In the world of The Amazing Race, I try to be an optimist, I have good news, great news, and even BETTER news. The good news is that the show is finally over! The BETTER news is that in February we're back to the good ol' days with teams of 2. The great news is as follows...
We're finally down to the two hour finale with the Linzes, Bransens, and Weavers. The Bransens and Linzes start out at 3am from the pit stop, heading to the airport. They're going to Canada, the French part, Montreal. They already have flights, but can change their tickets if they wish. The Weavers are a full hour behind everyone but we know they'll bunch up, they always do at the airports. The only chance here for getting ahead is to find an earlier flight, which of course we know there is. The Bransens get to the airport first and find a flight that gets to Montreal a whole ten minutes sooner. Barring any delays (ahem) they'll get there before everyone else. The Linzes find out that there's a flight that leaves the connection city, Toronto, an hour earlier. Once the Linzes and Weavers get into Toronto they all dash to the ticket counter. Alex Linz and Rolly Weaver make it there together but fall over each other for first. Linda Weaver's yelling for Alex to not touch Rolly. She's such a mother hen. Alex basically lets Rolly ahead since he doesn't like beating on kids, although he confesses that he almost took a swing. I say do it, he's almost an adult, Linda's said just as much throughout the whole race.
A bizarre game of "it"?
After the scuffle, Linda's able to talk herself into the airport office. They tell the Weavers about the earliest flight. She asks the Lord to screw up the other team, because that's what the Lord does in his free time, screws people over. Luckily my Linzes make it onto the flight. Looks like the Bransens have made the wrong decision because their flight is nearly an hour later, putting them just under an hour and a half behind the two other teams.
When the Linzes and Weavers land, they each find cabs to take them around. They have to make their way to some sort of underground labyrinth and find the clue box. The Weavers' driver, Ted, is a God fearing man as well, so they pray together to find the right building. Unfortunately the Linzes get a guy who barely speaks English and doesn't know his was around the city. Not only do they get a horrible driver, but once they arrive to get the clue, they miss it and have to double back, losing tons of time. The Weavers have already been and gone and are on to their next destination. They're next stop is either a Detour "Slide It" or "Roll It". Phil tells us in "Slide It", the teams have to Curl, as in that weird Olympic game on the ice. Sorta like shuffle board. In "Roll It", the teams have to use lumberjack tools to move four logs through a course. (Oh, and on a side note, Phil's not sporting any camel toe tonight. If you do want to see some men's camel toes, check out this site...http://ctoe.bolt.com/mens.html) The Weavers decide to "Slide It" and run off with Ted to the arena. Ted's excited to be going through this adventure, not just because he's with some good saved souls, but because Rebecca's shorts are nearly inside of her. Seriously, this girl has one pair of shorts and they're up her ass the entire time.
The Bransens finally land just about the time the Linzes are finding their clue. Speaking of clues, my Linzes' taxi driver really needs a clue. Or a cell phone to call his boss or someone with Yahoo Maps or something. The Bransens make the same mistake the Linzes do and run past the clue box, doubling back.
Rebecca must be freezing in those "booty" shorts
The next stop is a Roadblock. This time only one person can do it. It's a trapeze. The person has to swing and be caught by the catcher guy before they get their next clue. The Weavers arrive way ahead and of course Rolly does it. Linda's worried about her "baby". I actually love Rolly Weaver. Poor guy has to spend all this time with these crazy women. He's kinda cute too. In a little boy, non-Michael Jackson way.
Rolly swinging
They finish and have to make their way to Olympic Park and find a stadium. There they have to get in a golf cart and find the only entrance onto the field. Easier said then done. The Linzes show up to the trapeze and Alex opts to do it. Now Alex is a pretty big guy, as his siblings point out, and the catcher guy keeps dropping him. Gorgeous Nick Linz points out that Alex "is a big fat lard" and that "he's never gonna be able to do that." If I didn't have an oddly psychotic love for Nick Linz I would be disturbed by this comment, but I'm not. Poor Alex, he's sweating up a storm and all I can think about is them covering him in that talc powder stuff. Because of the awful taxi driver and Alex's failed attempts at the trapeze, the Bransens catch up and are amazed at their luck. Luckily Alex finishes and they race off. Beth Linz has better luck and finishes quickly. The Weavers are still looking for the entrance, going back and forth, even heading to the top entrances of the stadium because golf carts can go in that way and make it down to the field. Not the sharpest tools in the shed. They finally find it and run to the clue box. The clue says that hidden in the seats of the stadium are three departure times from an airport to an undisclosed location. Once they find a time they can keep it or keep looking, hoping for an earlier one. Phil lets us in on the secret that the times are 5:45am, 5:50am, and 5:55am. They sprint up the steps and begin furiously looking.
The two other families get to the stadium and run off. Poor Wally stubs his toe. He says it's sprained but I'm not convinced. I've used this excuse before in high school gym class when I didn't want to run. Worked like a charm. Fancy editing makes it look like my Linzes and Bransens find the entrance quickly. And they might, but we'll never know. The Weavers are peeved the other teams have caught up. I'm not! Everyone starts looking for the clue until they all realize they've left their cabs outside with the meters ticking. I was wondering about that myself. It's been hours. I know here in LA it costs $40 to go about six miles. Linda Weaver mentions something about it costing $40 and hour. Not sure if that's true or if she just made that number up. She's good at making crap up. They pay off their drivers and make their way back to the stadium where it seems like they look for hours. The Linzes go up to the upper decks and search, finally finding it for 5:50am. They head back down and turn in for the night. Rolly Weaver insists they go up there too but it's been over three weeks and the girls' bodies are going into meth withdrawal. Linda Weaver collapses on a cot and sleeps. Nothing like stadium lights to put you to sleep. The Bransens aren't having great luck either. Wally's starting to get a big testy. His girls want him to meet them at the top of the steps to search in a pattern and Wally tells them to "shut up" under his breath. It's great. They eventually find it for 5:45am. The Weavers are just sitting around watching Linda sleep, giving up. I'm jumping up and down for joy at this point at the thought of them quitting. As they go to commercial my roommate assures me that when it comes back Linda will wake up and they'll search and find it. Man, my roommate is smart. That's what happens. They find the 5:55am departure and immediately leave for the airport.
Givin' up?
Everyone else gets up and heads out a bit later. When the Weavers get to the airport they realize they're the last to depart causing Rebecca's shorts to shrink some more. They all fly off at their assigned times and land in what Phil tells us is Toronto. Woohoo, we're still in another country. Hey, I take it where I can get it on this one. Wally thinks he recognizes it, of course the Weavers have no clue, and lovely Nick Linz knows where they are.
Toronto and the tallest building in the world according to The Amazing Race
On their marked vehicles (thank goodness no cab drivers on this last part) they find a clue. It tells them to make their way to the tallest building in the world. The La Tour CN. It's a space needle looking like thing. Phil tells us that it's a modern wonder of the world. Um, ok, looks spectacular. When they get there they have to use binoculars and find the next clue, somewhere in the city. The Bransens make it there first. The Linzes get there quickly, way before the Weavers who landed at the same time and drove off first. The Linzes wisely let them drive off first since they knew the Weavers had no idea where they were going and didn't want them following. The Weavers had to stop off and ask for directions. Hey, here's a clue, it's that big ass thing in the middle of the city, drive towards it. Anyway, by the time the Weavers arrive and make their way to the observation deck, the Bransens and Linzes have searched much of the city. The Bransens find it first, and then the Linzes. They make their way down in the same elevator. I'm sure they're smelling rank and I feel bad for the elevator operator. Soon Rebecca Weaver's butt eats her shorts again. No, actually, she spots the clue and they race off.
Bone climbing
When the Linzes and Bransens get to the clue it's another Detour, choice between two tasks. They can "Sail It" or "Shoe It". In "Sail It" they sail across the harbor to a ship where one member of the family has to climb 100 feet to the top of the mast to retrieve a flag. In "Shoe It" the teams have to drive to a shoe museum (yes, there's an actual museum) and pick out a pair of shoes. There are 100 women walking around and they have to find the woman who fits the shoe. Amazing Race's version of Cinderella. The Bransens "Shoe It" and the Linzes "Sail It". Wally tells us he doesn't think his girls can sail. Damn. The Linzes work hard on the boat to get across the harbor. When it looks like they're about half way across the Weavers show up and "Sail It" as well. Of course it's Bone who climbs up and retrieves the flag. That kid is awesome. They get the next clue which tells them to, get this, drive 81 miles to Queenston, on the Canadian side of the Niagra Gorge. When they get there they have to take a jet boat to a Whirlpool. In the Whirlpool is a buoy that has their next clue. By now there's less than half an hour left on the show and I'm getting excited because I'm sure this is going to be their last task.
Meanwhile, the Bransens are having a hard time finding the woman to match the shoe they picked out. Basically they didn't have to use any deduction skills, they just had to have each woman try on the shoe. Quite time consuming. Although when they're done they seem to be in second place. The Weavers make it across the harbor and Rolly, who does everything, climbs up. Poor little guy drops the flag though. Luckily, for him, it doesn't go in the water and they retrieve it and run off to Queenston.
Kinda self explanatory
The Linzes make it to Queenston first and hop on a boat. The Bransens aren't too far behind and get into theirs. The boat looks fun, like a ride at the park. They get splashed big time, both teams yelling and screaming. The Linzes grab their clue and it tells them to instruct their boat captain to take them to Lewiston, NY, just across the boarder. We're in the home stretch here folks. My stomach's getting all knotted just writing this down. The Linzes make their way across the river with the Bransens hot on their tail.
My Nicky Linz at the final challenge
On the shore they find the last clue. In front of them are large boards in the shape of North America. They have puzzle pieces in the shape of the countries and states that they have to fill in. Once they do that and complete the puzzle, they can make their way to the finish line!!! Nick Linz decides to do it since he's good with geography. He goes to work quickly as the Bransens arrive. Wally decides to do it and jumps in. I'm getting worried at this point because one thing Wally looks like he's good at is geography. Nick is blazing along, sweating, and breathing hard, and whoa, sorry, I passed out for a second there. Anyway, they are literally neck and neck. Nick has a little trouble with Ohio, which gets some laughs from the siblings since they live in Ohio. Oh, those silly Linzes. It's down to the North East for both Wally and Nick. Those little states are causing them trouble. Stupid 13 colonies. They finish at the same time but Wally has forgotten tiny little Rhode Island. Don't worry Wally, we all forget about it too.
The Linzes runnin' for it
In a foot race we're pretty sure the Linzes will win, unless they carry their bags with them. They lug them toward the finish line and poor Megan struggles. Nick grabs her bags and they hurry off. I'm having a Uchenna and Joyce flashback from last year when they were trying to pay the cab driver before they run to the finish line with Rob and Amba coming in strong behind them. As the Linzes run through the park they're greeted by Phil and the rest of the booted teams who are cheering them on. Luckily they make it to the mat first, Tommy actually collapsing on it. Man I love Bone. Everyone is overwhelmed with happiness. Phil tells them that after twenty five days, one or two countries, and 600 straight hours together, they've just won The Amazing Race and $1,000,000. I'm on the couch by now pulling a Tom Cruise. This was the GREAT news. The Bransens come in and are genuinely happy for the Linzes. About an hour later the Weavers come in with mild clapping from the Bransens and Linzes. Linda says how proud she is of her kids. It's the end of the race so I'm going to refrain from badmouthing them anymore. I'll take the Linz high road.
No Camel Toe but a butt shot. Not bad Phil, not bad at all
In their download afterwards the Linzes sing their litle "who dey" song. "Who dey? Who dey? Who dey Linzes?" Bone says something about just winning a million dollars and his brother slaps him in the head. Seriously, how could you not be in love with this family. In a later interview they tell us that they're giving half the money to their parents and then splitting the rest between them and their three other siblings.
After all of this, trying to keep all the teams straight and first loving the Weavers then despising them, I'm glad to say that the right team won and no more family edition, although I'd love to see Bone and Nick when the two player teams come back. I for sure, can't wait to have the good ol' days back. I've really missed the plane flying diagram.
