BRITNEY SPEARS HAS DIARRHEA

Usually I'm not into gossip, at least not on this site anyway, but I have to talk a little about poor Britney Spears. I watched her interview with Matt Lauer last night and all I can say is, that poor stupid girl. I never thought I'd feel sorry for a super rich diva, but I do. When she cried about the paparazzi chasing her down, I cried a tear or two too.

The way things went down were like this. Matt showed up at her house and when he was coming through her huge security gate after a full body cavity search he came upon Kevin Federline in the front yard. Sure, he was suckin' down a Milwaukee Best in a beer cozy watering the front lawn with the hose, but he was there.

Matt went into Britney's house, with cameras off because she didn't want to give away the identity of where she lives, although she claims helicopters hover twice a day to get pictures of her dropping her kid again. Anyway, they set up the interview in what looks like the living room. Of course, by looking at the couch in the background I'm hoping this is the dog's room because it's just awful.

Now, I don't know who Brit's handlers are, but they must be really pissed at her for some reason, or not there, because she just looked awful. I won't go into the short denim mini skirt and trailer trash shoes. She hadn't washed her hair since the baby was born and her make-up was so wrong. Actually, the make up part wasn't horrible, but one of her fake eyelashes was threatening to fall off. How she didn't see or feel that I'll never know. The worst part, that confirmed that no one that cared about her was anywhere near this interview room was the gum chewing. All that leads me to believe that the poor girl has no one. No Joe Simpson to make sure her hair looks nice and she spit out her gum.

During the interview Matt tries to get some good juice, but in fear of Kevin and the rest of the back up dancer gang kicking his ass, he doesn't push too hard. Of course he asked her about the rumors that Kevin's living in the basement. As far as I know basements in California are fairly rare. She says no, that he's not living in the basement. He's living in the apartment over the garage. Not really, but that'd be funny. When Matt asks her to talk about their relationship she says that Kevin's just "simple". I'm assuming she means he's low maintenance and not stupid, but hey, she could mean that too.

The interview starts out well enough, even with the gum chewing, but as it progresses her accent gets thicker and thicker and she starts lying more and more. She has diarrhea of the mouth. I think she's trying to defend her life, and put on a strong, "I'm cool" front. Have you ever been talking to someone who intimidates you and you start making crap up? Like your boss, and he's telling you some story about his time in Napa Valley and for some reason you blurt out that your father owns a vineyard in France? He really doesn't, in fact, he's an alcoholic who's never been out of the country, but for some reason it sounds right to say. I think that's what happened with Britney. When she and Matt were strolling in her backyard, she mentions that she likes to clean. When Matt follows that statement up, wanting to hear about it, she's flustered, doesn't know what to say. She thought he'd just take her word on it and leave it at that. So then she realizes that people could find out if she has a maid and catch her in this horrible lie, so she admits that she does have a maid, but the bitch slacks a bit on her job. Because really, if you were cleaning Britney Spears house, wouldn't you sweep a few cigarette butts under the carpet? And now the lie is firmly in place and you have to make up more lies, saying how you love cleaning and when Matt asks you what someone would find you doing if they just walked into the house, you have to say cleaning. See, it starts with a small lie, to make yourself fit in, but then it escalates to where you're laughing to yourself hoping Matt Lauer never pops in unexpectedly and sees you're not exactly cleaning.

Matt then goes for it, and asks Brit about the possibility that Kevin may cheat on her, and leave her pregnant ass. He also asks her how she could go with him when he had a pregnant girlfriend. Come to find out, Britney's dumb. I mean we knew that, but people, she's really dumb. She tells us that she didn't know he had a pregnant girlfriend until they were together for a few months. Girl, WE knew he had a pregnant girlfriend, how come you didn't? And then she married the guy!

Really, how can you not feel just a little sorry for her?

Finally, Matt asked her what her life would be like if the pappies didn't follow her around. This is when my heart went out to the girl. She started crying, saying all she wants is her privacy. And look, I gotta back the sista up. She doesn't mind them taking pictures of her, even following her around a bit. The girl just doesn't like being chased around by these a**holes who are knocking on her car windows and hoping she does something dumb. I'm not saying she didn't ask for a little of this, but come on, she's just a white trash girl with a white trash husband trying to live her life. I say leave Britney alone.

PASSIONS VENDETTA

I love this show!

Some crazy sci fi stuff has been going on on Passions lately. An evil monk and a mermaid!!! Plus a storyline that's been going on for about four years almost comes to a close. DAMN YOU GWEN!

Now come on, it could be a bit better then that. If Darryl Hannah wasn't in jail she'd be rolling over in her grave.

While Miguel was out fishing he fell overboard and was rescued by this beautiful mermaid. He didn't realize she was a mermaid and when Fox went to follow Kay who was looking for Miguel, instead of finding Kay and Miguel making out, naked, he found Miguel and this mermaid making out. Her tail had turned into legs by now. It's amazing to me how this show rips off so many shows and movies yet is completely authentic. Anyway, the girl makes up some story about her boyfriend leaving her and says her name is Siren. I don't know why they didn't hear the Siren in the background and know she was lying. She's also on the beach in a gold bikini. She claims her boyfriend took everything. Fox and Miguel are mesmerized by her and believe it. Kay on the other hand knows something's up. Miguel and Siren then start hooking up with Kay over their shoulder wondering why she's a dumb bitch. I fast forward through most of this because it's dumb. Eventually Kay finds out that Siren is in fact a mermaid and that if Miguel makes love to her the "mermaid curse" will come true and he will never want to be with a human woman again. That sucks. Of course no one believes her, even though as she points out, stranger things have happened, you know, like her house being sucked into Hell.

Most of Harmony is in Rome, each for different reasons. Fancy first went to get her mind off of Noah. See Noah's ex came into town and come to find out, the two of them witnessed a murder a long time ago. Now the partner of the murdered guy is looking for who did it and for some reason thinks Noah and Maya can help. Because he doesn't want Fancy in any danger, he's pretending he's with Maya now. This whole storyline is just asinine. Noah and Maya make their way to Rome too, under the instruction of Lena.

What's not dumb and I've been waiting for forever is Luis coming back. Sheridan and Chris were in Hawaii looking for Marty. They knew where he was. They also thought that if they were going to get him back, that they should be married, for legal reasons, in case one of them gets killed. Dumb! They get married and the next day go to some mansion to find Marty. While there, Otto, the main bad guy, blows the place up, but not before Chris pulls some poor dude out of the house. It takes forever and a frakkin' day for her to realize that the guy bandaged up in the hospital is actually her long lost love Luis. They're reunited and I'm happy. Oh yeah, she's married to that Chris guy, damnit! After letting Luis believe that they got married in a quickie wedding at the hospital, she takes him home for some joyous reunions. What I love about the soap world is people don't seem all that surprised he's back from the dead. They're like, "Hey man, I heard you were alive." I'm sorry, if my son returned from the dead I would have thrown up, or passed out, or been a bit more emotional than Pilar was. Anyway, eventually Luis figured out that not only was Sheridan married, but that she was pregnant too. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road we realized it's Luis'. They did have one night where they both fell asleep and did it. Just like Shawn and Belle on Days. To win Sheridan back, Luis decides to follow up a clue he found and go to Rome to find Beth and Marty.

Theresa also get a clue that brings her there. Well first, she finds out from Crane security that Jessica, Simone and Paloma are now in Rome too, following the clues to some stolen paintings, ala Da Vinci Code. She goes to Ethan to come with her and although Gwen's pissed, she tells him to go help find his sister. Of course Theresa uses this time to try and talk Ethan into dumping Gwen and being a family with their daughter and Little Ethan. She thinks that if she proves that Gwen is the one who sent the tabloid the story about his paternity, then he'll realizes what a lying scheming bitch Gwen is and come back to her. Which I think he would. They meet up with the other Harmonites in Rome and discover an e-mail that tells Theresa that someone from Harmony will die in Rome. She does get some good news though. The tabloid reporter that exposed Ethan's paternity for Rebecca and Gwen is in Rome. She finds him and at first doesn't know it's him. She eventually sees a picture of him and Rebecca in bed together, and Rebecca and Gwen call him to warn him that Theresa's looking for him. He tries to give Theresa some rufies but it backfires and he drinks it instead.

Unfortunately when Theresa comes back with Ethan, the guy's gone and Ethan thinks she's lying. Eventually they find the guy and he's on the phone with G&R, having just been bailed out of jail by them. She gets him to admit the truth, that it was G&R who sent the story to him, not Theresa. She does have a fatal flaw though, she offers him money as incentive for telling them the truth, and because of that, Ethan doesn't believe him! Damnit! Damnit! He wants some tangible proof that they did it. You know, like phone records, a picture, or a receipt from the cops of the bail Gwen sent to bail him out. I don't think Ethan's ever going to believe it. JT, the reporter, even tries to push a cinderblock onto Theresa's head, but Ethan takes it for her, coming out nearly unscathed. You'd think this would also be proof of something shady because why would he kill her if he wanted the $10M she offered for the truth. Ethan's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Paloma, Jessica and Simone are running around being chased by the bad guys. I don't know any real details on this because I've been fast forwarding it. They eventually find a painting and know it's important. Also in Rome is Spike, Jessica's pimp. He kidnaps her a few times, but she gets away. We find out that he's involved with Lena and that he was sent to Rome to kill Noah. Noah remembers that the person who killed Lena's partner had the same symbol on his arm that we've been seeing for weeks. Jessica had it tattooed on her, it was in some club in Rome, and it's in some of the pictures that have been stolen. When he tells this to Jessica she remembers that Spike's the one who has that tattoo, and that he killed her partner. Noah and Jessica find Spike and take him to Lena, only to realize that not only are Spike and Lena working together, but Maya's in on it too.

I totally just noticed the face in the chalice. Creepy!

Chad's in Rome as well because he's followed Whitney. I'm glad Whitney's finally on the show again instead of just off in some convent. While she was in the convent she was approached by a monk who wouldn't show his face and insisted he was God. She believed him and followed him to Rome, but not before donning a great disguise. And by great I mean awful. Apparently there's some chalice in the Vatican that does something and he wants to get his hands on it. He has some virtual reality goggles and she tries to use them to go through the Vatican to find the chalice. It's great. I love Passions. She eventually finds it and before they go get it she starts to doubt the monk. She pulls his hood off and he's all disfigured. Even though she was going to leave him there, when she sees he's all burned and what not, she decides to stay and help him because disfigured people can't be bad, right? Turns out, the disfigured person is Allistair in disguise. Yes, he's no longer in a coma. He's been controlling everything that's been going on, including hiring Lena to break up Fancy and Noah. He and Whitney break into the Vatican and make it to the chalice just as Paloma, Jessica and Simone figure it out along with Chad. They try to stop Whitney from stealing it, with the help of a nun, but she thinks she's doing God's work since she's trying to make up for the sin of doing it with your half brother and having a baby. Simone and Paloma pick the lock to the room to get to them. Allistair looks crazy as he gets his hands on the chalice, which in the hands of evil is a bad thing. It's some magical chalice or something.

Back in Harmony, Sheridan's worried for Luis, much to Chris chagrin, since he knows where Sheridan's heart lies, but doesn't care because he too is connected to the symbol and therefore Allistair. He has the symbol in his luggage. He overhears Sheridan's conversations with Luis from Rome and can't stand to hear how concerned she is. Sheridan's having nightmares about her father and with Chris, Julian and Eve, they go to the hospital to make sure he's still there. He is, and Julian puts a pin in his arm to make sure he's not playing possum. He's not and they leave. Later, Sheridan returns and notices what looks like plastic on his neck. She pulls it off and turns out it's just some poor guy lying there, with an Allistair mask on. That was a full week ago and she hasn't called Luis yet to warn him. She's a little mad a Luis though.

Kick her ass Luis!

In Rome, Luis and Fancy have gotten a bit closer. It all started when there was a cave in in the catacombs and Luis and Chad were stuck. When Noah and Fancy pulled Luis out he thought she was Sheridan and gave her a bit wet one. She kinda liked it, and really, who wouldn't? Noah didn't though. Because of the e-mail Theresa got, Luis didn't think Fancy should be alone and moved into her room with her. She didn't like that and went out on her own. Who did she end up meeting? Beth! At first Beth didn't know who she was, but then she saw her with Luis and figured Luis and Fancy were together and vowed to kill her. The first time she tried to do it was in the Roman ruins, which we've seen about three times now with different characters. Passions doesn't skimp on sets now does it? Luis of course showed up and it didn't happen. The next time she tried to kill her she snuck into the room as Luis chatted in the bathroom with Sheridan. He's a cop right? She tried smothering her but it didn't work, Luis came out and stopped her and finally had a hold of her. Unfortunately Fancy fainted and hit her head, causing Luis to let go of Beth and completely forget about her while she ran out of the room. The next time she tried to kill her was at this huge party at an art gallery. She tried poisoning her drink. I don't think Allistair would be too happy with this dear daughter Beth if he knew what she was doing since he loves Fancy, unlike everyone else he knows. In fact, he made himself known to Beth in Rome and she was happy to see him, even though he didn't look thrilled to see her. Without his permission she also recruited Spike to help kill Fancy, which didn't work since he got sidetracked with Noah and Jessica.

Luckily for Luis he was able to see Marty a few times, with Beth running away with him. Sheridan was happy to hear that, even though Luis didn't manage to get him, even with Chad's help. The last time he had Beth, Fancy fainted again, this time because of the poison. He didn't want Fancy there anyway because he realized Beth wanted to kill her. Noah didn't want her there either, but probably because he walked in on Fancy and Luis in bed together. Before she could deny it he drew his own conclusion and talked too much and didn't let her explain in typical soap opera style. Eventually he and Luis came to blows and he didn't believe they didn't hook up. At the party, Luis went to Fancy after she drank the poison and again Beth got away. I hate Fancy. No, I like her, but Luis needs to focus a bit better. Fancy and Luis ran out of the party to look for Beth. They spotted her as she got in a cab and hopped on a motorcycle to go after them. They rode through the Universal lot which doubles at Rome and eventually the cab crashed into some steps and exploded. Luis tried to save Marty but couldn't.

Coming up on Passions... Gwen comes to Rome to tell Theresa Allistair's out of his coma... Ivy wonders if Kay's in love with Miguel and the showdown we've been waiting for begins between Allistair and... everybody.

THESE ARE THE DAYS...

I was cruising for pictures and found this one. HAHAHAHA!!! Look at her wrinkly cleavage!

Wow, it's been a long time since I've talked about either Days or Passions (http://primetimetvblog.blogspot.com/2006/02/passions-of-my-days.html). A lot's happened, but then again, not really that much. It's been about five months since I wrote anything but only a week or so in Salem and Harmony. Of course anyone who's pregnant or married is now acting like they've been that for months or years. I love these shows.

On Days, the main thing that happened was Marlena finally got her memory back. I say finally because this story was just boring. Alex North convinced her that not only was he her husband, but that they should remarry. I wanted to punch Marlena's lights out. I know she didn't know the difference and he was drugging her, but she said so many contradictory things. Plus, every week or so she'd remember, and then quickly forget.

Hang on John!

Luckily John stuck by her, even tried to kill Alex at their wedding because he knew he was no good. They didn't work and because he's an ISA agent and friends with every cop on the Salem PD, he didn't get arrested. In fact, when Marlena and Alex went on their honeymoon to Morgan Island, he followed. He had a plan this time though, he shot her up with some drug that counteracted Alex's drug, so she remembered, sorta. When she finally remembered everything John took her away, only about fifty feet though and Alex found them. There was a short scuffle (about two weeks in real time) and Alex eventually went off the cliff. John and Marlena were reunited. Unfortunately, when they got back to Salem, Marlena started to remember what caused her amnesia in the first place. She fell down the step and lost the baby she was carrying that was Roman's. Yes, I know, she's ancient. I don't know how she's able to procreate, but I guess in soap time she's only about forty, so that's not unrealistic. Now this new memory is threatening to tear them apart again. Let's hope not.

Hook it up girlfriend!

Speaking of being torn apart and hope, poor Bo and Hope. I used to love these two together but they just bug me now. Since Bo's long lost daughter with Billie, Chelsea, ran over Bo and Hope's son Zach and killed him, things haven't been too good. Hope was so distraught she went to Morgan Island to relax and guess who's there? Hot ass Patrick. Come to find out (after months) he used to live there with his long lost love who was killed, he thought because of her involvement with bad people. Turns out she was killed because she was involved with bad people. So he lost the guilt, and the experience brought him and Hope closer together. The whole time he was telling her to go back to Bo, but of course she's still pissed that he sided with Chelsea and lied to her. She and Patrick even saw a dramatic rescue on TV of Chelsea from a sewer where she fell into and got trapped. She saw Bo still not mad at Chelsea and got all pissed again. She threw her wedding ring into the sea. I woulda hawked that shite for some money, it was huge. Because she was trying to forget about Bo she and Patrick did the nasty. Whew, I got a hot flash just thinking about it. She felt bad afterwards, but didn't regret it. She's no dummy.

Meanwhile, Bo's in Salem trying to control his whore daughter. She's ridiculous. One minute she's grinding on Max (who happens to be her adoptive uncle, ewe) and the next she's trying to dirty dance we some strangers in a bar. Anyway, she gets trapped underground and nearly dies, and decides to change her ways. She thinks it's Karma since she changed an e-mail Bo sent to Hope to make it sound like he didn't want to be with her. How this dumb girl is so computer savvy is beyond me. Bo then thinks Patrick is some guy the police are looking for to question about a murder. He finally decides to call Hope and realizes Patrick's there, and that Hope did the horizontal mambo with him. He admits that he did it with Billie too. Eventually he decides to go down there, right around the time John does.

Hope doubts Patrick's goodness when it looks like he's working for Alex when in reality the local police, who know Patrick from before, asked him to help them capture Alex. As she kisses Patrick, Bo walks in and tries to beat Patrick up, which further infuriates Hope. They all eventually get back to Salem and it looks like Bo and Hope may hook back up, but of course Chelsea has to ruin it. Bo writes Hope a sweet e-mail about how much he love her, but Chelsea gets there first and changes it. To add insult to injury, Chelsea's trial's been pushed up. Salem has some messed up rules. John can be a sniper and almost take Alex out, but Chelsea accidentally runs over her brother and they're threatening her with twenty years in prison. Not that she's all innocent or anything, but still. When the trail begins it was a shoe in that she would do jail time. Luckily, she has Grandma Kate on her side. Some greedy lady cop figured out that Kate would do anything and bribed her. Kate gave her money and in exchange the chick gave her the disk that showed Chelsea driving, on her phone, which of course is illegal and caused the accident. When the evidence turned up missing, fingers point to Bo who was the last person logged in in the evidence room. This pissed Hope off royally. Way to give him the benefit of the doubt. Because this evidence wasn't available, Frankie, Chelsea's lawyer, wanted the case dismissed. The judge wouldn't do that, but he would render a verdict without hearing from anyone except Bo and Hope. He found her guilty, but only sentenced her to community service. Hope and Shawn were outraged, especially at Bo who they thought tampered with evidence.

Speaking of Shawn. Thank the Lords of Kobol, he and Mimi got married. Almost didn't happen though because Belle became a raging BITCH. She decided that she wanted Shawn back and would do whatever she had to to break them up. Mimi was freaking out because she found out that Claire's Shawn's daughter, not Phillip's. Her mother and Kate decided to help things along and make sure Mimi and Shawn got married. They tried to lay the guilt trip on Belle, so she wouldn't want to hurt Phillip. And then Caroline found a drunk Belle at the pub and she confided in her her plans to break it up. Caroline pointed out that Shawn may not even want her anymore, and how horrible it'd be if that were the case and she not only lost Shawn, but Mimi and Phillip too. She then had a conversation with Shawn that pretty much said just that, that he wanted to be with Mimi. Mimi overheard it too. With all of these other influences, Belle didn't stop the wedding and they got married. Within a few hours they were at the Horton cabin, having married sex. Belle, knowing her dad may kill Alex at her mother's wedding, ran up to the cabin to get Shawn, walking in on them doing it. It was gross. Mimi had to tell Belle to basically butt out of their lives, because they were married now. Belle eventually realized what an ass she was being and recommitted herself to being with Phillip and all was happy. I really enjoy the old non-selfish Belle. During their honeymoon to freakin' Green Mountain Lodge, Phillip and Belle showed up and hung out with Shawn and Mimi. Romantic. Shawn met a waitress who overheard them talking about Mimi not being able to conceive. She told them that she was in the same situation and she tried invitro, which worked and she had a baby. This got them all excited and they decided to try it. They spent the last month or so being way too excited about it, painting the "baby's" room and what not. She was implanted with the embryo last week and they talked incessantly about how great it was that she was "pregnant". Unfortunately, while Shawn was at Chelsea's trial, Mimi lost the "baby". She thinks it's Karma because she's been lying about Shawn being Claire's real father. She should just tell him and say she just found out. Then she won't get in trouble for lying to him and he'll know without her being guilty and nearly spitting it out a zillion times.

I know this is crazy to say, but I'm glad Carrie and Austin aren't together, they annoy the crap out of me. I think Carrie and Lucas together is just nasty though. And we found out awhile back that not only are Carrie and Lucas engaged, but she's pregnant. Ewe. Because Carrie's no longer on the market, Austin decided to settle for Sami. Sami realized this and gave probably the best speech this actress has ever done. She was awesome and believable and basically told him that she was tired of playing this little game and that he should just move on, so she could move on. This inspired him to propose to her, so he did and she said yes, much to Kate's chagrin. I can't wait for her to get what's coming to her. Kate I mean, I'm sorta liking Sami. Everyone was pretty happy with the situation until EJ Wells showed up. EJ's some mysterious English bloke who moved in across the hall from Sami and Austin. He's hot, and Carrie and Sami have noticed. Hard not to notice he's been shirtless nearly every episode. Hey, I'm not complaining though.

Ah, yeah.

I have no idea what his deal is but he's taking a liking to Sami, which I love. She needs some good lovin'. Actually she needs to be with Lucas, but that's not going to happen, at least for awhile. EJ does have some ulterior motive, mostly I think some engine Shawn designed for Max's race car. Austin and Company, which is now just Austin and Sami since Nicole left the show, wants to market the engine. Austin even pitched the idea to Shawn, who basically already had a deal with Titan and Lucas. Shawn doesn't want anything to do with Sami though, ever since she posed as Stan. They are a bit hard on her for that, she fought to get Tony to release them all and didn't do any of the stuff that could have endangered their lives. Anyway, since Kate's figured out that Sami has a thing for EJ, she's been trying to get them together, even lending Basic Black's name to the proposal of having EJ, a famous international race car driver like Max, as the spokesman for Shawn's engine. He's apparently more famous then Max, so would be better to have. Shawn's not feeling it though, since his grandfather Victor has way more money and he's related, oh and he hates Sami. EJ is helping Sami out though. When Alex was alive he blackmailed her into keeping quiet about him switching Lexie's cancer tests. She thought Lexie had cancer and wanted her to get retested. She wouldn't of course because she hates Sami, but EJ encouraged her and she did, and was cleared of cancer.

Speaking of that slut Lexie, she's still doin' it with Tek. I don't blame her, but she is married to Abe. Unfortunately Abe's not really into having sex with his wife, so you can't really blame her because of that either. Sami knows about the affair and has been blackmailing Lexie to keep Austin and Carrie apart. She's had her convince Carrie that she shouldn't marry Austin because if they have children it'll be retarded or something. Something genetic. Hello! They were married before! Carrie's dumb enough to believe it and since she would rather have healthy children then be married to the man she loves, she chose to be with Lucas since she likes him a lot. Dumb!

The best storyline recently is with Jack. Well, not just with Jack. Jack's been presumed dead for awhile now. Long enough for Frankie to move in on Jen and for them to get engaged, which is what Jack wanted. They're happy, she's ready to move on without Jack. Little does she know Jack's alive in some hospital we have no idea how he got to. A doctor there thinks he has a cure, further solidifying what a horrible doctor Lexie is. He tried the cure but I fast forwarded it through. I don't think it worked. Anyway, while Jack was delirious, he thought he saw his brother Steve "Patch" Johnson who he believed died when Lawrence Alamain blew up a boat he was on. As the audience we thought he may be alive because the casket he was in was switched with an empty one at his funeral. This was in the early 90's. Anyway, this guy who looks just like Steve is an orderly at the hospital Jack's in. Unfortunately, he doesn't think he's Steve. Most likely he was brainwashed into thinking he's someone else. Jack wants to prove he's his brother and wants him to call his wife, Kayla. Jack, aka "Nick", isn't running from the room, but he's not believing Jack's story either. I don't know why Jack doesn't just tell him that he has a tattoo on his back of a dagger, just like the one Bo has. Damn, this takes me back. I first started watching Days a long long time ago and the first thing I can remember is when Bo and Steve got into a fight and Bo poked Steve's eye out. Ah, those were the days of feathered hair and mullets.

Meanwhile, as Jen and Frankie prepare of their wedding, Caroline calls Kayla to ask her to come home for the wedding and to help Bo. Kayla doesn't want to come back because everything reminds her of Steve. Jen talks her into coming and she's making her way there.

Coming up, Abe discovers Lexie and Tek doing the deed...Jack and Steve go back to Salem... and Mimi and Shawn decide to look into surrogacy. (I wonder who's going to be the surrogate?)

LAST COMIC STUPID

USELESS!!!

I know I didn't mention this show in my previous article (http://primetimetvblog.blogspot.com/2006/06/summer-shows.html) but I had to say something about the episode that was on last night. The basic premise is like Idol. A bunch of comics audition, they cut the field down to forty, out of that forty they pick 10 to live in a house and out funny each other. Last week and last night the forty were split into two groups. Each set of twenty would perform and they'd choose five from each group to live in a the house. The first twenty were all pretty good, and I think they probably picked out the best. Last night though, something's seriously wrong with these producers.

They have three judges, the amazing Gary Marshall, the crazy Kathy Griffin and the funny and talented Tim Meadows (who's all over the place lately). They get to ask the comics questions, some of which we see, some we don't, and we're led to believe they at least have a say in who gets to go through. I mean honestly, who would I trust to pick the funniest person? Gary Marshall, the actor/director extraordinaire who brought us Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley? Or some twenty five year old producers who doesn't know shite about comedy?

Ty Barnett. He's funny.

The twenty that performed last night weren't that great. There were probably five or so that had me rolling, but the rest were either boring or just plain dumb. Luckily the one who was truly funny got the audience choice and automatically moved on, Gabriel Iglesias. Then, they chose this guy, Bill Dwyer. When he auditioned he was hilarious, but last night, not so funny. Some lady was heckling him from the upper balcony and he didn't respond to her. I think the best comedians can take whatever someone's saying and make it hilarious. He didn't do that. Well, they chose him to be in the house. Gary, Kathy and Tim didn't see his past performance, how'd they know he was funny because of that?

The worst though was this pregnant lady named Stella. She wasn't funny in auditions and from the way they edited it, she wasn't chosen. The best my roommate and I could figure out is that she was an alternate and was pulled up. Again, not sure why. Anyway, she was horrible last night and they chose her!!! She even looked surprised! What the hell?!? I wish I could find a picture of this dumb ho, but I can't.

After they called everyone, as I was yelling at the TV, host Anthony Clark (who I love but looks weird on the show) said that there was a twist. Uh oh, a Last Comic Standing twist, what ever could it be? They were choosing two extra comics out of that nights bunch. What?! If you were gonna do that, why not last week when most of them were actually good?! At least the guy I thought was the funniest next to Gabriel would be chosen. But no, they chose this woman Kristen, who was funny, and this midget chick who wasn't funny at all! Her punchline consisted of farting jokes. Now we all know farting jokes are funny, but not when it's some midget girl bending over pretending to take a dump. Not funny.

My thinking is that the show doesn't want to put the funniest comics in the house, they want to put who they think will be the best drama in the house. I hate this. Especially because this Stella ho is not funny at all and she's probably going to give birth while she's there. Her schtick is as an obnoxious New Yorker and her delivery is just awful. If she wasn't pregnant I'd want to punch her. Wait, no, I still want to punch her. A few really funny people got passed up so her annoying ass could be in the house and that infuriates me! I don't know why I'm surprised though. In the first season the same thing happened and Drew Carey and Brett Butler actually got up and left the room they were so pissed. At the time, Drew said, "It was like somebody at NBC cast the show ahead of the event in Vegas. And they had 1,100 in the audience (for the semifinals competition) who saw how blatantly it was cast. If this happened on 'Survivor' or any other reality TV show, it would be a major scandal."

The good news is in the preview for next week, Roz (who's funny) and Stella get into a fight. I hope she tells her how she's not funny at all.

SUMMER SHOWS

It's summertime, and used to be it was filled with repeats and all cable shows, but in the time of greediness, the networks have joined in and are throwing new shows out there like it's fall time. I'm gonna give you the quick rundown of the shows I'm looking forward to, and hopefully you'll check some of them out. I'm gonna try to recap a few as well.

Last night on TNT is The Closer and Saved both premiered. Because it's TNT they'll repeat it about 1023808108 times, so don't worry. I watched the first season of The Closer and it was excellent. It's procedural but with a nice through line. Kyra Sedgwick is adorable and sassy, and if you like Law and Order and procedurals like that, you'll probably like this. Plus it has some great, funny moments. Saved is the other show starring Tom Everett Scott. Not only he is yummy, but he's got some acting chops. He plays a paramedic, having quit in his quest to be a doctor just like his father, leading a fast paced, on the edge life, saving people and going to late night poker games. Look, I'm just watching it for Tommy.

Sunday June 11th, another amazing show started... Deadwood. If you haven't seen the past two seasons, get them on Netflix. It's on HBO so not only will it repeat a bazillion times, but they can curse, and boy do they ever. It took me a full season to get into the show because I had no idea what the hell they were saying. But it's like riding a bike, once you get it, you get it. Or better yet, did you ever see that episode of The Simpsons where Bart goes to Paris and doesn't understand the language. Finally, he's been there so long that he finally just starts speaking it fluently, not even realizing he's speaking it? That was funny as hell, and very much how Deadwood is. Plus, Timothy Olyphant plays a Wyatt Earp meets Doc Holiday character that's spectacular.

In the vein of The Amazing Race and The Da Vinci Code, both of which I love (haven't seen the movie, but loved the book), is Treasure Hunters. The teams are of 3, but are similar to The Race, they have pre-existing relationships. Brothers, best friends and even a mullet. Yes, I said mullet. The teams race around the world following clues that will eventually lead them to a treasure. Good thing is, the audience at home can participate in the hunt and win a treasure of their own at the end. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds fun. The show starts on Sunday, June 18th. Thank goodness, I need something to do on Sundays now that my beloved Grey's isn't on.

At the end of June, Spike TV's trying to branch out to scripted television. I don't watch Spike TV, didn't think I ever would, until they announced a series based on the Blade comics and movies. Unfortunately they didn't get the scrumptious Wesley Snipes. (not sure why, it's not like he's busy or anything) But they did get the next best thing, maybe ever better, rapper Kirk "Sticky Fingaz" Jones from the short lived but amazing show Over There. I'm really looking forward to it.

Don't think I'm crazy but I'm kinda looking forward to Simon Cowell's America's Got Talent. It's sorta the same thing as American Idol but definitely doesn't take itself too seriously, Regis Philbin hosts for God's sake. Oh, and David Hasslehoff is a judge, along with Brandy and some British guy. It's sorta a clone of Idol and The Gong Show. The idea of someone being on stage and being forced off with a big buzzer is just awesome. It premieres on NBC on June 21st.

So you're really going to think I lost it when I tell you the next show I'm gonna try to watch. Making the Band 3. Yes, yes, I know, I'm crazy right? Over Thanksgiving weekend I was in Vegas. Was having a blast but while some of us were getting ready we had the television on and this dumbass show was on. Can you believe all five us in the room were entranced. Watched at least a few hours of it. That and Run's House, which also premieres its new season the same night. Yeah, the drama of having an all girl band run by P. Diddy Puff or whatever his name is isn't really that appealing, but I'm gonna give it a try. If anything we'll see some dumb girls in high heels either falling, getting into a fight, or having some really messed up outfit on. Run's House, all about the "Run" in Run DMC, was really good last season. His kids are just spoiled enough to be intriguing, but not so spoiled I want to kick them in the crotch. That's always a good thing, not wanting to kick people in the crotch.

Sci Fi is also premiering some great shows too. Not only is Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis back (July 14th), but a new show called Eureka will begin July 18th. The "Gates" are staple Sci Fi shows, but Eureka isn't in space or on some bizarre planet (although that'd be cool). It's about aU.S. Marshall who gets stuck in a town full of geniuses with his delinquent daughter and a whole bunch of awesome gadgets and experiments. Joe Morton is one of the co-stars and he rocks it as the local mechanic/rocket scientist. Also in the reality realm on Sci Fi is Who Wants to Be a Superhero. I think this is a great idea for a show. It's produced by comic book genius Stan Lee and a group of would be superheroes perform tasks to see who's the top superhero. The best thing is the costumes are completely made up by the person, not some savvy producer. Just by the open casting calls I saw on Leno and the local news it's sure to be hilarious. Look for that on July 27th.

On it's sister network, USA, a show called Psych begins. Simply, it's about a kid with amazing deductive powers that poses as a police psychic. That doesn't sound too interesting but I swear it's really good, funny and of course I like it because the lead guy's just adorable. The West Wing's Dule Hill is his straight man sidekick. That'll premiere on July 7th.

One more show that started last week is Windfall. It's about a group of twenty friends who end up winning the biggest lotto jackpot of about $380M. It's about $20M a piece. It's a bit soap opera like, with the woman from one couple still being in love with the guy from another couple. And a guy who wins the millions but can't cash the check because of some mysterious past so he gets some girl he just met to sign for him and he'll give her money. I saw the pilot, which was pretty good and plan to watch more, since there's really nothing else on.

I hope this is enough to get you excited about summer. It's usually such a dreary time for television, I'm glad networks are taking it seriously. And we can thank Beverly Hills 90210 (or maybe it was Melrose Place) for that, since it started premiering their shows in the summer with great results, however many years ago.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

So the guys have finally made it outside the walls. I've never been so nervous. I guess that's not true. I was nervous during 24, oh, and LOST, and I was biting my nails during the last half hour of Grey's Anatomy. Okay, so I have been that nervous before.

Last we left our rag tag team of escapees, they had just made it over the wall and poor, fat Manche was caught by the guards. That's where we pick the story up. The guards surround him with guns blazing and yell at him to tell them who all got over the wall. At first he's not budging, he says nobody. The guards are dumb, but they're not that dumb, no way Manche figured out an escape plan all by himself. One of the guards threatens to break his neck if he doesn't tell. Normally I'd think this was just ridiculous since they wouldn't really kill him and get away with it, but in the moment, I was scared for him. He finally admits who the crew was that broke out.

Meanwhile, Pope's in the infirmary, looking at the escape route. They tell him that eight people made it out. I'm pretty impressed since Michael didn't think everyone would make it over when there were just six of them. Pope looks down at poor Westmoreland, already dead. I hope he doesn't think Michael killed him because honestly, if he was going to kill anyone holding them up it would have been Manche.

Happy New Year!!!

Next we see the inmates inside going crazy, throwing toilet paper and magazines, the typical thing you see in prison movies when the natives get restless. Pope storms into Michael and Sucre's cell and sees the toilet's not in the right place. I would think the last person out would have pulled that closed. Maybe the other guards came in and found it and told Pope. Actually, that's probably what happened. They tell Pope about finding Bellick.

Uh oh, Bellick is pissed. I mean, I can't blame him, but he's even more pissed then his usually pissed face is. He asks for a shotgun and I'm not convinced they should give it to him, but they do. He announces that all the escapees just signed their death warrant. Um, I don't recll Michael signing anything.

Outside, all the COs have gathered for Pope's speech. I'm sure he's going to tell them to search every outhouse, doghouse, and henhouse in a five mile radius. And then miraculously, Tommy Lee Jones and Joe Pantoliano show up. He tells them that the prisoners have been gone for twelve minutes so they could be a mile away. They all hop in their Ford Broncos and scatter.

As the group of COs pull away, all pissed and ready to hunt down and shoot the escapees, we see that they're not a mile away, they're about thirty yards, in a ditch near the prison. Everyone's getting a bit antsy, thinking they should head out. Hello you people, when are you just going to shut and listen to Michael? He thinks they should stay there and let all the guys get a ahead of them. I guess that's a good idea, unless some of them wise up and double back, just in case you don't run a twelve minute mile. Michael must not understand the concept of a perimeter. He certainly doesn't understand the concept of the dogs. Sucre gets nervous when they bring the dogs out of the prison. Do you think they keep them there just for something like that? Michael doesn't think the dogs can smell them. Why I don't know. Maybe because they smell a bit like the bleach they used on the uniforms last episode. Unfortunately, when the dogs get in the van they see the guys in the ditch and start barking. The COs get out of the truck and go to investigate. Don't worry, we know they won't find them because of their stupidity. They don't, the guys have run off into the night.

Something tells me he's not going to pick it up

Next we're told we're on Highway 15. Dear God, that could be anywhere in the country. Fortunately, it's in Blackfoot, Montana where Veronica's chasing down the Vice President's presumed dead brother. Wow, not only did she take the fastest flight known to man, she also rented a car faster then you can Michael Scofield is one hot- wait, nevermind. Because Veronica is almost as dumb as the COs, she decides to call Nick. Not only does she call him on his home number, she proceeds to give him a rundown of where she is and what she's doing there. Is this woman stupid or just stupid? Really? Don't you remember that little incidence with him pointing a gun at your face and telling you about being tied to the mob? I hate her. Of course this all falls on deaf ears. Deaf ears because he's dead.

In with the Veep, Brinker's trying to break it to her easy that the Company doesn't want her on their side anymore. The Veep realizes this is just a sly way of breaking up with her and she's not going to take it lying down. She wants to know why the change of heart. Brinker tries to be nice but it comes out as her just being a bitch. Basically, she can't get it done, and they need someone who will. She brings up that she faked her brother's death and killed the man... She cuts off then and I'm wondering what the hell she was going to say. And really, so you faked your brother's death, doesn't take a rocket scientist to do that. Regardless, she tells Brinker that she's not going to take this lying down and Brinker alludes that she will be lying down, in a pine box, if she doesn’t keep her mouth shut. Although I doubt she'd choose pine, maybe a nice oak or cedar.

The escapees have gotten to a barbed wire fence. Damn, I bet they wish they hadn't dumped those suits. Lincoln holds the fence up for everyone because truly, if it wasn't for him they wouldn't be in this predicament. Tweener goes through and cuts his hand on the wire. He really should get a tetanus shot when they get to civilization. When Haywire goes through Lincoln tells him to take his white jumpsuit off because it's after Labor Day and you can't wear white. Also, he's glowing in the dark. Haywire says he's just wearing his underwear underneath and I agree he should keep his jumpsuit on. Most likely his underwear are white, and then he's pretty pale, so he would just stand out anyway. Once he's through Lincoln tells Abruzzi that they need to do something about that guy. He should have told that to T-Bag, Lord knows he would take care of him pronto.

The group comes around the corner and sees a barn. Apparently that's where the van they are supposed to drive is being held. C-Note wonders where it is and they look closer and sure enough it's there. Think about if they would have run all those extra twelve minutes, they would be at the van before the COs even left and halfway to the airport by now. But I'm sure Michael has a plan. They make it to the barn and all start piling in, Abruzzi insisting Lincoln drive. Um, he hasn't driven in three years, we sure we want him behind the wheel? As they all pile in Tweener has his hand leaning on the wall of the barn. When he takes it off there's a bloody handprint. Raise you're hand if you didn't see that coming? Now put your hand down so I can smack you. Michael busts the tail lights out so they can "be invisible". As the group gets into the van, Linc wonders where the keys are. Abruzzi says they're in the trashcan on the side of the barn. Lincoln tells Haywire to get them and as soon as he starts looking, Abruzzi hands Linc the keys and they drive off with Haywire yelling for them to stop. Let's just hope they didn't tell him their plans because when he's captured he'll spill everything.

Back at the prison, we're getting the lowdown on the search. The airports are locked down, the relatives phones have been tapped, and the locksmith guy's figured out that they didn't break into the clinic. I have so many problems with this scene. Where to begin? First of all, it doesn't seem like even a half an hour has passed and they have all of this done? The phone taps take a court order, and you're telling me you got one and got the lines tapped all in that time? Plus, Westmoreland's not even cold and they've already analyzed the lock on the door? I'm thinking finding out how they did it shouldn't be top priority at the moment. An orderly tells them that it's impossible it was left unlocked on purpose. Why? They're human, they could have accidentally done that. It's not like they have felons walking around in the infirmary, I doubt it's a huge deal if it's unlocked. I guess for the progression of the story they had to say all that stuff, but it bugs me nonetheless.

"Do not make me stop this car!"

In the van, T-Bag's fishing for something in his shirt. He wonders out loud to Abruzzi why he's sitting in the seat he's sitting all the way in the back. I wonder that too because I'd get car sick in the back of a van like that. We soon realize why he chose that seat. One of his cohorts put a gun under it. As he's reaching for the gun, T-Bag whips out the handcuffs he stole from Lincoln's guard and handcuffs himself to Michael. Wow, I have so much I want to say about being handcuffed to Michael. I'll hold back. Abruzzi puts the gun to his head, preparing to shoot and T-Bag reminds him that they need Michael for their plan to get the goods on Fibonaci and if he shoots him, Michael will be forced to drag 170 pounds of Alabama flesh around. There's no way T-Bag weighs 170 pounds wet. Anyway, this plan makes sense, but now Michael's gotta lug T-Bag around. In a low sexy voice Michael tells T-Bag to give him the key. Unfortunately it's in his mouth and he swallows it. I'm thinking Michael should do that finger trick he used with Haywire a few episodes ago. Have him puke it up. He doesn't, and he resigns himself to be handcuffed to this tool for awhile.

"In the labs at Oil of Olay..."

In some lab in what they tell us is Washington, DC, a man behind the shadows and a scientist are talking about the chemical he's cooked up. If you put it in someone's drink, within five minutes they'll have a heart attack, undetected by a tox screen. While they're talking we get a few shots of the Veep. I guess the Company's decided to take her out. Can't say I'm surprised or upset. The scientist is worried because this is an act of high treason. What's the difference between high treason and low treason? High treason is killing the Vice President and low treason is killing the assistant to Rhode Island's 4th District State Congressman. Who knows, but the guy's scared. The shadow guy doesn't really acknowledge this statement. It was a rhetorical question anyway.

Bellick and the boys have found the barn with Tweener's handprint and the busted glass from the tail lights Michael broke. He instructs the other guys to have the hounds track them with Tweener's blood. They bring a guy in who claims he works on the property and although he saw the van, he didn't report it being there, to which Bellick demonstrates his annoyance by pushing the poor guy.

Abruzzi's still fuming at T-Bag one upping him and remarks that he could cut him if he wanted to. Um, why doesn't he do it then? Oh yeah, he doesn't have a knife. T-Bag warns that the last time he came at him with a knife, it didn't work out too well. Ding ding! That's T-Bag 2, Abruzzi 0. Michael can't take it anymore and tells them to shut up, that they can settle this in Mexico. Why does everyone always go to Mexico? And doesn't Michael have to get Westmoreland's cash? I guess he'll come back for it, in a hoodie with a man purse. Maybe Chloe can help him too. Sorry, I got my Fox shows mixed up. More on the season finale of 24 later. Lincoln tries to pull Michael away from the anger and asks him how far it is. Michael says it's about five miles. C-Note warns Abruzzi that the plane better be there when they get there. The plane's there, and the pilot's getting a little antsy. I wonder why though, the group is probably running on time, according to Michael's plan.

"Whatchu askin' me all these questions for?"

At Fox River, Pope has Katie, the oddly named nurse, and is asking her whether she unlocked the door. The orderly said that it was just her and Dr. Sara who were left that night. If this guy knows that sorta stuff, why doesn't he know that Tancredi was playing tonsil hockey with Michael a few days ago? Katie protests that it wasn't her, nearly winking at Pope. Pope can't believe it, and wonders if she means it was Dr. Sara. Katie's not too forthcoming until Pope warns her that she'll be an accessory if she doesn't tell him everything. She blurts out that Dr. Sara had a thing for Michael, and truly, who doesn't have a thing for Michael? If you're a woman (or gay man) between the ages of 15 and 80, how could you not have a thing for Michael? Anyway, Pope realizes it was Dr. Sara who helped the escapees out, and a look of dread comes to his face. In her defense, she thought it would just be Lincoln and Michael escaping, she had no idea a few murders and child rapists would be getting out too.

The escapees are in trouble. Ahead of them is a roadblock. It can't be more than a hundred yards away. Michael says this is the only road to the airstrip. I'm assuming he means the only one that will take the shortest amount of time, because that'd be stupid if there was only one road to an airfield. He thinks they should go off roading in the van and go around the roadblock. I'm wondering why the cops haven't seen the van coming up the road. There aren't anymore cars out and honestly, the cops are probably board off their gord and are staring down the road anyway. Lincoln turns the van down into the brush and starts driving, silently, through the area. As Michael and T-Bag argue, the van gets stuck in the mud. This is when I think back to Michael's whole plan of letting them get ahead of them. Not too smart was it?

Back in Washington, we're treated to seeing some bottled water being carried into a kitchen. I'm assuming this is the tainted water. It's set down on a tray with the hopes the Veep gets a little thirsty during her speech.

As the guys try and push the van out of the mud, they realize it's pointless and decide to hoof it the rest of the way. Not really sure how long that is but we can assume it's less then five miles. Before they go Michael tells Tweener that this is where they part ways. I feel a little sorry for him as he says he thought they had a deal. Yeah, but that was before you told Bellick about their plan. Didn't really ruin things but it got Westmoreland killed. He pushes him on his way and T-Bag and him run to catch up with the others. When they all make it together they can see the search party getting a bit closer. A helicopter is also overhead and the boys look a bit worried. They run to the edge of a quarry with nowhere really to go. The helicopter flies back and forth over their location, why I don't know, not really a good search pattern. C-Note doesn't think they'll make it two miles with the helicopter above them. Sucre has an idea though, he sees a car parked next to a trailer and thinks he can hot wire it.

We're then transported back to 1956 where a little girl's putting playing cards on her bicycle. She looks to be about twelve or so, and I'm wondering why the hell her parents are letting her hang out in the dark garage when it's pitch dark out. They had to have heard the helicopters flying above and I'm sure the news has been interrupted for this breaking news story about 8 people escaping. Plus, living 5 miles from the state penitentiary would cause me some pause. Anyway, as she's setting the cards up, Haywire looks through the garage window in the creepiest moment yet. Did you ever see Con Air? Hmph.

At the airfield, someone's finally been alerted to an unidentified aircraft having landed a good half an hour ago. Maggio, Abruzzi's guy, tells the airfield worker that they're having engine trouble. Look, I'm no pilot, but don't you have to communicate take off and landing with a tower of some sort, especially if you were having engine trouble. "Permission to land..." comes to mind. Anyway, the guy accepts this, and I'm glad because Maggio's not only hungry, he's trigger happy. The guy leaves but after stepping four feet away he takes out his cell phone and has someone look up the tail number. Not that I want this innocent guy to die, but how come Maggio wasn't watching him after he left, to make sure he didn't do just that?

I don't know why, but this picture cracks me up. Frakkin' T-Bag.

Back with the escapees, Sucre's behind the wheel trying to hot wire it, talking about being able to do it, no problem. Seems to be taking awhile though. Must not have been a good car thief. The other guys are wondering around the area, seemingly quite calm. Michael and C-Note are talking, and since C-Note isn't a travelin' man, he wonders if Mexico is a good place to have a family, you know, being Black and American. Michael doesn't know how good a life it'll be and that's just rude, I'm sure Mexico City is great. Plus, I say go farther south, you know to a non extradition country. Grand Cayman would be nice. Regardless, C-Note just wants to be with his family, which is nice.

Over with Sucre, Lincoln and Abruzzi are getting a bit antsy. Sucre assures them that even though he was busted for armed robbery, he's pretty good at hot wiring a car. He explains about the red wire and blue wire and grounding and puts the wires together. Nothing happens. Then, they all decide to look under the hood of this busted ass car and guess what? There's no engine. What a waste of time.

Haywire's finally decided to make his move with the little girl. He stands in the doorway of the garage just staring at her. She cowers in the corner as he comes inside and takes the bike. He thinks to grab a football helmet and put it on before telling the girl he's sorry and pedaling away.

Pope's talking to Bellick who's made it to the van. He's confident the crew's not too far in front of them because the van's still warm. This makes Pope happy because now he's sure they've boxed them in and it'll be over soon. One of his men reports that Dr. Sara left mid afternoon and then returned for an hour. From what I remember from that episode there's no way she was there for an hour. Unless after she unlocked the door she hung out somewhere else besides the infirmary. Then that doesn't make sense because that was only about a half an hour before they realized the guys were gone. Anyway, she's not there but Chicago PD's identified her car outside her house and are getting a warrant. The guy also asks Pope if this means they should call the Governor.

One of the COs tells Bellick that the dogs have picked up on two scents, heading two different ways. Doesn't take a genius to know you just split the team up. There are two dogs you know. Bellick says as much and fumes.

In Blackfoot, Montana Veronica's made it to Steadman's house. Steadman's unguarded, unsecured house and watches him from the window. And she doesn't watch him from the side of the window, peering, in, she watches him full on like a stalker in the window, not caring if Steadman turns around and sees her. He's making a smoothie because those dentures his sister hooked him up with don't work I guess. He leaves the room and Veronica tries the door, which is unlocked, and goes in. Wha wha what?

In DC, Steadman's sister, the Veep, is giving her press conferences a mere foot away from the tainted water. Okay, I'm no political press conference connoisseur or anything, but don't they normally have a pitcher of water with lots of ice and a glass nearby for the person speaking? And really, how long is this press conference that she can't wait five minutes to drink something. I guess she could start coughing or something. Anyway, she's talking to the reporters about gas. Oil I mean. She takes the bottle and takes a sip of the water just as someone runs into the room and starts whispering things in the reporters ears. This is like the worst game of telephone I've ever seen. She's slightly annoyed her press conference is getting interrupted until a Secret Service agent comes up to her. He says something and she drops her water which dramatically hits the floor in slow motion.

The escapees have made it to yet another barn. Abruzzi and Lincoln are now best friends or something and both agree they need to do something about T-Bag since he's not as tall as Michael and Michael has to wait for him to catch up. Please, he doesn't use the yard to do any exercising, just pulling poor little boys around by his pocket. When they get in the other guys grab him and push him down onto a table. Sucre comes up with some heavy duty pliers and tries to cut the handcuffs but is unsuccessful. T-Bag starts laughing, thinking they're stuck with him. Abruzzi doesn't think so and suddenly appears above them wielding a huge ax. Uh oh, this can't be good. Let's hope he has good aim. He does, he chops off T-Bag's hand, with a little arm, right off. T-Bag 2, Abruzzi 387,567,393,746. The hand is on the ground as T-Bag moans in agony and Sucre can't believe what he saw. Abruzzi's proud of what he did and Michael checks to make sure the ax didn't swing twice and get any of him, it didn't. Lincoln tells the blabbering Sucre to shut up just as a farmer comes out to check on the noise in the barn, because you know there was major noise going on. He gives up after a minute and the team takes off, leaving T-Bag a weeping mess on the ground.

Bellick's still running through the woods and we finally go back to Tweener. He's made it to a road and there's some sort of contruction going off and cars are backed up. Luckily for him there's a truck with a horse carrier in the back. He quickly runs over and jumps in. I really wish the rest of them would have followed him.

Pope decides to make a call to Governor Tancredi. Tancredi doesn't have time though, he tells Pope to turn on his TV and then hangs up on him. Well, glad he's not concerned for his daughter when the warden of the prison she works at called. Pope then goes into his office where the guards are watching the news. How he didn't see them before I don't know. On the screen is breaking news, not about the prison break but about the death of the President. Yes, the President! The President had a fatal heart attack and they were unable to revive him. Damn. That bitch is cold. Pope is shocked, and quite frankly, so am I.

We cut to the Veep being sworn in as the next President and she's almost giddy. Afterwards, she and Kellerman leave to go do Presidential stuff. Brinker's waiting for her around the corner and she can't help but smile. She says, "And you said I couldn't get things done". Hahaha, damn, that was good. Brinker asks that they meet and talk about things, but she calls her Madame Vice President. Oh no she di'int. She corrects her and then and says she has a lot on her plate right now and can't meet with her. She'll have to call her office to schedule something, maybe a lunch, or a nice brunch in Georgetown. She can bring the family over to the White House and they'll have a picnic in the Rose Garden.

At Dr. Sara's apartment the police knock and she doesn't answer. They take this as a sign to break the door down. Inside they see pill bottles and syringes and basically a party going on. Unfortunately, Dr. Sara's on the couch with a grayish tint to her skin and vomit next to her. Uh oh, Michael's girlfriend looks dead to me. Oh darn. Seriously, how dead could she be, maybe an hour, and she's already gray? The cops mention that it could be a "possible" DOA, which means she could be alive. I haven't heard about this actress leaving so I have a feeling she's just overdosed. They should really stop yapping and get a doctor in there if they think she could still be alive.

Eeeewwww! That doesn't even look like her. Since when is her hair that red?

We get a quick shot of how Tweener and Haywire are doing. Tweener's sleeping like a baby with the horses. Hey, at least he's not sleeping with the fishes. And really, I would sleep under a horse, as it was having a baby, in the winter, with spikes going through my eyeballs if it meant not being in prison. Especially if I knew Avocado was waiting for my return, with half his ding dong. Haywire's also having a great time, riding his bike down the street. He puts his arms out, as if to say, "I'm free! Free like the wind". Not really sure what the second trail Bellick had half his team go after, but it's obviously going to run cold.

The team's made it to just a field away from the airstrip. Cop cars are circling everywhere. They decide to run for it and Lincoln pulls Michael aside for a brief moment to thank him, in case things don't work out. They all run for the plane just as the cop cars pull up behind them, telling them to "Freeze" over the loud speaker. They keep running. Maggio and the pilot get spooked by the inbound police cars and hop on the plane. Hopefully it's just to start the plane up, and not to take off.

Veronica's still making her way through the house, looking for Steadman. She sees him in the study, or library, or somewhere uppity like that, drinking his smoothie. She comes in, without a gun, or a knife, or even a stick and walks up behind him. He slowly turns around and she says, "Hi Terrance". Damn I wish she had a camera. A camera phone would be best.

Michael and the group are still hot tailing it towards the airstrip and the plane is taxiing down the runway. That would definitely help if they could just go get the guys, although I don't know if there are enough seats on it from Abruzzi's prior conversations. Then, suddenly, we're treated to T-Bag, cause really, he is a treat. He's running along too, probably behind all the action. He's cradling his cut off hand in his arm as he makes his way.

The plane continues to taxi, and then it takes the frak off. Yup, without the guys in it. Man, Maggio is so dead when Abruzzi gets to him. The guys stop, realizing their ride just took off, moments before they got there. They look behind them at the dozen or so cop cars behind them and ask Michael what they should do. Doesn't take a monkey to figure out that they should run. And that's how the season ends, with them running away from the airstrip into a field with the cops right on their tail. Goes to show you, that whole plan of waiting for the cops to get ahead of them was a bad idea.