BITCHES AND QUEENS SURVIVE

Sweet Baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Last Sunday was the season finale of Survivor, and if you haven't heard, you need to get your head out of the sand. Okay, out? I'll give you a quick telling of the story. About the lies, speeches, and the moment we always dread, when the final three make it to Hollywood after a few months of eating right and showers and typically look much, much worse. How is that even possible. I wasn't able to find that many good pictures, but use your imagation, I did, and I know you've got one.

So the last few episodes were a bit exciting. Most of it involved the Femullet. She was the swing vote on a few Tribals and she definitely changed the game. None of that helped her and she still didn't win the money, but she won something else, and no, I'm not talking about a haircut. I'm talking about the wrath of lunch ladies around the world, and especially in her home town.

Mr. Tvgrrrl was on his way to the top three. Okay, that's a lie, but in my mind he wins it all, we find each other in Hollywood and we go on to have a fun, happy, sexy life with lots of fun and happy babies. It was down to Skinny Bitch, Amanda, The Queen, Token Asian, and the man I were to marry if anything happens to my one true husband, Jack Bauer. Or, Bear Grylls, or that hottie from Moonlight, Mick St. John. So MTVG is fourth in line, but hey, if you're going to be loved by Tvgrrrl you would wait. You know what I'm saying? Of course you do.





So Femullet was the deciding vote in going with TA and MTVG and either securing her place in the finals, or sticking with her original alliance, the Queen, Skinny Bitch, and Amanda, which, who was she kidding, would get her out as soon as they got rid of the other two. And because to be a lunch lady you don't need a high school diploma, she decided she wanted to be number four. Now, I would have accepted this if she would have given a speech and said, "I know this will probably guarantee me NOT winning, but my integrity is more important to me then a million dollars." But she didn't. So she voted my future fourth husband out, and then voted TA out too, leaving her with just the other three in her original alliance.

At this point I was really pulling for Amanda. I know she organized the whole James oust, but if we think about it, that was pretty good move on her part. Later, in the reunion show, Jeff asks James about that fateful decision not to play one of the TWO idols he had. Yeah, he feels dumb. But don't worry about our little gravedigger, he won the fan favorite award and got 100 Gs. I love that guy.





So it's down to four and there's a moment when you think maybe the Queen will be voted out, but he's not, he stays in and Femullet leaves. Buh-bye. So the three left standing are not really my favorties, by any means, but I have to say, the Queen played one hell of a game. I like Amanda the most and Skinny Bitch... What can I say about Skinny Bitch. Besides her name summing her up, she truly is a biatch in the worst sense. In her download she tells us that she's skated through this and slipped through the cracks. I think about how I can make a really funny joke at this on my blog but then realize it's way too easy. WAY TOO EASY.




Now it's time for my least favorite part, the final Tribal council. This is where the catty bitches really come out. James starts, and from what happened to him, I'm expecting, like years past, for him to rip people a new one, but wait, he's not. He's actually going to be cool, not bitter, and ask them a silly question. Not that I blame him for not being catty, but he could have at least asked a question that had some meaning. Like, "If you could do one member of the jury, who would it be and why?" I love you James, but you could have thought of something.



We go through all the ousted tribe members and the person who surprises me the most with her rudeness is Jamie. Do you remember her? I don't. I know I called her something and can't even remember that. Oh, The Blonde. I think. The only thing good about it is she's totally rude to SB. Love it! Then Jean-Robert comes up and I'm expecting the worst. In fact, everybody is. He asks the Queen WTF was up with him voting him out. I get angry at first, but then realize that he never did get an explanation, like we did. The Queen tells him, like he told us, that JR came up with the same idea he had, which, let him, the Queen, know that JR was coming up with the same strategy, and was now a threat, so he got rid of him. This shut JR up, and was awesome. That was the single most defining moment.



Femullet came up and cried about it, boo hoo. Most everyone else was pretty tame. Then everyone voted and we saw that each person, even SB, got one vote. Femullet voted for SB, I'm assuming since Amanda and the Queen excluded her on a reward on the last day.





Jeff then goes to tally the votes and when he comes back tells us that he's going to read the votes, tonight. Even though I was alone in my apartment I screamed a little. But then Jeff said that they're in Hollywood and it pulls back to the soundstage. I had to rewind that because it did not look different and you damn producers had me fooled. We then see all of the contestant, a few months later, waiting for the results. They look bad.



The Queen, was actually starting to look attractive with a rough beard and longer spikey hair. And I know this sounds crazy, but SB actually looked better skinny. And what's with the bangs on her and Amanda, not working. Ew.





So Jeff starts to read the votes, and damn if SB didn't get another one. We know who that was, right? Frosti. He wants to get into this skinny pants. I think I just threw up in my mouth. (BTW- I confirmed with CBS that he was her other vote) The Queen gets two and Amanda gets one. Now it's the last vote, which means it's either going to be a tie, between SB and the Queen, or the Queen will win. Thank the Lords of Kobol it's the Queen. He and his faux mullet win it all.

After they celebrate and he does some awkward crying, JR lets us now that it was how he answered the questions that cinched it for him, and even though he said to him on the island that if he voted him out he would make sure that the Queen wouldn't win, he changed his mind at the last minute.







James then wins the fan favorite after 45 minutes of useless banter and not enough shots of MTVG, who apparently is now dating the Blonde and is still a virgin. What? Something is SERIOUSLY wrong with her. If he were my boyfriend... I'm just sayin'. Then Jeff asks Femullet about her lunch lady status and apparently she didn't get her job back when she returned and is now the custodian. Wow, that totally sucks. After the break, before the end of the show, Jeff tells us that mega rich producer Mark Burnett told him at the break that he's going to give Femullet $50,000. Wow, that is so generous, and pathetic. I mean, not on his part. This is a hand out and not a very good one. Because you have some sad story he's going to give her $50,000? Good for her and all, but still, cut your hair. We did find out, in the last few days, that Femullet lied! Apparently she got PROMOTED to custodian before she left, because, according to the superintendent of schools in Podunk, she now has higher pay and benefits. What the frak?

So this is how it goes. The good news is they've moved up the premiere of the next season (thanks striking writers!) and it will now be in February. It's "fans" versus "favorites". I love this idea. I hope the favorites kick their asses. Although, not that I watched it, but when they did the Real World/Road Rules Challenge on MTV with fans it BLEW. They haven't announced the cast, but we know that one person who was in this past season will be in it. PLEASE LET IT BE JAMES.

IS THERE A GRAVEDIGGERS UNION?

In the time since I told you guys about the show, we've had some interesting outings. Once the merge happened it was inevitable that the old Fei Long tribe, with my dear sweet Erik (Mr. Tvgrrrl), would just get picked off one after the other. Color me happy when things didn't really go that way. First Jean-Robert got kicked out, which was interesting because he had a Godfather moment with the Queen and told him that if he back stabbed him he'd do everything in his power to make sure he doesn't win a million dollars. Too bad the Queen didn't listen and voted him out anyway.

Then Frosti became friends with the anorexic and they had to get rid of him before he got jabbed in the eye with one of those dangerous sticks she calls bones.

That lead up into the last episode. After Frosti was voted out Jeff surprised everybody, including me, by telling them that they weren't going back to camp, that they'd be having a Reward Challenge right then. Phew, I was concerned they were about to vote someone else out, and that person was going to be MTVG. That would have been tragic.

Anyway, Token Asian wins and decides to take MTVG (good call) and Femmullet with her to the rewards, which is a night at the Shaolin Monk's place. That sounds more interesting than it actually was. That's a lie, it was very interesting. And who knew Femmullet had a hidden talent. Not only does she have the coolest haircut ever, but she is also a black belt in Karate. It's probably that dumb Karate that anybody can do. She is definitely not doing it with someone like that guy in Karate Kid. He would totally make her cut her hair. Anyway, it's a cool reward, and anything is better then sleeping out in the open. Of course, not much is better then sleeping with MTVG. Hey hey now, keep it clean.

Back at camp though the four people left, Anorexic, the Queen, Amanda and James realize that this is the final four. Amanda's actually not as happy about it as you'd think. James keeps saying that there's no reason it shouldn't be the four of them. But Amanda says that if she's ever going to shake up the game, now is the time to do it, when they still can. Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of this.

When the others get back the next day there's heavy rain and the other tribe members are sitting in a hole to keep dry. It's a nasty muddy hole, that the anorexic totally belongs in. She gets upset when TA comes over and starts telling them about their trip. Um, she was asked Skinny Bitch. Oh, I like that better.

Later MTVG sees and opportunity, knowing that James has the Immunity Idols, and suggests that James come over to their side, with him and TA. James doesn't like this idea at all. He wonders why he would go with the evil two, when he has a solid five on his side. Hind sight is 20-20. He does comment that MTVG must be dumb. Talk about being a grave digger. Har har.

On their way up to get the TYRA MAIL Amanda tells Skinny Bitch that she thinks they should blindside James at Tribal. I don't like where this is going. She says that he has both Idols so he's secured himself to be in the final three. SB decides that's a good idea, since she has no original thought in that chicken head brain of hers. Can you tell I don't like her?

Dear God

The whole tribe goes to the Immunity Challenge and it's another Chinese themed challenge, throwing throwing stars. It's sorta boring, so I'll just tell you, MTVG wins. I'm so proud of him. I could just kiss him. For real, I could.

Back at camp the choice is clear to James, they have to vote TA off since MTVG has Immunity. Amanda pulls the Queen asides and says that they should make a move on James. She makes a good point, saying that who wouldn't give him the million if it came down to it, since he deserves it. Sure, he deserves this because he's a good guy, but he hasn't played the game very well. He may have the two idols, but he didn't find them, either of them. The Queen likes the idea, although he knows the other team will be writing his name down, so if this doesn't work, and James plays the idol, then it's the Queen that'll go. He decides to play his luck.

And they're about to go to Tribal, you can tell James may think something's up. He tells us that he's bringing the idols to Tribal, just in case. He thinks he may hear someone say something during Jeff's banter and that'll get him to use the idol. Dear God I hope that happens.

Alas, it doesn't. Jeff comes over with the box and says that it's now or never to play the Idol. There are a few tense moments, with cuts between James and the Queen, us knowing that one of them will be voted out. It looks like James is going for the Idol, but, he doesn't. If my roommate had been at the house I would have been screaming at the TV. Since she wasn't I figured it'd be crazy of me to yell at the television with no one around to hear me.

I do feel a lot better with his departure, since in his download afterwards he realized his mistake and didn't hold any grudges. He went out with dignity, which, if he had to go, is the best way to go. So TA and MTVG have lasted another week, and it's down to the final five. Only three more episodes left and I can honestly say it's anybody's game. I'm thinking Amanda is the dark horse. The only thing standing in her way is the Queen. That bitch will do anything to win a million dollars.

I WAS IN MOURNING

I apologize for not posting for awhile, especially in regards to The Race and Survivor. I was in mourning and refused to do any work for a week. Okay, so that's not true, but go with me here. I'll be posting, hopefully today about the shows. I really need to get a man or something, I am way too invested in these shows.

HEROES: FINALLY

Three episodes of Heroes sat on my Tivo (actually, it's a Time Warner DVR, but that's too hard to say) for a few weeks. The first few episodes were just so bad. I hate Nikki, the whole Hiro in Fuedal Japan thing was kinda stupid, and Peter without his memory was just not hot. Of course, things were made a lot better in old time Japan (OTJ) when David Anders, the lovely and amazing Stark from Alias showed up. Can this dude get any hotter? First off, he's from like Iowa and talks with an immaculate British accent, and he was talking Japanese, which seriously, what's hotter then bilingual British guys? Nothing really.

But then he became all bad, which I didn't particularly like, although he played an amazing bad guy on Alias. But that was Alias, he was dressed in suits, and was shooting guns, and that was hot. I really need to get out more. To top it off, we realized he was a "hero" himself, and had the power of regeneration, that Claire has. That kind of confused me, since he was a warrior and would have noticed this before Hiro showed up. Maybe Hiro showing up is what did it.

The moment I knew Heroes was back though was when Peter, who had lost his memory for some reason, went to Montreal and teleported ahead to 2008 where 93% of the world's population was lost to a mysterious virus. Mrs. Petrelli showed up and told him what happened and that he had the power to go back and stop it. He was able to remember her and believe her, thank the Lords of Kobol. He then sees his Irish girlfriend who he teleported with and she's being herded somewhere with other "surivors", but before he can get to her, he accidentally teleports back to '07 Montreal. Damnit!

In the room they were in before they went into the future, there was a note from "Adam" who made it sound like they were cohorts, but of course Peter doesn't remember. As he's in the room trying to figure out what the hell just happened he hears something and does his little lightening bolt trick, which he must have learned from Elle (I'll get to that bitch in the minute) and a hand comes out, being burned. But then it regenerates and my heart starts pounding. Out steps my lover, David Anders, who we've known all this time as Kensei, Hiro's hero, and he tells Peter that HE is Adam. Holy Moses. LOVE THIS!

The best episode of the season is a flashback to the moment Nathan grabs Peter and flies away with him before he explodes. We see what's happened to our group since that moment. Nathan is carrying Peter as he's burning up and Peter is yelling at him to let him go, but Nathan wants to make sure he's okay, since Peter can't fly and he can. Technically that's not true, but I like the whole brotherly love thing they have going on. Peter insists and Nathan, who's burnt pretty badly, finally lets go. We see the huge explosion we saw before and Nathan is unconscious, falling to the ground. Suddenly, before he hits, PETER comes in and swoops him up, taking him immediately to the hospital. He then runs out, after the doctor's take him, and Elle lightening bolts him, knocking him out. Bitch. I hate her.

When Nathan comes to, all messed up looking, he asks about Peter, who they claim is missing and they're searching for in the water. Um, didn't anybody identify him as the person who came in with Nathan to the emergency room? Because not that many people fit the "un-Godly hot" category.

Hate her, but this is HOT.

Peter is then put in a room and told he was given the "cure" and that his power are dormant. They mindfrak him a bit and say his brother's jacked up because of him, and he should want his powers gone. He agrees and for the next few months start taking pills. This is when the hotness, Adam, shows up. He's a prisoner too, has been for 30 years, because they think his blood can heal. Really? Because they don't seem to have been using it since the show started. Adam convinces Peter, rightfully so, that they're in a prison with no hopes of escape, but that he can help them both get out, and they can go visit his brother and give him his blood to heal him. Love this idea.

I had a dream just like this last night.

They do just that, Peter takes the medicine Elle gives him, who is truly a freak. Seriously, this girl has some problems, and I really hate her. She's psycho, and not in a good way. Eventually Peter's powers return and he uses the power he got from D.L., walking through walls, to get out and go to the hospital where Adam gives an unconscious Nathan his blood. He starts healing in seconds and they leave. Unfortunately Elle and The Haitian show up and Adam and Peter split up, with instructions to meet up in Montreal. The Haitian finds Peter though, in a shipping yard, oddlly right next to the hospital, and because he's around, Peter can't use his powers. Instead of taking him back though, the Haitian handcuffs him to inside the container, where we found him a few episodes ago. He tells Peter that his (Peter's) mother helped a long time ago, and he's returning the favor by sending Peter away from these people, so he can lead a normal life. So he can do that, he takes his memories away. We see how well that planned worked out. Kinda cool though.

Back in present day Montreal, Peter has finally regained his memory and remembered all of this, using his healing powers to heal his brain. Sexy. Adam tells Peter it's time to save the world. Okay, let's admit it, that whole storyline is sorta bad ass. I'm disappointed that this isn't the real Adam though. Or is it.

When he was Kensei back in OTJ, when Hiro was around, Hiro encouraged him to be a hero, but he didn't really have it in him. He was selfish. For awhile there though it worked, because he fell in love with the princess. Unfortunately, so did Hiro, and when Kensei sees them kissing, he goes apeshite. He betrays them, kidnaps the girl, and is about to unleash some craziness on OTJ. Hiro stops him though, and blows up the tent he's in. I knew he wasn't dead. I mean, Stark doesn't die that easy, just ask Sydney. You know usually I'm not into thin lipped guys, but somehow he makes it work. Sorry, a little aside there.

When Hiro returns to the present, he finds out his father was killed. He goes back to that moment, but his father doesn't want him to change his future, and to let him die. After some nice scenes, Hiro agrees and let's him die, but not before seeing the face of the man who kills him, Adam, Kensei, hotness, whatever. This confuses him, sorta. I'm really holding out hope that Adam isn't bad. I mean, these people held him captive for 30 years, so he could just be seeking revenge, which, eh, I'm kinda okay with that.

Matt Parkman though is on his way to figuring this thing out. He's put two and two together and realized that everyone that was in this "class" picture of sorts is being killed. Mrs. Petrelli confessed to killing Hiro's father, to protect her kids, or for some reason I'm blanking on now. He finds out that the person who made her confess is none other then his dead beat dad, who low and behold has the same power as Parkman. Of course he's honed his skill and can no not only manipulate someone into doing what he wants, but he can trap them inside their head, like he did Molly, who is in a coma.

Mommy and Daddy

Molly's been living with Parkman and Mohinder in Mohinder's NY apartment while Parkman's a NY detective. It's a sweet little relationship, the three of them. MOmmy's not home much, so Daddy the cop has to take care of Molly mostly. MOmmy's out working for the Company, trying to get the good on them while Daddy tries to find the people in the picture that keep getting knocked off. MOmmy's been working with Bennett, Claire's dad, to find out the dirt on the Company and to make sure they're not coming after Claire.

Unfortunately MOmmy starts to think maybe working the Company isn't such a bad idea and turns on Bennett, but in a sweet innocent, hot, way. Bennett finds the last of Isaac Mendez's paintings and in them we see Peter in front of a backwards HazMat sign, which we see when he's in the future. We also see a picture of MOmmy with a bandage on his nose and a gun pointing at the viewer. And the last one is of Bennett on the ground, with a hole in his glasses, apparently shot.

MOmmy wants everyone to just get along and goes to California to find Bennett. Unfortunately he takes the Company man, Bob, and that whackjob Elle, who we learn is Bob's daughter. She's been living at the Company facility for 16 years. Whatever, I hate her. Bennett figures out though that MOmmy is working with the company, but Bob kidnaps Claire. Luckily Bennett is helped by West, Claire's boyfriend who we learned can fly and Bennett kidnapped years ago. Talk about "Daddy" issues. Anyway, Bennett, who's kidnapped Elle, makes a switch for Claire, who's blood Bob has already taken.

In the switch, West flies away with Claire only to be "shot" down by Elle. Bennett shots her, only in the arm unfortunately, and in a standoff MOmmy shoots Bennett. IN THE EYE! We see the prophecy of Isaac's seemingly last picture. It was good having you in the story Isaac, see ya! But all hope isn't lost, because Bob gets Bennett's body back to the Company and puts in some Claire juice. Bennett's eye heals and he sits up, alive. Yes. Can we just talk about how hot this guy is? Bennett. You really wouldn't think unless you really looked, without the glasses. I've seen him in person and damn, yeah, it's nice.

The other story lines are DUMB DUMB DUMB. There are twins from Mexico who discover she has the power to kill people. Boring. She gets mad and her eyes tear up with black tears and anyone around her dies. Her brother can calm her down and help her stop it. It would be cool if he HAS to be there, but as we've learned he doesn't. She can do it herself. They're running from the law because at her brother's wedding she found the brother's new bride going at it with someone else and got pissed, killing everyone in a two mile radius except her brother. Argh, I'm bored talking about these two. The ONLY glimmer of hope is that they found Silar on the side of the road and he's hitching a ride to America with them. Yawn.

And then there's Micha and Nikki. Love Micha, he's adorable. But Nikki, we know has volunteered to be tested at the Company. Why? You may ask? Well, D.L. survived that night in the square when Peter blew up. Bob found her and offered her a cure. Since her ability was having a really strong split personality, she was happy to accept. But like most schizophrenics, she felt better so stopped taking the pills. Then, instead of Jessica showing up, some ho who's name I can't remember showed up. She left D.L. and came to LA. D.L. in the few months since being shot, has turned into a well respected, heroic firefighter, rescuing people by walking through walls an stuff.

D.L. though can't live without crazy in his life, like most men, I guess, and goes to LA to find her. He does find her and interrupts her and her pimp or whoever. He takes Nikki out of the club but not before the pimp comes over and shots D.L. point blank in the chest, killing him. This is so stupid I don't even wants to talk about it. This is when Nikki decides to turn herself over to the Company. While she's there Bob tells MOmmy that there is this cure. Matt's dad manipulate's Nikki into trying to kill Bob. Instead though she injects herself with the "cure" to take her powers away. We learn the cure is actually a virus. MOmmy's blood was supposed to be the antidote, but oops, it doesn't work. Wish I could be sorry about that. Through the power of deduction, I've realized the virus that kills most of the world's population is this virus. I put two and two together when the guys from the future called it the "Shanti Virus" and remembered that's what MOmmy's sister's name was.

The last new character is Micha's cousin. At least I think that's who she is, I don't remember he name, and don't really care until she does something interesting. They're in New Orleans and they discover she has the ability to see something on TV and mimic it. Do you see my eyes rolling? This is the dumbest power ever. Actually, she doesn't have to see it on TV, she can just do it from seeing someone do it. It'd be cool if she kept the knowledge, like Neo downloading stuff in The Matrix, but it's not made clears. So she either has a potentially kick ass ability or a real lame ass one. My head hurts.

All in all, the season, with only 2 (which includes the one in my Tivo) episodes left until the fall finale has gotten stellar since that flashback episode. Between Peter and Adam, I'm good to go. Let's hope they keep up this pace of actually making good shows.

BABY THERE'S NO MORE MILK!

The latest episode of The Amazing Race was quite exciting. I went through many emotions in the last five minutes and it had to do with my favorite team, Jason and Lorena. More on that later. Sorry I didn't recap last week, but the lesbian ministers came in last. Do I capitalize "Lesbian"? Anyway, I liked them, but they weren't too concerned with getting eliminated.

Remind me again which one is the girl? I don't even think they know.

We started off this last episode in Amsterdam. I'm lucky me and my race partner, my roommate, weren't on this leg because I don't know if I could continue. You know most stuff there is legal there, right? Anyway, we find out that during the mandatory rest period, old guy Asian dad Ron, got diagnosed with a hernia from over exerting himself in the last leg. Hey, it's hard to ride a bike with a basket on the front. Especially if your daughter's in the basket. The Dutch doctor pushes Ron's intestines back in through his abdominal wall and he's good to go.

Jason and Lorena leave around 4am and find out they're going to a town in West Africa called Ouagadougou. Hot on their heels are Nathan and Jen and the Botox Twins, Shana and Jennifer. I really don't like these two. And can I point out that the ideas and generalizations expressed by CBS does not reflect how Tvgrrrl feels about blonds. Some blonds to note that are completely acceptable...

The three teams learn that there's a flight to Paris and then one flight a day out of Paris to Ouagadougou. So basically, if you miss the flight, you're screwed. While J&C and the BTs go about their business, the, dare I say, smart, Nathan and Jen find out that there's an earlier flight to Paris. They get on the standby list and do make the flight. Now, I don't mean to rain on their parade or anything but don't they understand that everybody's booked for that only flight to Africa with them? I mean yeah, it gives you an extra half an hour in the Paris airport without the other teams, but why get all excited for that? No sooner do I think that then the second flight out of Amsterdam, that everybody made it on, Ron and Christina just barely, gets delayed. Everybody worries that they won't make the next flight and when it lands they start running to it. Fancy editing shows us that Nathan and Jen have already been seated and are excited because they think they're the only ones on this flight. Imagine their surprise when everyone starts arriving. Jen tries her best to be a flight attendant. "Hi, glad you made it." She has just as much sincerity as one as well.

So they all make the flight from Paris to West Africa. Azaria & Hendekea are especially excited because they're from Ethiopia and feel like West Africa is their home. Something tells me they're going to do well on this one. Not that being from Africa is why, but when a team feels comfortable in a place they tend to do well.

When they arrive in Africa they book it by taxi to the train station. The BTs get a cabbie and negotiate a price of 3,000 something. One of them decides to give the guy 5,000 expecting the refund when they get to the train station. Imagine their surprise when the guy only gives them 1,000 back. They try to argue, but the guy doesn't budge and they technically pay as much as everybody else but think they got shafted. Wow, that whole "using your looks to get ahead" thing really paid off there. I can see why.

The cluebox tells them they're going to take a train to BINGO! Haha. BINGO! Anyway, let me grow up. Unfortunately the train doesn't leave until the next day (probably to accomdate anyone who would have missed that only flight) and the teams bunch up again. That night, the teams let loose a little bit. The sisters, Marianna and Julia danced to some African drums with Hendekea. Don, the old grandpa, said to his grandson that he thought Julia was hot. Or something gross like that. Of course this is when the producers told her to ask him to dance. So he started dancing with them and he told us in his download that they're feisty, and hot, and sorta bitchy, but you could learn to live with that. My feelings towards Don are mixed. Mostly with disgust, but there's something about this team I like. I don't know what it is.

The next morning everybody boards the train to BINGO! Most people, including Nathan, who surprises me, reflects on how eye opening it is to be in a different culture and see how other people live. But of course, the BTs have a different view. There are flies around and one comments "these people bring flies". Yeah, well you bring ugly. And they comment on the trash, and the smell. Seriously. If you don't expect to see this type of thing then a) you didn't watch the show to begin with and b) you shouldn't have come. It's a race around the WORLD, not around to different Saks. Bitch.

The teams finally arrive in the middle of nowhere for their Roadblock. In this Roadblock one team member has to milk a camel and then drink the milk down. The thing that's gross about this challenge to me isn't that it's camel milk, it's that it's warm camel milk. Okay, so maybe the camel milk is the gross part. If the camel runs out of milk, then you have to wait for all the other teams to finish before you can switch to a better milk producing camel. I have a few problems, ethically, with this challenge. I'm not really sure what they are, but 8 people standing around milking camels dry just doesn't seem right.

Anyway, the challenge begins and right away Don and Azaria start doing well. I've never milked a cow, much less a camel, but I'm not sure how hard this can be. That's until I realize that the camels are sorta a**holes. For example, Lorena. Poor poor Lorena. Her camel keeps bringing his knee thingy up and hitting her hand, knocking the bowl and the milk out. We found out from Don, TK and Christina mostly that the thing to do was to stay calm and quiet with the camel, and they'd basically just stand there and let you do it. Lorena and Julia did not get that memo. Although, Lorena was taking it the worst, getting so frustrated she started crying. It's actually sorta sweet. Jason is encouraging her, telling her she can do it, while she's double over practically inconsolable. I have to say, I have been that frustrated before, and it's not fun. Of course, I didn't have a million dollars riding on it.

While Lorena was balling up in a corner, the rest of the teams started finishing and moving on, leading four camels down a marked path. TK and Rachel (TK who finished the milking first, and nearly gagged on it) started walking the path. Don and Nick also left around then and just started following TK. TK never said he knew where he was going and as Ron and Christina started, she thought maybe they should look for the marked path. As he normally does, he blew her off, saying they should just follow the other teams. When TK realized he wasn't going the right way, he turned around. Then all the other teams got a little annoyed. But you guys are the idiots who followed them. I'm glad they did though because besides Jason and Lorena, TK and Rachel are my favorite team. Soon Nate and Jen caught up and they all started walking down the marked path.

Back at the Roadblock Azaria, Jennifer, Lorena and Julia were still having trouble with their camels. Lorena was still yelling like a 5 year old and Jason was still being amazingly adorable and supportive. Because all four people have dry camels, they were able to switch. Immediately Azaria fills his bowl up and drinks it down, and he and Azaria race to the next clue box.

The other teams arrive at that cluebox and it's a Detour, Teach It or Learn It. They either have to go to the school and teacher a student 10 English words with pictures, or go to the same school and have a student teach them 10 words in that African language, More. There's supposed to be one of those double dot things over the "o" there, but I don't know how to do that on the computer. Anyway, half of the people choose Teach It and the other half choose the other. Azaria & Hendekea choose Learn It and then attack that thing with the most intelligence. They divide the words in half and then memorize them. They zip through that challenge and find out Phil's close. The grab one of the village boys and he guides them to the mat. Yay, there's Phil and they come in first! They win a trip to The Bahamas! That poor African kid gets some more time in a sweat shop. I hope they give him some money or something. Some clothes maybe.

Storm clouds started to form about now and I'm worried. My Lorena is still milking that damn camel. Julia is still there too. Finally, Julia finds a nice camel and she finishes the task. Lorena is still flipping out as the girls leave, and Julia says to try the camel she was just at and that has a baby at it. Good advice Julia. She follows it and soon she has enough milk to drink. She nearly collapses in Jason's arms and he encourages her. Seriously, where can I get one of those?

By now the storm has passed, but fancy editing shows the other teams finishing their tasks in pouring rain still and going off to find Phil. TK and Rachel and Ron and Christina were first out of the school but I'm starting to think TK has a really bad sense of direction, which is never good on this show. Eventually all the other teams except the BTs, Julia and Marianna and Jason and Lorena make it to the mat, at just about the exact same time.

No no no, the milk lesson was the challenge before

Lorena and Jason don't waste any(more) time and run with their camels. They soon catch up to Julia and Marianna. When the two teams make it to the Detour sign, they both decide to Learn It. Jason tells Lorena that she's good with languages and the editors slow the scene down and do that dramatic beat. This can't be good. Whenever they do that it means trouble. Not my Lorason. I love these too. The BTs finish and head off to hump Phil and request their daily injections.

Those damn editors tells us that it's neck and neck. I'm still thinking about that damn dramatic beat earlier. They seem to be on their last word, each having trouble with it. Who's going to make it out first? The camera is on both doors, panning between them, as we wonder who's going to come out first. I have to give it to the editors on this one. Finally, Jason figures out the last word. YES! The two quickly get up and run out, just as (or so we're led to believe) Marianna and Julia finish their task. Lorena and Jason and running with their packs and luckily go the right way and see Phil. One of the sisters says she sees him too and they drop their packs and start running. Lorena and Jason keep looking back and I'm screaming at the TV for them to drop their packs and just run. But if I've learned anything by now, it's to trust Jason. Jason knows what he's doing. So when they ease onto the mat, I breathe a sigh of relief. And just for the record, Phil has time to ask them about the whole milk debacle and they can get off the mat before Julia and Marianna even make it. I think they were at least 10 minutes back. How ya feelin' now about that whole milk suggestion Julia? So sad to see Julia and Marianna go, as I know Don will be. Well, maybe not for the same reason, but good Lords of Kobol was I happy my Lorason is still in it.

ER: I'M DEPRESSED

Anybody else watching ER and wanting to throw themselves off a building? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this show. I've been watching the show from the beginning, almost 14 years now. No, that can't be right, I'm old.

It's always been real life and gritty and crazy, but lately... Let's not go into Ray losing his legs and leaving the show. What the frak is that about? I loved Ray, and I loved Ray and Neela. And then Archie and Hope, a cute couple, got totally derailed when she went to some third world country to work at a mission or something. Didn't we already do this Doctors Without Borders thing already? Very well executed by the way last time. I miss Dr. Carter. Boo!

And then Sam is slutting it up. I mean, I like that she's dating, but way to fight for your son back. Of course, he turned out to be a real a**hole, so I don't know how much I'd want him back either. Especially if I was getting nice brown sugar and, uh, cop sugar.

So the real reason for this rant is Abby and Luka. They are so cute. But Luka had to go back to Croatia (so hot) for what seemed like forever, because his father got sick. He was gone for a damn long time, and didn't seem too sad about it when he was gone. Abby on the other hand lost her sh*t. She started drinking again. If my friend was an alcoholic and she came into a bar obviously lit, I don't know if I would leave without making sure she was alright, NEELA! What the hell???

And then the worst thing happened. Abby went home and did the nasty with Dr. Moretti. Seriously? Okay, so Stanley Tucci isn't that bad looking, and did ya see him without a shirt? Damn Stan. Haha. Get it. Anyway, like I was saying, Tucci, not so bad. But HELLO, she's married to Luka. Luka. Kovac. The hottest sexiest Croatian ever to walk the Earth. Seriously, I looked it up. I'm sorry, unless it was Jack Bauer himself, there is nothing that would make me cheat or Luka Kovac. Have you see him? Seriously. I would be able to sustain my abstinence with the knowledge that at some point in the near future he'd be doing me. Or, I'd just think about the dozens of times he did me in the past and nothing would get me to cheat on him, probably not even my Jack.

I thought Luka coming home would solve that, but he brought he stupid brother with him. Good move Luka. So Abby gets even more tense and starts drinking vodka out of the fridge. You'd think later, on Luka's first night back, she and him would get, er, close, and he'd smell the alcohol. I guess I just don't get it. I mean, I get the drinking to numb the pain, but I don't get cheating on Luka. And I don't get drinking when Luka is right there. Do you think I want the pain to be dulled when Luka's doing me. Wait, that didn't come out right. You know what I mean.

I want my old ER back. I don't mind explosive bullets and crazy people attacking people with chairs. Just make Luka and Abby not fall apart. Of course, if you want to show Tucci's naked torso again, I won't argue, just let it not be Abby who's seeing it. Tuc.