, but with no Brad Pitt. Of course, Lincoln doesn't want to tell Michael about finding his woman's head in a box since this might cause him to freak out and not go along with getting Whistler out. You know, because he doesn't love his nephew or anything.

He's also a cook at the restaurant down the street.

Meanwhile, in Sona, Michael befriends this kid, whose whole point in this season was completely lost to me. He was sweet though. Suddenly Sona is the place to be because we have Michael, Bellick, T-Bag and Mahone now in there for various, all fitting, reasons. Unfortunately, Michael is going to need some help breaking this dude out, so he asks Mahone for help. I guess if your choice is between a kick ass FBI/CIA/Black opts guy, a child molesting/rapist murderer and an old beat up former corrections officer, your choice is pretty easy, even if he did kill your father. Then again, he did do him a favor killing all those guys he broke out with last season. Michael was feeling really guilty about unleashing all those bad people back onto the world. Except for that one kid, I forget his name now, the one that T-Bag tried to rape. Anyway, he comes up with an elaborate plan, as usual, which has Sucre working intel on the prison grounds.

As soon as Carrie and Miranda show up they can start girls' night out.

Lincoln and Whistler's girlfriend, Sophia, are going around town preparing for the escape. Gretchen is also watching very closely, threatening constantly to kill Lincoln Junior like she did Sarah. Sophia's wary of Lincoln though, and who wouldn't be? And can we talk about how GD hot it must be in Panama? They're always dripping sweat. Not just glistening, I mean dripping. I really hope they have some very lasting deodorant in this country or else it does NOT smell nice. Anyway, at some point Sophia discovers an apartment her boyfriend had without her knowing and finds a passport with, gasp, someone else's name in it. She's floored. Honey, he's in JAIL, trying to be broken out by a mysterious government agency, why on EARTH do you think having a passport is questionable? Gretchen finds her and tell her to back the eff off, which she doesn't. Smart. Sophia eventually goes to her apartment and goes through Whistlers stuff, eventually finding a briefcase hidden inside his suitcase.

The breakout is about to happen, and Michael doesn't want to go through with it until he sees some updated pictures of his lady. Um, crap. They dig up the head and put it on. That would be gross. But hilarious! Lincoln eventually admits that Sarah is in heroine addicted doctor's Heaven and poor Michael loses his shite. He goes into the yard, and with only an hour before they're about to escape, Michael blames everything on Whistler and challenges him to a fight in the yard. Surprise, it was all part of his plan. He wants everyone distracted so he and Whistler can leave. Lincoln seriously underestimated his brother.

Unfortunately, the sun is a fickle bitch and went away while they were climbing down a latter. They had to climb back up and the escape was called off. But, they had to continue with the whole, beat each other to the death thing. Luckily, just as Whistler is about to kill Michael the guards notice the latter that's fallen and realize someone was trying to escape and run into the building.

When Gretchen realizes the plan didn't go down when it needed to, she's pissed. Not pissed enough to really do anything about it, just shouting into the phone and looking all sexy. Throughout all of this she does show a little compassion, and we realize she was in the military and kidnapped herself, forced to do horrible things by her captures. Shite like that will change a woman. She's reprimanded by the head of The Company (or whoever he is) at some point too and he basically gives the whole line about her getting some serious torture time if she doesn't pull this off. Since she knows how that is, she wants this trade to go down.

"I bet you wonder why I've called you all here today."

Now Michael has to come up with another plan. And just when you thought things couldn't get worse, the lead inmate, Lachero, smells a rat. He's losing his command over the prison, mostly because of T-Bag's manipulation, and if Michael is planning an escape, he wants in. Michael's okay with this since he finds out Lachero has a tunnel in his luxurious apartment that leads to the yard. Since Michael is an engineer he knows how to dig through a hole (whoa) and get them above ground safely, without the hole collapsing on them.

Seriously, what's up with the art in this country?


Gretchen is pissed, so she decides to get all military and order a rescue of Whistler, American style, with helicopters and guns. Michael realizes what's going on when he hears gunfire and Whistler disappears. Michael doesn't play that game though and as Whistler grabs onto the latter to be taken off, Michael jumps on him and keeps him from escaping. Um, why doesn't everybody try and get out that way? Their faces aren't seen but the new head honcho at the prison calls Michael out, basically saying that Sona is full of a bunch of stupid yahoos so the only person who could plan something like this, and the one from before, is him, the world renowned escape artist. Michael won't commit and the guy puts him in a plastic covered box to roast until Michael finally confesses everything to him.

The guy actually believes him and Whistler confirms this. At this point I'm wondering what game they're playing, and after this honcho picks up Gretchen, tortures her, and eventually gets killed by her, I realize what happened there. Although I'm sure Michael didn't want anyone hurt, he needed to get out of that box and supervise the dig, and that guy getting killed was really the only way he could do it.

On the outside, Gretchen tries to recruit Sucre to feed her information, but he's not falling for it, he plays double agent. Unfortunately, she traces the $25,000 he put into Maricruz's account and threatens to kill her. He never really gives her any useful information though. I love Sucre.

Meanwhile, the escape team has grown to way too many freakin' people. I'm digging it though because it's like season 1 is back again, and I LOVED season 1. Now it's Lachero, T-Bag, Bellick, Mahone, Michael and Whistler. At some point Michael even invites the kid to come along. There's some rumbling from Lachero's men, but that's soon thwarted when they discover the hole and Michael lets them get buried alive in it. He feels bad, and Mahone tries to comfort him. I really want to like this guy.

Speaking of the hole, it's raining, so things need to speed up. Michael says they're going tonight. Lincoln will take care of the lights, and Sucre helps get information on the back up generator, since it'll kick in once the main lights go off. The kid's father, on the outside, is also helping in some way. Sophia's useless. She just translates things, but Lincoln's becoming a little infatuated. She tells him that Whistler is going to take her to Paris and later he gives her a bag and says, "If he doesn't take you, I will." At this point I was like, what the hell is he talking about', then she opened the bag and it was a small Eiffel Tower. Okay, he's kind of adorable.

So it's the night of the escape. Unfortunately, Sucre's cover is blown. At least, the guy who's identity he assumed has an outstanding warrant. Um, that really sucks. So this jackass guy holds him up from leaving and even handcuffs him to a file cabinet. Lincoln eventually calls him and asks where he is since he's going to need his help or they're dead.

Everybody gets into the tunnel, ready to bound up as soon as the lights go out. Michael has told them that the lights will be out for 30 seconds before the generator kicks in. Lachero, T-Bag and Bellick muscle their way to the front of the line, demanding to go first. Michael should have anticipated that, and in fact, he did. When they get out he closes the top and the lights turn on sooner then expected, trapping the three of them up top and the tower shooting at them. Lachero gets hit, tragic and the three of them get busted, as Michael, Whistler, Mahone and the kid all wait down in the hole. Once the whole prison is focused on the guys who they think are responsible for the break out, the team climbs out of the hole and run to the beach to meet up with Lincoln. Unfortunately Whistler has dropped his book which has the other half of the coordinates Gretchen has been demanding this whole time. The guards figure it out pretty quickly though and start after our crew. It's morning time by now and Sucre is still handcuffed to the file cabinet.

Once at the beach, Lincoln digs up a cooler he's had hidden in the sand from a few episodes ago. Inside are mini air tanks. What a genius idea, really. Did he come up with this himself? He must have, because instead of throwing their shoes in the ocean, they put them into the cooler for the dogs to find later. They swim out and to a buoy and wait for Sucre to come get them in the boat.

Aw, this is the T-Bag we know and love.

Too bad Sucre's still at Sona. And, as they're questioning T-Bag and about to fire up his nuts, he sees Sucre and gives him up as one of the Fox River 8, remember that? Hahaha. The jackass guard then beats the crap out of Sucre, demanding to know where Michael is. He never gives him up. Oh, and T-Bag found Whistler's book on the ground, knowing that it means something, after seeing Michael and Whistler talking about it, he keeps it.

Luckily the kid's father, who was going to meet them at the dock, realizes the boat's still there and goes out and meets up with our crew still hanging on to the buoy. Once back on dry land the kid goes off with his dad and the four remaining guys go for the exchange. Why is Mahone still with them? Hmph, I smell a rat. There's some chasing around as Gretchen finds the guys and would rather kill them then do the exchange, but they get away in true Scofield style. At this point Michael calls Sucre to that jackasses delight, but again, Sucre doesn't do anything but tell Michael he's okay and stomp on the phone. Love him!

And even though he's still in Sona, T-Bag has a plan. First he tells a shot up Lachero that they can still get out of here because a guard has agreed to get them out for $50,000. Then when the money is on its way T-Bag kills Lachero, all the while poor Bellick is watching. And I say poor Bellick because truly, this guy is in deep. He is seriously torn up about Sarah and I do start to feel sorry for him. I know, crazy, right. Then, T-Bag gets the money from Lachero's nun disguised hooker girlfriend and she flirts with him, because she knows he killed Lachero, which is music to her ears since he's really not that good in bed, you know, with the beating and all. T-Bag takes some of the money, with the promise from the girlfriend to hold onto it until he gets out, and gives it away to the rest of Sona, making some speech that's supposed to inspire. At this moment, guess who shows up? Sucre. They've now put him in Sona. Nnnoooo! Michael better come get his ass.

Speaking of Michael, he tells Gretchen to meet him at a museum to exchange Whistler for Lincoln Junior. Also, Mahone has run off, to Lincoln's dismay, since he killed their father and he was about to kill him. Next we see Mahone hanging out at a bar, drinking club soda since he successfully kicked the drug habit in Sona. Oh, and speaking of Mahone, while he was there he was almost taken back to the states by one of his henchwomen who had arranged for him to get a minimum sentence in a low security prison in exchange for him rolling on the Company. Unfortunately it was right when he was detoxing from the drugs and he was tweaking out. They sent him back to Sona.

Anyway, at the museum. When Gretchen gets there with her thugs, Lincoln Junior and Sophia, she realizes there's a metal detector. Smart thinking Michael. She tells the guys to position themselves at the entrances and basically kill Michael, Lincoln and Lincoln Junior when they leave. Lincoln Junior laughs and she wonders what's so funny. He says her thinking she can outsmart his uncle. Oh snap, that is funny.

Once inside they do an exchange and when Whistler is finally with Sophia and Gretchen, Gretchen wants to get out of there. Sophia's not having it though, she wonders why Gretchen was all about getting the coordinates ASAP, but's all, "let's go" now. Whistler tries to convince her to just come with him, but she won't budge. Finally Gretchen breaks the news to her that there are no coordinates, finally putting to rest any doubts stupid people may have had to the fact that Whistler's in on it with Gretchen. Sophia decides to stay with Lincoln. Smart move given Gretchen is a cold blooded killer and even if your boyfriend is with them, might be a good idea not to go with her.

Gretchen wonders why Michael and company haven't left yet and he tells her he knows as soon as they do they'll be killer. She laughs, again thinking she can outsmart him, but Lincoln Junior was right, Michael smashes a case and the alarm goes off, meaning everyone has to leave the museum together and be searched by security. As they leave the security guard looks at Michael like he knows them. Again, remember how in season 2 I complained that everyone and their mother knew what Michael and the gang looked like and how could there be such a saturation. Again, how would this stupid museum security guard know Michael's face when they just escaped earlier that morning. Don't tell me Panama has Amber Alert.

When Whistler is searched they find an artifact in his pocket, that we saw Michael pick up earlier. He wants Whistler to get busted, but Gretchen, good as she is, breaks it, revealing it's nothing more then a trinket from the gift shop. Oh, she's sparing wits with Michael. Love it. They still stop them and she signals one of her men to intervene and he's about to shoot the smart as shite security guard when another keen eyed security guard spots the gun and jumps him. In the confusion there's some shooting and Sophia gets shot. Michael runs to get his gun out of the car and is about to shoot Gretchen, who murdered Sarah, in the back when the security guards open fire on Gretchen and her team who jump in the van.

Lincoln Junior sends Lincoln, who is attending to Sophia away, not wanting his dad to get caught, although, he's a free man in Panama (and the US after the pardon) not sure why he's concerned. Anyway, Sophia's okay, but Michael is pissed. He wants to go after Gretchen because of what she did to Sarah. Lincoln (and I) is pissed too, he thinks this is finally their chance to get away, but Michael's not having it. The brothers part ways, again, and Michael goes off to find Gretchen. He also has with him the briefcase Sophia found earlier that has the name of a man in it that Michael doesn't know, but he knows it's important since it was hidden.

Mahone, who's still at the bar, gets a visitor who he's been waiting for. It's Whistler. He and Gretchen are there to pick him up, and Whistler wonders if he's in. Mahone agrees to come on board (to what???). The last thing we see is Michael driving away on his search for Gretchen.

So to sum it up. Lincoln and Lincoln Junior are staying with Sophia, Sarah is dead (but not really, spoiler! Although, if you've watched a preview for the coming season you would have seen her in the trailer), Gretchen, Mahone and Whistler are now working together, T-Bag is the shite at Sona, Sucre is IN Sona, and the kid and his dad got away to Columbia. Whew. I can't wait for the new season to start on Labor Day. Even though season 2 dragged, and I lapsed in watching season 3, the back half of it was exceptional. Stay tuned!

MY THREE FAVORITE SUMMER SHOWS

What's sadder then a has-been actor begging for work? A has-been actor begging for work with a busted ass picture of himself smoking a cigarette.

Summer is ending and so are the fun reality shows. I've had three this past summer that have made the summer better. Because the repeat value on two of them is non existent, and the third is just sad, I'm not going to give them proper reviews or recaps. I'm just going to tell you what you missed.

#1 Wipeout

Not sure if any of you have had the chance to watch this show, and they are rerunning it and giving it another season, you can still catch it. I'm not a fan of broken bones, as you may know, see post below, and the idea that someone may seriously hurt themselves had me doubting I'd like this show. But boy is it fun. Watching people fall on their face (and not get hurt) is really hilarious. I thought I just liked it on America's Funniest Home Videos, but I tell ya, it's more funny when the person is falling into mud or off a giant bouncy ball. If you have a chance to catch it, which includes funny commentary, please do. It's worth a good Tivo hour (42 minutes).

#2 The Two Coreys

Okay, don't judge me. I said don't judge me. I'm addicted to this show. Maybe after this season of poor Corey Haim's drug filled slurring I shouldn't use the word "addicted" but that's how it is. It's like my Sunday night crack. I'm a child of the 80s and I'd say 90% of all (straight) women who grew up in the 80s fell in love with Corey Haim. There are some boys out there too, I just know it. Anyway, Corey Feldman always sorta annoyed me. He seemed to want to be (with) Michael Jackson a little too much, but, I can't believe I'm saying this, in the show, he's the most normal one of the two. In fact, he's oddly attractive and inspiring. If I knew a crazy speedballing heroine addict, I would totally use Feldman as an example. And poor Corey Haim, really? Really? You know something's wrong with you if you can't even do one scene in the direct to DVD Lost Boys 2 (so sad) without taking something to get you through it. I can't get enough of it though. Those crazy Coreys.

#3 The Greatest American Dog

I know. I know. I don't even like dogs. I mean, I like them enough, but these people really like their dogs. At first I thought the show was sorta making fun of them, and the only reason I watched is because of hot dog owner Travis, but then the show started to grow on me. These dogs are really cute, and as annoying as their owners can be, it's kinda cool to watch the dogs do some cool tricks. Plus, besides Travis, there are some really sweet dog owners that you're pulling for to win the thing.

As you can tell, my foray into trashy TV didn't stop with a broken wrist, in fact, if anything, because going to the gym has not be in the cards for awhile, I've had a lot of time to futz around at night, dying for something to entertain me. Am I entertained? Damn right I am. Travis, call me.

WAVING

I could not find a good picture to save my life.

This morning I was getting ready for work and watching The Today Show. I'm not really a fan, but they're in Beijing and they had a segment where a French chef was cooking just about the nastiest shite I've ever seen. I'm serious, he had a whole pig that was carved and chicken with their feet still on. Nasty. Anyway, they were doing it with a crowd behind them. The few times I've watched the show I've noticed they do this, I guess it's tradition.

Well, it's freakin' annoying. I'm trying to watch this French man make this nasty stuff and all I can look at are these idiots waving behind them. What kills me about this is these people are looking in monitors so when the camera comes to them, they wave. I get it the first time, you want to see where you on in relationtion to the host. But after that, you just look like an idiot, waving frantically because if you're watching yourself in the monitor, you're essentially waving at yourself. Dumb.

BAD BLOGGER, BAD...

I've been a bad blogger, I know. Three months since my last entry, and even then it wasn't a real entry. In my defense, it has been the summertime although, nowadays that's not really a defense to not talk about TV because there's still TV on, just not as good. I guess the other excuse I can use is that I broke my wrist. Since wrist movement is essential to typing, I think that's a pretty good one. I'm still not 100%, but much better then one handed hunting and pecking. Ever try to instant message with one hand? It's not fun. Every time I had a good come back to someone's remark they'd already moved on to another thought and I was stuck thinking about how good that joke was and now nobody will ever hear (read) it. Boo, I know. So this is a note to the three or four of you who read this (thanks Mom) that I'm back. Of course, I say that and then something will happen to prevent me from writing for a few months and I'll feel like a liar. Oops.