Tuesday, April 04, 2006

AND BABY MAKES THREE




I hate reading when I watch tv, especially when I have to read what's on my tv. But I'm okay doing that with LOST. The stories still moving forward, so I'm happy. I'm also happy that we got to see the two faces of Jin and Jack without his shirt on.

"Yes, and I'm burning up"

The show starts out with some hot lovin' between Sun and Jin in a flashback. She's in a cute little nighty and comes out lookin' for her man to give it to her right. Anyway, right before they start to get it on he asks her about her temperature. I see, they're trying to have a baby and he wants to make sure she's fertile. Not very romantic Jin. He really wants a baby which confuses Sun since he's never around. Ouch. Her father's the one who makes him work so much, coming home with blood on his hands isn't his fault. In fact, he thinks that having a baby will force her father to change his mind about him, giving him a safer job. You mean like flying on a doomed Oceanic flight to LA. He thinks a baby will change everything and make it better.

Other than planting FOOD for everyone

Back on the island Sun's at her garden, you know the same place she got snatched from. She's still a bit skittish and jumps a bit when Jin emerges from the jungle. He's pissed that he's been looking for her so long and even more pissed when she doesn’t want to come back to the beach with him. Oh no she di'in't talk to him that way. He pulls up the vegetables in her garden. I hope she doesn’t tell Hurely he'll kick Jin's ass. When did Jin become a bastard again?

How funny, her name's up when she's on screen. Ha.

Ana-Lucia runs like she's being chased up to Locke. Actually, he wants to talk to her, he's waiting for her. We find out that she's been in the camp a week. He tells her about Henry being in the hatch and that they think he's an Other. Since she has experience with the Others and is a cop, he thinks maybe she can talk to him. Ana-Lucia wants to know if Jack knows about this and because Henry's put all these idea's in Locke's head, he tells her that he doesn't need Jack's permission.

"Girl, you do not look okay"

On the beach Sun isn't looking so good. In fact, Rose and Bernard are bickering like a cute old couple and see her. Concerned, they go up to her and ask if she needs help, but she plays like she's okay. They want to go get Jack and she's adamant that they don't. She claims she was out in the sun. Ha, Sun was in the sun. Anyway, she's not looking good.

"I will teach you the ways of the American man"

In her flashback, Sun secretly meets with the guy she was dating right before she started dating Jin. The one that broke her heart. They meet in a hotel room, scandalous. They talk and it's obvious Jin doesn't know she's there. And it's obvious that there's some major sexual tension between them as well. But, she's not there for sex, she's there for English lessons. She's still a bit upset that her husband may be shooting blanks. Her friend thinks that Jin would be proud to know she speak English, but she doesn't think so, especially when he learns who taught her. Neither one of them want to stop the lessons though.

Blah Blah I have no idea what was said here

Whoa, Jack's getting out of the shower and I love it. Locke's in the bathroom with him. They're such girls. Jack's a bit pissed but I think Locke's trying to start a pissing contest. I wonder if they have a ruler on the island, that would help things. Locke's shaving and he wants to talk about Henry. He asks Jack what he thinks about Ana-Lucia, since he already approached her about the army thing. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Jack admits that maybe some new blood would be good and that he'll talk to Ana-Lucia. Imagine his surprise when he realizes Locke's not only already talked to her, but that she's in with Henry now.

Man, Sayid tore him up

Henry and Ana-Lucia talk, starts out casual. She tells him that she crashed too and that she was in the tail section that landed on the other side of the island. He's impressed she walked all the way from the other side. She wants to hear his story and he doesn't feel like telling her again. She admits what happened with the guy she threw in the hole on the other side of the island. You know the one that the Other killed. This convinces him to tell her the story.


Again, I have no idea what happened

On the beach Sun approaches Sawyer. He calls her Sunshine. (ssiigghh) She's there for medical supplies and she wants to look through them. Of course he won't let her and says that he can get her something if she tells him what's wrong. She doesn't want to and now he's curious. He says that if she tells him what she wants, he'll give it to her. Finally she admits that what she needs is a pregnancy test, and a good boning.


In the hatch Jack's trying to hear what's going on in the gun locker. He can't hear anything and is worried about her. Locke thinks it's Henry who could be hurt. Ana-Lucia is questioning Henry, who's caught her up to speed. She does wonder why he doesn't have a beard and he claims he shaved. I see the way she's working this, she wants him to trust her. Oh, she's the good cop. If he draws her a map, she'll go find the balloon for him. When he claims he doesn't think he can draw the map, she points out that he did traveled around the world. He says that they were above everything, not on land, which is plausible. He eventually tells her that he does know where it is, since he buried his wife there. He thinks they're just looking for someone to blame, that he's dead already. If he draws her a map, she says that she'll find the balloon, but if he doesn't, he's right, things will play out like he thinks.


"What?"

Sun is searching around in the woods for a good place to pee on the stick and Hurley comes out of the clearing eating a candy bar. They share a cute awkward moment, wondering what the other is doing but not wanting to get busted themselves. They go their separate ways, never to talk about this again. It's very cute.

Sun thinks back to when she and Jin went to the fertility doctor. He comes into the room and ask about her father. This isn't going to go well I can tell already. He tells them some bad news, Sun is infertile. Jin doesn't like this at all. Their chances to have a baby, the doctor says, are impossible. I didn't know chances are impossible, but whatever. Jin wants to know if she knew this before they got married. She quips that sure she did, she wanted to trap a fisherman's son into marrying her. Damn. Good one. This pisses him off more and he storms out of the office.

That's the saddest fence I've ever seen

Jack lets Ana-Lucia out of the locker and she doesn't tell them about the map, just that he told her the same story. She says she's giving him time to think. Then in the "what the hell are they talking about" moment of the night, Jack tells Ana-Lucia not to worry, that he didn't tell anyone. Anyone what? If anyone knows, please tell me, I'm confused. I still think Jack has a crush on her. She goes to the beach where Sayid and Charlie are building something but I don't know what it is. With Charlie there reluctantly, Ana-Lucia tells Sayid about the map and that Jack and Locke are too busy worrying about Locke and Jack. He wonders why she came to him, and she says because they want the same thing, to find out if this guy is telling the truth. Sayid thinks it's a days walk and they agree to get going right away.

Ha, he totally tricked her

Once in the woods the crew walk over the hill and threw the woods. Once on top of the ridge Ana-Lucia wants Charlie to give her the gun. The one she spots him carrying because she's an observant cop, get it? He plays dumb but she thinks he should give it to someone who could use it. Since last time she shot one of their friends, he gives it to Sayid.

Kate and Sun are together as they wait for the test results. Kate wonders how the hell Sawyer ended up with the test and why the hell someone would bring it on a trip with them. I was thinking the same damn thing. Sun wonders if Kate's ever taken one. Of course her slutty ass has. Sun's glad she's waiting with her, and thanks her for not asking why Jin's not there with her instead. Ding, two minutes are up. Two big stripes, she's pregnant! Sun doesn't look too happy about the news. She wonders if it's 100% accurate. They end up asking Jack and he says that there could be a false negative in the beginning, but not a false positive. Good to know. She tries to tell him that it's impossible but silly Jack think she just means because they've been on an island without a lot of time for hook ups. He doesn't get it. Sun makes them promise not to tell Jin, not yet anyway, that it's complicated. Jack doesn't think him being the last to find out, like what happened with her speaking English, is the best thing. Damn, they are all about getting their digs in this episode. Jack thinks she should tell him, everything. When Jack starts to head back to the hatch Kate wonders why they've been down there so much. Oh right, she doesn't know about Henry. And she ain't findin' out yet.

Are they gonna kiss?

In Sun's flashback she remember her time with her bald friend. Since her husband is being a dick she decides to confide in baldy. They share a special moment and he wonders why they're there. Apparently she's been fluent for a few months. She tells him that she's moving to America and leaving Jin. He talks about when he moved to America for a woman and thought they were in love. They look like they're going to kiss but we cut back to the island before we see what actually happens.

Somebody needs to come through with a weed wacker

Sayid and Charlie are sitting by a fire when Ana-Lucia joins them. I don't know why everyone is so cool with the jungle again. The two have a heart to heart and she notes that people don't like her. Sayid has a good reason to not like her, seeing she killed Shannon. She tells him how sorry she is for what she did. He accepts her apology saying she was just trying to protect her people and that it wasn't her that killed her, that it was the Others. If Henry turns out to be one of them, Sayid's going to take him out. The next morning Ana-Lucia wakes up and Sayid staring at her, he plays it off. When Charlie gets back with breakfast, Papayas, Sayid has them leave. As it starts raining they make it to the spot on Henry's map he said the balloon would be. Sayid's not surprised it's not there but Ana-Lucia thinks they should look around some more, give it the good college try. He finally agrees to continue looking.


On the other side of the island it's not raining. In fact, it looks beautiful. Bernard is fishing and Jin sees him. He comes up to lend him a hand, speaking Korean. Bernard says he's going to be fishing for oysters to get a pearl for Rose. Jin tells him that there's no oysters there. Just then Saywer walks up and calls Jin "Daddy-O". Of course he doesn’t understand what the hell he's saying and when Bernard question Sawyer about Sun being pregnant, Sawer tells him to be careful, that she hadn't told him. We see Jin's perspective on the conversatyion and Sawyer and Bernard sound like they're speaking another language. Which they are to Jin. It actually sounds like they're talking backwards. I'm sure some LOST freak with no time on their hands has rewound it and figured out what they're saying but I don't have the time, I'm behind on my blog. Jin's frustrated that he can't talk to anyone.


In Sun's garden she comes up on Jin fixing it. He feels like an ass, which is good because he was an ass. He tells her what a tool he's being and that he's sorry. He hates fighting, especially with the one person on the island he can understand. She blurts out that she's pregnant. Of course he's happy, and then she drops the bomb.

When they were back home she was walking her dog down the street. Her doctor pulls up next to her and wants to talk. She walks away from him but he catches up to her. He tells her he's done a terrible thing, that she CAN have children, that it was Jin who was shooting blanks. He says that he lied because he knew that it would emasculate him to her father, that her father would burn his practice to the ground. Man, he's an ass. But he did make up for it by telling her.

"That's okay. You may be a ho, but you're my ho"

After she tells Jin this he looks defeated. Who was she hooking up with? Well we know. But, she says that she was never with anyone else. She swears to him that she was never with another man, and I kinda believe her. For now at least. Jin also believes her and says that it's a miracle baby. They're happy and share a family moment. Sun does look a little torn though, why I'm not sure, is it because she just lied to him or because she lied to him before? Interesting. Later, after they replant the garden, they talk about naming the baby. They also talk about who all knows about the baby, Jack, Kate and Sawyer. Jin figures out what Sawyer meant by "Daddy-O". Jin wants to leave the garden and wants Sun to come back with him. She wants to stay awhile longer, alone, if it's alright with him. He looks around to make sure no one is around and says okay. She tells him that she loves him and it seems she hasn't said that in awhile. He kisses her and tells her that he loves her too, in English.

Sayid needs to get back and slapped this guy again

Jack goes into the locker and gets Henry. They have some philosophical conversation and Jack takes him out to eat some cereal. He glances in the computer room and asks about it. Henry starts eating a bowl of cereal and wonders why the guys are curious about why this stuff is down there. As he starts eating he comments that he's earned this time for good behavior, seeing he drew that map for Ana-Lucia. Uh-oh. They didn't know about it. Henry says it makes sense she didn't tell them. He then says that if he was one of them, he would draw a map to a really secluded place, to a trap, and they'd be ambushed by his friends who were waiting for him. They'd grab them and then use them to trade for him. Creepy. Then he says that it's a good thing he's not one of them and ask for some milk. Creepy and bad ass all at the same time.

NEVER RAT OUT YOUR BITCHES



That's definitely my motto. I never rat out my bitches. I rat out my hos, but never my bitches. We were treated to Janice Dickenson time, and by that I mean a crazy old lady running around with pumped up lips and fake boobs pretending she's young and intelligent. We were treated to Janice a few weeks ago in the first episode, but nothing will ever compare to Janice at her finest, on the Surreal Life, claiming she doesn't drink and straddling Jose Canseco at a strip club with a thong (damn I wish I had a picture).

"Not yet, but I will be if you keep hounding me"

Anyway, back at the house, Gina's still feeling down about herself because Kari's the one who got kicked off instead of her. I'm with you girl, it should have been your ugly ass, but it wasn't. Suck it up. Things aren't helped by Jade and her skanky ass. Nnenna on the other hand is on the phone with her boyfriend who obviously has trust issues. He wants to know if she's met anyone while she's been on the show. Does he watch the show? It's girls cooped up in a house for however long. Yeah, I guess she could hook up with one of the camera guys, but that's highly unlikely. Insecure is the first word that comes to mind. And I understand why because they show us his picture.

The next day the girls head to the studio and meet up with Janice and her crazy ass. Actually, it's not just her crazy ass there, it's crazy Lisa from last season that liked getting drunk and talking to trees. Anyway, Janice and Lisa are there to give the girls some posing tips. Well, it's Janice giving us the tips and Lisa just looking awkward and out of place. She's telling us the difference between a commercial shoot and an editorial shoot. In basic terms, the editorial is serious and the commercial is fun. Like a Versace ad versus a Sears ad. Janice tries to give some advice, which means she tells the girls what's wrong with them and makes them want to cry. She doesn't like the fact that Brooke came to this looking like she just rolled out of bed. I have to agree with her there. Janice also mentions how Gina should really get more self confidence. To give her some, she makes the poor girl hop around on one foot. I don't know what that was supposed to do but Jade thinks it's funny. After a few minutes of wondering who Janice plastic surgeon is and wanting to find him so I can kick his teeth out, they all decide to go to dinner.

"That bitch right there"

Janice joins them and all the girls sit around and talk. Jade thinks she and Janice are best friends now because they sit next to each other. They do have a lot in common, like being ugly bitches. Janice calls Gina over and sits her on her lap. She wants to know who in the house is giving her trouble. At first Gina doesn't say anything but after staring into the collagen lips she's mesmerized and blurts out that Jade's been causing her some problems. Jade looks confused, I mean, why would Gina call her out like that, besides her being a crazy ho. Janice pushes Gina off and tells her that the sacred rule of modeling is never ratting out your bitches. I thought it was "coke is good" but I guess not. When they're driving home Gina cries to the girls in her car about why Janice would be such a bitch and why Jade doesn't like her. Later, when they get home, Jade is on Gina's bed and Gina flips out. I mean, flips out like starts making my ears bleed with her nasal voice, telling Jade that she's done with her. She says other stuff but the dogs next door started barking and howling and I couldn't hear over them.

The next day is a photo shoot. It's hosted by some male model I didn't recognize but is hot for an older guy. The girls have four different set ups. In each one they have to look commercial. It's set up like each season and each girl has to change into outfits fast, run to each set up and then change again until they're done. Surprisingly, even though Jade laughs at Gina the whole time, the model says that Gina has potential. At first the model and photographer think Nnenna is a little stiff, but once the shoot starts and her pictures look so great, they realize that she's just focused. Again she wins the challenge. The prize is all of the outfits the girls were wearing that day. Ewe, I hope she doesn't get Jade's hand me down.

Unfortunately, when Nnenna gets home her good mood is dashed when she talks to her not so cute boyfriend. He's being possessive and jealous, all the things that keep a good relationship alive. She doesn't want to be distracted and when he keeps yammering on about it, she hangs up on him. Thankfully.

Gorgeous!

The next morning the girls get to meet Tyra in her 9x9 dressing room on the Tyra show. They don't get to see the show, or even watch from the green room. They just meet up with her and she asks them what they want to do when they finish their modeling career. Some sooner then others. Tyra's really into this since she always wanted to be a talk show host. Too bad she sucks.
At the photo shoot we understand why Tyra was asking all of these questions. Jay Manuel tells them that they'll be doing an edgy editorial that displays what they're career goals are after modeling. Luckily, they'll be doing it with male models. Holy hotness. All the girls are happy, especially Danielle who remarks that they've been cooped up in the house too long with all the nagging, PMSing and fighting. Then she thanks Jesus. I love this girl. They all have aspirations, and you know what, I don't want to bore you with them. Let's just note though that Jade wants to be a Kindergarten teacher. Holy sh*t! I hope that never happens because those kids will be messed up. As more proof of how much I like Danielle, her aspiration is to be a singer, even though she can't carry a tune.

Do you think this is the best angle to catch the light?

The best comes from Nnenna. Since she already has a degree in chemistry, she wants to use that to become a drug researcher in Africa. Her man is hot. She thinks he's hot. They start the shoot and get really close. And when I say really close, they end up kissing at the end. But that's not the best part, the best part is he becomes, ahem, aroused, and has to run off to let the blood drain back out. Yikes. That night she calls her boyfriend and he's able to get out of her what exactly happens. He's pissed and hangs up on her. What a tool.

Work that hat, girl

They get their Tyra mail and it's off to elimination. Once there Tyra gives her same tired ass speech about what the girl who wins gets. Basically a bunch of nothing. For the challenge at elimination, the girls have to give the judges three commercial poses. Gina is just awful. Why is she there again? Oh right, high cheekbones. The girls are then given a firefighter's uniform and have to pose to look editorial. Danielle works it out. Again, Gina is just sad.

Damn this bitch is ugly

Again, I don't want to bore you with the girls evaluations, but it's basically this, Danielle was great, Furonda and Joanie surprised them and Gina sucked. Nothing exciting happens in deliberation except they talk about how much Gina sucks and Miss J actually thinks Nnenna is boring now. She's just jealous. I'm not going to beat around the bush, they kick Gina off, and thank the Lords of Kobol for that. I'm sick of her nasally whining. When she hugs all the girls at the end even Jade gives her a fake hug. Hopefully that bitch is next.