As you can see, I've abandoned all attempt to come up with a witty name for my posts. But, in my defense, there's really nothing worth coming up with that could ever describe that which is... (say it with me Ryan Seacrest) AMERICAN IDOL.
I'm sure everyone and their mothers (including mine) knows that the first few episodes is all about the auditions. Talk about formulaic. I don't think Idol has ever gotten an overhaul. Not that it needs it, but to be doing the same thing for seven season and still have the numbers they do. Sorry, I had ratings envy there for a second.
It's hard to even describe what goes on in the early days of an Idol season. Actually, that's not true, it's quite easy. Randy, Simon and Paula go to different cities, sometimes Ryan is there, and thousands of people parade in front of them, and typically, no more then 40 or so make it to Hollywood. So as you can imagine, it's a lot of horrible singers and one or two good ones every ten minutes. The first few years this happened I was enthralled, but now it's just kind of embarrassing.
The highlights for me though...
And this.. is TemptressFirst, Temptress. Dear Lord I hope I find a picture of her. Let me describe though. Poor sweet Temptress (yes, that's her real name) is a sixteen year old in a gold shawl. To help you get the idea, in case you couldn't picture her so far (and from the picture I found above), she's also a middle linebacker for her high school football team. I am praying to all that is holy that this girl can sing because although I don't think she would ever win, no offense to her, I'd at least like to give her a confidence booster. Unfortunately Temptress lived up to her name and didn't fulfill my fantasy. She's awful. And then she starts crying, and I have to admit, I was crying a bit too. Luckily Randy and Paula, and eventually Simon, comforted her and even took her back outside to her awaiting family.
There were a few good performances, especially the one of the woman who was a teen mother and who's now 8 or 9 year old daughter is suffering from a disease similar to Cerebral Palsy. She had her whole family there and they spent five minutes talking about how everyone supported her and they showed clips of her taking care of her adorable daughter. I totally got weepy again. And I thought this girl better be able to blow. Seriously, I can't have another Temptress moment. Thank the Lords of Kobol she could.
And they really let some crazies in again this year. First the woman who showed up with sparkles all over her face and acting like she was high. And then when Simon let her down easy (by his standards) she went on a tirade about him and gave the camera the finger(s) and cursed. Of course there was the semi-Paul stalker who had to be escorted out by security. The guy who showed up in a Princess Leia gold bikini outfit and who Paula sent to get his (chest) hair waxed. They tried to recreate the 40 Year Old Virgin scene by showing the guy getting his chest hair ripped out, but it wasn't funny, it was cruel and unusual. And the douchebag just wanted to be on TV, as Simon rightfully pointed out.
Then, at the end of the night, my favorite of the night, was this sorry lady dressed in a Star Wars costume. But, unlike the hairy guy from earlier, she was in a made up Star Wars costume, and it wasn't even that inventive. She had Leia's hair buns, but they were clip ons. And they weren't even clipped on well. I have to admit, she wasn't BAD. Now, she wasn't good either, but she wasn't as bad as some we've seen. She was stiff, and awkward, and nerdy, but not in a good way. And trust me, I know nerdy. After she got rejected in, again, a nice way, she went on a tirade and talked about how if she had come in all made up looking like a cookie cutter singer she would have made it. Um, no. And then, the best, as she's going on and on about how Idol only looks for one particular person, the stereotypical IT guy or girl, they do a great montage of all the people who have gotten through, and, for the most part, aren't what this girl is describing. There's tall, short, fat, skinny, black, white, Hispanic, ugly. It was a great moment and I'm sure, watching it back, the girl is mortified. She needs some therapy anyway, so maybe this will push her into a program.
Speaking of therapy, it's worth mentioning, most of the people at the auditions had a gaggle of people with them for support. That begged the question, did this group of people actually encourage their loved one to come out and audition. Like poor Temptress. Did her family tell her she had a good voice? There was more then one person who said people had told them they sounded like, fill in the blank amazing person, and they sounded either nothing like that famous person or like shite. Normally both. So boo on all you friends and family who told this person they could sing when clearly they can't.
As I said, it's the same old Idol, but with the writers' strike going on, there really isn't as much out there as there normally would be. And good move by ABC to move Lost to Thursdays, so it won't have any competition and the lovely Eli Stone can come right after. I miss scripted shows.
