OUR PRESIDENT

Do we really have to ask this question?

Okay, I don't know if this really qualifies to be posted on here, but I had to tell somebody. Since I live in a van down by the river you guys are my only company. Somebody love me.

Anyway, I nearly lost it when I heard what Bush said about the very much alive Nelson Mandela. I'm just going to post the quote and you can talk amongst yourselves. Let's see how many Saturday Night Live quotes I can get into this post.

"I heard somebody say, 'Where's Mandela?' Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas," said the President of the free world.

PRISON BREAK (FOR REAL AGAIN!!!!)

Wow, it's been a long time since I recapped this wonderful show. Let's be honest, it's been awhile since I recapped anything. Let me start off by saying that I didn't even watch the finale of the last season until this past weekend. This is one of the bad things about Tivo, or, Time Warner Moxi DVR service which we all know is so much better then Tivo. Yeah!

So a quick sentence or two of where we left off. Michael and Linc finally made it down to Panama. Bellick got framed for a murder T-Bag committed, Michael caught T-Bag and stabbed him in his good arm, Maricruz is still missing, Sucre got stabbed by T-Bag, Sarah got cleared of all charged because Kellerman gave proof of Lincoln's innocence, but then he got killed, Linc is a free man, Mr. Kim was killed by Sarah as he tried to take the boys into custody, they lost the money, Michael confessed to killing Mr. Kim and was arrested and sent to a prison called Sona, which was orchestrated by The Company, or whoever, for some unknown reason. Whew, I hope I didn't miss anything. Oh wait, the best part. Bellick, Michael and Mahone are all in Sona together. Hot damn!

She's a fancy bitch

We start off by seeing this woman with a scar on her fact who's covering it up with some make up. Random! I want to see Michael. I've missed him. I know it's only been a few days since I watched the finale, but I waited a long time to watch the finale and I missed his sexiness. And damn is he sexy. Wow.

Yeah

When we finally do see Michael he's back where we left him, in this horrible Panamanian prison, walking out into the courtyard in driving rain. Is it wrong that my heart flutters a bit to know he's about to get drenched and look even hotter? When he comes outside all the prisoners are surrounding two men who look like they want to kill each other. One throws down a chicken foot. Oh damn, it's on, a chicken foot just got thrown. They fight to the death in the mud and rain.

"Excuse me, do you have a clean shirt?"

In the meantime, while Michael's experiencing his own version of Blood Sport, Lincoln is at the American Embassy trying to talk the night clerk into helping get Michael out of the prison. The man comforts Linc by telling him that this prison is the worst of the worst and that it got so bad the guards pulled out of it, and let the prisoners do what they want, and someone may walk in, but the only way they come out is dead. Wow, I'm glad he was there to make Lincoln feel better.

The next morning though the day clerk tells Lincoln that he's sure they'll able to at least get Michael transferred, and maybe even get the charges dropped. Why? That's never explained and smells fishy to me.

In case you wanted to lose your lunch

As Michael wanders around the prison he sees Bellick who's only in his boxers and beaten up pretty badly. He tries to get water from other inmates but they berate him and almost make him drink dirty rainwater. Another beaten up and naked prisoner comes to Bellick afterwards and they form an alliance.

Over in another area Mahone is freaking out a bit because he's run out of his stash. Michael soon shows up and Mahone tells him he's glad to see him, since Michael can just admit to planting the drugs in the boat and Mahone can be let out of this hell hole. Yeah, because Michael owes you something. Michael must be thinking the same thing because he reminds Mahone that he killed his father. Oh yeah, that's right. Sucks to be Mahone. Michael also demands to know what The Company wants from him and Mahone says he doesn't know, just that they wanted him in the prison.

Lincoln visits Michael in prison. They actually send Michael out to the yard to talk to him through the fence. Logistically I'm not sure how this works since the guards don't go into the prison. It'd be like a really messed up Panamanian game of telephone. Anyway, while they're talking there's a woman out there yelling for them to bring her husband's body out. I'm thinking he's the guy who was killed the night before in the rain. Oh, Michael in the rain. Had a flashback. Ah. I need a man. Lincoln tells him that he's getting a transfer the next day, so he should just hang on. Easier said then done bro, you haven't been in there, although Michael is good at taking care of himself. I don't really remember him being a good fighter though. Maybe he has a tattoo that's the art of fighting or something. Speaking of tattoos, where the hell are they? Anyway, Michael begs Lincoln to find Sarah and he promises he will. Note: The actress who plays Sarah is pregnant in real life. We all know she and Michael never got it on, so I wonder how they're going to explain this. Anyway, Linc goes to the local police with a picture of Sarah asking if she turns up, for the cop to call him. He agrees and seems sincere. Let's hope so.

See, Daddy looks nice, right?

Later, Michael's called to a posh cell/room that's very nicely decorated, with TV and what not. This is where Daddy lives. Lechero is in charge of the prison. Actually, his rules are pretty decent, so far at least. He has a system. There aren't any unsanctioned fights. If someone has a problem, they throw down the chicken foot and it's dealt with in an organized manner, by fighting to the death in the yard. Got it. What I'd find frustrating is you know people get into stupid ass fights. Like, 'you stole my last roll of toilet paper' or 'why'd you look at my ass that way?'. I guess Daddy's there to make sure the fights are fair. He tells Michael and Mahone that he knows who they are, and he's not impressed. When another inmate pees on the floor in fright Daddy starts to beat him up but Michael comes to his defense. Daddy doesn't like this, but doesn't take it out on Michael. He seems like somewhat of a fair guy. I mean, given the circumstances.

Wow, this is disturbing. Sorry.

Poor Bellick and his new friend are given some plastic parkas and told to clean the bathrooms which are some fancy buckets. And when I say fancy I mean gross and disgusting. They have to burn it in the incinerator. Hey, at least they gave them those plastic parkas. That was nice of them. See, they aren't all bad.

Daddy looks at Michael from above and nods to a guy, referring to Michael. One of Daddy's men comes up and says another American just arrived. Damn, they're invading Sona! It's none other then T-Bag. Love it! Michael and Mahone see T-Bag who also sees them. It's a reunion. I wish Abruzzi was here, awe, Abruzzi. Michael then gets word that he has a visitor. He goes out to the yard and there's a man out there who calls himself Elliott Pike. Michael's suspicious and Pike tells him that he has some very powerful backers who will help him if he, say, breaks out. What the hell is this about? Weird.

B minor

When Michael gets back to his cell, which seems like the first time he's been there, another inmate storms in and says Michael's stolen his "stash". Michael denies it but before they start fighting Daddy comes in and says they know how things work, no fighting, and if someone has a problem they settle it with the chicken foot. Daddy lifts up Michael's mattress and finds the guy's "stash". Of course Michael denies it, and I believe him.

Lincoln gets a call from the cop and he tells him that they found an American woman that matches Sarah's description, and she's in the morgue. Luckily it's not her. I'm wondering, if they don't have this woman's identification, how they know she's American. Hmph.

Back at The Mansion, Bellick and his buddy ask the local cook for some food and when he denies them, Bellick's friend goes crazy and climbs out the window. At the same time T-Bag wanders over to Micheal and asks him why he thinks the government wants him in Sona. Good question, but wait, can't answer it now there's a RUNNER! It's Bellick's friend who's just had enough. He jumps out of the window and starts running to freedom. It's either freedom or a bunch of guys with guns. It's a bunch of guys with guns. They shoot and kill him and the last thing he hears is Bellick yelling "NO!" Welp, at least Michael is getting some valuable information out of this, the basic idea is, "Don't run".

When Michael returns to his cell he sees that damn chicken foot in there and knows that the guy who thinks he stole his stash wants to settle it. He goes to Daddy to plead his case but he's not hearing it. It doesn't matter if he didn't do it, a challenge is a challenge and that's the way things work around there, you know, that's how it stays so orderly.

The worst peep show EVER!

As this conversation is going on, we see that through the grate in the floor, someone is listening to this conversation. He's in some sort of bricked up cell of some sort in the basement. When Bellick goes down to dispose of the waste, the person behind the brick wall calls him over and asks him for a favor and in return he gives him some chicken. Bellick wonders where he got the chicken and the guy replies that it's not chicken. Why'd he say it was then? Okay, so he's a liar. Thankfully they never get into what exactly it could be. Bellick agrees to do his bidding and he hands him some pieces of paper.

On the outside Lincoln gets a call from LJ. LJ claims the cop gave him this number and claims he came down to see him and that Sarah found him and they're together. It's definitely LJ, but something tells me something's off about this, especially because we just see LJ's side. He asks Lincoln to meet them later at a restaurant. Why he doesn't want to meet right away would be my first question. I'd be like, "Where are you, I'm coming to you." But the phones break up and Lincoln hangs up.

At The Mansion it's fight time. T-Bag decides to do what he does best and approaches Daddy who takes pity on the one armed man and lets him into his group. Mahone is in Michael's cell to give him a pep talk. He tells Michael to go for the guys knees to incapacitate him. Michael wonders why he cares and Mahone claims Michael is his "get out of jail free card". Man, Monopoly should patent that saying. Or trademark it. Whatever.

Once Michael gets into the yard Bellick pushes past people and gives a "go get 'em" whisper to Michael as he puts one of the pieces of paper in his pocket. He does the same to the guy Michael's fighting. Daddy yells from his perch that no weapons are to be used. When they start the fight Michael screams that he's not fighting. When the guy looks up to Daddy to see what to do, Michael surprises him with a devastating kick to the knee and then beats the crap of him for a minute. The guy comes back at him and Michael does a good job at defending himself. When the guy is down Michael starts to walk away as if the fight is over but Daddy reminds him that this is a fight to the death. Of course Michael can't kill anyone. The guy gets a knife and when he goes after Michael, Mahone steps in and snaps the guys neck, looking up at Daddy, explaining that the guy cheated with the knife. Daddy accepts this.

Lincoln finally shows up to the restaurant and runs into the woman from the opening scene. According to the Prison Break website this woman's name is Susan B. Anthony. I find that hard to believe. At first she pretends she doesn't know him, and Lincoln asks her what happened to her face. That's kinda a rude question Linc. She doesn't give up what happened. Before Linc can leave she reveals that she knows his name and says they have a lot to talk about. She tells him that he has to go talk to Michael.

At The Mansion they bring the dead out and lay them on the ground. The woman who was screaming at the fence for her husband from before, goes to check the bodies. They give her some time alone with them to see if any of them are her husband. She quickly checks their pockets and when she finds the guy Mahone killed, she takes the note out. It reads, "Versailles, 1989, V. Madrid". Damn code again. Inside The Mansion Michael looks at his piece of paper and it says the same thing.

The opportunity for product placement was wasted.

Linc shows up and Michael comes out. Michael wants to know when he's getting out there. Lincoln says that he needs to stay in there. Uh oh, this can't be good. Michael's confused. Lincoln says there's someone in the facility that he needs to break out, his name is James Whistler. Michael doesn't want to do it, he spent a whole season before trying to do that, and he had a lot of help doing that, like all his now non existent tattoos. Lincoln takes out a hand held device and shows Michael video of LJ and what I guess is supposed to be Sarah in the background. Lincoln says that Michael has a week to break Whistler out, who, by the way, is the guy in the basement behind the brick wall, or Sarah and LJ die. Oh shite! Now that's the way to end an episode.

All in all a great first episode and I think a good twist on the show.

FALL PREVIEW

I've been lucky enough to screen most of the new fall shows, at least the ones that looked interesting me to. Below are my thoughts. I'll go in alphabetical order since that's what the list I'm looking at is in. I've also awards stars (1-5) to show you how much I really like it!

Back to You (FOX)- w/ Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton

This show about a disgraced big time news anchor who comes back to his whole in the wall station is just funny. Not that many people I know got the humor, and thought it was sophomoric (I just like using that word) but I liked it. It's silly humor, which I think Kelsey Grammer is really good at. And Patricia Heaton luckily covers those big elephant ears of hers for most of the pilot. ***

Bionic Woman (NBC)- w/ Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica

Based on the 1970s show, this show, unlike BSG, is a bad update. The effects and fight scenes, especially with Starbuck and Jamie Sommers are pretty kick ass, but the story's dumb. They should just make this all about Starbuck's character, a bad ass original bionic woman. *

Cavemen (ABC)

What happens when you take a ridiculous concept commercial and transform it into a half hour comedy? Genius. This show is probably the most polarizing of the new shows that follows a group of real cavemen as they live in today's society who don't particularly like living with cavemen. A social commentary that, for me as a minority, wasn't offensive and was pretty damn funny. I heard they revamped it from what I originally saw, so not how the new version plays. ***

Chuck (NBC)

This is one of my favorite pilots and I hope it holds up because it has the potential of being my favorite show. Chuck is a nerdy guy who gets an email from an old friend that flashes pictures that fill his head with every secret in (oxymoron alert!) American intelligence. He's now the only person alive who knows vital information about national security. It's funny and endearing and the main guy is just adorable. Please check this out. *****

Gossip Girl (CW)

A show about spoiled rich kids, underage drinking and frivolous talk about sex. This is probably the worst show I've ever seen. I mean, I wanted my time back and wanted to find these people and kick them in the teeth. You can either watch this or have your fingernails pulled out. I recommend the fingernails. MINUS *****

Journeyman (NBC)

When I first heard about this show, I was a little confused. I didn't understand the logistics of him going back and forth. And quite honestly, that's how I felt when I first started watching. The last 20 minutes of the show made up for the rest though, and hopefully it found it's footing and the rest of the season will be that good. Check it out. ***

Life (NBC)

Damien Lewis is amazing. I don't care what he's in, even in that hokey ass movie (that I secretly love) Dreamcatcher. He's great. In this, as a cop who spent over a decade in jail only to get exonerated and return to the force, he doesn't disappoint. I think they did a little reworking but I'm hoping it stayed true to what I saw a few months ago. ****

Moonlight (CBS)

I wanted to like the show, it's about vampires, and who didn't like The Lost Boys and Interview with a Vampire? The thing this show lacks though are vampires. I mean, the bad guys are vampires, but so is the good guy, but he's not really because he doesn't do anything vampire-like. There's a cool twist at the end of the pilot, and I may check it out, but it's kinda of a dud. **

Private Practice (ABC)

If you watch Grey's Anatomy then you probably already saw this "pilot" when it aired last season. Wasn't too great, but it has Kellerman from Prison Break on who I accidentally have a crush on and Taye Diggs, I mean, hello! I'll of course watch it, but my feeling is all the crappy writing from last season of Grey's will get sucked into this show. Let's hope not. **

Pushing Daisies (ABC)

I love love love this pilot. I think it's fresh and innovative, I love all the actors, it's a good story, and just so cute. It's about a man who has the magical and unexplained power of being able to touch something that's dead and bring it to life. The only catch is that if he touches it again it dies. This is great when he grows up, since he can use his power to ask a murder victim how they died and get the reward money. When the woman he's loved since he was a kid is murdered he brings her back to life, but decides not to touch her again, to keep her alive. This is probably one of my favorite, along with Chuck this season. I can't say enough good things about it, so it's a strong recommendation. *****

Reaper (CW)

This show was actually really likable. All the characters, including the devil, were fun. In a nut shell the main character's parents sold his soul to the devil and now he's forced to work for him. It's pretty funny and the main guy is adorable. Check it out if you can. ****

Samantha Who? (ABC)

I love Christina Applegate and here she's an amnesia victim who used to be a bitch, but now is quite sweet and she tries to rediscover herself. There are some very cute moments. I hope they give this one a chance because I think it has a lot of potential. ****

I'll be back to give you my thoughts on some of the midseason shows.

EMMYS- LIVE BLOG

I've decided to watch the Emmys and blog live. I'm probably going to publish this without any pictures because living on the West Coast the broadcast isn't live. What that means for us is that if I try to check my email, search the web, or anything, a lot of the homepages will have who won and I don't want it to spoil my Emmys watching experience. It's quite frustrating and I think fairly rude for all of us who aren't on Eastern Standard time. I learned my lesson a few years ago when I went to check my email and the Yahoo homepage said CHICAGO WINS FOR BEST PICTURE. I cursed pretty badly at the computer and my roommate asked what was wrong. I didn't break it to her, since she really liked that movie. I also may have some misspellings.

Okay, so here we go. Wait, I'm still watching the pre-Emmy thing. Had to pause it for a few minutes while I peed. Let me fast forward.

Tonight they're doing the "Theatre in the Round" idea. Oh shite, Brian and Stewie are doing the first intro. For those of you who don't know they're from Family Guy. Love it. They're singing. Cute. Now get to the awards. Lord, they're knocking shows, said something about Isaiah Washington and then showed T.R. Knight. Awkward!

Ryan Seacrest looks good. Short, but good. I hope he doesn't bomb. He came up through the floor. Let's hope no one falls in that trap door. Maybe Britney, she's said to be making an appearance. Of course I think it's just a rouse, to get us to watch, and hope she doesn't lip sync. Uh oh, Ryan's accosting Eva Longoria. Okay Ryan, stop talking, give out some awards. This show is already too long. Oh no, Ryan's not going to sing is he? Oh good, he's not.

Yay, first award! Ray Ramona's presenting, looks like he's about to do my taxes. Nice yellow tie buddy. Is he wearing a wig? Crap, he was making jokes and all the sudden the sound went out and we got a great 5 second image of a globe. What the hell did Ray say? I'm going to have to talk to the people I know who were there to see what he said. Okay, is everybody going to talk for 10 minutes before they give out an award? This is going to be a loooonng night.

Okay Supporting Actor in a Comedy series. I'm rooting for Neil Patrick Harris for How I Met Your Mother. I doubt he'll win though, but he's hilarious on that show. I love that show. I know I've talked about it here before. And the winner is, Jeremy Piven. Great, let's reward someone for being a douche. I mean a douche in real life. Oh, that was a short speech. Let's keep that theme rolling.

America Ferrera and Vanessa Williams are presenting. Wow, they look beautiful. Supporting Actor in a Drama Series. This is a fun one. Ben from Lost is nominated. He was so wonderfully creepy. Let's see who else we have, if not I want Ben to win. Crap, T.R. Knight, George on Grey's. I want him to win too. Masi Oka (Hiro on Heroes)!!! This is a great category. Locke from Lost. Damn, Shatner's in this category. He's going to win. And I'm going to be pissed. Let's see. Yay! Locke one! If Masi couldn't win I'll take Locke.

Ryan's back, pointing out the ladies. He really needs to stop trying to convince us he's straight. Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series. None of these people are really impressing me. Maybe Jamie Pressley from My Name is Earl. Oh wait, Vanessa Williams from Ugly Betty. Yeah her. Oh wow, Jamie Pressley won. That's great. I like underdogs. She looks pretty. Is my roommate crying?!? Oh no, she's not.

Ha, the announcer mispronounced my girlfriend's name. Oh Katie. Best Actor in a Miniseries. I think. I wasn't paying attention because my Katie Heigl was looking cute. All I know is Aidan Quinn is nominated and he's hot. Thomas Hayden Church won. Good for him! First Emmy nomination and win. He was so good as Lowell on Wings.

Ellen's talking to Hugh Lurie from House, who can I tell you is so sexy when he speaks in his British accent. Lovely. We have a montage of one liners that ends with them talking about Tom Snyder. That was weird. Don't they have a special segment for that?

It's the crew of Entourage presenting next with Eva Longoria. Supporting Actress in a Drama Series. You know, they keep talking about how these women are "beautiful" which I'm not arguing, but they don't talk about the "handsome" men. Okay, back to this. Katie and Sandra Oh are nominated. Oh, and Dr. Bailey. I'll be good with any of the Grey's ladies. Yaaayyyyy!!!! Katie won!!!!!!!!!!!! I. Love. Her. I'm getting a little teared up. She's my special girl.

Writing for a Comedy or Variety show. They have funny little skits which I won't go into but they're funny, and Conan O'Brien wins! These guys are hilarious.

Directing for a Comedy or Variety Show. I'm not really interested in this one, but in case you are, Tony Bennett's show won. Oh, it's Rob Marshall who directed Chicago. At least, he has the same name and looks kinda like the guy who directed Chicago, who has the same name.

OH MY GOD, it's Jack Bauer. Oh, he looks beautiful. Lead Actor in a Miniseries or Movie. I'm pulling for William H. Macy or Matthew Perry. Robert Duvall won. I mean, good for him. I like him. And he acknowledged Kiefer for being a good horseman. Okay, that's hot. Okay, you can't play off Robert Duvall. Stop the music! He wrapped it up.

Oh, it's the cast of Roots. I love that! They're presenting for Best Miniseries. I'm voting for Broken Trail. Oh good, it won. Robert Duvall is doing the speech. He thanked the five Chinese girls. I hope that if I saw the miniseries I'd know what he was talking about.

Awe, there's Neil Patrick Harris. Some old chick is presenting the next one. Leslie Caron I think her name is. Oh shite, one of the directors of BSG is nominated. Go Felix! Frakkin' Sopranos!

Okay, another BSG nomination!!!! Go Ron Moore. Damnit! Sopranos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate you Sopranos! I mean, I don't hate you, you're great, don't come after me. Whatever dude, shut the hell up, get off the stage, Ron Moore should have won.

Can we talk about this cute Macy's commercial with all these celebrities. P. Diddy, Martha Steward, Russell Simons, Jessical Simpson, Emeril, and a bunch of other people who escape me now that the commercial's over.

Steve Carell is presenting now. He's funny. Best Variety, Musical or Comedy series. Yeah, I don't care. But again, if you do, The Daily Show won. And of course it did. Let's see if they bring their all male lilly white team onto stage. Yup, he did. Oh wait, there's a lady. I wonder who she's screwing.

Best Variety, Musical or Comedy special. Can Wanda Sykes please win this? No? Okay, congratulations Tony Bennett. And he married his granddaughter, that's nice. Maybe they showed the wrong girl.

While he's giving his speech can we talk about how earlier when that old chick came out because she won for Best Guest Appearance by an Actress and they haven't said anything about the guy who won for Actor. It's weird, like they forgot. I just hope it was Forrest Whitaker. He was so good on ER.

Mark Harmon is looking pretty damn hot. What is he? 60? Supporting Actress for Miniseries or Movie. Judy Davis from The Starter Wife won. And she's not there. WTF? It's an Emmy! Why can't you be there? I apologize to Ms. Davis if she's sick or something, but if not, where the hell are you?

Awe, the Humanitarian Award. Where's Angelina? She should win this. I know she's not on TV, but she deserves it. I love her. She's my other girlfriend. Don't worry Katie, she would never take your place.

Best Movie goes to Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. Again, I'm cool with that since the cutie pie Aiden Quinn is in it. I hate it when more then one guy talks because I'm like, come on, pick one guy, stop trying to get screen time.

Oh, a tribute to The Sopranos. Great, like they're not getting enough. But, the Jersey Boys perform, so I'm okay with it. Let's talk about what a good show that is. I didn't see it on Broadway, but I saw it here in LA and it was sssooo good. I recommend everyone see it. I wasn't sure about it, just going out for a night with the girls, but I was so impressed. I can't say enough good things about it. Oh look and now the entire cast of The Sopranos is coming out. The guys at the TV Academy know they're not real people right? They're not going to order a hit on you if you don't let all 2308402830428 of them come to stage, or you know, don't bend over and let them give it to you up the ass. I'm sorry, I'm bitter, they stole two awards from BSG.

I feel better now though, Patrick Dempsey's on stage. Oh, Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie. Let's hear it for Queen Latifa. But Helen Mirren won, big surprise there. I don't want to take anything away from her, she's a fine actress. She's adorable. Oh, it's a shot of Tony Bennett and his granddaughter. Crap. Maybe that is his wife. Yowza.

Lewis Black is going on about television executives. I think he's going to have a coronary. Oh look Ryan Seacrest. I feel like I haven't seen him in forever. And there's Ryan talking about hot women again. Oh, but this time he mentioned the hot guy too. I'll be the judge of that. Oh yeah. It's the guy from Cold Case. I agree with you Ryan, he is hot. The chick from Cold Case needs a frakkin cheeseburger STAT! Good lord, seriously. What happened to her?

Sorry, was distracted by anorexia. Best Directing for Movie or Miniseries. It goes to the guy who directed Prime Suspect, the movie Helen Mirren just won for. Skeletor is presenting best writing for the same category. It's the writer for Prime Suspect.

Awe, it's Masi again! I love him! Masi's working off of a MAC computer. Product placement! Love it. His voice sounds like a computer. Al Gore's getting an Emmy. I'm not really sure what they're winning for, but it's not for something "green". I just like seeing Al. I love Al. Why isn't Al our president? Oh right, I voted for him. (as well as most of the country! I'm just sayin') They better not play Al Gore off. That will be so wrong. He's our former Vice President. Okay, they didn't play him off.

Individual Performance in a Variety is next. I wonder if Tony Bennett's going to win. Yay, I hope it's Ellen. But it's gonna be Tony. Has Tony Bennett ever lost anything? Well, he didn't lose tonight. His great granddaughter looks happy for Pappy.

Anthony Anderson and Terri Hatcher are presenting next. That's an interesting pairing. Okay, finally, the best Guest Actor, but wait, it's for Comedy Series. What the hell??? Who the hell won for Best Guest Actor in a Drama??? All I know is Stanley Tucci won for Comedy, which is nice. He's up there with some old lady who walked the wrong way and doesn't know her cue. Oh, I think it was an act, she was funny. And old. You should have brought your glasses dear.

Best Directing for a Comedy Series. I'm not sure who won at first but then when I see the entire cast of Ugly Betty who's behind the presenters get up and cheer I can only assume he directed that.

Writing for a Comedy Series. Some guy from The Office won. I was hoping for Tina Fey. That chick is funny. And as Ryan Seacrest would say, she's hot too. This guy is using strange analogies. Isn't he a writer? Shouldn't he be funnier?

Oh no, Ryan's dressed like he's in The Tudors. That's not really a good look. Luckily we don't have to look at him that long. Wayne Brady's much easier on the eyes. And he's in a nice tux. Oh, Best Reality Competition! I don't know what I want to win. Two people are being called from the audience to participate in a Don't Forget the Lyrics competition. PLUG PLUG PLUG! Rainn Wilson is up against Kanya West. And the songs are Kanye songs. This is cute. I'm glad they're doing this, Kanye has been had some bad press. As hokey bits go, this one is a good one. Okay, here are the nominees. The Amazing Race, Idol, Dancing with the Stars, Project Runway, and Top Chef. Yay!!!!!! The Amazing Race!!!!!!

This is a good one. Lead Actor in a Comedy series. I like all these actors. Ricky Gervais wins. And he's not there. Steve Carell comes up though and pretends like he won. That was cute.

Hurie Lurie's coming. I hope he speaks. I mean, obviously he is, but I can't wait. Yeah, there it is! Lead Actress in a Drama series. I wonder if The Sopranos is going to win. Go Kyra Sedgwick! And the award goes to, Sally Field. That's interesting. I don't watch Brothers and Sisters, and don't care to. Oh, they cut away to what Sally was saying. Crap. I'll have to ask about that tomorrow too.

Awe, the In Memoriam thing. This always makes me so sad. Seems like the only "younger" person who passed away this year was Steve Irwin. But some real innovators and legends. Awe.

Lead Actresses in a Comedy series. Go America! Yay! She won!!!! Her dress is so beautiful.

Wait, stop the presses, Jimmy Smits is on stage. Good God that man is hot. Dude, I can't look at him. Anyway, Lead Actor in a Drama series. Go Hugh Lurie! Oh wait, Kiefer is nominated! Ick, James Spader won. I'm sorry, he can't be better then House or Jack. Seriously! Does he save people or, you know, the country! I don't want to watch anymore. Heroes better frakkin' win or this will be a whole waste of time. I mean, besides America and Katie. And can we talk about America being the only minority to win? I mean, I think.

I think there's only one more award. I hope so, I have to fold my laundry before I go to bed and am very tired. That would sucks if I was Tivo'ing this.

Okay, two more. Comedy Series. I want 30 Rock to win. I think Ugly Betty might win. Oh no, 30 Rock won!!!!!! I love that!!!! Why are there so many damn people on the stage. Oh good, short and sweet.

Shite, another damn commercial. They had to take another commercial to clear all those damn people off the stage. My butt hurts from sitting here for over 3 hours. I really need to put my laundry away. Oh, a movie with Mark Walhberg, Robert Duvall, Joaquin Phoenix and Eva Mendes! We Own the Night. That looks good. Just a warning, I'm not going to proof this. I'm going to just hit publish after this is over because, like I said, I have to put my laundry away. It's all across my bed and there's no way I can sleep like that. You understand, right?

This is torture. Just tell us who won for Best Drama. And if it's not Heroes I'm going to be pissed. But, thinking about it, it'd be a bit awkward if it won since it didn't win anything else. I don't even know if it was nominated. Why wasn't Milo nominated? Don't they have a category for hotness?

Okay, we're back. Oh, Grey's, Heroes, and House. Shite, Sopranos is nominated again. NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Freakin' Sopranos. I'm going to bed.

INSIDE BROOKHAVEN OBESITY CLINIC

I'm sitting home, doing laundry and have been caught up in a marathon. It's a TLC show called Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. I know I've talked about another fat people show before, the one with the gastric bypass doctors. This is somewhat similar.

Let me preface everything I say beyond this but letting you know that I have serious sympathy for people who are morbidly obese. I know how hard is to lose weight, and I understand that it's a disease, and people have addictions, so please understand that what I say below comes from someone who knows what it's like to have an addiction to food. I'm not some skinny dumb girl who just thinks these people should just stop eating. With that said, these people need to stop eating.

This show is about a clinic in NY that caters to severely obese people. And when I say severely obese, I mean like Orca fat, more than 400 pounds, most of them close to 600. This one guy has this disgusting growth on his leg. And when I say disgusting I mean like Elephantitis. Some of the people on the show are determined to get better and are doing their exercises, eating right, and listening to the doctors. Then there are the patients who just don't care. I'm not sure if they thought by walking into the building they would start automatically losing weight or what. Most of these people are quite delusional, blaming everybody but themselves, blaming genetics, saying they don't really eat that much. I mean, if you think four packs of double stuff Oreos, five gyros, two bags of Lays potato chips and three 2 liters of coke isn't a lot.

The most obnoxious patients even order from restaurants around the clinic who deliver food to them. I'm not sure where the security guards are, but my thinking is they should probably restrict that. I mean, the clinic does what it can, these are adults, but there are people who have been there for 2 years and have lost no weight, or even gained weight. Personally, I think that's reason enough to kick someone out. If they were at a drug rehab clinic and the person was doing smack in the broom closet they would get kicked out.

This show also shows us what a piss poor health care system we have. Not that we didn't know that, but these people, who are 700 pounds, are having their insurance revoke the coverage for the clinic. One woman, who was finally making progress, got her insurance taken away because she was doing so well they didn't think she needed it anymore. What? Bunch of frakers.

Anyway, the show is quite interesting, and you should check it out.

**Programming note- There are no pictures on this post because as we speak, the Emmys are going on. Living on the West Coast we don't get the live broadcast. If I search the web for pictures I will inevitably see who's winning. Bastards.