MERGE BABY MERGE!

I'm pissed. I'm sure some of you how know me by now know why I'm pissed. It'll have to wait until the end of the post to find out why. I can't stand the Casaya members, with maybe the exception of Cirie. Read on.

So the night after Tribal Council is the worst. Not as much for Casaya because they didn't have to go, but the elements are causing some problems. It's raining and cold, as usual, and Courtney's been banished to the edge of the shelter. Poor thing tries to cuddle up to Shane who's cuddled up with it looks like Cirie, but damn if he wouldn't rather freeze then be anywhere near her. I want to feel sorry for her but I just can't, she's a piece of crap. I think it's Karma for standing in Bruce's Zen garden while he was making it. Yeah, it's a bitch ain't it. The next morning she complains about her treatment and how she had a miserable night.

On Exile Island Sally's having a good time. I mean as good of a time you can have on a deserted island with no food and rain. She's just happy being on the island saves her from certain elimination. Yeah, saves her but they had to vote out one of the good ones, Dan. She also searches in vain for the immunity idol which Terry found awhile ago.

The next morning when the tribes awaken, La Mina has tree mail letting them know that they have a special package awaiting them and to not open it just yet. When they get back to their beach they see a boat with a crate inside. A note tells them to go to the Casaya beach because it's merge time. The guys are excited to get around new people, not really knowing what bastards most of the Casaya people are.

When Casaya sees the guys coming they're all eating loads of rice. To further infuriate me they eat the rice down fast so they won't have to share with the new tribe members. Nice you douches, nice. They also spend a moment of solidarity where they pray and ask God to help them screw people over in the next few days. I have to give it to them though, they're nice when La Mina arrives. La Mina is blinded by their good hearts and think Casaya's welcoming them with open arms. I guess they sorta are since they feel they'll all be safe from elimination for at least four rounds. Here's hoping for individual immunities. Sally also returns.

When they open the crate they find paint and things to make their new team flag with. They also find food. Aras is feeling a little foolish wolfing down all of that rice earlier since now they have real food to eat and he's full. The teams don't waste any time building a new shelter with Terry taking the lead. I think a lot of the people are happy to have him there, mostly because he was nice and not a backstabbing bastards, at least not yet.

No, I don't see it Mr. Ed

Terry also doesn't waste any time trying to get the other members to turn on each other. He immediately singles out Bruce and tells him that he's guaranteed to make it to the final five if he starts voting with them. Aras and Shane see this and decide to keep Bruce on their team they'll have to use him and make him think he's their leader. It doesn't help La Mina either that while making the shelter Nick foolishly, but accidentally, hits Bruce in the mouth with the machete. Sounds worse then I think it is. It busts his lip and cracks his tooth but Mr. Miyagi's okay and goes back doing his Thai Chi later on. He also designs them a new flag, renaming the tribe "Gitanos" which means cats. Okay, wait, it doesn't mean that, it means Gypsies. That's nice. Terry tries to work on Shane and Cirie, hoping the "old people" bond still works. It doesn't. Cirie says that he's like a dictionary salesman and why would she want to buy a dictionary if she has the encyclopedias over here. Um, because an encyclopedia only tells you one letter of the alphabet and the dictionary helps you spell all words known in the English language. I mean I get what she's trying to say, but I think the "getting the milk for free" would be better analogy. Actually anything would have been better than that.

I know a quick way to get all of them down

Since the teams already ate, we don't get a Reward challenge, we get our first individual Immunity challenge. The only skill someone needs for this one is strength. There's a bar that they have to hang from and the person who hangs the longest gets immunity. They all get up and I'm thinking I wouldn't last two minutes. Sure enough, Cirie lasts just about that long. It looks like a struggle and at one point Courtney takes her hands off and is hanging by just her knees. Hey, Jeff never said that was an option. Pretty soon everyone falls off. I don't even know why Casaya even did this, it's not like they need it, apparently. Nick gives it the college try but falls off as well, leaving only Austin and Terry left. Austin's fairly sure he's going home, so what does he do? Throws it, letting go so he doesn't look too strong, and letting Terry, who has a major target on his back, win immunity.

At Tribal council that night there's no reason even talking about it. It's obviously going to be Sally, Nick or Austin. Since Sally's really no threat, and because of Austin's bright idea to throw the challenge, they vote Nick off. I'm thoroughly sad. The only interesting thing that happens is Austin admits, since he thinks he's going, that he threw the challenge to make everyone think he's weaker then he is. I wonder if this is gonna come bite him in the butt later.

When you...

Wish...

Upon a star...

Makes no difference...

Who you are...

BABY MAMMA DRAMA

Again, I was pleasantly surprised that the show didn't suck. All of the stories moved a long and Bree almost got laid. You gotta love that.

Speaking of Bree, ever since she's been hanging out with Peter, her AA sponsor, she's been having the time of her life. He doesn't seem like her type necessarily, but he looks like he can really give it to her. She kisses him on the cheek one day while they're playing chess, or checkers. I guess with Bree it'd be chess. He tells her that he's not just in AA, he's also in SA, Sexaholic Anonymous or something like that. I was in SA for awhile, then I got kicked out for always showing up drunk. He says that they told him to get a plant and then if the plant doesn't die get a pet, and then if the pet doesn't die, to start dating again. Usually it takes a year and he's still on the plant phase. Because she hasn't gotten it in a really long time, and says she doesn't believe him and kisses him again, this time on the lips. He can't take it and throws her on the table. They start going at it pretty hot and heavy and then he pulls away, telling her that this isn't right. He leaves and she goes upstairs to her room to where she keeps all that stuff Rex bought her.

The next AA meeting Peter introduces her to a woman, Donna, who takes over being her sponsor. Bree doesn't like the idea of not having Peter around anymore and tries to call him and tell him how much she likes him. She says that for a long time she hasn't been able to connect with anyone and be her drunk ass self. He doesn't want her to ever call again so she does what any good manipulating woman does, she gets drunk and calls him from the bar to pick her up. I could drink this woman under the table because when he finds her she's passed out in the corner. He carries her out of the bar.

Being alone and drunk in the corner of a seedy bar isn't her only problem. Andrew, her demon spawn is moving forward with his case to be emancipated. Bree goes to Lynette's to smooth things over from when she nearly had her children killed. She apologizes for it and tells Lynette about being in AA. Lynette's not stupid and wonders how sincere her apology is since she needs her testimony. Lynette doesn't want to lie and Bree's disappointed that her friend won't back her up since all Andrew wants is money and a new car and will do anything to get it. Later, Andrew lawyer approaches Lynette at work and wants her to testify for Andrew. He shows her the picture of Andrew's face beaten up and at first Lynette is shocked that Bree would do this. When she shows the picture to Gabby she thinks Andrew made it up and is completely on Bree's side. Lynette does her own sleuthing and when she brings home a new SUV she and her company are writing an ad for, she calls Andrew over and says he's her demographic. He's extremely excited to drive the car but changes his tune when she brings up the case. She can tell by his attitude and the fact that he's drooling over the car that maybe Bree's right, maybe he's a little bastard who needs a shot of his own medicine. At the deposition Andrew's lawyer questions Lynette about the incident with her kids and she sees the pained look on Bree's face and all out lies under oath. Well she doesn't completely lie because she admits that her children are slick little bastards and could get away from even the most watchful person. The attorney's flabbergasted and I wonder what Mrs. McCluskey's going to say in her deposition since she was a part of it too.

Over with Susan she's getting around better now on her cane. Even though Dr. Ron called her at the end of last episode we don't really know what was said because it doesn't seem like they're talking anymore. In fact the only people doing the talking are Karl and Susan, who Julie thinks are way too chummy. Julie's a bit worried because Karl is engaged to Edie and he won't have enough time to divorce Susan before his wedding. He's confident that won't happen since most women like to plan months in advance for their wedding. Not Edie, she figures if she found someone that's actually willing to marry her she has to hold on to him. She tells Susan and Julie that she's planning to surprise Karl with a wedding at their engagement party that weekend.

Susan's able to stop Karl from going into the house and tells him Edie's plan. She says that he should stall, be the woman and want a big wedding. When they walk into Edie's house, who do they see? Dr. Frickin Ron. Yup, he's so pissed at Susan for what she did that he's told Edie that Susan and Karl are married. Nothing about Dr. Ron ever made me think he was capable of this, in fact, it's really out of character and stupid. I'm letting it go though. Edie's pissed and throws a vase at the two of them. Edie eventually calms down and says that she'll forgive them, if they agree to a few rules. I guess because she can turn them in for fraud they go along with it. Have fun being married to that one Karl. She wants Karl to pay for an elaborate wedding, three times the amount he can afford. She does realize that when they get married his debts will be hers right? She's a dumb bitch. For Susan she wants Susan to plan the entire thing because she doesn't want to lift a finger. Those people are called Wedding Planners, invest it one. I hate Edie.

Also on the street Felicia goes up to Mike and is furious that Paul's still living on the block and no one seems to care he murdered her sister. That weekend is Edie's engagement party and since more people mean more gifts, she's asking Paul. Not a good idea when you also ask Felicia. When they get to the gift giving part Felicia has so nicely given Edie the best present yet, a pair of dentures. The dentures were once in the head of Mrs. Huber, and since she and Edie were friends, Felicia wanted her to have something of hers. Isn't that nice. She then mentions that it's hard since Paul still lives on the same street after beating Mrs. Huber to death with a blender and burying her alive. Paul takes this as his cue to leave. Later at the party, per Edie's request, Susan is her bartender. I know she wants to punish her but that would just punish me not having good drinks served at my party. Inside the Bartenders Bible (the 4th edition is the best) Susan finds a picture Karl has hidden of the two of them together. She's touched and a bit confused. In the coat room she confronts Karl and he admits that he looks at it when he gets tired of looking at Edie which is nearly all of the time. He then tells Susan that if she wants him to he'll call off his wedding to Edie. Before she can answer Edie starts to walk in so Karl flips Susan over the bed onto the floor on the other side. Priceless.

Gabby and Carlos are still trying to bribe the mother of the child they want to adopt with gifts. Her boyfriend sees this and is upset because he doesn't have any intention of giving the baby up for adoption. He actually, get this, loves the ho. At their attorney's office he's furious they went behind his back to get the baby. The only thing he can do is slyly slip them a paternal rights form of some kind that if the guy signs, he can sign over his rights. They decide to try bribing him with thousands of dollars. The guy's not taking the money though, he seems to be semi-decent. I don't know how decent he can be though he works at a strip club and screws a near hooker. When the girl realizes she's not going to get any money for the baby without the father's consent she admits the baby's not his. She says she was at some convention and slept with a lot of guys. As nasty as this is it's actually good for Carlos and Gabby seeing that now they don't have to worry about getting the father's permission.

Aw, Gabby and her Cabbage Patch doll

While at Edie's shower they get the call that tramp is having the baby, four weeks early. They get there just after the baby's born, it's a girl. After some quick bonding the father shows up drunk to stake claim on the baby. She keeps saying the baby's not his and I'm worried she's just lying, but she's not, she blurts out that she's his nineteen year old brother's daughter. This worries Gabby and Carlos because now that the father's been identified, he can claim the baby. Without thinking Gabby steals the baby with Carlos following right behind. They buckle her into her safety seat and leave. As much as it surprises me to say, I really hope they get custody of her. I guess to make us want them to be parents they've made who the baby comes from so repulsive that Carlos and Gabby actually look like a good alternative.

ARRIVEDERCI!!

Is it wrong that I want to kick so many people in the teeth? Not Phil though, never Phil. The teams finally make it to a country I've been to and love, Italia!

Eric or Jeremy being Eric or Jeremy

The teams start off in Germany with Eric and Jeremy opening their clue, directing them to fly to Sicily. Once there they'll go by taxi to a 100 year old Opera house where they'll find their next clue. Since it's the middle of the night I'm thinking they're going to bunch again. Eric and Jeremy get to the airport and everything's closed. They do find out that there's a fast flight to Italy on Alitalia that gets in at 2pm. Eventually Lake and Michelle and BJ and Tyler get there as well. Since nothing's open BJ and Tyler and Eric and Jeremy play a little wheel chair racing. Lake and Michelle go downstairs to the Internet cafe and try and book the seat on the flight. After BJ loses he and Tyler decide to go down to the Internet cafe and look up flights as well. With Lake standing over her, Michelle searches furiously for the right website to book the flight. Unfortunately, all of the settings on the computer are in German so she doesn't know what to do. Somehow BJ and Tyler find the right page and book the flight. Why Michelle doesn't then go to their computer and look up the "history" I really don't know. Actually, I know, she's a moron like her sexist pig husband. Looks like the flight may be sold out either way and BJ and Tyler were able to snag the last seats.

Everyone starts arriving and the ticketing counters start to open. All flights go to Munich but there's one flight that leaves a bit earlier and gets team in about thirty five minutes before everyone else. BJ and Tyler are on that flight. Fran and Barry find out about it and try to book it just as Lake and Michelle walk up to them. Fran insists they step back and is quite rude since she doesn't want these two losers to figure out their plan. Michelle is upset saying that Fran is a doctor's wife so she should act like one. What the hell does that mean? These two are so uppity.

Imagine their surprise when in Munich they see Dave and Lori, Fran and Barry and MoJo go to another flight. It's great when they realize the other teams are ahead of them. In the back of the pack, who we know will be fighting not to get eliminated, are Dani and Danielle, Ray and Yolanda, and Lake and Michelle.

Once in Italy, Eric and Jeremy get delayed in Rome and land just behind BJ and Tyler. They take a taxi to the Oprah (ha, I mean Opera but that was too funny to take out) house and find their next clue. It tells them to drive 40 or so miles to Castellammare del Golfo. As all the teams arrive it's Lake and Michelle and Dani and Danielle who find themselves last. One of the girls doesn't know how to drive stick very well (I find that hard to believe) and it costs them to lose some time.

BJ and Tyler arrive in Castellammare del Golfo and find their next clue which is a Detour. Foundry or Laundry. Those don't really sound alike, but I'll go with it. In the Foundry one the team has to go to a metal working shop and get a 11o lb bell and drive it to the foot of some steps. There they have to carry it all the way up the steps. Probably won't take that long but it's extremely physically demanding. In Laundry they have to find an intersection that's lined with laundry. They'll search all of the lines for the marked piece of clothing and then take that to an old lady who will give them their next clue. BJ and Tyler find the marked piece of clothing fairly quickly and their next clue tells them to drive thirteen miles to Segesta to find an archeological zone. Once there they'll have to hike about a mile to the Teatro di Segesta amphitheatre. The yield is ahead.

He's wwaaayyy too comfortable

Eric and Jeremy show up not soon after and after they find the clue wonder if the hippies will yield them. Since you can only yield once, it's not really that smart to yield a top team right now. The best is to yield someone that you're in the bottom with to assure they'll be at least fifteen or so minutes behind you. Once BJ and Tyler get to the amphitheatre they discover it's a Roadblock. In this Roadblock one of the team members has to piece together a statue. The catch, what the teams don't know, is that they'll be two extra pieces. Tricky Amazing Race, tricky.

About now all the other teams start arriving at the Detour. MoJo decide to do the physical one and at the end he just carries the whole damn thing up the steps. When Fran and Barry see the bell they realize there's no way they're going to be able to do that one. Ray and Yolanda also carry the bell and he does the same thing. Dave and Lori decide they can't do that either and go for the laundry. Dani and Danielle show up just moments after Lake and Michelle and know they're in last place. Still they just slowly walk to the Detour. Kicking in the teeth. Still trying to control myself. Run you dumb bitches, you're the last team and you know it. Lori finds the tag and they run off with the clue just as Ray and Yolanda are asking for directions. R&Y get all flustered and run off before confirming the directions. Unfortunately this causes them to get lost. I hate fancy editing!

Michelle finds the tag and Dani and Danielle complain that the game is all luck. Yeah, luck and moving your slutty asses. Sorry, I just get irate when people complain about having to work to get something. They finally find the tag and head off to the amphitheatre.

Bowling Moms!!!

Meanwhile, Tyler figures out that there're two extra pieces and gets the clue, telling them to go to the Pit Stop, just down the hill at a temple. They quickly run down the hill and find Phil standing there. Phil tells them that they've won a digital imaging package. I'd rather be on a safari, but hey, that's just me. When Eric and Jeremy get there a bit later Phil can tell they're upset. No women to hit on during this leg I guess. They tell Phil that they're disappointed they're in second place. Bunch of bastards. Second place! You could be last and be going home and instead you're complaining because you're second place and didn't win the digital imagining package. Tools!

At the Roadblock everyone is confused with the two extra pieces but eventually figure it out. MoJo finish and get third place and surprisingly Fran and Barry come in fourth. The best part of the night comes with Lake and Michelle finally getting there and running for the amphitheatre. Unfortunately, or fortunately, they run the wrong way and accidentally meet up with Fran and Barry and Phil at the temple. They have to run back up the hill and get to the amphitheatre. Where the hell are Ray and Yolanda!?! Dani and Danielle get to the parking lot just as Lake and Michelle run past them on their way back up to the amphitheatre. When they get to the Yield they rightfully Yield Dani and Danielle, no one realize that Ray and Yolanda still haven't made it through.

"What, like, I can't believe they've, like, Yielded us"

When Dani and Danielle get to the Yield and realize they've been Yielded they start crying like little babies. Yeah it sucks to be Yielded by that douchebag but suck it up. Use it and don't give up. Who am I talking to though? Danielle thinks that Lake and Michelle are obviously threatened by them. Yes, you're right, they are threatened by the other last place team, good assessment. I laugh a bit. Lake is doing the Roadblock and screaming like a banshee. He's such a turd. Dave and Lori are still working on the statue as well and aren't having great luck. Lori can't figure out where the last two pieces go. She gets frustrated and starts breading down. Dave's not helping much either.

Lake finishes the task and he and Michelle run off just in time to see Ray and Yolanda making it up the hill, sure that they're last place. Lake decides to do his good deed for the day and rushes them on, saying they can still beat Dani and Danielle whose sand had run out just minutes before. Ray hurries up and starts putting it together as Dave and Lori finish and head to the Pit Stop. Because Dani took her damn sweet time trying to put the statue together, thinking they're in last place, when they see Ray run up she starts doing it fast. Of course her faster isn't that fast and lovely editing makes it look like Ray goes through it within minutes. Ray and Yolanda finish and head down what looks like moments before. Of course Ray and Yolanda can beat the girls in a foot race, although Yolanda does point out that the girls may surprise them and come flying by. I get worried when R&Y have to stop at a map to see where they're going in the dark even though it's the thing lit up in the distance. Good God. Luckily they make it there in time and it's Dani and Danielle who get eliminated, all because of Lake and Michelle's Yield. Ha, this is great TV.

KEEP DIGGING WATSON

Yeah

Can you believe they've only been on the island a little over two months? I also can't believe that a show about strangers getting trapped on an island is this damn entertaining and interesting. This episode we're finally treated to some more Locke time. He's a very interesting character and I want to know how the hell he got paralyzed. And you get a prize if you notice who it is Locke's with when he's appraising the house. ;-)

In Locke's flashback we see he's going to be proposing to his girlfriend, the lovely and talent Katey Sagal. They're going to be taking a picnic, how romantic. Before they go though she does what everyone woman likes to do in the morning, read the obituaries. I wonder how this is gonna turn out. Surprisingly, she finds an obit for Locke's good for nothing kidney stealing father.

"Whu whu what?"

On the island he's with Henry who's just scared both Jack and Locke by making them think that maybe he is an Other, and just sent Ana-Lucia, Sayid and Charlie to certain doom with his Other friends. Jack wants Henry to draw a map because he wants to go after them but they're too far away. Jack doesn't like the idea of them being gone and nothing they can do about it. He tells Locke to put Henry back into the locker and Henry wonders why Locke lets Jack talk to him like that. Locke throws Henry back into the locker.

Sayid, Ana-Lucia and Charlie are still looking for the balloon and Sayid wants to give up. When he gets frustrated she wonders why Henry would draw the map in the first place if it wasn't true. Maybe cause it's a trap, ever think of that? Sayid makes the good point that she's now given him two more days to figure out how to escape. Fortunately, Charlie's found something. A grave, similar to the one Henry said he buried his wife in. Ana-Lucia is first to figure out that it's not raining in that spot. Silly people, it's raining but that spot is covered by a balloon. Interesting turn of events. Could he be telling the truth after all. I doubt it.

Now that's hot

Jack goes down to the beach and questions Hurley about when the group left. He tells him it was the day before which causes Jack to pace and get irritated. Hurley points out that if he was in the loop he would know more and could help him. Hey buddy, you're getting paid as much as everyone else, don't complain. Well, not as much as Jack, but enough that you don't need to complain. Claire comes along and wants Jack to check Aaron out, he's been fussy lately. He's fine, but Claire can tell that it's Jack who's a bit distracted. Yeah, having one of the Others down in your basement while three of your friends may be walking into a trap will do that to you. As he's leaving Libby approaches and says she got stung by a sea urchin. Jack looks it over and says that Neosporin would help. Unfortunately Sawyer's the one with all of the drugs.

"Will Mr. Locke please come to the principal's office, Mr. John Locke"

Locke's down in the hatch, listening to music and peddling on the stationary bike, you know he needs to keep in shape. He vaguely hears what sounds like a woman's voice coming from a sound speaker. I, personally, hear her say something like, "20 seconds to lockdown". Lockdown what? Curious, Locke goes to the computer room and looks at the computer and counter. The counter has stopped counting down. He then goes to the speaker in the corridor and tries to fix it. Instead it squeaks in his ear.

"Yeah, ah, so... they still lookin'?"

At his father's funeral Helen and Locke are the only ones there. That's really sad actually. The son that hates you and this woman you never met are the only people who care enough to come see them put you into the ground. Helen tries to make light of it to put him in a better mood. At the grave site Locke notices two men at a grave nearby setting down flowers. They look Italian so that causes him to question it. He also sees a blacked out Mercedes across the street and is curious. At his coffin he tells his father that he forgives him before watching the mysterious car drive away.

In the hatch Locke's still checking the speaker when it starts counting backwards from six. Henry suggests getting Jack and this isn't something Locke wants to hear. All of the sudden buzzers and alarms start sounding and all of those blast doors Michael noticed way back when start coming down, sealing off the rooms. Locke's in the living area and is able to slickly slide towards the falling door and put a crow bar underneath, giving a bit of leverage. He and Henry both are a bit confused.

On the beach Sawyer, Hurley and Kate are playing poker for some fruit. Jack walks up and correctly calls the hand. Everyone's impressed with his poker knowledge and intuition. Sawyer challenges him to a game and at first Jack wants to go back to the hatch (yes!) but ultimately stays to play a few hands.

Do ya recognize her? Do ya?

Henry's freaking out because Locke's not talking to him and the lights are flickering on and off. Locke tries to open the door with the leverage of the crow bar but it's not working. He has a quick flashback of when he was doing home inspections. He's with a woman, an Iraqi woman, who's just bought a house. Think about it...think about it.... As he's walking to his car he notices that blacked out Mercedes sitting across the street. He walks over and guess who it is? His father, Anthony. He and his father go to a bar to chat and Locke's still pissed about the whole kidney stealing thing. He tells his father that he could have just asked him for the kidney, he didn't have to steal it. Technically he did just ask for it, and you said yes. Then afterwards he took off. Semantics, I know. Enough of the past, I want to know why he faked his own death. Apparently he scammed a few guys out of $700,000 and they were after him. His father says the money's in a safety deposit box and he wants Locke to get it for him. He can keep $200,000 of it if he wants. The real reason! This guy's a bastard. He has until the next day to make his decision.

Locke's trying to figure out a way to get out of the hatch. He couldn't pry it open so he asks Henry if he'll help him lift it up. Sorta messed up seeing he's his prisoner and all. After he helps Henry rightly assumes Locke will put him back in. Henry says that he'll help him anyway, but he'll have to give him his word that he won't let Jack and the others kill him, because he's innocent. With no other choice, Locke agrees and opens the door. Henry gives another little speech about him being a balloonist and trapped on the island.

The poker game is still going strong on the beach and Jack's doing pretty well, although Sawyer has two queens. But uh oh, look at that, Jack has three kings. Ouch. He's won all of Sawyer's fruit. The con man is being conned I tell ya. He's had a taste of Jack's blood and wants more. He rightly points out that he has lots of stuff Jack wants. Lots of stuff I want too, but that's neither here nor there. As they argue about what it is they each wants, Kate wonders if she can get a ruler. Yes! Please! Take pictures and send them to me. Better yet, I'm coming over there for that crap. Since the big boys are now gonna play for some real things, Hurley and Kate leave. Jack says that he'll play again, this time for all of the medicine that he stole from the gun locker. Hot damn, we've got a game going.

Henry and Locke are making some headway with the door. They've taken the bar from the weight bench and have lifted the door. The door's up enough for them to put the tool box underneath. Locke must be claustrophobic or something because he just rushes underneath and the tool box breaks, sending the door down on Locke's legs. Henry quickly searches for something to put under the door and he finds the weights. He slides them under the door to relieve the pressure on his legs. Unfortunately, he can't move because the door is still stuck in his leg. Locke lays down and they decide to just wait until someone else comes.

"Look Vito, or Tony or Vinnie, whatever your name is"

At the bank Locke's getting out the safety deposit box. Sure enough, when he opens it it has $10,000 stacks of money. He puts it into his duffel bag. When he gets home later in the day those two Italian looking guys from the cemetery are waiting for him with Helen. He plays it pretty cool though when they tell him they think his father is alive. Helen's upset they would even think Locke would have anything to do with him. Before the guys leave they demand to look in the duffel bag he's carrying. They empty it out and there's just papers in it, no money. I called that one. Once the guys leave, Helen questions Locke about whether or not he knows what these guys are talking about. He lies and says he doesn't.

The card game's still going on and Jack says he learned how to play cards in Thailand. Sawyer's asking him all of these questions while he deals the cards out and Jack doesn't really want to talk about it and insists Sawyer deal again, from the top of the deck. Damn, he's good.

In with Locke he's explained to Henry about pushing the button. Henry's not really feeling the pushing the button thing. Locke thinks he can get to the computer room through the air duck in the food locker. He agrees and Locke tells him the numbers. As Henry's trying to get up he slips, falls, and gets knocked out. As he's laying there the first alarm starts going off in the computer room.

No Hurley, there's no boat coming

With binoculars, Kate and the group are watching Jack and Sawyer play. Jack goes all in with his fruit, wanting to get all of the medicine. Jack thinks that because everyone's watching Sawyer is too arrogant to quit. He's right, he calls. Jack has a pair of 9s and Sawyer's pissed because he doesn't have anything. Jack wins the medicine which he'll come back and get later. Sawyer wants to know why he didn't ask for the guns. Jack says that when he needs the guns, he'll get the guns. Hotness.

Henry's still passed out in the food storage room. He finally wakes up and Locke insists he hurry and put the numbers into the computer. Henry tries to asks some questions but hurry the hell up dude. He's able to get up into the duck system as Locke lays there yelling for him. The final alarm starts going off and Locke tries lifting the door off to no avail.

We go back to Locke and he's at the motel his father said he'd be at to give him the money. An airplane flies over and I bet in the stills it's an Oceanic flight. He goes into the motel room and gives his father the money. His father asks about Helen and he tells him that he's going to ask her to marry him. He seems thrilled, but not really. He puts out the $200,000 for Locke and he refuses to take it, he didn't do it for the money. He did it because he has daddy issues. His father gets ready to leave and says that he'll just leave the money if he doesn't take it. When his father opens the door Helen's standing there. Uh oh, this isn't going to be good. She slaps his father across the face, pissed that he would do this to his own son. She's also pissed because she thought she and Locke had moved passed this. Helen storms out and he says he was going to tell her. She thinks that she wants his father's love more than hers. Before she can leave Locke tells her how much she means to him and gets down and proposes. Just the way I pictured it, in a seedy ass motel parking lot. She refuses and drives away. His father gets into a cab and drives away as well. I hope for damn sure Locke goes back up to the room and gets the money.

http://www.ew.com/ew/article/commentary/0,6115,1178384_310457141_0_,00.html

The alarm's now sounding faster and faster. Suddenly it stops and we don't know if he pushed it or not. The lights go out and when a black light on it illuminates the door that's on Locke. On the door is a map, hand written. I've put a picture of it above. Locke studies it as fast as he can. (This is so bad ass!!!) The doors lift and Locke pulls himself into the computer room, the counter is again counting down from 108 minutes. Henry's not in there, he comes up behind Locke and he's happy Henry didn't leave him.

Kate and Jack are in the jungle at night. Kate wants to take a shower but Jack's not really wanting her to come back to the hatch, you know, because of Henry. He lies and says there's a busted pipe. She sorta buys it and says she's glad he beat Sawyer. They both look over and see a light flashing not far away. They go to it and it's dropped food, Dharma food, like how the military drops it. Something moves in the bushes and it's Charlie, Sayid and Ana-Lucia.

Someone's in trouble now

In the hatch Henry's gotten Locke comfortable on the couch and Locke asks him what happened when he got into the computer room. He claims he pushed the button but nothing happened. Curious. The group storms in and sees Henry just standing there. With the gun drawn Sayid makes Henry get away from Locke. Locke tries to explain that Henry was helping. Henry wonders if they found the balloon. Yes, they did find it, just how he described it. And they found the grave, his wife's grave. Henry's whole alibi was there. Still, Sayid wasn't convinced, so he dug up the grave. Uh oh, there wasn't a woman inside, it was a man. Sayid whips out the ID he found and it's a black man named Henry Gale. Oh sh**! Busted!

Impersonating a black man, who would've thought

BORING BORING!

I'm sorry, but Idol has been so boring lately. No one can really sing. I think what happened is I watched the first episode of Nashville Star a few weeks ago and all ten of their finalist can blow. It was actually embarrassing to think fo the finalist on Idol and compare them with these people. Paula's still on crack and Randy's just becoming jaded or something.

I do feel sorry for the first person every week. Most likely the judges will rip them a new one. This week's victim is Lisa Tucker. She sounds awful. I want to gouge out my own eyes. She sings a Kelly Clarkson song and I'm waiting for Kelly to run on the stage and beat the crap out of her. I know she's only sixteen but she butchers it. The judges agree with me and Simon even goes as far as to say it was painful.

Is that Debbie Gibson with her?

Kellie's next and she sings country. I'm so bored. We get two shots of Kristy Swanson during Kellie's time and I wonder what the hell's going on. Yeah she was on Skating with Celebrities, which I couldn't bring myself to watch, but she also stole someone's husband. Because Kellie's only the second to sing the judges weren't that impressed either.

Oh look, he has a scar, we have to vote for him now

Get out your ear protection, Ace is about to sing. He tries "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. I love that song. Not anymore. If I drive down to the studio and kick Ace in the nuts do you think he'll sing any better? Probably. Ewe, and he decides to show us his chest scar. He's got those boy band moves down. Someone shut him up please. When Paula's making her comments and they mention his scar, Paula tells Ace to tell her the story later, in her dressing room and then licks the side of the cup. What's that about?

Clay? Taylor? Clay? Taylor?

Next up is Taylor and Ryan points out a little boy in the audience that has his hair dyed like Taylor's. It actually looks like he's sprinkled some baby powder in his hair. I won't make fun of the boy, he's probably just living through his mother's sick twisted fantasy to get him on TV. Taylor's about to get a quick plug in about his fan club, the "Soul Patch". Wait, no, that's not it, the "Soul Patrol". I really like Taylor and I'm happy when he does a good job. Randy doesn't like it though but of course Paula's drugs are starting to work their magic and she likes it. For some reason Simon compares him to Clay Aiken. Yuck.

Taylor's been out in the sun too long, but I'm glad to see she- he's dyed his hair back

Mandisa's singing a gospel song. Yes! No. It doesn't really work out. The first half is just her talking about Jesus or something. She comes out from the back and it's just too much for her to walk, she gets winded. I can feel for ya sista, but you shouldn't have tried it. The last half of the song is pretty good though, she can blow when she's not trying to dance and sing at the same time.

What's up with the dude's hat in the back?

Chris Daughtry is next and he tackles a Creed song. It's way too heavy metal for me but his voice sounds nice. I just like this guy, I think he can sing anything. I just wish he didn't sing with his head cocked because that's truly getting on my nerves. When we flash to the judges at the end I notice Randy put on some lipstick. I guess that's cool, whatever floats your boat. Maybe he kissed Paula. Ewe. Of course Paula liked the performance.

This isn't the Grand Ole Opry

Oh no she di'int. Katharine's singing Christina Aguilera. She starts out rough but I've gotta give it to her, she doesn’t sound half bad. Christina can sing her ass off, so to do that song and not sound like total crap is impressive. The judges loved it and Simon thinks she sounded almost as good as Christina. I agree. I like the girl but the whole Katie Holmes thing is still bugging me.

Awe, sweet Bucky is next. I really like this guy. He's so southern it kills me. He does Tim McGraw. I wanna do Tim McGraw too. I mean sing his songs. Gutter I tell ya. Bucky decides to dance. Bucky shouldn't dance. He does a little side moonwalk. I don't know what that's about. I think he sounds pretty good and the judges aren't that harsh on him.

Argh, Paris is up now. She really does bug me. I wish I liked her. No I don't. I don't care that I don't like her. She sings a Beyonce song. Yes, a Beyonce song. This chick has more fake hair then Tina Turner. She dances around the stage and tries to sing the song but I'm not impressed. Paula stands up. I think it gets the drugs flowing through the system better or something, can't be the performance. She claims it is though. Simon isn't as much a fan as normal and says "So what, whoopi". Finally they're hopping off of this bandwagon. She's cute, get over it.

Yes, he's that short

Lastly is Elliott. I love this guy, I think he has a great voice. My only problem with him, besides his teeth, is that he just stands there. Chris can blow AND he runs around the stage and has a presence. As well as Elliott can sing he has no presence at all. I love his rendition of the song and the judges basically think he did a good job as well.

The next night is elimination and Wyclef Jean is performing a song with Shakira. I can't stand this girl with her hips and shoulders and breasts that are small and humble. They give a good performance but why is she dressed like a belly dancer? Hate her. On to the real (boring) show. I'm certain it's going to be Bucky tonight. He's been in the bottom three before and although I love the guy, I think he may be the weakest singer. The bottom row is told they're safe, and then Ace is called up to the bottom three. Not surprising either. Lisa's called up, and then it's between Bucky and Katharine who the final person in the bottom three is. Of course it's Katharine? What? What the hell is going on? The audience doesn't like this, and they don't like it that she's still there when Ryan sends someone, Ace, back to the chairs. Okay, so you know who gets kicked out, Lisa. I can't say I'm surprised to see her go. What am I surprised at though is they play that damn Daniel Powter song again, "Bad Day". The guy's CD must have been produced by Simon or something.

WHAT THE HELL?

As I work on my recap of Grey's from this week, I'm saddened with the news that we won't see a new episode for nearly a month. What the hell is that about? And then we'll get a 3 hour (!!!) finale played over two days. You know I love Grey's, but it's pissing me off lately. Okay, first Kyle Chandler explodes and Meredith gets cute guy all over her and they don't talk about it. Ever. Not even a quick mention in the next episode, "Meredith, how'd you get bomb guy out of your hair?". Also, where the hell did Mark go. He just came and went. He must not love Addison that much to get the hell out of dodge to quickly. If he's so convinced Derek's in love with Meredith, why not stay and make him realize it too? That's what I would do.

Hot Damn!

I know it's only a few episodes in, but when is Abruzzi coming back to Prison Break? I know he got stabbed in the throat but Tony on 24 got shot in the neck and he was back within a few hours. Also, no one ever explained how Veronica and Nick can now be in the open without getting nabbed. I mean, don't people still want them dead, like that bitch Vice President? And please please, no one allow Michael to shave, this look he's got going is totally working for him.

Eh, they're growing on me

Okay, so you're not going to believe this... I like Desperate Housewives. Yes, yes, I said it. I do. Gone are the annoying personality quirks the writers were shoving in our faces and back are the girls I fell in love with over a year ago. And I know this is going to be a shock for a lot of you, but I'm beginning to really like Gabby and Carlos. I don't care they stole a baby, they needed to steal her, her mother is one slutty bitch, more slutty then Gabby, and not rich.

Seriously, who wouldn't want to watch this every week?

I'm sorry to report that it seems not enough of you people out there tuned in to watch In Justice. The "season" finale was this past week. Already? What the hell is that about? We got what? 9 episodes. I guess they decided because only me and my roommate watched it, it's not enough to produce the back 9. Hey, that's your loss, that show was awesome. Maybe it's still on life support and there's still a chance. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Say no to drugs

The most watched show on television is American Idol. This season is the worst. I'm thinking maybe only one or two people can sing. Elliott and Chris. I want to be behind Mandisa but the last few weeks have been awful. I'll get last week's and this week's recap of those out soon. Basically they sucked and I've forgotten about them.

Wow, she's pretty (and what the hell is her invention anyway?)

So even though I don't recap American Inventors, I have to bitch about something. I didn't watch it last week but I think it was more of the same. Each week crazy ass people show these four judges what they think is the next great American invention. Most of the time it sucks, but occasionally it's good. And the one judge is sniveling little a**hole who I can't stand. For the past four episodes though all they've done is passed people through to the next round. What the hell is the next round? I don't know and they've never told us. Do we just see the same people again with their same tired ass inventions or do they go on to some final round? I feel like giving up because it's going nowhere.

Anyway, that's my rant. I'm sure I'll find more things to bitch about later.