I try not to hate blondes, since my mother is a blonde, but sometimes, they need to be hated, especially these blondes. You know those women who have things always work out for them? Beauty queens, perfect boyfriends, and are huge bitches for no reason? Those women you want to take care of with a shovel and some dirt? Yeah, we have two of them on this show.
Before I get started, can I comment on the CBS website and their apparent need to ruin everything? If you go to the Survivor or Amazing Race website, it tells you who got kicked out on the front page. That is so rude. Okay, thanks, I just had to vent, and tell you not to go there.
Okay, so awhile ago, I was just so frustrated with the Cho brothers. I love them, I really do, and I think they're just about the nicest people that have ever run the race, but they're a little too nice. You know the kind of nice a friend is that you not only let them put you up in their apartment for a few weeks, but you let them pay for your groceries, do your laundry and clean up after you. You adore that friend, think they're the nicest person, but don't really respect them because they're push overs. Those are the Cho brothers.
The last time we spoke the teams were flying to the Ukraine after being told to keep racing. Not by Phil though. Remember when he did that? They saw him but he wasn't on a mat and he faked them out. Oh, that Phil. This time it was just the clue to tell them to keep racing. I was hoping Rob and Kimberly would get knocked out at this point, but no such luck. Since the Cho's really don't have a sense of direction, they ended up being last to the Detour, or whatever you'd call it, and got to the airport last. They were a bit surprised 'Bama didn't wait for them, since they're still in their alliance. I have no problem with 'Bama leaving them, at this part of the race, you really gotta look out for yourself.
Look, he has one of those things Lake was wearing last season. What the hell is that?
At the airport Tyler and James and the QBs get on the earlier flight, making it in half an hour before the other three teams, so we know it'll probably be one of them. Damnit! I want those bitches gone! Once there the Roadblock in the Ukraine they drive old ass tanks. It actually looks sorta fun and dirty. They're just finishing it up when Rob and Kimberly land and make it to the Roadblock. James and Tyler give them directions to it and the QBs are irritated. Niceness, how dare they! The guys do say that if it were 'Bama or the Chos, they would have given them the wrong directions. Way to waste your time. Why would you even stop and say anything? One of the guys also says that the race goes to show you that "book smarts" which he thinks the Cho brothers have, can only take you saw far.
I'm not saying I don't agree with one of the ex-druggies, especially when we see the Chos and 'Bama aimlessly wandering around the Ukraine countryside and asking for directions. 'Bama doesn't like that the bros stop every five minutes for directions. The way it's edited, it is a little nerve racking. Personally I would tell them I was going along on my own or maybe I would take the lead myself, but 'Bama's okay with just sitting behind them and complaining. They eventually make it to the tank Roadblock last and when 'Bama gets stuck in the mud, the Chos choose (har har) to wait for them after they finish faster. Seriously? They do know this is a race right? I mean, I'm glad they're nice and all, and they don't have to be dickheads or compromise their values to move ahead, but you're still tryin' to win a million bucks.
Rob and Kim have car trouble, and the two other lead teams get to an apartment building and learn it's a Detour. Basically they have to either find some sheet music and have a pianist play it, or go write their own rap song and perform it in front of people, including the Ukraine's number one rap artist. Let me say this again, it was the UKRAINE's number one rap artist. He wasn't judging them, or not giving them the clue if they sucked, so I personally would have chosen that one. It seemed to be the better one anyway since you could write the rap in the car on the way over, get there, change and rap for 5 minutes, as opposed to the needle in a haystack challenge.
Tyler and James do choose the sheet music one, but finish just ahead of the QBs at the Pit Stop. Rob and Kim rap, what a joy, so it's down to the Chos and 'Bama who try to leave the brothers but end up just bunching together again. At this point I'm screaming at the TV for the Chos to just leave 'Bama and go do the opposite challenge, which they do. In hindsight, maybe they should have just stuck with 'Bama and then beat them in a foot race to the Pit Stop. Of course, no one really has hindsight, so the Chos do the harder of the tasks and get to the Pit Stop last. After an hour of them getting lost, stopping a bunch of times and just wanderingaround the Ukraine, I'm not sad to see them go. I loved them dearly, just like I loved Kentucky, but they weren't that great competitors. Luckily thanks to David and Mary the Chos will be going on a vacation or two.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yW97lrksGss
And so the anticipation of an Asian team finally winning the race ended. Next the groups head to Morocco, which has the best food ever if I do say so myself. Once there they have to find an antique shop and grab a "good luck charm" or what we like to call in America, a "cheap ass necklace". They'll bring it to the Pit Stop.
The QBs made it on a flight through Milan and the rest of the teams had to fly through Paris. There was only one flight after that to the town they needed to get to in Morocco. 'Bama unfortunately wasn't able to get on the flight out of Paris with the two other teams, and were scheduled to arrive in Morocco five minutes before that only flight left for the small city. Luckily the three hours they spent in the airport, allowed them to get a map of Ouarzazate, the small town, and study it. When they finally make it to Morocco, all of the other teams are still there, so they're able to get on the plane to Ouarzazate as well. I don't really know how that happened though.
There was also a little misdirection with the QBs too as it seemed they had to take a later flight in Milan and possibly miss the Ouarzazate flight. I don't know what's up with the plane in Morocco, but the QBs arrive just in time for their flight, even made it onto the empty plane before the other teams, allowing those teams to be pissed and disappointed when they got on the plane and found them. How the hell did they get on that plane when noone else was on it? Not going through the gate like everyone else? Something tells me they used that special "blonde" treatment they talk about not having. Bitches. Rob even tells us how crushed he was to see them. Note this for later, that all of the teams HATE the QBs, thinking they're their stiffest competition. REMEMBER!!!
After everyone landed, the QBs hired a taxi to follow to get to the antique shop. Rob and Kimberly and Tyler and James decided to follow them. Luckily for 'Bama, they'd studied the maps for three hours in Paris and knew exactly where they were going. Pretty much in the opposite direction as the other teams. The other teams' cab driver stopped to ask for directions and the QBs got out to...to... I don't know, flash their blonde hair? Really, what could they possibly add to this conversation, you know, seeing they don't speak FRENCH? Or whatever language it is.
By now 'Bama has found the shop and taken the cheap ass necklace, getting a clue that tells them to head to some place, like a studio, that I'm 100% sure will be closed, since it's so late at night. It was where they filmed a bunch of Ben Hur, Cleopatra type epic movies.
As the QBs ask for directions, the other teams laugh at them being surrounded by the locals, probably about 20 of them. I guess the blonde hair worked. I was actually concerned for the girls, especially when the other two teams decided to leave them with this mob. I then had to remember that a sound guy and camera guy were with them, so at least they could be mildly protected, although, if something happened, those guys better get it on camera before they stopped filming.
"I'm comin' Elizabeth!"
Driving around still, T&J and R&K finally made it to the antique shop, spotted there was one necklace left, and assumed the QBs got there first. Um, that's so rude. When 'Bama finally got to the studios, guess what? It was closed until morning. Oh, and I forgot say there is a yield somewhere here. A yield that if anyone was smart they'd use on the QBs, you know, since they're their biggest THREAT!
T&J and R&K get to the studio and realize 'Bama's there before them. They're impressed, as they should be. Eventually the QBs accidentally find the antique shop and make it to the studio. The next morning I'm filled with both fear and optimism. I'm afraid that 'Bama won't get to the Yield before the QBs, seeing they have to run for it. But I'm optimistic because the two teams that hate the QBs just as much as 'Bama, and maybe more because they're their real competition, will definitely make it there first, and will surely Yield them. I mean, why wouldn't you Yield them? They're your biggest competition, they're bitches, and you've said on numerous occasions how much you dislike them. Oh, and you're always irritated when they make it to where you are before you. Why wouldn't you Yield them? Well I have no friggin' clue why, when R&K and T&J do get to the Yield, they DON'T Yield them!!!!!!! Yes, folks, one of the dumbest moves I've ever seen on TAR happened when the two teams that just bitched and complained when the QBs made it on the plane to Ouarzazate, didn't Yield them. WHAT THE CRAP? I was so pissed.
Now, I wasn't pissed at the next part, when the QBs decided to Yield 'Bama. It's a well known strategy to Yield whoever is directly behind you, especially if you're second to last. The one couple who ran a beautiful race, who ended up winning, and used the Yield to their best advantage was Chip and Kim. Remember whenever they were on (sometime in 2004) and they had the chance to Yield Collin and Christie, and took it. They were their stiffest competition and they rightfully Yielded them. Well done Chip and Kim, well done. Not like these morons Rob and Kimberly and Tyler and James who were thinking who knows what. IDIOTS.
So 'Bama was mad at the QBs, at one point on of the Lyns gave them the finger. It wasn't very lady like, and the other Lyn said it was "ugly" but I bet it felt nice. I'm giving them the finger now and it feels great.
So the Roadblock for today was basically tp ride around in a chariot type thing like you were Ben Hur and grab two flags. There was a major misdirect in the commercial for this episode and the act break, a chariot fell and I thought for sure it was one of the guys. Then I realized the team members weren't panicking and one of them said something like, "Wow, I'm glad it wasn't one of ours". Boo CBS. Boo! I hope the guy is okay though. 'Bama thought it may be okay that they were Yielded, because it would just be them going around the arena. Rob and one of the QBs grabbed the flags and got out of there, but one of the druggies, I mean ex-druggies, missed the flag on the first time around and got delayed. After everyone had left it was finally 'Bama's turn. 'Bama was able to breeze through the Roadblock since no one was there, and soon enough they were also on their way to a cafe to pick up their next clue.
On the road to the cafe (that should be a name of a movie) Rob and Kimberly get a flat tire. The QBs see the tire going flat, but don't say anything. The horse faced one says that it's just them being competitive, and it's not mean that they're being bitches. That's what bitches always say, that they're not being mean. Finally R&K figure it out and pull over. Tyler and James and the QBs make it to the cafe and 'Bama races by R&K before they can get it fixed, causing them to be in last. The Detour is a choice between making ("throwing") a pot with a pottery wheel, or grinding some olives in an old fashioned olive grinder thing. At first Tyler and James want to do the pot making (har har) but one of them realizes that "throwing" it doesn't mean throwing it against the wall, that it means making it. Luckily Rob and Kimberly and 'Bama figure that out too. And damnit, so do the blondes.
Luckily for us, the blondes are first to go towards the olive press place and pass it. The place only has three wheels, so it's first some first serve. I was screaming when Rob and Kimberly, who were in last place, arrived before the QBs. This is when I turned to my roommate and said, 'This is a non-elimination round".
"Ha ha, yes! I have horse teeth"
T&J and 'Bama finished around the same time, but it was T&J who go to the Pit Stop first, beating 'Bama in a footrace. Rob and Kimberly scared me when they couldn't find Phil in the desert, but luckily they found him and got third. Sure enough, when the QBs stepped on the mat Phil looked way too sad for it to be elimination, and it wasn't. Luckily they had to come in first or risk a 30 minute penalty. At this stage of the race, someone has to really mess up to be 30 minutes behind the pack.
When the next leg started, I was hoping for a sprained ankle somewhere down the road. I know that's harsh, but truly, I was. Tyler and James started out in first and found their clue in Casablanca. I love it. When they got to Casablanca they found out it was a Roadblock. It instructed them to find a meat vendor and then cook the meat at another vendor, and eat it. And this wasn't your ordinary meat. Why would it be? It was camel meat. Personally I've never tried camel meat, but hey, it can't be any worse then the lips and teeth they were eating a few weeks ago.
This must be what it's like to kiss Rob. Hey, at least we know her brain is getting bigger!
By some miracle the QBs, who left last, made it to the Roadblock before anyone. But it didn't have anything to do with them waving their horse teeth and boobies around, nope not at all. T&J were surprised to see them there and ended up leaving only slightly ahead of them, jetting off to the airport to get a ticket to Barcelona, Spain. They ended up seeing Rob and Kimberly and Rob was pissed when he learned the QBs beat them there. I guess you shoulda Yielded them huh? Then they'd be another 15 minutes behind. T&J gave some mindless directions to the Roadblock. He said it was "down there" and pointed. Unfortunately, there was a lot of stuff "down there" and they couldn't find it. Along with "Bama, they were all looking around when the QBs got to their car to leave. Guess what? They didn't help them. They looked around for awhile and finally found it. 'Bama ground their meat first and started eating but it was Kim who finished and they high tailed it outta there. We also saw some chinks in 'Bamas armour as one of them, the skinny one, got a little bitchy with the other one who was eating the camel meat. It seemed to come out of nowhere and I was surprised by it.
"I'm the cute one, she has horse teeth"
At the airport, the QBs decided to use what they knew best to "trick" James and Tyler into helping them. They figured that James and Tyler would want them in the final three as opposed to 'Bama. I have no idea what the QBs reasoning was but they asked James and Tyler if they were neck and neck for first place, if James and Tyler would let them step on the mat first. Are these bitches crazy? Tyler and James said as much when they talked to us about this silly request. Their answer was given to them when the guys were asked how many tickets they were getting and they just said two. Poor QBs. Hahah, suckaaasss!
I acciddently loaded this one. I decided to keep it up here, for obvious reasons. Ah, Sawyer. Te extrano, mi corazon.
They eventually all made it to the airport and on their way to Spain together. The QBs realized how irritated everyone was at them and Rob and Kimberly and Tyler and James said their main goal was to knock the "Barbies" out. Oh, you mean like if a Yield comes up? We know how well you do with that, you bastards. Once in Spain though, Tyler and James came up with an ingenious plan. They thought they'd just tail the QBs the whole day so when it came time to sprint for 1st, they'd win. I like this idea, knock those bitches out!
They QBs do make it to the place first, but it doesn't open until the next day, allowing everyone to bunch up. When they're all there the next morning the QBs ask construction workers who are standing around if they'll call a cab. They do and Rob tells Kimberly to go over and use her sexiness to do the same thing, which she does, for Tyler and James too. The QBs get pissed, saying they're "copycats" and that they always do what they do. Are we 5?
When the gates open it's one of those shrubbery labyrinths. 'Bama is behind when the other teams find the clue in the middle, but use their smarts to get out quickly, so they all leave at the same time. Only two cabs show up and the QBs and Rob and Kimberly get in there. 'Bama and T&J are left waiting for a cab to do to the Detour. In this Detour they have to choose Lug It or Lob It. In Lug It they have to walk a mile through the city in these scary ass doll costume things. They look like they can be heavy. But in Lob It, they have to search through a huge mound of tomatoes to find a clue hidden in one, while they're being pelted by tomato throwers around a ring.
Tyler and James rightly figure out that the QBs are probably going to the Lug It, since they choose the physical tasks. I'm worried at this point because anyone who's doing the tomato one can be in real trouble. Rob and Kimberly and 'Bama decide to do that one. When they get there and start searching a whole bunch of people come out and start throwing tomatoes at them, hitting them in the head. Instead of helping Kimberly search, Rob decides to throw tomatoes back. Huh? Kim finally has enough and yells and storms off, wanting to leave. NOOOO! When they find out from the cab driver the other Detour is twenty minutes away. They stay and actually find the clue fast, making them first place.
As Tyler and James catch up to the QBs, 'Bama arrives at the tomato detour. They start and keep getting hit in the head with the tomatoes as well. I'm still a bit scared though because anything could happen. I think back to three or four seasons ago when that girl team was out for hours and Phil had to come get them and tell them the Detour was over and they had to give up. I don't want this to happen to 'Bama when they have a chance to knock the girls out. Luckily the Lords of Kobol were listening because 'Bama quickly found the clue and raced off in second place.
He needs some protein
Now it was down to Tyler and James. We knew the girls weren't going to get first place, since Rob and Kimberly stepped on that mat first and 'Bama second, but I was a little worried Tyler would see a Quaalude and get too excited and pass out, not getting to the blondes for half an hour. They all made it through the carrying of the creepy gigantic doll things and went to the Pit Stop. No fancy editing here, they arrived at the same time, but had trouble finding it. Unless Tyler and James screwed up BIG TIME, there'd be no way the girls would beat them and then the guys come in half an hour later. Right? RIGHT? Right, the guys made it to Phil before the girls, who looked all sad when they came in last place. Awe, they're sad. Wait, I don't feel bad for them, bye bye bitches!
I stand corrected
Now it's just down to three teams, Rob and Kimberly, Tyler and James, and Lyn and Karlyn. It's a toss up between Tyler and James and Rob and Kimberly for me. Rob's rude and obnoxious, but so is she, and I don't really mind them. Although the brain thing he said a few weeks ago about the people in India or wherever they were having smaller brains because they didn't eat enough protein was sorta rude. Then again, I really like the boys, although I wonder if they would go on a drug bender if they had a million dollars. Who knows, but it's sure to be a nerve racking experience come this Sunday watching it.
