This is the second week of the show, and I think everyone did a great job. Hahaha. Did you actually believe that? The "celebrities" on the show are Willa Ford, Harry Hamlin, Shanna Moakler, Emmitt Smith, Joey Lawrence, Monique Coleman, Vivica A. Fox, Sara Evans, Mario Lopez and Jerry Springer. Tucker Carlson was kicked off last week if anyone cares. I sure didn't, until last night. Damn you Tivo! As you can see from the list, no Oscar winning actors, the best we could do is Emmitt Smith, top in his field. I'm sure he has a Superbowl ring or two. As you can see, baseball is not my thing. Oh, I know he plays football.
The first dancer was Willa Ford who I couldn't have picked out of a lineup before last night, and who host Tom Bergeron tells us is a pop star. I think he meant "porn" star because I've never seen her. Then again, if she was a porn star I may have seen her. The best part of her dancing was Maksim, her partner. He cut his hair, thank goodness, from last week and he's sporting a nice do, a bit long for my taste, but he works it. And really, in the pants these dancers wear, you gotta work something.
The house band is nice, they sound a lot like the performers who perform the songs they're singing. I think the most appealing part of the show, for the regular viewers is hearing the contemporary songs. That's until Shanna Moakler. I didn't really want to watch this dumb ho dance, so I was hoping for a good song. Imagine my surprise when they started playing Kriss Kross "Jump! Jump!" or whatever it's called. Yes, ladies and gentleman, Kriss Kross. For those of you who have taste in music and never actually listened to this song, it was a 90s rap song by two pre-teen boys who wore their pants backwards. And no, I have absolutely no idea who picked this song. I'm thinking Shanna picked it out, hoping the oddity of this song would distract people long enough to miss her awful dancing. I thought I was watching my 70 year old grandmother. Not that my grandmother can't dance, in fact, she'd be more interesting to watch then this skank.
I almost fell asleep during Sara Evans performance. And really, who the hell is she? First off, she's a little thick around the middle. There's nothing wrong with it, really, it's just odd. Secondly, they need to not show glimpses of her fans anymore. Oh wait, those weren't her fans, they were her family. She was so sad because of the criticism last week, she had to fly her and her partner Tony to Tennessee to cheer her up. Um, maybe they should have spent more time dancing and less time flying to the Appalachians because she sucked.
I had to go into the kitchen to make dinner during Mario Lopez's dance, but it sounded exciting. Unfortunately the judges didn't like it. They had sticks lodged up their asses and couldn't get comfortable enough in their seat to really give it their full attention. You know who's dance they did like? Joey Lawrence. I liked his dancing too, in that video he did when he was on Blossom, you remember that? Ripped jeans and a sweater around his waist. He was hot. Not so much anymore. He did something no man should do unless they're going bald, he shaved his head. Okay, some guys can do it, Michael Scofield comes to mind. Hold on, he's still in my mind....... Anyway, Michael and Lincoln for that matter can pull it off, but Joey Lawrence? No. His hair was his thing. Now he looks creepy. Plus, he gets all nervous and sweaty and he has these veins that are popping out. Regardless of how he looked, he danced his ass off. He even threw in the tap dance routine he did when he was five, on The Tonight Show. How does he still know that? I'm thinking he busts it out during Blossom and Gimme A Break reunions every year. He was given two 10s, which completely amazed me, I mean him.
The funniest part of the night came when we were watching rehearsals with Vivica A. Fox. Her partner was trying to show her a kick. Vivica busted out the diva and told us that "Vivica knows how to kick, Vivica was in Kill Bill". Hahaha. That's awesome. I was totally watching the marathon on TNT this weekend. Unfortunately, Carrie Ann points out that it's called a "fan" not a roundhouse kick. Hey Carrie Ann, stop picking on her, she did it didn't she?
Lastly Emmitt Smith rocked it out. Not unlike Jerry Rice last season, or whenever that was, this guy has rhythm and he flows. The crowd loved him and Carrie Ann was so happy she almost cursed. Not just a normal curse either, the big one. The "F" one. The one ABC would have been paying out of the "F"in' ass for. That would have been awesome.
Did I really just talk about Dancing With The Stars? Crap.
