Jeff should really start using sunblock
The first few Survivors are always the dumbest. Since the players have watched all however many seasons of the show they think they can play the game and try to do it as soon as possible. Sixteen people who don't know each other get thrown together and the first thing they try to do is make alliances. It's like, wait a few days before you start trusting someone you've known for about 12 hours with the possibility of you winning $1 million. Oh, you're a guy, and I'm a guy, that means I can trust you, let's make an alliance. The only alliance so far that makes any sense is the military one between Dan and Terry. I mean yeah, they don't know each other, and Dan looks like he's Casper the ghost's great uncle Stewart, but at least they know that the other one is probably intelligent and a hard worker. Sorry for my rant, but even though this was a good episode, people pissed me off.
It's night time in Panama and it's raining like a bitch. Speaking of bitches, Shane's being interviewed and a bolt of lightening strikes next to him. The ground erupts, he jumps to the side, the camera jolts and then- I don't know what happened because they didn't talk about it. Wha the frak? Aras, over with the Younger Men voices his concerns that they're going to die. Hey, it's a little rain, at least God isn't striking you down with a bolt of lightening in the camp over. And who's fault is it that the four of you are soaking wet? I guess playing coconut baseball the other day was much more important then building the shelter.
Do you think one day they'll make TV where you can reach through and slap someone? I hope so
The next morning we get a shot of Shane. He looks like he's been on the island for weeks already. I can't imagine what he'd look like weeks from now when the normal thirty pounds have dropped. He'd look worse than Danni did. He's walking on the beach, bitching and moaning about his time on the island. He says he's really missing his son, and he doesn't know why he did this. He wants to go home. Okay, I'm sure the guy loves his son very much, but I think he's more missing those three packs of cigarettes he used to smoke a day. Squirt some tears you pus, what'd you think it'd be like here. And I'm sorry, it's $1 million. Suck it up.
At the reward challenge Jeff has the group divide into men and women. When they do, he tells them that the four tribes will now merge into two. To decide who's on which tribe, they'll have a traditional school yard pick. He chooses a guy and a girl, and they choose a girl and a guy respectively, all the way until no one is left. They start choosing and surprisingly it doesn't go as I was thinking it would. The big strong black guy doesn't get picked until almost last. The second to last person is Dan. The last to be chosen is the Asian guy, Bruce. Which I don't think makes any sense either since he was workin' his butt off at the Older Man's camp. Because he was chosen last he gets thrown to Exile Island for three days. Much longer than Misty stayed. The good thing though is he's immune from getting voted out, and the next time we'll see him is at tribal council. He'll listen in on it and then take the place of whoever's voted out. He's actually happy about this and I have high hopes that he'll be able to get a fire going and probably fish a bit while he's there.
Must be the socks
On to the reward challenge. This challenge they're playing for fishing gear. The teams look to be fairly even between genders and age. Long story short, they have to traverse an obstacle course, untying three, foot long snakes along the way. One person has to carry the entire load, 6 snakes by the end. The first team to all cross the finish line, with the snakes, wins reward. Nick carries the snakes for newly designated La Mina, and Courtney carries them for Casaya. Why they chose Courtney is anyone's guess. Nick was a perfect choice, just perfect. Yeah. Nothing dramatic happens during the race and unlike the last few Survivors, the teams are evenly matched and one team doesn't pulverize the other one. La Mina wins, just because they do.
You'd think they'd be able to fashion a sports bra out of some coconuts or something
Once the teams go back to camp, Casaya in the Older Women's camp and La Mina in the Older Men's, things start to go downhill for Casaya. Wait, they go downhill for both. At Casaya the younger people start to bond quickly, and Shane is happy now not to be with the Older Men. Cirie is having a little trouble with the "Like oh my God" girls. Her and me both. Melinda, one of the Older Women, points out that now she and Cirie's heads are on the block. Of course she's right because Shane doesn't waste any time forming an alliance with his new teammates, Danielle (the fake boobs girl who looks like she's about to strangle herself), Aras and Courtney. He tells them that he swears on his son's life he will never lie to them. Hold on, hold on, wait a minute. Don't ever promise something on Survivor by saying you promise on your child's life. That kid will be struck down within a week.
At La Mina there's more aligning going on as well. Terry approaches Nick and Austin, the two younger guys, and asks if they want to join up with him and Dan. They're forming an army to go to the other side of the island to find Walt and Michael and to kill The Others. Unfortunately, Nick and Austin have already kinda bonded with the two younger girls, Misty and Sally. We never really figure out who they're with.
"AAHHH Daniel-san"
On Exile Island Bruce gets a clue to where the immunity idol is. It says that it's above the tide line, and has a map enclosed of where the idol isn't. Thanks Jeff, great help that was. He looks around a bit for it, but then works on getting the fire going. Unfortunately he has a shoddy ass piece of flint and it breaks, not allowing him to make fire, boil water, or any of that. Another storm hits and poor Bruce is stuck out in the elements. To wake himself up the next day he decides to do some Thai Chi or some form of martial arts that doesn't require a partner. He's like those old people you see in the park doing the moves.
In the best bonehead move since Rupert had to go searching for the fishing spear in Survivor: Pearl Islands, Sally and Nick go fishing with the brand new fishing gear. And to prove that all women are morons when it comes to anything sports like, Sally "tests" the spear by launching it into the ocean. Although I was relieved she didn't spear Nick in the gut, which is what I thought she was going to do, it's a little disappointing to see it go down like that. She tried to go down and get it, but they were so far out that they'd need scuba gear or one of those mini-sub things. When they get back to the beach everyone is supportive except for Terry, who's convinced if the spear hadn't been lost they'dve been eating "tons of fish". Okay, I don't know who he thinks went out there to fish, but for obvious reasons I don't think Sally would have caught a lot of fish to begin with.
Not really a race if the other boat doesn't even move
On to the Immunity Challenge, and Jeff, who for some reason I don't think is getting as much airtime as normal. Anyway, he tells them they'll be in the ocean again. They'll swim out to a boat and designate two people to swim below the boat to an anchor. Underwater they'll pull the anchor, and boat, to shore. While they're doing this the remaining people in the boat will pull plugs, and bail out the incoming water. Once on the beach they have to transport some zombie head looking like thing onto the top of a spear up towards the beach. They start out fairly even but then the Casaya tribe just can't get the boat moving. Must be Cirie's big boobies. Terry really takes over and pulls La Mina's boat into the lead, with Casaya never really recovering and La Mina winning it.
Seriously, has Shane been out here for 39 days already? Nasty
A broken Casaya goes back to their beach where Shane decides, again, that he doesn't want to be there. I really don't blame him though, he's jonesin' for a cigarette, oh and to see his son, whom he won't see anyway because everyone is sequestered until the entire game is over anyway. He stupidly goes around blabbing his mouth telling everyone to vote him out. Why anyone frakin' argues is totally beyond me. Aras decides he wants to keep Shane in for whatever reason and starts pleading with him not to go. I think his reasoning is that if Shane leaves, his alliance with Shane and the girls will be broken. What I don't understand is why no one is going to the black man for an alliance. Aras should just let Shane leave and recruit Bobby to be in their alliance. After what happens next we all know that Aras isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. First off, we've all been around a friend or coworker who's quit smoking, and it's not pleasant, so to want to spend an extra three days with this loser is completely beyond me. Also, Aras decides to just lay it all out. He tells Melinda and Cirie that it's going to be one of them that night, they just don't know which one. Wow, Aras has got either the biggest set of balls or the smallest brain. I'm guessing the latter. He could have totally just screwed the pooch with that one, but alas, Melinda and Cirie frak it up. Okay, so you realize you have a target on your back and there's at least one person you can swing (Bobby), what do you do? You bust your ass trying to let everyone know what a loser Shane is and that if he's going to quit in the easy phase, then he's definitely going to quit when it gets harder. You also tell them that Shane won't be able to take 33 more days because he's already a skeleton. Or, do you sit around on your ass all day complaining that they're gonna vote you out. Guess what these two biatches do? They sit around and pick their butts. I mean, I don't know what they do with their butts but it certainly isn't rally to keep their butts in the game.
Stupid, just stupid
At tribal council it goes pretty much like everyone expects. Shane of course complains some more about not smoking. Oh, and does he miss his son too? Cirie cries about not wanting to let her family down and guess what happens? You guessed it, Melinda is voted out. All in all the tribal councils have been crap. They pretty much tell you who they're going to vote out. No clever editing to lead you one way and then come back and hit you from behind. After the vote Bruce was back on the tribe and hopefully Cirie and Bobby will take him in and convince him to oust Shane next time. Frakin' punk.
