The final four having a great time on some rocks
Okay, so I spent most of the time last night screaming at the television, I'm sure my neighbors think I'm a crazy person. The game was well played by all, except for maybe Lydia, and I think the best person won. Now for what happened...
Steph: "Screw ya religion, give me the chickin'"
On day 37, the final four, Lydia, Rafe, Danni and Stephanie wake up giddy that they've made it to the final four. As Bre from America's Next Top Model would says, "I've made it to the top four, and that's fine. It means I'm the 4th baddest bitch is America." Ah, Bre. So the four baddest bitches in Guatemala find tree mail. Lydia comes running in like a mad woman, excited by what the mail says. Stephanie is hoping for food since she hasn't eaten a big feast in almost two whole days. Bitch. The mail says some mumbo jumbo about enjoying an experience. Lydia thinks real Mayans will come to the camp with a feast. Sounds exciting. Stephanie just wants food. Sure enough, at some point the Mayans come to th camp with a chicken and some tamales. They do a ritual and sacrifice a live chicken. They rip the poor thing's head off and then toss him in the fire. Ouch. Stephanie, being a cultured Jersey girl, has Lydia ask them if she, I mean they, can eat the chicken. You know, the one they just tossed in the fire as a sacrifice to God, yeah that one. They Mayans say, "No you dumbass white woman" or something like that. The others enjoy the ritual as a spiritual experience.
"Uh, this is the right side, oh, I mean left, no no right."
No more reward challenges left, only two immunity challenges. This second to last immunity is a maze. At this point I'm jumping up and down because I know Stephanie's stupid and could never possibly a) get through a maze, and b) solve the puzzle at the end. The challenge requires the survivors to find their way through the maze and find six different stations, each having a piece of a puzzle. Then they run to the top of a mini-pyramid (where Jeff narrates) and drop off each piece. Once they've collected all six they make their way back up and assemble the puzzle. Jeff tells us that the puzzle will be one fo three images. They begin and immediately Rafe and Stephanie are in the lead and of course, Lydia's in last place. Rafe comes out on top and wins it.
When they get back from camp Stephanie pulls Rafe aside and thinks they should vote off Danni. She says that strategically it'd be best to go against Lydia in the final immunity because she's weaker, and then since Rafe and Stephanie would be just about in the same boat, with everyone hating them, then each of them would have a fair shot to win. Rafe's a little worried since he made an alliance to Danni to take each other to the final three.
Ah, skeleton love.
Of course, Stephanie starts eyeing the chicken carcass in the fire from that morning and wants to eat it. Lydia, who was all about the ritual earlier, plays "up everyone's ass" again and follows Steph to the chicken where they fish it out of the ash and decide to eat it. Rafe just can't do it, saying that it was a sacrifice to the gods. But guess what? Steph can. She's such a pig, really. Suddenly, after they finish eating a huge storm rolls in. Everyone is convinced it's the gods and they must be crazy, I mean pissed. At tribal council they bring in the jury and I notice how bitter everyone is. Judd's rolling his eyes, Cindy's lookin' like a bitch. The only people who seem truly okay with what's happened are Bobby Jon and Gary.
They talk a little about the group angering the gods, with an eye roll from Judd. Finally they just eliminate Lydia, who takes it like a woman and walks out with some dignity, unlike those dumbasses the last two times. "I'm gonna be thinking 'bout y'all when I'm lookin' at the stars from the sunroof of my new car." Yeah well, "We'll be thinking about you when we have a chance to win a million dollars, bitch."
The next morning the final three wake up to a howler monkey. Stephanie complains because she's hungry again. They get tree mail and learn that, as in past Survivor seasons, they must pay tribute to all of their fallen survivors. This mean walking around the Mayan ruin and seeing pictures of each person. At each picture they say a few words about that person and we're treated to a montage. At this point I take a bathroom break. I decide to take a shower, blow dry my hair and then go out for a quick mani/pedi. When I get back they're on Lydia. I decided to make some dinner.
A sacrifice to the gods. Bet you wish you didn't eat the chicken now
By the time I finished eating they were on to the last immunity challenge. This one involves balance and endurance. Each player must stand on a wobble board and hold onto two ropes. Whoever falls off and touches the ground is eliminated. Luckily for the first hour they're able to hang onto two ropes, one with each hand. Everyone stays on that first hour, and then they have to let go of one rope. Everyone lets go of one rope and Rafe loses his balance. The other two look over at him and lose their balance. Rafe leans on the pole with his back and finds a comfortable spot. Steph and Danni do the same, holding themselves in place by that one rope. After half an hour the three are told to let go of the rope. They're all in pretty good shape until Rafe, without thinking, touches the pole to prop himself farther up. Jeff comes to life and tells Rafe he's out. Now it's just Steph and Danni who are on opposite poles, so they can see each other. Danni takes her hat off and props it against the small of her back for support. Steph does the same. About a half an hour elapses and we see Danni still standing there, she's actually picking at her nails. I love this girl. Steph on the other hand has slid down significantly, practically squatting. Man, I remember my high school volleyball coach used to make us do wall squats, they sucked. Steph's shaking and struggling and I'm just praying to the Lords of Kobol for Danni not to forget what's going on and touch the pole behind her.
Sweet justice
Luckily Steph folds and starts boo hooing. Danni wins and immediately walks up to Steph to console her. I have to say, this bitch does play the game of manipulation well. Rafe walks up to both of them and tells Danni that he "releases" her from any promises she made to him to take him to the final two. He wants her to make the decision on what's best for her. Um, ok.
Back at camp Danni is unsure of her decision. Rafe reiterates to her that he wants her to vote with her heart, and take who she thinks she can win with. Of course he wants her to take him. Steph then approaches Danni and tells her why she should take her to the final. They get to tribal council and they talk again about who Danni should vote for. There's Judd again, rolling his eyes. Lydia's there now and guess what? She looks bitter too! She must have had dinner with Judd. Danni eventually chooses Rafe to be eliminated so it's her and Stephanie who go to the final two. In Rafe's download he cries like a baby saying that Danni played the game, but he thought she was going to take him to the final two, so Stephanie was getting his vote. Poor Rafe. He was the good guy until he took a hater pill like most of the other losers. Steph and Danni go back to camp and have their last night at camp.
The bitters, oh, I mean jury
The next night is the final tribal council, or as I like to call it, "Stephanie kisses ass council". Seriously, her nose was brown, actually, so was the rest of her head because she had her head way up everyone's ass. Everyone gets to ask Stephanie and Danni questions. Bobby Jon's questions aren't too bad. Gary just tells the girls he's going to base his decision on who he thinks is telling the truth, Jamie did ask Stephanie why she would be nice to their face and then vote them out. She gives some lame ass excuse, something about the sun shining out of all of their butts. At some point she also mentions going up against the best, and wanting to beat the best. Good way to ingratiate yourself with these people you've beaten. She has an interesting way of kissing ass. Of course they're leaving Judd for last. They must have all eaten bitter stew because Cindy gets up and asks some stupid question about, if they could, who would they remove from the jury. So basically, who do you want to piss off and ensure they vote against you? Danni says Rafe because she's pretty sure he's going to vote against her. And then Stephanie, in her quest to not lie, says that she would get rid of Bobby Jon because he was the first member of the jury. Um, okay, that makes lots of sense. Then Rafe gets up, he was at the bitter dinner before hand too, because he asks Danni why she didn't pick him. Not sure Rafe, maybe it was because you let her out of her obligation. I have no doubt that if he wouldn't have opened his big mouth he'd be sitting there with Stephanie and at least $100,000 richer.
The best part of this last tribal council is when Judd gets up. The producers like to save the best drama for last. Judd asks Danni if she's been rollerblading or ice skating. Confused (don't worry Danni, we all are) she tells him that she's done both. He makes some dumb comment about her skating through the seasons. Um, okay. Must have worked Judd, you're standing there and she isn't. He then asks her to tell them when she's lied. She says something about four years ago when she was in summer school she told the teacher she had to go to the bathroom when she just wanted to go out and get a drink of water. Oh, and that time she told Brandon that she liked his hat. And then Judd said, "Sounds like you've lied a lot". Was he even listening? Then on to Stephanie. He asked her if she was hungry. Ha! See that's in reference to the fact that the bitch is always eating. She makes some excuse about how she eats a lot. Yeah, we know. Then he gets into the meaty part. He tells her that she lied to his wife, and she neva shoulda lied to his wife and told her that she was taking him to the finals with hur. Stephanie decides that instead of taking the blame, and admitting to the lying part, she says that she didn't know they were going to vote him out, and that it wasn't her decision. Give it up Stephanie, every damn vote was your decision. Anyway, they give their last speech, not really anything exciting, just some ass kissing from Stephanie. They all vote and Rafe votes for Stephanie to win and Judd votes for Danni. We don't see any of the other votes. Jeff then gathers the votes and gets on the longest helicopter ride known to man... from Guatemala to Los Angeles. Low and behold, everyone is there. The "jorey" as Stephanie seems to think it's called, and Steph and Danni looking very swank. Danni looks absolutely radiant, although there's been talk about possible lip enhancement. Personally I think she used some lip plumping lipstick that started to burn a bit, hence the need for licking them constantly. I mean, I wouldn't know about the plumping stuff because I don't need it, but that's what they tell me. Steph must have gone to The Hair Cutery because she has a nice new perm. She has on a snazzy White Snake t-shirt and lovely blue or green eye shadow. She's classy.
White Snake groupie reunion
Jeff doesn't waste any time, I mean, besides the stupid helicopter trip a minute ago, and starts to tally the votes. The person needs four to win. First one is Danni, Judd's vote. The second is for Steph, Rafe's vote. The next vote is for Danni, and now I'm starting to worry. I'm sure it's a fake out. Next one is for Danni again and I've lost all hope thinking the next three will be for Steph. But I'm wrong, the next one is for Danni and she wins!! So happy that Jersey biatch didn't win.
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