AMERICAN IDOL-ZZZZZZZZZZ

I'm sorry, I was asleep, is there a competition going on? I guess there is. I've watched it, when I'm not painting my nails or something. The only reason I'm bringing it up is last night one of the 4 people I think it actually good got booted out. Michael Johns. If you didn't know that and I just ruined it, too bad, you should have watched it. Anyway, this season has been boring and for some reason everyone is fawning over little baby Jesus David Archeletta. I know that's probably not how you spell it but I don't care. I'm not saying the guy can't sing, because he can, but there's some weird tone to his voice that I feel like I'm the only one hearing. He sounds like he's going to lose his voice at any second, and it's quite annoying.

This has been the year of gay boys and I'm sorta sad the other ones have been voted off. All except that Danny Noreiga a-wipe. Anyway, the three people who I think deserve it now are, in descending order, David Cook, Carly Smithson, Jason Castro. I used to not like David Cook, mostly because he molests on the mic stand, but he's calmed that down and has been choosing the best songs. Except for this last week. I like Carly because she's different, but she needs to step it up and stop yelling. And Simon's right, she needs a stylist. Girlfriend, you are not cute in those retro 80s outfits. It's not the 80s. And Jason Castro. He's just the cutest thing ever. I love his look and I love his voice. I would love to see one these artists come out and make an independent/pop/John Mayer/Jason Mraz type album. When Jason makes an album I will totally buy it. He sounds a lot like my other Jason.

Syesha bugs the frak out of me because she keeps choosing songs that are way too big for her. I mean, good for her for trying to do Whitney, but girlfriend, you ain't never gonna be Whitney. But then, after she hears them criticize her for doing Whitney she does Mariah or Fantasia, or someone she shouldn't be trying. Not yet in her career. That's why I believe she will be the next to go.

And Kristy Lee Cook. Leave. Just leave. She should have left weeks ago and damn sure should have left before Michael last night. I wouldn't be so hard on the girl if she wasn't so freakin' arrogant. But arrogant in the sense that she plays like she doesn't care, even making a "bottom three" sign for herself, but it's condescending and annoying. Go home.

So those are my thoughts. I don't even know who else is it in. I'm tired. Paula's not even entertaining me anymore with her drunken ramblings. Either give Paula a pill or give the title to baby Jesus already and let's move on to So You Think You Can Dance!

AMERICAN IDOL

As you can see, I've abandoned all attempt to come up with a witty name for my posts. But, in my defense, there's really nothing worth coming up with that could ever describe that which is... (say it with me Ryan Seacrest) AMERICAN IDOL.

I'm sure everyone and their mothers (including mine) knows that the first few episodes is all about the auditions. Talk about formulaic. I don't think Idol has ever gotten an overhaul. Not that it needs it, but to be doing the same thing for seven season and still have the numbers they do. Sorry, I had ratings envy there for a second.

It's hard to even describe what goes on in the early days of an Idol season. Actually, that's not true, it's quite easy. Randy, Simon and Paula go to different cities, sometimes Ryan is there, and thousands of people parade in front of them, and typically, no more then 40 or so make it to Hollywood. So as you can imagine, it's a lot of horrible singers and one or two good ones every ten minutes. The first few years this happened I was enthralled, but now it's just kind of embarrassing.

The highlights for me though...

And this.. is Temptress

First, Temptress. Dear Lord I hope I find a picture of her. Let me describe though. Poor sweet Temptress (yes, that's her real name) is a sixteen year old in a gold shawl. To help you get the idea, in case you couldn't picture her so far (and from the picture I found above), she's also a middle linebacker for her high school football team. I am praying to all that is holy that this girl can sing because although I don't think she would ever win, no offense to her, I'd at least like to give her a confidence booster. Unfortunately Temptress lived up to her name and didn't fulfill my fantasy. She's awful. And then she starts crying, and I have to admit, I was crying a bit too. Luckily Randy and Paula, and eventually Simon, comforted her and even took her back outside to her awaiting family.

There were a few good performances, especially the one of the woman who was a teen mother and who's now 8 or 9 year old daughter is suffering from a disease similar to Cerebral Palsy. She had her whole family there and they spent five minutes talking about how everyone supported her and they showed clips of her taking care of her adorable daughter. I totally got weepy again. And I thought this girl better be able to blow. Seriously, I can't have another Temptress moment. Thank the Lords of Kobol she could.

And they really let some crazies in again this year. First the woman who showed up with sparkles all over her face and acting like she was high. And then when Simon let her down easy (by his standards) she went on a tirade about him and gave the camera the finger(s) and cursed. Of course there was the semi-Paul stalker who had to be escorted out by security. The guy who showed up in a Princess Leia gold bikini outfit and who Paula sent to get his (chest) hair waxed. They tried to recreate the 40 Year Old Virgin scene by showing the guy getting his chest hair ripped out, but it wasn't funny, it was cruel and unusual. And the douchebag just wanted to be on TV, as Simon rightfully pointed out.

Then, at the end of the night, my favorite of the night, was this sorry lady dressed in a Star Wars costume. But, unlike the hairy guy from earlier, she was in a made up Star Wars costume, and it wasn't even that inventive. She had Leia's hair buns, but they were clip ons. And they weren't even clipped on well. I have to admit, she wasn't BAD. Now, she wasn't good either, but she wasn't as bad as some we've seen. She was stiff, and awkward, and nerdy, but not in a good way. And trust me, I know nerdy. After she got rejected in, again, a nice way, she went on a tirade and talked about how if she had come in all made up looking like a cookie cutter singer she would have made it. Um, no. And then, the best, as she's going on and on about how Idol only looks for one particular person, the stereotypical IT guy or girl, they do a great montage of all the people who have gotten through, and, for the most part, aren't what this girl is describing. There's tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, Hispanic, ugly. It was a great moment and I'm sure, watching it back, the girl is mortified. She needs some therapy anyway, so maybe this will push her into a program.

Speaking of therapy, it's worth mentioning, most of the people at the auditions had a gaggle of people with them for support. That begged the question, did this group of people actually encourage their loved one to come out and audition. Like poor Temptress. Did her family tell her she had a good voice? There was more then one person who said people had told them they sounded like, fill in the blank amazing person, and they sounded either nothing like that famous person or like shite. Normally both. So boo on all you friends and family who told this person they could sing when clearly they can't.

As I said, it's the same old Idol, but with the writers' strike going on, there really isn't as much out there as there normally would be. And good move by ABC to move Lost to Thursdays, so it won't have any competition and the lovely Eli Stone can come right after. I miss scripted shows.

AND THEN THERE WERE TWO

So, for the past month or so I've completely avoided talking about American Idol. It's not as much because I don't watch it, because like millions of you, I do. I think it's more because I'm bored. With shows like The Amazing Race and Survivor, I just couldn't commit to recapping it. Most recaps would be like this...

Jim-Bob sings "I Believe I Can Fly" and Randy says it was aiight, Paula says something incoherent about fortune cookies and eggs and her boobs pop out while she claps funny, and then Simon hates it. On the off chance Simon actually likes it I'll get teary eyed and that's just sad.

But, I couldn't let the last show get by me without saying a few words about the way this season has gone. Did I hate it that Mandisa got kicked off, hell yeah I did. Until I heard that she doesn't want to sing at any gay functions. That's just rude. The only person I was truly sad to see go was Elliott, but by that time I wasn't even watching the results show. There are better things on at 9pm on Wednesday nights, like Criminal Minds and LOST. I'm not going to fry my Tivo over 2 minutes of show. I don't care that someone's had a Bad Day. The only other person I wish hadn't had a Bad Day is Chris. I'm not into rock, but he could sing his ass off. Wasn't really a fan of his style of singing, with his head cocked to one side, but regardless, he could blow. I look forward to my roommate buying his albums when they come out and I'll listen to them in her car. Paris I wanted to be sad for but by the final 10 I was over her. She just wasn't impressing me, especially with that hairdo that kept changing every week.

So it comes down to Katharine and Taylor. Last night's show was pretty good, although they both sang two songs we've already heard them sing. Boring. If I didn't like it the first time, I'm not going to like it the second time. And no one can sit on the floor and sing like Fantasia can, so get up and stop singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Katharine has a good voice, when she remembers the lyrics and sings on key, but she spends way too much time making love to the camera and not enough time paying attention to the people who are cheering her on in the audience.

I have to admit, Taylor spends too much time on the audience in front of him then he does to the people watching, but most likely I'll be going to a concert and buying the album, not watching them sing on TV again. Obviously you know who my favorite is to win. Last night's first two songs were just "aiight" to quote the Big Dog. I mean he sounded great but he did a bunch of dancing and that never goes well.

Simon called it right when he said that it all came down to the last song. I was scared for Taylor at this point because Katharine can blow, and if it's not a good song, Taylor will just look weak compared to her. Boy was I wrong. Katharine came out, shaking in her boots. Literally. Well, she actually just had heels on, but they were shaking. The song was out of tune, she started way too low, and the end was like hearing a cat claw up a chalkboard. I was thinking Taylor would really have to frak up for him not to sound better. He didn't frak up, he sounded great. He sang it with heart and soul and the song was perfect for his voice. I got chills listening to him belt it out, knowing it was his only chance to go hard or go home. He did it.

Is it right that I'm judging who I vote for on that last song? Probably not. But I know that when it comes down to who I want to win, the person who forgets her lyrics and tries to seduce me with her eyes, or the guy who brings everything he has to entertain me for those 2 minutes he's singing, I'm gonna vote for the guy who brings it. I'm sure Katharine will have her fifteen minutes with Clive Davis and put out some "8th World Wonder" song, get some money to make her father stop crying and her mother to stop being a bitch backstage. I just want to see the good guy finish first for a change. Hey, I'll buy his record.

AMERICAN 'I DON'T CARE' IDOL

Where the frak is Kenny and what have you done to him?

So I know I've been lax on this recap for the past two weeks. The only excuse I can give you is there's much better TV out there for me to be talking about. My roommate and I mostly watch this show on fast forward. Basically, the rundown is this, Ace sucks, Elliott is good but needs some stage presence, and Chris should win as long as he stops cocking his head to one side while he sings. Two weeks ago was country, which I've really tried to block out. Simon didn't like it either, not even Katie Holms, I mean Katharine, and I was right there with him. Kenny Rogers was the guest and Holy Hell, what has he done to his face? His plastic surgeon needs to get beat with a wooden bat, dragged out to the bayou and fed to the gators and then thrown up and burnt at the stake.

Girl... that does not look cute

That week we saw the beautiful Mandisa kicked out. I know, shock right? Not really though. Although when she got into a song she could really blow, the two weeks before she chose the wrong song. The beginnings were all talkie and didn't show off her gift. Plus, that last outfit she wore. Good God that was awful. I have no fear Mandisa will get some sort of recording contract, probably to sing gospel. As personalities go she wasn't my favorite anyway.

I never thought this sweet girl from North Carolina could be this scary

Last week we saw the adorable Bucky booted. My ears bled as I was forced to listen to the remaining 8 sing Queen. I like Queen, I do, but it's a very specific genre, and listening to these people sing it was just awful. I was surprised I didn't want to rip my hair out watching and listening to Paris. She did a great job. Poor Kellie did Bohemian Rhapsody and looked atrocious. Of course Ace sucked. I actually thought Bucky didn't do so bad. The past two weeks I've also tried to vote and it's been busy, for at least an hour after the show goes off. All of the numbers. I just gave up.

Hopefully the next few weeks will be the quick demise of Ace and better songs. What bothers me about this show is they continue to talk about how they're looking for someone to be the next award winning singer, but they force them to sing in genre's that they would never sing if they had a normal recording contract. You wouldn't see Mary J. Blige singing a country song any more then you'd see Trisha Yearwood singing an R&B song. I don't know why I'm so mad at Idol right now. I like the show, I do, but I'm really bored with how pretentious it's gotten. Give me The Amazing Race over Idol any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

BORING BORING!

I'm sorry, but Idol has been so boring lately. No one can really sing. I think what happened is I watched the first episode of Nashville Star a few weeks ago and all ten of their finalist can blow. It was actually embarrassing to think fo the finalist on Idol and compare them with these people. Paula's still on crack and Randy's just becoming jaded or something.

I do feel sorry for the first person every week. Most likely the judges will rip them a new one. This week's victim is Lisa Tucker. She sounds awful. I want to gouge out my own eyes. She sings a Kelly Clarkson song and I'm waiting for Kelly to run on the stage and beat the crap out of her. I know she's only sixteen but she butchers it. The judges agree with me and Simon even goes as far as to say it was painful.

Is that Debbie Gibson with her?

Kellie's next and she sings country. I'm so bored. We get two shots of Kristy Swanson during Kellie's time and I wonder what the hell's going on. Yeah she was on Skating with Celebrities, which I couldn't bring myself to watch, but she also stole someone's husband. Because Kellie's only the second to sing the judges weren't that impressed either.

Oh look, he has a scar, we have to vote for him now

Get out your ear protection, Ace is about to sing. He tries "Drops of Jupiter" by Train. I love that song. Not anymore. If I drive down to the studio and kick Ace in the nuts do you think he'll sing any better? Probably. Ewe, and he decides to show us his chest scar. He's got those boy band moves down. Someone shut him up please. When Paula's making her comments and they mention his scar, Paula tells Ace to tell her the story later, in her dressing room and then licks the side of the cup. What's that about?

Clay? Taylor? Clay? Taylor?

Next up is Taylor and Ryan points out a little boy in the audience that has his hair dyed like Taylor's. It actually looks like he's sprinkled some baby powder in his hair. I won't make fun of the boy, he's probably just living through his mother's sick twisted fantasy to get him on TV. Taylor's about to get a quick plug in about his fan club, the "Soul Patch". Wait, no, that's not it, the "Soul Patrol". I really like Taylor and I'm happy when he does a good job. Randy doesn't like it though but of course Paula's drugs are starting to work their magic and she likes it. For some reason Simon compares him to Clay Aiken. Yuck.

Taylor's been out in the sun too long, but I'm glad to see she- he's dyed his hair back

Mandisa's singing a gospel song. Yes! No. It doesn't really work out. The first half is just her talking about Jesus or something. She comes out from the back and it's just too much for her to walk, she gets winded. I can feel for ya sista, but you shouldn't have tried it. The last half of the song is pretty good though, she can blow when she's not trying to dance and sing at the same time.

What's up with the dude's hat in the back?

Chris Daughtry is next and he tackles a Creed song. It's way too heavy metal for me but his voice sounds nice. I just like this guy, I think he can sing anything. I just wish he didn't sing with his head cocked because that's truly getting on my nerves. When we flash to the judges at the end I notice Randy put on some lipstick. I guess that's cool, whatever floats your boat. Maybe he kissed Paula. Ewe. Of course Paula liked the performance.

This isn't the Grand Ole Opry

Oh no she di'int. Katharine's singing Christina Aguilera. She starts out rough but I've gotta give it to her, she doesn’t sound half bad. Christina can sing her ass off, so to do that song and not sound like total crap is impressive. The judges loved it and Simon thinks she sounded almost as good as Christina. I agree. I like the girl but the whole Katie Holmes thing is still bugging me.

Awe, sweet Bucky is next. I really like this guy. He's so southern it kills me. He does Tim McGraw. I wanna do Tim McGraw too. I mean sing his songs. Gutter I tell ya. Bucky decides to dance. Bucky shouldn't dance. He does a little side moonwalk. I don't know what that's about. I think he sounds pretty good and the judges aren't that harsh on him.

Argh, Paris is up now. She really does bug me. I wish I liked her. No I don't. I don't care that I don't like her. She sings a Beyonce song. Yes, a Beyonce song. This chick has more fake hair then Tina Turner. She dances around the stage and tries to sing the song but I'm not impressed. Paula stands up. I think it gets the drugs flowing through the system better or something, can't be the performance. She claims it is though. Simon isn't as much a fan as normal and says "So what, whoopi". Finally they're hopping off of this bandwagon. She's cute, get over it.

Yes, he's that short

Lastly is Elliott. I love this guy, I think he has a great voice. My only problem with him, besides his teeth, is that he just stands there. Chris can blow AND he runs around the stage and has a presence. As well as Elliott can sing he has no presence at all. I love his rendition of the song and the judges basically think he did a good job as well.

The next night is elimination and Wyclef Jean is performing a song with Shakira. I can't stand this girl with her hips and shoulders and breasts that are small and humble. They give a good performance but why is she dressed like a belly dancer? Hate her. On to the real (boring) show. I'm certain it's going to be Bucky tonight. He's been in the bottom three before and although I love the guy, I think he may be the weakest singer. The bottom row is told they're safe, and then Ace is called up to the bottom three. Not surprising either. Lisa's called up, and then it's between Bucky and Katharine who the final person in the bottom three is. Of course it's Katharine? What? What the hell is going on? The audience doesn't like this, and they don't like it that she's still there when Ryan sends someone, Ace, back to the chairs. Okay, so you know who gets kicked out, Lisa. I can't say I'm surprised to see her go. What am I surprised at though is they play that damn Daniel Powter song again, "Bad Day". The guy's CD must have been produced by Simon or something.

FINALLY!

Didn't her mother ever tell her she'd catch flies leaving her mouth open like that?

After last week's murder of Stevie Wonder songs I was hoping we'd not do a heavy genre again. But alas, we're in 50's night. Yeah, that says 50's. Did they have songs back then? Barry Manilo's there, I'm not really sure why, he's not that old. My roommate informs me that Barry just released an album. Who knows.

Mandisa's the first up and she looks beautiful. I'm hoping she doesn't need to be wrung out like last week. The judges love her and Simon thinks she was sexy. I don't know what song she sang, I've never heard it.

Next is Bucky and he's so cute. He sings the Buddy Holly long "Oh Boy". You know I'm a Bucky fan, I really am, but I really wasn't a fan of this performance, and neither was Simon. Of course Randy and Paula thought it was good.

Paris sings "Fever". Good God, how old is she? Forty? Is it wrong that I'm over Paris? Yeah, she's cute, but she has this weird sound to her voice. I can't really explain it. I have to remind myself that she's seventeen and when I was that age I didn't know my style either. Hopefully she'll find it so I can want to vote for her again. Since the judges want her to go through they kiss her ass and tell her how great she is.

After the break we come back with a nice product placement about downloading songs or something onto your phone. Ryan's taken some poor little girl out of the audience make the segment "cute". They're nearly the same size. Luckily that ends and Chris Daughtry's up.

Wow, "Walk The Line". What an interesting song for Chris to sing. I saw the movie on the plane about a month ago and Chris and Joaquin don't sound anything alike. But he sounds great. Can this guy ever do wrong? He kicks major ass. Talk about a dark horse, I had no idea he'd be so great. Paula loved it, she's even doing the lasso move, the teenage boy behind her better watch out. Randy didn't think it was the best vocal but that Chris is always true to himself. Simon didn't think it was the best vocal either but he thought it was great. Then he put Bucky's performance down, which I didn't like.

Katharine McPhee is next and she goes off on some tangent about Simon not knowing her name in an interview she saw that morning. Look, the only reason I know it is because I write it down every week. And even then I barely know her name, I think of her as Katie Holmes. She has a great voice but she's BORING. She has a "I don't give a sh** " look on her face and who the hell dresses her? She finishes the song and I have to wipe the blood from dripping out of my ears. Randy tells us that it was a tough song to sing. Okay, if you say so. Paula wakes up from her drug coma long enough to tell Katharine how good she did. Simon thinks Katharine turned into a star. I think Katharine shoulda worn a bra.

Taylor Hicks decides to come into meet up with Barry and make an impression. Oh no, is he doing that damn harmonica thing again? No, instead he sings "Mandy". Then Barry says, "In tune". Damn, Barry's a bitch. Barry does like Taylor though, saying he's one of the best male vocalists. As much as I like Taylor he doesn't impress me. I can't look at him when he sings and his voice isn't that strong, not compared to Chris. Instead of crazy ass dancing he holds it together mostly, from what I can bring myself to watch anyway. He's such a sweet guy, but that song wasn't great. Randy liked it and Paula thinks he was fantastic. I don't think she's talking about his singing though. Simon brings everyone's head out of their asses and tells him that he wasn't great. Paula freaks out about how great Taylor was when he was dancing. Whu whu what? Someone's spiked Paula's drink. She couldn't have chosen to be this high.

Next is Lisa Tucker and Ryan wants to know what she's gonna do to make sure she's not in the bottom three. I don't know, not suck? What kind of question is that? Barry's giving her some tips on singing and I hope he gives her some tips on not making faces. Nope. She sounds really out of breath while she sings, but when she goes for it she sounds great. Paula's on the table with her bra off slinging it around above her head. Seriously, she needs to be checked in somewhere. I'm told Kevin Covais is next and I want to jump out of my window. It's only one floor up so I wouldn't die, but I'd have to go to the hospital for at least a few hours and could miss him butcher another song.

The world is "Style" S-T-Y-L-E

I guess I have to talk about him. Can I make fun of his lisp and beady eyes? You know what, I'm gonna. For having such a big lisp he has some little lips. SSNNOORREEE. This reminds me of the nerdy guy in high school serenading the head cheerleader. It's really sad. I'd buy his album, so I could run it over with my car. Is someone stabbing him out of the camera's view. Is he tossing Randy's salad after the show or something? Why does he like this kid so much? Paula thinks he has "moxy". If by "moxy" you mean he's an a**hole, then yeah. Simon saw him in the corner crying last week so he's easy on him. Thank the Lords of Kobol Elliott's next.

Elliot tells us he wasn't fond of Barry's song before he met him but now he's a "Fanilo". I'm glad Barry's there because he's telling Elliott to be more emotional. That's exactly what he needs. He does a really good job, and I can see why they think he's such a great singer. Randy thought it was great because it was such a tough song. Paula rambles and Simon tells Elliott that his singing was "fantastic".

Two more people to go, Kelli and Ace. Kelli chooses a Patsy Cline song, which is spot on. Unfortunately Ru Paul got into the make-up room and attacked Kelli. I gotta say though, Kelli worked this song out! We need to get a shot of adrenaline for Paula pronto. Simon can straddler her on the table and plunge it in, Pulp Fiction style.

The big headed kid that did the product placement earlier with Ryan tells us that her favorite, Ace, is next. Ace is doing "In The Still Of The Night". My expectation are pretty low, but because he's last I have hopes that he may be sorta good. I think he ran out of the shower and jumped on stage. Yeah, I'm not impressed with Ace. Yeah, I'd do him, but I wouldn't buy his album. Simon's right in saying it wasn't the strongest performances of the night

Everyone's on the stage at the final send off and I vote for my favorites. Can we do negative voting and take votes away from someone because I so want to take votes from Kevin. Ryan thanks the judges and Paula's in the back getting her stomach pumped.

Again, I won't bore you with the ins and outs of the results show. Barry Manilo sings and... wait, I said I wasn't going to bore you. The bottom three are sorta expected, by me anyway. Lisa, Bucky and thank the Lords of Kobol, Kevin. When Lisa gets sent back to the chairs I start to worry that it will be Bucky. I mean, sure, there were millions of grandmas voting for Kevin and just guys in recliners drinking tall boys voting for Bucky, and me. Yes, I did vote for him, I won't lie, because I wanted Kevin off. And my five votes for everyone else paid off because guess who gets booted? KEVIN! I was a little sad for the guy, until they showed the little montage of him. Afterwards, he gave us these parting words, "America, be smart. Pick one of these amazing people here." Well, obviously! I'm thinking maybe he meant that some of the people on the stage aren't amazing, and we should only pick the amazing one. He needs to clarify that for us.

AMERICA'S ON CRACK

Just so you all know, I've been trying to post for a few days now and blogger's been having some issues. I'm gonna try and crank out as many recaps as I can in the next few days. But since Idol's on tonight and most of you already know who got kicked off last week, I won't bore you with all of what happened. What I will tell you is America's on crack. Why oh why they kicked Melissa out before they kicked Chicken Little, wait, I don't even want to call him that because Chicken Little is cute, I just don't even know. Not only does his stupid lisp (I'm not bagging on lisps but you shouldn't be singing with one) but when Simon tried to give him honest feedback, he got all uppity and rude. Yeah yeah, Simon can be rude, and sometimes it's fun to watch contestants stand up for themselves, but only when Simon's wrong. He was right, Kevin sucked, trying to do some weird ass dancing and what not.

I know Melissa messed up her lyrics, twice, but she covered it fairly well. I wasn't even really sure she messed up until they pointed it out, and then I saw it over and over again in recaps and on The Soup on E! this past weekend.

The best part of the two shows last week was definitely Stevie Wonder. We got a glimpse of the gang in the studio singing a Stevie song and in he walks. Most contestants start crying, including Elliott who you would swear someone ran over his dog or something. Every intro to a singer they showed the same moment when Stevie walked in and all of their reactions. Interestingly enough, Ace is in nearly every one and he just continues to sing, when everyone else starts balling. I don't know what that means, but I just found it awkward.



Everyone pretty much sucked if you ask me, except maybe Chris, he rocked, literally. Alas, it was Melissa and her forgetfulness that did her in and got her kicked out. If America doesn't vote Kevin out this go round they're frakin' crazy. I'm not putting myself in that group because I don't vote for him.

IDOL'S TOP 12

I’m getting bored with Idol, I’ve decided. I mean, I like seeing Paula high and I like seeing Simon in the tight black shirts he’s so fond of. Okay, well maybe "like" is the wrong word. Anyway, after the weeks of performances I’m convinced this year’s going to be won by a man. The girls pretty much sucked, except for Mandisa. We lost four people this week, not the four worst, so I don’t know what America’s thinking.

First up for the girls is Paris who’s disappointed me for the past two weeks. At auditions she was amazing, but nowadays she’s just trying to be too cute. She’s okay, but truly, I don’t see her making it into the top 5. Not with the stiff male competition. Ha, I just said stiff male. The judges basically tell her to act her age. Randy’s still on the Paris bandwagon. I think he’s shtupping her grandmother.

Lisa’s next and man I’d like to put her in front of a mirror and show her what she looks like when she sings. Tyra would call it “Fierce”, but it’s not that attractive. She does pretty well with the song, but the judges aren’t blow away. They think she’ll make it to the top twelve, and so do I, but she really needs to pump it up a bit.

Melissa McGhee’s voice is like butta. I really like it and she’s been picking really good songs. Randy and Paula are back on the lovin’ everything train, but Simon’s still running for the station. For some reason he thinks Melissa’s the one to go. She’s certainly not the worst singer.

Next up is Kinnik who does much better than I expected. The three judges aren’t impressed and again Simon tells her to pack her bags because she’s going home.

One of the best singers is Katharine McPhee who she does fairly well with this song. I really like this girl, even though she reminds me of Katie Holmes. Although it wasn’t the best performance the judges think she nailed it. I’ve decided there’s a conspiracy. The judges talk and talk about it being America who votes and decides but we can only vote on what they give us. Not just the judges, but the producers as well. More on that later.

Ayla is next and she sings Natasha Bettingfield. I would think with Ace’s misstep last week with Natasha’s bro, Daniel, they’d try and stay away from the entire Betttingfield clan. Unlike Ace she does okay. I love the song but I’m not too impressed with her and she’s wearing these huge heels that makes her like 6’4’’ or something. The judges aren’t impressed either and Simon thinks she’s too rehearsed. Um, aren’t they supposed to rehearse? I guess he means by the giant stick up her ass.

Next is Mandisa. All the other women should just go home now, really. This woman rocks the house. She sings “I’m Every Woman”. She works that stage and belts it out to make both Chaka and Whitney proud. All the judges love it and Simon insists that all the other girls should hate her since she’s the woman to beat.

Last but not least is cutie Kellie Pickler. She sings Melissa Ethridge and to my great surprise, she does really well. I think this dumb southern blonde thing can get old, but it hasn’t yet. I hope she stays a bit longer, but I don’t see her making it into the top five. Unless she has one of those secret phone bank dialing things where a computer votes thousands of times for one person. I can see some weird nerdy guy being in love with her and setting that up.

Finally the girls are done and we’re on to the real singers, the men.

Gedeon is first and again, I love this guy. I think it still stems from when Simon made that rude comment about his smile. Even if Gedeon doesn’t make it through this competition, he’ll be able to get some sort of record deal. The next biopic movie they make that Chubby Checker or Chuck Barry has to be in, he’s the man. I think he’s adorable and although the judges like him, they don’t think it was his best performance. That’s cool, I think he’s safe.

Chris Daughtry is next and damn he sounds good. His look is kinda growing on me too. I mean yeah, I rocked out to this kinda music in high school, but still, he does an awesome job and he truly knows who he is. Randy and Paula thinks it was amazing, but Simon didn’t like the song choice. Okay, but he kicked its ass.

Poor Kevin Covais is next. Will someone please put him out of his misery. I don’t want to make fun of someone with a speech impediment, but he has one, and shouldn’t be singing. It’s annoying and comes out when he sings anything with an “S”. Randy and Paula really like Kevin and refuse to say anything bad about the performance. Why? WHY? Really. Conspiracy I’m telling you. They just want him to make it to the top twelve so when they tour he can appeal to the younger female audience that buys tickets.

Bucky Covington performs next and there’s something about this kid that I love. It’s certainly not his twin brother Rocky, who’s kinda creepy looking. I know they’re twins and all, but it’s weird to see them both. Bucky’s a sweet country boy who’s just trying to sing his little heart out and I admire that. The judges weren’t too happy with it and although Randy and Paula try to mention how nice he is, Simon brings us down to Earth and says that we won’t even remember the performance by the end of the show.

Will Makar is just so damn cute. He’s definitely the guy in high school I’d have a crush on. I think he does a great job, but since they already have their cute (?) girl magnet for the top twelve, they decide to rag on poor Will. Paula, of course, likes it, and Will, and nearly runs across the stage and tackles him.

Taylor sings next and again I’m forced to close my eyes. I mean he does a great job, singing and all, but he is just not attractive and he does some weird ass dance moves. Because they want to attract old ladies to the top twelve concert, they tell everyone how great he is, but not without criticizing his dance skills.

I’m one of Elliott's biggest fans, but he just doesn’t do well. He seems completely unsure of himself and I think maybe everyone’s high expectations are starting to get to him. Randy and Paula don’t really mention how bad he did, but Simon tells it like it is. He agrees with me that there’s something off about Elliott tonight and although I don’t vote this way, I’m afraid America will not care that Simon called him “potentially” the best male singer EVER in Idol history a few weeks ago and vote him out.

Last up for the night is Ace and quite frankly, he can’t do worse then he did last week. If he barked his way through this song it’d be an improvement. He sang the Michael Jackson song “Butterflies” and I’m already worried. Michael Jackson is hard enough. I’m glad he didn’t try “Smooth Criminal” or “Bad” though, that would have just been awkward. I should have known something was going on, they put him last, which means they at least expected him to be really good. He was awesome. He did half the song in falsetto and although I can’t stand falsetto singing he nailed it. He did everything right for me, he sang right, he looked HOT HOT HOT, and he did the right boy band moves. I’m back on the Ace train. Randy and Paula thought it was great too and Simon had to get an underhanded comment in by saying it’s because of Ace’s looks that he can get away with not so good vocals. Whatever.

Luckily I Tivo’d the results show because most of it was absolutely boring. They sang and so did last year’s runner up Bo Bice. I’ve always liked Bo Bice, but not the way he molests on a microphone stand, that’s just weird. I could have done without all of that though. I just want to know who the hell gets kicked off.

I won’t bore you with all the banter, although I have to admit the first boy/girl eliminations were fairly quick. Ryan did his whole “Last night Paula said… America voted…” When he got to Kinnik, the first girl in the second row, he didn’t waste any time, he just told her he was gone. I mean she was gone. Not sure if Bo Bice’s antics lasted too long or what, but it was a bit awkward. He did the same for the guys and quickly booted cute Will.

Okay, she's gotta stop letting Aunt Lucretia do her hair in the kitchen. That's just atrocious

Next up on the chopping block, if you follow the pattern, were Ayla and Melissa. Ryan brought them on stage for a quick opinion from the judges. Eventually it was Ayla who left. Can’t say I’m surprised and I’m sorta glad it wasn’t Melissa. I think she has a lot left to show us. She keeps getting better week after week. Finally the last guy gets voted out and like I said before, with the exception of Kevin, all the men are pretty good. All with their own style. When Ryan does the thing I can tell they’re not aiming it towards Kevin. Why? He sucks. Anyway, it comes down to Bucky and Gedeon. Yes, Gedeon, what the hell is that about? For reasons I’ve already gone over, the guy I wouldn’t mind seeing go is Gedeon. He has lots of talent and a big career ahead of him. Unlike Bucky who has a motor home and Milwaukee Best in his future if he doesn’t make it into the top twelve. Top twelve will guarantee his spot touring with the group. Luckily I’m only partially hurt as Bucky stays and Gedeon goes. He leaves us with a song that he just nails. Good for him, I’m sure we’ll be seeing him again.