DESPERATE MANIPULATIVE HOUSEWIVES

I'm just happy the gown stayed in front of her

Last week's episode was good, so I had hope, but that hope was dashed a bit by this week's episode. I'm really not sure what the Hollywood Foreign Press was thinking when they gave Desperate Housewives the Golden Globe over My Name I Earl, but I guess all the hours Eva Longoria put in under these guys' desks really paid off. Okay, sorry, that was harsh, and I apologize to Eva. Ha, no I don't, she's a ho.

Betty and Matthew

There's a blood drive on Wisteria Lane. Even Zach comes out for it. In fact, the blood drive girl tells him that she's surprised to see another AB negative or whatever blood type he is since it's extremely rare. He asks who else has it and in a breech of doctor patient confidentiality, she says it's Mike. Cue Zach's right eyebrow to lift. Meanwhile, all the girls are curious about the Applewhites. They think that since the body was found Betty has been acting particularly nice to them. Matthew questions his mother not only about why she's being so nice, but wondering if Foster knows where they are. Betty doesn't think so, because he would have sent someone. She doesn't want to just take off again right away because that will cause suspicion. Later she approaches Bree and thanks her for the advice on the flowers in her yard. Betty then happens to mention her ailing mother, and that she may have to move back to Chicago. The seed is planted.

Let the manipulation begin...

Gabby the blow up doll

Manipulation #1
Gabrielle is approached by the gardener, and he asks if it's his turn for a ride. I'm sorry, that was just wrong. He tells her that he's been looking at internet porn and came across some picture of her. Apparently one of her ex-boyfriend's took picture of her for their personal use and now he's got them posted on a website. Angered, she goes into the house and tells Carlos. He doesn't seem too upset about it. He says it's her problem, and she should fix it. She wants him to go find the ex-boyfriend and beat him up. We all know how well that turns out, Gabby. Carlos refuses, saying he's not like that anymore. In a show of childishness, Gabby goes outside to do yoga, and takes all her clothes off. Carlos wonders what she's doing and she says that since he doesn't care who sees her, she's going to do yoga naked. I don't know if any of you have ever done yoga, but trust me, this isn't something you want to do naked. Surely not something you wanna see someone do naked either, especially someone who's built like a 14 year old boy. Gabby cries about Carlos not loving her because he doesn't want to go in and beat someone up. He tells her that she obviously doesn't love him because she's asking him to go in there. Carlos finally agrees to see the ex-boyfriend, but just to talk to him. When the guy sees Carlos he tells him that he was going to take them down anyway. He starts running his mouth about Gabby not being something men want to see because she isn't "internet pretty" or some stupid statement. This of course sends Carlos over the edge and he throws the guy out of the window. Gabby looks on lovingly.

She does need a head doctor, but not this guy

Manipulation #2
Susan is set up on a blind date. Unfortunately he feels the need to impress her. Hey, go to jail for killing a cop and father a child with a drug addcit, then she'll be over you like white on rice. He tells bad jokes and says inappropriate things instead. I think it's a match made in heaven but Susan's not into him. At some point someone drops something and they both go down to get it. She knocks him out with her thick skull. Susan's at the hospital with him and a very handsome doctor is doing the examination. Susan pulls him aside and requests to be admitted into the hospital. She says that she's on the worst date, and wants to get out of it. We normal women just excuse ourselves from the date and go home. Not Susan. The doctor won't do it, but after hearing one of the dumb jokes this guy throws at Susan, admits the man. Susan is smitten. Later, she and Julie are talking and Julie mentions how Susan is attractive and desperate. I'd have to agree with her on the desperate part. When Susan goes back for a check up the nice doctor, Dr. Ron, doesn't do check ups, unless it's an emergency. In her wisdom Susan makes up different ailments so that Dr. Ron will come check her out. He does, and is concerned that she has a serious problem and schedules an immediate MRI. Before he gets into the room, she takes off her clothes and tries to wear the dust cover for the cushion on the MRI machine. He walks in and wonders what she's doing. Once in the machine she gets up the courage to ask him out, unfortunately the technician says he just stepped out of the room to take a call from his girlfriend. She's disappointed, and wants out of the MRI machine. Later, Dr. Ron shows up at her house. He's concerned because the MRI showed now abnormalities. He says he's been up all night. She stops him and admits that she made everything up just so he would see her. He's furious, but then asks her out, saying he won't be mad at her by Friday. Apparently he doesn't have a girlfriend after all, the technician was wrong. The girl he was talking to he had only gone out once and she was calling about some skin disease she had. Yeah, now I'm not wondering why they only had one date.

Manipulation #3
Tom has called Lynette because the kids have chicken pox. He says he hasn't had them so he doesn't want to go into the house. He begs her to stay home from work for a few days and take care of them which she reluctantly does. Tom also makes the mistake of saying the reason he's so scared is he doesn't want to become sterile, which I guess is one of the side effects. Lynette doesn't know why since they aren't going to have more kids. Tom says that he always has to keep his options open. His options being that if anything happened to Lynette he may want to continue having children, you know, since these turned out so great. Maybe it's Lynette's genes. She doesn't like the sound of him having a "back up" plan in case she dies. She insists that the only way he can show her that he's committed to her is to have a vasectomy. At first he doesn't want to do it, but finally agrees to make her happy. Unfortunately, or fortunately he can't do it. He says he already feels emasculated enough with her being the breadwinner of the family. She tries to blow it off but he tells her like it is. Saying that he's supported her irrational feelings, and that now she needs to support his. You tell her Tom! He says he's not happy and that he doesn't know what to do to fix it. I know one way, it starts with a D and ends in IVORCE.

Bree in the clink

The only storyline that I liked following this week was the Applewhites and Bree. Bree decides to call in a favor from her policeman friend. You know the one who thought she killed Rex for awhile. Anyway, she invites him out to lunch but unfortunately he thinks it's a date. She's just pumping him for information. Haha. He doesn't think it'll be a good idea and she's slightly embarrassed but continues with trying to have a good time. At the end he doesn't want her driving because she's been drinking too much. She's had three glasses of wine and then a hot tottie or something like that for dessert. Of course she doesn't know she has a problem and is offended by the suggestion. She makes him pay for the lunch and leaves. Because he's a cop he pulls her over and arrests her. Eventually she makes bail, not really sure how and she doesn't want to call anyone to pick her up so she walks home. Luckily for her Betty sees her and picks her up. At first the car ride goes well, and she even admits to Betty that her car was impounded. They talk a bit about secrets and the claws come out. Bree says that they all know Betty is good at keeping secrets and mentions the late night move in, the sounds from the house, and the dead man they found out front. Bree storms out of the car. Betty calls Edie when she gets home and says she wants to talk to her about putting the house on the market. Bree also gets a message from the detective. He says he feels bad for what happened and has dug up some info on the guy they found in the trunk, that he's a private investigator from Chicago. Her wheels start turning. And Proud Mary keeps on burning.

SURPRISE!

Mike goes to visit Noah Taylor, the mob boss who's daughter, Dierdre, was murdered by Mary Alice and who is Zach's mother. Taylor's not doing well and is hooked up with a bunch of machines and a 24 hour nurse. Taylor just wants to know before he dies who killed Dierdre. Of course Mike doesn't want to tell him that it was Mary Alice, and it was because of the kid Dierdre and him have. He tells Taylor some drug dealer killed her, and that he killed him. Taylor's okay with this, but doesn't have the gratified feeling he though he would. The nurse goes to poke him with a needle and can't find a vein. He take the needle and pokes her, then fires her. He asks Mike if he'll see him again and Mike makes a funny comment about only if the casket is open. Ha, good one. Later, we see Taylor talking to his new nurse, who we can't see yet. She sticks him with the needle and he's impressed she did it so well. We finally see her face and it's Felicia, Martha Huber's sister and the woman who knew Mary Alice before she went into hiding. Very interesting twist.

HOLY FRAKIN' CRAP (part 2)

If the upcoming season of 24 is anything like the first four hours, we're in for a real treat. The last two hour of the premiere were just as good as the first. I have to give props to the guy who plays Derek. He did an excellent job at being a scared little boy in the airport. On to the show...

When we last left Jack he was hiding out in the Ontario Airport, trying to avoid the terrorist that have just taken over. Derek, unfortunately, had run into the building to warn Jack of the impending attack and is now one of the hostages. Some dumbass hostage decides he wants to make a call. The terrorist leader doesn't like this and has him shot. He sends two guys back to check on Chevensky. Remember him? He was the one who committed suicide when Jack discovered him. Jack's hiding behind some shelving or something and hears them speaking Russian. Luckily the terrorists get distracted and don't discover him or Chevensky's body. Outside of the terminal everyone is crazed. Diane tries to run in but's stopped by a cop. She's pulled away and he overhears her mention getting information to CTU. This same cop soon gets a call from the lead terrorist. Not really sure how he got the number, since it seemed to be just some random beat cop, but he tells them to not let anyone in the terminal or the hostages will die. All of the terrorists have vests on with explosives. The entrances are rigged as well. If President (and again, I'm using that loosely) Logan doesn't adhere to his demands, then he'll kill everyone. Basically he wants Logan to not go through with signing the arms/say no to terrorism treaty. The cop instructs everyone to move back from the area. He also tells them to bring Diane over.

Over at CTU, Bill Buchanan gets confirmation that Chloe's story was right, and that there was a body found where Jack killed Palmer's assassin. Audrey thinks this is just more proof that Jack is innocent. They also relax their security at Logan's retreat since they believe the threat is over. Just then, Bill gets a call from Jack. Audrey listens in. Jack gives Bill the rundown of what's going on in the airport. Bill says something like, "Well I haven't heard about this." To which Jack says, "Just wait." Of course in a moment they hear the news that the Ontario Airport has been taken over by terrorists and that low and behold, Jack is right. Jack thinks this is connected to the President's assassination, but Bill encourages Jack to turn himself in. Because of course Jack would rather be hanging out with his old pals who think he's a murderer than saving the lives of 60 people and proving his innocent, right. Jack reminds Bill that he doesn't work for him anymore and that things are going down his way. He sends CTU the pictures he snapped with his handy camera phone. I love television/movie technology where you can send a picture as you talk. I mean maybe there are phones out there like that, but I sure don't have one. I end up hanging up on people when I try to send CTU pictures of terrorists. Jack also mentions that he's sending over Diane and Derek Huxely and for him to take care of them. Bill agrees and Audrey has a curious look on her face. Hey lady, you dumped him, get over it! Of course, I'm not sure I would ever get over Jack Bauer, kind of a hard act to follow. Bill reroutes Curtis and his team to the airport to give Jack support and Chloe's boyfriend Spencer sends Jack the airport schematics.

Meanwhile over in Weaselville, Logan is urged by Mike to come into the situation room. He has to tell him about the whole, terrorists taking over the airport thing. Logan doesn't want anything to screw up the treaty, but has to excuse himself from the press and the Russian President and head over to the situation room.

Back at CTU, Edgar and the group are trying to figure out who these terrorists are from the pictures Jack sent. Nothing he's trying is working. At this point I look over to my roommate and says, "They really need Chloe there." I think Fox is bugging my house because that's when Chloe shows up and tells them how to do the search. Of course it works, and she insists on working through the crisis. Ah, a true 24 staple, someone being an outcast and just helping through the crisis. Bill reminds Chloe of all of her protocol violations. She reminds him a few others he forgot, but he lets her help out. They figure out that the leader of the terrorists used to be a Russian soldier and is a member of some Russian separatist movement.

The terrorists are now broadcasting a live feed into the airport. They tell the world that what they want is for Logan to call off the summit and not sign the treaty. He says he wants Russia to have a "true national sovereignty", whatever that means.

Logan is not happy about this and orders Mike to make them deal with this so he can get back to the summit. He says he's staked his Presidency on this, and it can't go wrong. And then he puts on a diaper and starts sucking his thumb in the corner.

Jack, by now, has made his way into the ventilation system and is watching this unfold. Curtis has given him a call and Jack's giving him a play by play of how many terrorists and hostages there are and where they are. Since CTU is now there, the cop tells them about Diane which Jack overhears and tells Curtis to put her on. She tells him that Derek ran in to warn him and she thinks he's being held hostage. Jack takes out his trusty scope from his trusty over the shoulder man purse and finds Derek crouched down in the group of hostages. He's not too happy about this. He tells her that he's in there and promises he'll bring him back to her. When Jack Bauer makes a promise you know it's good. Of course he didn't mention bringing him back alive and well, so I was a bit worried. He asks Curtis to keep Diane with him while this is going on.

When Bill briefs Logan on the situation he cries again about wanting this situation to be over before they sign the treaty. I mean no sh** dude, they know already. Everyone wants it done before the treaty is signed. He's really starting to bug me.

I guess you would call them the "geeks" of CTU

At CTU Chloe is able to trace the number the lead terrorist, who they've identified as Beresch, used to call the cop earlier. She connects Bill to him and they talk. Beresch tells Bill his demands and Bill does his best to sweet talk him. Beresch gets pissed and shoots one of the hostages in the head in front of the camera. Everyone gasps, except of course Walt, who we know from the end of the last episode is in on it. Beresch then searches the group of hostages and pulls Derek in front of the camera. Jack doesn't know what to do but knows he can't really do anything yet. Diane, unfortunately, is watching this and freaks out. Beresch says that unless the President answers his demands, he'll kill Derek in 15 minutes. Curtis tells Jack that they won't be set for another half an hour and Jack searches for a way to accelerate it. Curtis says that he heard Diane's side of the conversation earlier, and they can't risk all of those lives for one life. Jack assures Curtis that he won't jeopardize the mission.

Meanwhile, good ol' Martha is watching this unfold. She's still confused as to why her recorded conversation with David was different then what she remembers. She confides in Evelyn, her aide, that all of this is connected to Palmer. She asks Evelyn to cover for her while she goes to check something out. Eveyln agrees.

Jack calls CTU and Chloe answers, which surprises to him. He sends her a picture of the explosive strapped to one of the terrorists. She says that it's connected to a remote, in a cell phone held by Beresch. I guess in case they chicken out he can set them off anyway. Ha, that's great, I think all bosses should do that. He tells her to find the frequency and she worries that this is against protocol since he didn't run it by Bill. He says it is and tells her to look at the live feed. When she sees that it's Derek they have hostage she commits to helping him. Chloe asks Spencer for help which he reluctantly does.

Meanwhile, Secret Service Agent Pierce (Remember him? Aaron. We love him because he loved our President Palmer so much) goes to Martha's room to retrieve her for the treaty signing but Evelyn lies to him and tells him she's having one of her episodes and that she'll be out soon. What she's really doing is walking into the men's bathroom. She approaches a guy as he's zipping up and we learn that Logan, in his analness has made all calls in and out of the house be transcribed. She learns that it's in a special archives room. Yeah, because my summer home has archive rooms. Yeah, bcause I have a summer home. Martha's able to blackmail the man into giving her his key and she heads in.

They're still trying to find out the name of the explosive manufacturer when Beresch calls Bill. He tells him that the time is up and wonders if the President has made his decision. He hasn't and Beresch decides to kill Derek. Jack sees all of this as Chloe finally finds the code. His cell phone has to reboot first and it does, just as the terrorist who's vest they have the code for walks away from Derek and Beresch. Beresch is about to pull the trigger when the man's vest goes off down the hall and stops him. When they realize what happened he has them change the frequency of their vests or something like that. When Bill talks to Jack he asks if he's responsible for the explosion and he admits to it, and says that he hasn't be compromised. Jack then gives Curtis an update on the terrorists positions.

Logan wants to know what happened at the airport and, on video conference, Bill tells him that everyone is okay. He also blabs that their "man inside" is handling things. He tells Logan that the man inside is Jack Bauer. Of course Logan doesn't like this. Neither does Walt since he's working for the bad guys.

Agent Pierce finally realizes something's up and barges into Martha's room. Eveyln tries to protect her, but we can see it won't help. Pierce finds Martha in the archive room, but not before she snags what she needs.

Walt sneaks out of the situation room and calls the real bad guy, Nathanson. He tells him all about Jack, and the CTU assault team ready to charge in there. He hangs up when Pierce walks up to him. Pierce says that he found Martha in the archives room. This causes all of the color to drain out of Walt's face.

Jack giving himself up

Curtis and the team are just about to go in. Before they do, Jack tells them to wait a moment, that Beresch is doing something on his computer. Suddenly the line goes dead and Jack is cut off from Curtis and CTU. Bill wants to go ahead with their plan to storm the building, but Curtis won't do it and aborts the attack. To make matters even worse, Beresch calls Jack out, by name, telling him that if he doesn't show himself right away, he'll kill Derek, who Walt had somehow figures out Jack was attached to. Of course Jack comes out, and they take him into custody. Jack says that the US doesn't negotiate with terrorists but Beresch doesn't care, saying that Logan is weak. Hey, can't argue with him there. Jack is forced to tell Beresch that the CTU team is acting on his command. Beresch grabs another hostage and as the White House and everyone watches, he kills another him.

At this point Logan comes to a bit of his senses and debates whether or not to postponed the summit. Walt, of course, doesn't think he should do it and the weak President agrees. Meanwhile, Martha tells Eveyln that she got what she was looking for earlier. Evelyn says to show it to Logan but Martha wants to wait until the right time. Have to agree with her there. Martha puts it where every woman over 40 puts things for safe keeping, her bra.

Special Agent Samwise

Over at CTU, Samwise the hobbit shows up but they call him Lynn McGill. He's from District and we all know that anyone from District is a tool. He tries to micromanage the team, asking that everything be routed to him first and Bill doesn't like it. He even wants to set up in Bill's office.

Beresch forces Jack to call Curtis and tell him that everything is okay and to redeploy the team to another location. He also tells them that he's "in the flank two position". I'm sure this is a code for something, but Bill and Curtis don't get it. I'm thinking maybe he has another plan. Curtis agrees to the location and starts to move their men. Beresch plans on being at the spot the team comes in and murdering them all. Derek tells Jack, who is handcuffed next to him, that he blames himself for Jack being in this position. Jack reassures him that it's not his fault.

Again McGill seems to get in the way and says he wants to review the "playbook" before any action is taken and that he needs to approve it. Bill's not happy about it, but he lets him. Logan isn't convinced this plan that Jack has won't go off without some casualties. The Russian President is also concerned saying that this signing, if these people are killed, will turn into a mockery. Logan tries to reassure him.

Walt goes down to visit the First Lady and runs into Eveyln. He makes her tell him that Martha found evidence and that she's keeping it in her bra.

Logan walks to the stage to sign the treaty and everyone' s on the edge of their seat, including me, wondering if he's going to sing the damn thing or not. (okay that was clearly a typo but I left it in because it was sorta funny. Haha, sing)

If I'm ever held by terrorists, this is who I'd want to be with

Beresch has another call with Nathanson who thinks the treaty will be signed. Nathanson says to proceed with the plan no matter what happens.

McGill is again up Bill's ass wondering why they're still going ahead with Jack's intel since it's so vastly different then what he gave them before. He says he wants to review the transcripts from Jack's call. I'm thinking, okay Rudy, they're going in any minute, hurry the hell up. Bill agrees and McGill goes running off. He asks Chloe to unlock some nodes thing, I don't know, computer talk, and she does. She complains to Spencer about him and Spencer tells her that he usually fires 20% of the employees within the first few days.

The mystery man

At the terminal, one of the terrorists finds Chevensky's body and a key card. Jack watches as Beresch passes through the hostages and hands the card to one of them who quickly pockets it. Interesting.

Curtis calls Jack to tell him that everything is in place. Jack says that "flank two position" thing again and my spidey sense tingles again. Curtis says, "Okay man, I get it, you're in the flank two position, jeez". He doesn't say that, he just asks if they're good to go. Reluctantly Jack says yes. Curtis sets the clock to a minute countdown, not realizing that all of the bad guys are right behind the wall ready to attack.

McGill rushes into the situation room and tells them to stop the attack. He says that he reviewed the transcripts and Jack mentioned "flank two position". Apparently that's the direst signal. Bill's confused because that's not right. McGill says that back when Jack was an agent, that's what the signal was. Bill realizes he's right and tells Curtis to abort about 8 seconds before their gonna blow the wall. He tells him to go back to the original set up, which he does.

Beresch is getting nervous and makes Jack call Curtis. Curtis tells him that one of the charges malfunctioned and they're going any moment. Beresch believes this and tells his men to get ready. Nathanson calls him and wonders what's going on because at that moment, Logan and the Ruskie are signing the treaty. Logan is sweating bullets wondering if he's signing these people's death certificates. Nathanson orders him to kill everyone. Suddenly, the wall in front of them blows and they begin to fire. Of course no one is there and they're a bit confused. A wall behind them blows up and the team charges in. Jack breaks the glass behind him and cuts his hands free. He grabs a gun and shoots a few terrorists. He sees Beresch and aims solidly at him shooting the gun out of his hand. Before he can get to him Beresch sets off one of the downed terrorists vests, killing himself.

They secure the terminal and Mike tells Logan the good news. He announces it to everyone, and everyone except Walt is happy.

Back in the terminal Jack cuts Derek free and says he has to finish this. He hugs Derek and sends him off to see his mother. He then searches for the man who was handed the key card. He's nowhere in sight. Derek is finally reunited with his mother. I am truly impressed by this actor's performance. An agent takes them back to CTU.

Back with Logan, he signs the treaty and he is joined on the side by Martha. She's wants to tell him about the call, but he blows her off. She tries to be forceful, but one of this man's many problems is he doesn't recognize what's important and what's not. He walks away and Walt questions her. She says she's not going to talk to anyone about it except her husband.

At CTU Bill apologizes to McGill for brushing him off earlier, and thanks him for catching the mistake. McGill turns it around and thanks Bill for praising Jack. That's what sent him to read between the lines of Jack's instructions. For all of his niceness though, McGill insists Jack be taken into custody. Bill agrees and Curtis informs Jack that he needs to go back to CTU. Jack reluctantly agrees and tells Curtis about the man with the key card and heads over to CTU escorted by some agents.

Meanwhile, the man with key card makes his way into some kind of underground level of the airport and tells a man that Chevensky is dead, but he has the key card. Inside the room is a large hole in the ground. Inside the hole is a large metal container. They all put on gas masks and open the container with the key card. Inside are about a dozen canisters which they read for radioactivity. Once it's clear the man calls Nathanson and tells him they're ready to move out.

Back with Martha, she's pacing in her room stressing about what she knows. Suddenly, a cloth goes over her mouth. Walt is behind her and she soon passes out because of the chemical. He lays her down and reaches into her bra. I'm having some sort of flashback. Anyway, Walt finds the paper and takes it, leaving her passed out.

BE STILL MY HEART

After watching 2 hours of 24 I have to admit it was hard to get into the quirky world of
Seattle Grace, but I got there. It's been weeks since we looked in on the lives of our dear interns and I had really missed them.

Izzie in the bathroom

George and Izzie have locked themselves in the bathroom because of the demon dog Meredith brought home awhile ago. Meredith, the dog whisperer, loves him though, and encourages the group to as well.

The Chief is visiting Meredith's mom, Ellis, in the looney bin. I'm sorry, that's not right, she has Alzheimer's and that's not funny. What is funny though is she still thinks she's an intern and that she and the Chief are still having their fling. She comments on people calling her out on the noise she and the Chief were making in the on call room the other day. I guess more people in the hospital knew that she was having an affair, they just didn't know with who.

McDreamy has just caught a cold dead fish, and she's in the bathroom drying her hair. The one he caught in the lake he wants to fry up for breakfast. Prissy Addison isn't too happy about this whole, living in a trailer down by the river thing, and screams at McDreamy. He comments on her being passive aggressive. I just think she's just a biatch.

Christina

Christina and Burke have a moment in the scrub room. Not really sure what that place is called. He asks if she is ready to tell him if she wants to move in and she says she's not ready to tell him. Then he pulls out the baby. I mean he doesn't literally pull it out, but he brings it up, asking her if she was going to tell him. I'm a bit confused here because is she pregnant again? I'll save you the trouble I had all episode and tell you no, he's talking about the baby she miscarried awhile back.

Speaking of babies, Bailey looks like she's going to pop. The Chief tells all the interns that they have to adhere to a strict 80 hour work week. If they are at 80 hours then they have to go home. In fact, Meredith has hit 80 hours and she takes off to do some much needed laundry. She needs a much needed cheeseburger as well but I'm not going to hate, I like this girl. In the elevator out, she runs in to Derek and they have a moment. They tease each other about being over one another and it's cute banter, until the doors open and Addison catches them laughing it up. Meredith quickly exits.

A heart patient has been admitted into the hospital who Burke's familiar with. A heart's come available in Iowa or Idaho or somewhere and Bailey is chosen to go off and retrieve it. Christina hears this and begs to go, even though she's at her 80 hours also and was sent home by the Chief in the middle of a surgery with Burke. The heart patient, a pretty attractive dimpled guy, has the hots for Izzie. But really, who doesn't. He keeps flirting with her and Alex doesn't like it. Izzie's New Year resolution is to put the past behind her so she refrains from not telling Alex where to stick his scope.

Alex doesn't know if he's passed the boards yet, but since he had the feeling last time that he did well and failed, he's not going to weigh in on his chances. The patient he gets assigned to in the pit is a failing novelist who's with his wife. Apparently, in the frustration of not making it as a novelist he's EATEN his own book. I wasn't sure if it was the actual book that's bound or the computer print out, but I think it's the print out. Anyway, it's formed a foreign object in his intestine and he needs to be operated on. The Chief is assigned as the primary surgeon. Before they go in to remove the paper, the man acts a bit strange but they all blow it off as him just being a weird guy. I mean he had just eaten a book. During the surgery they remove a near baseball size wad of the paper out of his intestines. EWE. Later, in recovery, the man has a bit more dementia and Alex becomes concerned. The Chief isn't happy about him spending his time trying to figure this case out since it's clearly just the drugs and the novel up his ass, but Alex discovers that the man has mercury poisoning from the ink in the book and is able to treat him. Yeah, we're all impressed, Alex is getting his mojo back.

Meredith goes to visit her mother and discovers McDreamy there. He says he's just there to evaluate Ellis and decide whether or not she's a good candidate for some sort of trial treatment. Meredith is a bit peeved saying her mother doesn't have that many good days and she'd rather not her spend her few good days being poked and prodded. Of course on her bad days she thinks she's being poked and prodded by the Chief. Later, McDreamy goes to the Chief and says that Ellis is a good candidate but that he'll (the Chief) need to talk to Meredith since it won't sound good coming from him. The Chief approaches her and lets her know that it was his idea for Derek to visit Ellis and he wants her in the trial. Meredith finally agrees and let's Derek know.

At the trailer Addison admits to being a bit passive aggressive and asks McDreamy point blank if she should just wait for him to get over Meredith. He says yes. I'm sure it's a lot more difficult with him seeing her all of the damn time.

As Christina and Bailey go for the heart in a nice private jet, Bailey catches Christina staring at her pregnant belly. Once in the hospital to get the heart, Bailey eventually has to put Christina on with Burke to let him know the condition of the heart. He's confused, but plays it off since the Chief walks in on him talking. Unfortunately, the heart is no good and they won't be able to use it. Christina and Bailey make their way back to the hospital where Bailey catches Christina staring at her again. They have a talk about Bailey almost not keeping the baby. She reassures Christina that they have really hectic lives, and that she wasn't crazy for considering it when she was pregnant with Burke's baby. Once they get back to the hospital Christina admits to Burke that she wasn't going to go through with the pregnancy. She begs him not to be mad at her but he stops her and says that he isn't, he just wanted to know. He says he wants to know about her. Awe, they're nice together.

Izzie lookin' after the heart patient

Someone else who's nice together is Izzie and her dimpled heart patient. He's so excited to be getting a heart it's truly devastating when they tell him the heart they had is no good. Izzie watches as he's released from the hospital, weak from his bad heart. I personally wanted her to run after him and kiss him, but I was afraid he'd collapse with a heart attack or something. Ha, that would have sucked.

In the most interesting case of the night, George gets assigned a young girl who has a tumor. And before you say it, yes it's a tumor. They're not sure if it's cancerous, so they do the biopsy. The little girl, Bex, feels out of place and doesn't really have any friends. George relates and tells her to hang in there and once she gets to college and into the real world things will be better. Upon examining the biopsy, Addison discovers that the tumor isn't pushing against her ovaries like they assumed, it's pushing against testis. Yes, Bex is a hermaphrodite. She has both male and female reproductive organs, although it seemed to me she had the bulk of the female organs. The parents gets some counseling and tell George and Addison that not only do they want to keep this from Bex, but they also want to remove the testis at the same time Addison is in there removing the benign tumor. George is furious, sticking up for Bex, wanting them to tell her, hoping that now she can find her place and not feel like an outcast. Addison doesn't like the way George is talking to the parents but agrees, telling them that she won't perform a sexual reassignment surgery without the patients knowledge. Later, when they're all in Bex's room, she mentions the tumor on her ovary and everyone exchanges glances. She starts to worry and asks George if that's what it is. Addison encourages George to I guess just go with it, but George asks out loud, in front of Bex, if they're just going to lie to her and walks out, realizing he's not on the case anymore. This forces them to tell her that she has a testis in her body, and causes her to figure out that she is a boy and a girl. George checks on her after her parents are gone. She thanks him for forcing them to tell her the truth. She asks him if these means she has to be a boy. George reassures her that it's her decision. She then asks him for scissors and he cuts her hair. Her parents walk in but aren't mad. The mom takes the scissors and cuts Bex hair herself.

Finally, Izzie and George are in the bathroom again, avoiding the clothes eating, peeing in bed, dry humping dog (yeah, not sure where George got that one from). We hear Meredith outside reprimanding the dog she loves so dearly. She runs into the bathroom with the others and sits down, enjoying the pizza they brought in. (I'm just happy she's eating) But I don't know about you guys, I have a few issues with food in the bathroom. Nasty.

HOLY FRAKIN' CRAP

Our boy Jack

So the rule for this post is if you haven't watched 24, but have the intention to watch the season premiere at some point, don't read this. What happens in the first ten minutes of the show, which is also the first paragraph or so of this blog, is the most daring, amazing, jaw dropping thing I, personally, have ever seen happen on a television program. This is bigger than Ross saying Rachel's name at his wedding on Friends. Bigger than the season premiere of LOST when we found out what was down the hatch (sorta). And certainly miles apart from when Sydney woke up two years later, in China, and realized Vaughn had married someone else because he thought she was dead on Alias. None of that, not even close. I have high hopes for this season of 24, and not just because of the hype of the pre-season promos. It's because of this two hour season premiere that I watch TV in the first place. If you don't watch 24, don't read this post. Find someone who has it Tivo'd, recorded, or whatever, get a copy, and watch the first two hours that aired tonight. The best two hours, no the best fifteen minutes, I think I have ever witnessed. Now that I think I've taken up enough room at the top here so anyone who hasn't seen it won't read what happens in the first ten minutes, on with the show.

Of course we know that our Jack Bauer is now living incognito after faking his death. It's been 18 months and Jack's still in the United States. California no less. He's trying to find work as a day laborer of sorts, but unfortunately the boss man doesn't have any work for him.

Weasel

Meanwhile, we learn that the sniveling weasel boy, Logan, is still the President. The Russian President is on his way to Logan's vacation property for a big summit with our Prez. Logan's wife, Martha, is a nut job. We see that in the first few minutes when she looks in the mirror, and upon realizing she doesn't like her hair or make-up job dunks her face in a sink full of water. Not good since the Ruskie will be there soon and she has to be looking her best to great him. Mike, Palmer's chief of staff, is still on Logan's team.

Speaking of looking their best, Chloe is just rolling out of bed. And surprise, surprise, she ain't alone. Spencer is there. Chloe thinks it was a mistake that they hooked up, I mean he does work for her. He tries to break through that tough exterior, and does for a moment. Then the good ol' Chloe is back and she insists he leave and never speak of what happened again.

Finally, we see our dear, loving, the only true President, Palmer. He's at his brother Wayne's place. Nice to see Wayne back after season 3's fiasco. Apparently David is writing his memoirs. Something just hasn't been right with David since they got to Los Angeles Wayne remarks. David dismisses his brother's paranoia and says that he's alright. He goes to the large penthouse's bay window and gazes out. Boy it's nice to see--- HOLY EFFIN CRAP! A bullet whizzes through the window and hits David in the throat! He goes down as Wayne runs to his brothers aid. The shooter is across the way with a sniper rifles. He leaves.

By now I'm thinking, well David can't be dead. Although I'm remembering that the actor got a gig on a CBS show, so this may be it. And in fact, it is. President Palmer was assassinated. The news spreads quickly as our CTU team, which includes Bill, Curtis, and always loveable Edgar. Someone else who happens to be there is Audrey. Bill thanks her for making it and wonders if she's okay with being there. You know, since her lover, Jack, was killed there a year and a half before. She says she's cool. She's there to make sure everything's taken care of for the Ruskie's arrival. Since he found out about the assassination, the President, really, I can't call him that with a straight face, Logan wants to make sure that CTU isn't distracted and keeps their eye on the ball, the Russian President's arrival. Bill reassures Audrey that everything is fine, and there's no threat to the summit. He does suggest postponing it. In fact, everyone but Logan thinks that's a good idea. Logan, on the other hand, says they've worked too hard to get the Ruskie there and doesn't want to ruin the chance for them finally to sit down.

The first lady, Martha

As Logan is having his press conference about David's murder, his aid, or chief of staff, or whatever he is, Walt, informs Martha of President Palmer's death. She freaks out because she and David were close friends. Not sure yet if that was friends with benefits. Suddenly, she realizes something. She tells Walt she has to talk to her husband pronto. Walt tells her he's in a press conference but she makes a run for it. The Secret Service stop her and she realizes she won't get through and the press are just feet away and might see her acting hysterical. She's also still soaking wet from dunking her head into the sinkn earlier.

Jack, meanwhile, learns about the President's death on TV. He's obviously emotional. This man saved his life, literally, and now he's dead. I have to admit, I was shedding a few tears at this moment as well. Jack's girlfriend and apartment manager, Diane, stops by. Jack, ever at the ready, whips his gun out before he realizes it's her. Luckily she doesn't see it and invites him over for some breakfast. He goes over and says hi to Derek, Diane' s troubled-looking teenage son.

Dear sweet Michelle

We finally get a glimpse at Tony and Michelle. They're living a nice life, somewhere in Los Angeles, having retired from CTU. Michelle says she wants to go in and help with the search for Palmer's assassin. Tony doesn't think there's anything they can do to help, although Michelle points out that they were there when the original threat on his life was made, so they could at least help. He still says no, but she grabs her things and goes. Not before kissing him goodbye, no hard feelings. Tony calls the man they were going to meet and says that Michelle isn't going to be at the meeting. He thinks about it for a second and realizes Michelle is right and tells the man he won't be there either. We hear Michelle's car alarm beep off and BOOOMMM! A loud explosion that knocks out the windows and sends Tony to the ground. He gets up and runs outside to see Michelle's car on fire. He finds her on the grass and cradles her dead, yes I said DEAD body. The car explodes again and Tony's hit.

CTU gets a call that Michelle has been killed and that Tony is badly injured and they're flying him into the CTU medical facility, since he could be in danger. They also realize that Tony and Michelle's attack may be related to the President's assassination. Chloe, who's walking to her car, gets a call from Edgar. Of course she knows the President was killed Edgar, duh. But he's calling to tell her that Michelle is dead and Tony's hurt from a car exploding. Luckily she doesn't put the key in the car. She looks around and spots a man across the street, getting out of a truck. The truck's driven by none other than the shooter who killed Palmer. The other man runs after Chloe who runs away. She evades him and makes it to a payphone where she calls Jack.

Jack's at the table with Diane who tells him that she knows he has a lot in his past that he hasn't told her about, and she doesn't care. She says she trusts him. Cue Chloe. She calls and tells Jack about Tony and Michelle and about her being in danger. She says that she's the only one left that knows about him being alive. He instructs her to a secluded place and says he's going to meet her there in half an hour. I'm confused here because I know 24 takes some time liberties since it's real time, but Mojave to Los Angeles in half an hour, how is he going to pull that off? He's gonna steal a helicopter. Unfortunately, Derek has followed him there, seen him knock out the helicopter pilot, and has a gun pointed at him. Jack can't risk Derek going to the police, so he makes him come with him as he flies to Los Angeles. Jack calls Diane in flight and tells her to meet them in LA. She's worried, but she trusts Jack, and does what he asks. Derek is scared but he kinda trusts Jack too.

Logan finally makes it into see his wife and she tells him that the night before David called and said that he had something to tell her. Something about national security. Logan's not sure what to think of this because Mrs. Logan is off her meds. Apparently when she's off her meds it can cause delusions. She insists it happened. Walt encourages Logan to check out the call log since all calls to and from the residence are taped. Martha thinks this is a good idea too.

Tony's brought in and he's in pretty bad shape. Curtis tells Bill that he may have found a link between Tony and the President. The day that Jack Bauer was killed Tony and the President spoke. Bill thinks this is their lead and tells them to search it out. By this time Edgar is getting a bit worried about Chloe. Spencer tells him not to worry but of course he does. Spencer hints that he and Chloe were together earlier, and that she's fine.

Derek

Jack makes it to Chloe, who's taken a cab there. He shuts down the helicopter for what reasons I don't know, and greets her. They get in and he starts back up. But it's too late, the people who were killing everyone has made it here. They barge through the gates and drive quickly to the helicopter. Jack tells Chloe to take Derek and go in the warehouse and hide. She does and he throws smoke grenades. He kills off the attackers. All except the shooter. The shooter finds Chloe and Derek but not before Jack shoots him in the leg. Chloe turns around and shoots him at well. Jack only wanted to wound him to get some information from him, but now he's bleeding to death. Jack tells Chloe to walk away as he implements his extremely useful interrogation skills. He gets from the guy, with the promise of getting him to the hospital, that Tony and Michelle were just a diversion, and that Jack is going to be blamed for the assassination and Tony and Michelle's death. Don't worry, Tony's still holding strong. He says that the President was killed because of something he knows, but he doesn't know what he knew, or who hired him. He also lets it slip that he was the one who killed Palmer. Not such a good answer. Jack gets up and shoots him. Ha, I love Jack. Derek's still a little unsure of Jack, seeing that he just shot a guy.

RIP President Palmer

Jack realizes that if they're going to frame him for this, he's got to figure out who's behind what's going on. He says to do that he's going to have to go to the crime scene. Chloe doesn't think this is a good idea, but I guess Jack knows what he's doing.

Back at CTU they're starting to put the pieces together. In fact, they pretty much know that Chloe is missing at this point. She's not picking up her phone and she was called in about an hour ago. They also get a glimpse of the person who went into the building across from Wayne Palmer's penthouse. It's Jack. Of course we know it's doctored and that he wasn't there. Something that can be proved by his girlfriend, and the foreman at the place where he was trying to get work, but they don't know that yet. All they know is Palmer is dead and Jack must have faked his death. They put it all together that Chloe, Tony, Michelle and Palmer all helped Jack fake his death. Audrey is stunned to see Jack and doesn't understand why Jack would kill these people if they helped him. Bill doesn't want to take any chances and wants to bring Jack in.

Meanwhile, everyone is trying to convince Logan to call off the summit. He says over and over how hard they worked to get the Ruskie there. He doesn't want to change anything, even if that means putting people's lives in danger. I really hate this snot. Walt visits Martha and reassures her that they'll be checking the voice recorders and verifying that she spoke with Palmer the night before. She thanks him.

A group of men come across the bodies and burnt out car from the attack on Jack and Chloe. The leader is talking to a man in a room. The man seems to be Russian and is watching the coverage of Palmer's assassination. He says that they are "launching" in under an hour. Clearly the bad guys.

It gets back to CTU that something's going down soon and again they warn Logan. Mike even tries to talk him into change their plans but he just won't do it. He's such a tool.

Jack and the gang make it to Wayne Palmer's building. They go in on Chloe's credentials with Jack and Derek hiding in the back of the truck. They pull into the garage and Jack gets out the earbud walkie talkie device he found in the bad guys' truck. He leaves the truck and attacks an FBI photographer. Derek looks on, both impressed and scared. Chloe is able to log onto some website or whatever, and get the layout of the building, and all of the agents whereabouts. There are over 160 agents in Palmer's building when Jack goes in and Chloe tells him the routes to take the be seen by the least amount of people. Of course there are some close calls but he makes it into the penthouse. He gets a glimpse of Palmer's body under the sheet and you can see the rage and determination on his face. He goes to the study and opens computer. Chloe runs an encryption program to decode the one coded file. Derek questions Chloe about Jack and with her big mouth she tells him a little about Jack that he was an agent and someone wanted him dead so they faked his death.

At the same time, at CTU, Edgar is being crabby to Spencer. Spencer's trying to access something and can't get online. Edgar gives him Chloe's access code but when he tries to log on, it says that it's already in use. Edgar figures out, because of the encryption, that it's Chloe. Bill and the team come to the conclusion that Jack has her and is making her do this under direst.

While Jack is accessing the code he hears the door, which is funny because none of the dot people Chloe's watching have moved. It's Wayne Palmer. Jack holds him at gunpoint. Wayne by now has heard that Jack is a suspect and is furious. Jack insists he didn't do it, making Wayne realize that he would have given his life for David. In a show of good faith he gives Wayne the gun. Wayne starts to shoot him but realizes he's right, there's no way he could have killed David. They finally decode the file and it's the beginning chapter of David's memoirs. Wayne helps Jack figure out that there's an address hidden in the manuscript. It's a baggage manager name and an address for Ontario airport, just outside of LA. Chloe sees that most of the agents on the outside of the building are now going to the inside. Wayne says he wants to help Jack, but Jack just tells him that he's going to figure out who killed David. As Jack is leaving he notices that everyone is being handed out pictures of him. He takes the stairs and encounters some agents that he takes out. Once in the van they realize they're trapped. The building is surrounded and there are a dozen agents in the garage. Suddenly the van whips around the corner and out of the garage. The officers are ordered not to shoot. The van is blocked in half a block away and Chloe gets out. Jack and Derek must have gotten out in the garage and ran out after everyone chased after Chloe.

Back at Logan's he gets the tape from Walt. He plays it for Martha. She's talking to David alright, but just about a fundraiser he wants to have. Of course Martha freaks out because she knows she didn't have that conversation with him. Logan tries to comfort her and tell her to take her meds. The Ruskie's almost there and although everyone says to not do it, Logan is preparing for his arrival. Mike even suggests they re-route his arrival but Logan won't hear of it.

Jack and Derek are driving a stolen car to Ontario airport. Derek tells Jack that Chloe told him a bit more of who he was. Jack explains to him that when he started hanging out with Diane and him, he started to feel like he had a family again. He tells Derek that he cares for him.

Chloe's handcuffed and Bill is talking to the arresting agent. He wants to talk to Chloe so the agent puts her on. She says that Jack didn't kill anyone. I mean anyone except all those people who were attacking him. Bill wants to know how she knows and she says that she heard Palmer's shooter confess and where to find his body. Bill begs Chloe to tell him where Jack went. Chloe's no dummy though, she says she knows that they'll just arrest him. She refuses to tell them anything.

The man in the room is talking to the leader of the bad guys, just confirming that they're good to go. They are.

Jack makes it to Ontario airport, where he told Diane to meet them so she can pick up Derek. Diane and Derek have a reunion and Jack tells her his real name. He gives her an address and tells her to go there. He says it CTU's address and to tell them the truth about what's going on. You know, like they were together, in Mojave earlier and that he couldn't have killed Palmer. Man, it's so hard for me to even write that. Anyway, they take off and Jack goes into the airport and is directed where to find the baggage manager. Before they can leave Derek notices a bunch of guys get out of a black van. After being with Jack only a few hours he's a bit suspicious. He tells his mom that he has to warn Jack and jumps out. He should be worried, the leader of the bad guys is one of the dudes that jumped out.

Back at camp dumbass Logan is outside to greet the Russian President who has landed safely, much to CTU's relief since they were watching the whole thing, waiting for something to happen.

Jack finds the baggage manager who, upon seeing Jack, tries to run. Jack grabs him and in questioning him says something like, 'This is going to hurt, it's up to you how much.' He's great. Unfortunately for Jack, as Derek walks in and frantically searches for him to tell him about the guys, the leader of the bad guys pushes a button and the black van outside explodes. Diane freaks out and tries to run in for Derek but is stopped by cops. Jack hears this and goes to the door. The baggage manager takes a pill and kills himself.

The man who was on the phone with the bad guys is talking to someone else now. The person tells him that everything is taken care of, and that Logan will never hear the real conversation between Palmer and Martha, that he took care of it. The mystery man turns around and it's WALT!!!

Two major characters, who have been around for 4 seasons now, have been killed off and another is near death. It takes some balls to do something like this. It also takes a great faith in your audience. Although I hate to see Palmer and Michelle go, and get sorta misty just thinking about them, this was a great move.

Don't miss the next two hours tomorrow night. My hands hurt from typing so much but I was so excited I wanted to get this out pronto.