So, I'm not really into the Radio Music Awards and honestly, if it wasn't for all the repeats, I'd be watching Prison Break. But since I'm not I thought I'd give you guys the highlights. Sorry there aren't more pictures, apparently Mariah Carey's boobies ate them.
I'm a reality tv whore. Coupled Suzy and Matt from The Biggest Loser.Tonight's show is hosted by Mark McGrath (Sugar Ray) and Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl). They're pretty cute together and their first little monologue gives me hope that there aren't going to be any dumb jokes the writers make them say. I'm wrong. We're treated to George Wendt, Cheers' Norm, pretending to be Santa. I'm not fooled though, he doesn't have his beard on and is surrounded by hookers. Hey, it's Vegas, they may be hookers. If not they're cheap showgirls. I know that's saying the same thing, but you know what I mean. First up is Keith Urban. I never actually heard him perform, and he is a good performer, although he sounds a bit girlie. Nicole Kidman must like those kinds of guys. Lenny Kravitz, Keith Urban, and of course the poster boy for closet cases, Tom Cruise. Next up is Mary J. Blige, man this chick can blow. I forgot this was an awards show until they do the Song of the Year from a mainstream artist. Mariah Carey wins and I'm happy about that. She probably has the best album of the year and I'm excited that she's made a comeback. And we were treated to her magic breasts. Now for years Mariah has been swearing her boobs are real. I've always believed her, but tonight's really changed my mind. Especially after I saw that episode of Tyra where she took her bra off and she hung nearly to her belly button. I don't know what kind of invisible bra Mariah was wearing, but they were giving her great lift. Seriously, if these are real then I need to know where she buys that damn bra.
I heard the Goo Goo Dolls were a last minute addition after poor Ashley Simpson collapsed in Japan or somewhere. What's sad is they weren't even the second choice because Bo Bice was supposed to perform and this morning he started coughing up blood. His name is still in the credits, so I'm hoping he's here. I like that guy and haven't seen him perform since American Idol. Now I'm not into country music, but I can tell you that one of the best songs of the year, country or not, was Tim McGraw's Live Like You Were Dying. But of course it went to Nicole Kidman's man Keith Urban. I mean good for him and all, but Tim McGraw!
Snoop is so cool. Sorry, I just had to say that. I also have to talk about Ricky Martin. Yes, that says Ricky Martin. He was shakin' his gay bon bon. We need to have an intervention with him and Mariah. Yeah yeah, I know he's Latin, and I guess those moves could be his Latin flare, or it could be the fact that he loves men. Hey, there's nothin' wrong with loving men, I love men. But Ricky, who are you tryin' to fool?
I had to take a pee break, but when I come back the Pussycat Dolls are singing that Santa, Baby song and Snoop is playing Santa. He's so cool.
Michael Buble (I don't know if that's how you spell it, but it sounds like a French person saying bubbly) performs next. He's a crooner, looks a bit like Rob Thomas and Chris Penn (Sean's fatter, uglier brother from Footloose) mixed together. More on the Chris Penn side, but still kinda cute with a nice voice. A bit boring, but would be nice to listen to on a rainy day or after a long day on the ride home from work.
Next Mariah is presented with the Legend award. That's nice. There are her boobies again. Nice, Mariah gave a shout out to the presenter, Mary J. Blige, mentioning her record dropping the next day. Mariah must have just been born again because she and God are tight. They talk all the time, mostly when she's getting an award.
Jaime Pressly looks pretty in her blue dress. She's just introduced someone named Rascal Flatts. I think that's what she said. Oh, I know this song, it's pretty. Yeah, yeah, country, but this doesn't sound as much like country. And I think it's a remake anyway. I really don't know, but I think it's a nice song.
I'm a bit distracted. No, it's not Mariah's boobs again. It's Lauren Holly's boobs. This woman doesn't age. She must go see Dr. Rey from Dr. 90210. Forget her though, Shane West is her co-presenter. Those Rascal Flatts guys just won some dumb country category. Damn, the scroll on the bottom that tells us who's coming up after the commercial is going at about 400 miles an hour. My head hurts.
Man, some special report from the news. Apparently some plane had to make an emergency stop at LAX because of a blown tire. Everyone is okay.
LifehouseSo, Gavin DeGraw and Lifehouse are playing back to back. I've never seen the Lifehouse guys but the lead singer looks like Ryan Gosling, nice. The next six and a half minutes are for the ladies. Gavin DeGraw has a great ass. Sorry, just had to say that. Not the greatest looking guy but wow, the man has a nice butt.
The Backstreet Boys are the next presenters but there's only three of them. Not really sure who's missing. Oh wait, Lance. Is he a Backstreet Boy or is he N'Sync? Am I actualy wondering this? Regardless, the Backstreet Boys aren't unified. Another damn country music award. I don't know who was nominated and I don't know who won. Goo Goo Dolls I think won something, but I was too busy looking for a good picture of that hot Lifehouse guy. Okay seriously, are these the CMAs? Another country singer!? Sugarland. They look like Mama Cass, Shania Twain and Toby Keith. Okay, just the fact that I know those three makes me think maybe I'm a bit more into country than I thought.
Oh wait, it's over. I guess they decided against the whole, going out with a bang thing. Sugarland? That was the big finale? Mary J. Blige brought the house down and she was the second performer? That's like making Sammy Sosa bat second or making Marion Jones run second in the relay. Okay, maybe I'm not the best at sports analogies, but you get my drift. Mary should have been the anchor, not crappy second. Anyway, it was a pretty good show. I wish Mariah would have performed though, and of couse John Mayer (who I didn't see) and Maroon 5 would have been nice, but hey, this ain't the Grammy's.
