A bunch has happened in the past two episodes, some good, some bad, some I don't want to talk about but have to if I'm going to accurately describe the series of events. As much as I despise the Queen Bitches, they weren't that bad in the last episode, but I still want them to go. Especially Horse Mouth. She needs to stop talking because she just makes herself look stupid, and very un-beauty queen like. Oh, and the best part, someone ate cow lips!
As you know, the last episode we talked about, David and Mary came in last, which meant they were marked for elimination. I'm glad they did away with taking everything from them like in seasons past. I had about enough of people putting eight layers of clothes on and walking around with their belongings in paper bags. That was just silly. Anyway, they have to come in first or they have a thirty minute penalty. The coming in first is nearly impossible for them, especially because they've already used a Fast Forward, but thirty minutes ahead of another team is also virtually impossible, unless you come in first... You get what I'm saying?
Luckily they leave the island of Mauritius having all bunched together again at the airport, leaving for Madagascar. Can I make a note about a few things that happened on the way to the airport first though? Well, first, those Queen Bitches decided they didn't want to take the car THEY wrecked last episode. So they stole another team's car to drive to the airport. Where this might not seem like a big deal, it really bugged me. It especially bugged me when they started justifying it. If they had taken the car during the race, not at the beginning, like at a Roadblock or something, that'd be wrong, so why were they fine to take it then? Bitches. Oh, and we learned that Tyler or James, I think James, isn't really a great partner. Yeah, he might look good (sorta) but he has no sense of direction. Tyler points this out and I'm thinking that maybe since they know this is his weakness, then maybe he shouldn't be the one navigating. Well, they are models, and recovering addicts, two strikes and two times the lost brain cells.
"No protein!"
Once in Madagascar, our six pack teams actually left the airport first. My hopes were up but soon they were dashed when they saw the statue they were looking for, but didn't commit to finding out if it was really the one. They drove by it and let the Queens, T&J and R&K jump ahead. Oh wait, I forgot the best/worst part on their way to the statue. Kimberly sincerely commented about how bad the people's health in Madagascar had to be because of the poor air quality due to the exhaust. Rob then pointed out that they were very malnourished and had a high mortality rate. This is the point where Rob is probably watching himself on television saying, "I really wish I would have shut the hell up now", because then he tells Kimberly that the people don't get enough protein, so their brain is smaller. Look, I'm not doctor, so granted, this may be true, but I'm thinking it's not something you want 10 million people to hear you say. Turd.
When they got to the Detour they learned it was an "Intersection". I love these cute driving terms. Anyway, at the Intersection, they learned they had to work with two other teams until they were instructed not to. Tyler and James and Rob and Kim got there first and decided to work together. The Queens arrived and no one was there, so they were forced to wait for the other three teams, who they knew hated them. I love it they had to wait. T&J and R&K decided to do the Fast Forward. They wanted one of the "six pack" gone so they decided to get the Fast Forward so they couldn't get it and not come in first. Now, I guess the not coming in first thing made sense, but they should have known David and Mary couldn't do it. Well, they went for the FF as the Queens still waited.
"I'm used to being 'on' the mattress, not carrying it"
If this doesn't cause you to lose your appetite I don't know what will.
While all of this was going on the other teams arrived at the FF. To their astonishment and my disgust and pleasure, they would have to eat some nasty stuff. And by nasty, I don't mean a pound of fish eggs, or some Ox tongue. No, they had to eat cow lips. And these weren't the sorta cow lips you'd find at your local exotic restaurant. No, this was like they went out to the field cut some lips off of cows with a machete and served them on a plate. And I think there was some blind guy wielding the machete because there was still hair and teeth in them. I just gagged writing that. The best part about this, besides seeing Rob feed his brain with cow lips, was that they were so confident they were way ahead of the other teams that they took their time.
Mary had argued with one of the 'Bama girls that they should go for the FF, but she thought the other two teams would beat them there. Forget for a minute that David and Mary couldn't do it because they had already used one, they may have actually been able to get there and finish eating this before these teams did. In the teams defense though, I mean, besides it being COW LIPS (hair and teeth) they gave them a huge serving. Phil tells us that it's a local food. Okay Phil. Just like in challenges past, locals might eat this crap, but there's no way they eat this much of it.
The Chos and Hos (hahahha) finished the challenge and seemed to be a good ten or twenty minutes ahead of the last teams. It was a Roadblock they were heading to. At this Roadblock Phil tells us the teams are going to go around to the vendors and find something the Madagascar government uses a lot, the rubber stamp. Wow. I'm not into politics, but I don't think that's a good thing. Anyway, one member has to go around and find four or five stamps. Once they collect them they can go to the Pit Stop and meet their other team member, who will be up there already. The Queens get there first and start doing it. When the Chos get there they see one of the girls, I think it's Horse Mouth, who pretends she doesn't know where the clue is. Since the Cho's aren't that dumb, they realize that a) she's alone and b) she's holding the clue. They find it the clue and start.
She just realized she's dating Rob
Meanwhile, the FF peeps are STILL trying to eat the food. They're bragging to each other about how far the other teams are behind. At some point one of the druggies says that they're probably plowing a field. Um, I've been watching The Race since the first season and I've never seen them do that. He must be the dumb(er) one. They finish up just after Horse finishes, and they're all heading to the Pit Stop, along with Godwin (I think).
"You're #2". I could go so many places with that.
I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I'm sorta happy the Queen Bitches end up in first, since the other FF teams were so confident. Tyler and his bitch, I mean James, get second place, and big brained Rob and Kimberly get third. The Chos end up in a close 4th.
"Oh Lordy Lordy!"
Now all we needed was Mary and David to beat up the 'Bama girls and things would be well. They arrived at the Roadblock a few minutes apart, David and Mary in front, and started working to find the rubber stamp. When 'Bama got there Mary was kind enough to point the chick doing it in the right direction. David and the other 'Bama waited at the Pit Stop and you could tell 'Bama, although they liked D&M, wanted to come in first. Mary left the Roadblock first, and unless 'Bama had some serious issues, like accidentally walked to the Pit Stop, looked like my team wouldn't stay in. Mary got to the Pit Stop and Phil started the clock. This is when I looked at my roommate and said that 'Bama girl was only about 10 maybe 15 minutes behind her, since no clock was seen counting down. Sure enough, even though the producers tried to get us with fancy editing, and the cab 'Bama was in ran out of gas, they arrived in about 10 minutes. I know that because Phil said there was 20 minutes left on their clock. So, the amazing David and Mary were kicked off. I was sad. Real sad until I watched this...
So, after Kentucky was gone, it was good to know that now the Chos could really get into their groove. Not so much. The teams learn they're going to Finland. Woohoo! They also find out that because of the limited amount of flights out of Madagascar, they're already booked on a flight. They're under no obligation though and when the QBs get to the airport, they find another flight. It's not really clear that this is a better choice, but it leaves the southern hemisphere way earlier, I guess, then the other flight. The flight leaves soon enough that everyone thinks 'Bama won't make it, seeing they're in last place. The Chos get the flight and when they see 'Bama they yell to them what's going on. The ladies try to get on the flight but it's leaving in less then 5 minutes. They do a little begging and the top 3 teams are all happy the girls are gonna miss it. Then they feel like douches when the girls show up, moments before the flight takes off. The Chos of course are genuinely happy, but the other teams are annoyed.
When they all land in Helsinki, the QBs tell us that James and Tyler are their biggest competition and that they would all be happy if they left. Well, since this is The Amazing Race and not Survivor, you can't really affect how someone else races. 'Bama gets a little annoyed at the QB, saying that they get ahead because of their looks and their boobs hanging out. I didn't see any boobs hanging out, not even any of that blur thing they put in front of the Survivor girls when they start running and their boobs come out. I love blur things.
Tyler and James and the QB get to their destination, an Internet cafe, almost at the same time, the guys slightly ahead. They get video messages from their familes. It's all nice, everyone seeing their family, but I would hope my Mom would be okay if I skipped to the end and tried to get out of there. You can't really though because their loved one says the place to get the next clue. The guy standing around with the clues. Yeah, that was tough. They head out and the other teams follow. The Chos actually make it out of the cafe quickly, but go the wrong way to the train station, and fall behind a bit.
When they get back to the area to wait for taxis, there's a long line. Rob doesn't know or care about lines, and just hops in a taxi, with the people behind them grumbling. Well, 'Bama thinks this is a good idea and does the same thing, while a man yells at them for doing it. The Chos decide to wait their turn. I'm kinda torn on this, really. I mean, on one hand I think it's nice they aren't sacrificing who they are for a million dollars. On the other hand, it's a million dollars. It's a race.
Phil is way too skinny
Eventually, everybody gets to the Detour, a bit staggered, QBs and T&Js first. Swamp This or Swamp That. Yeah, I'm not feelin' that one. They have to do one of two things, either crawl through an obstacle course of mud, or cross country ski through mud. This is a tough one. I'm not much of a skier, but it's through mud, and if you fall down, the odds of you getting back up... okay, the odds of me getting back up are very slim. Of course, the guys decide to do the more difficult task and run through the mud. They actually do fairly well, although one of them, I think the little pu**y one, gets stuck and his big boyfriend has to come save him. How sweet. The guys finish first and head to their awaiting cab, which will take them to the train station. They decide to changed out of their muddy clothes there, which allows QBs to pass them.
You'd think the Cho brothers would be good with this one. Not because they're Asian, this isn't Survivor, but because they're young strong guys. They start the mud obstacle course neck and neck with Rob and Kim but flounder and end up leaving second to last before 'Bama. The four pack at the front end up getting on the train, which takes off before the other groups get there. The next train isn't for an hour, which gives those bitches and Dustin and Kandice a head start. Rob's pissed and weird looking.
When the front teams get to their destination they drive themselves to a mine and discover a Roadblock. They have to take a tram down into the mine and Dustin and Kandice miss the flag on the door and miss the tram, giving Tyler and James a bit of a lead. In this Roadblock, one team member has to bike a mile down a dark tunnel, find a cinder block, bike back up, and then use tools to break the cinder block open, which will have their next clue. The two teams do it, yeah, whatever, not exciting, although I was really hoping for some sort of collision. Alas, it didn't happen. The clue tells them to make their way to Olympic stadium. Suspiciously it doesn't say anything about a "Pit Stop" or "Phil" and we don't get Phil's normal little spiel about where they are. I miss Phil.
After they get off the train, the back six head to the mine. Rob and Kimberly, desperate to outwit the other teams, completely miss where they're supposed to go and the other teams make it in the mine and down on the tram before they get there. The Cho bro and one of the 'Bama girls makes it down and halfway up before Rob even gets there. But, Rob makes it back to the station before 'Bama gets back and the Chos and Rob and Kimberly finish and head to the tram. Luckily, Bama's able to hurry through and catch the same tram up. I was really sad during this one because I thought of David and Mary. Actually, all the teams thought of them when they did this task. It was sorta sweet.
Okay, okay, this DOES look scary
Jame and Tyler make it to the stadium way before the girls and run around looking at Phil. The camera guy lets us know that they missed the door with the flag on it. A small door. Is Phil hiding in there? It can't be, Phil likes to be in the open air, sometimes he likes to dance and there's no way Phil and a local could fit in that room. The guys finally find the room and go in, to an elevator and go up to the top of the large tower. They find some guys and climbing gear and learn they have to rappel down the side of the building, face first. If you had to guess which guy was afraid of this, who would it be? James maybe? Well you'd be right. The girls finally show up and don't get as turned around as Tyler and James, and eventually find the door. Tyler makes it down and poor James just can't figure it out.
Finally the rest of the groups make it to the stadium and start running around, again missing the door. The Chos find it though and call 'Bama over. Those two teams race up the elevator, and Rob and Kim find the door just about then. It's a race to the top just as James makes it to the bottom, where I'm sure he's used to being. ZINGER! My heart was pounding a mile a minute as they opened a clue that said, "Keep racing!!!" And that was the end of the show. Why Phil?!? Why?!? I love this show!