DESPERATE (FOR A DECENT STORYLINE) HOUSEWIVES

So, last night I drudged through another episode of this steadily declining show. I have to say it was better than the previous shows this season, but still pretty bad. Susan still needed a cheeseburger, Lynette continued to manipulate, Gabrielle was self-centered, and Bree was clueless. I say it was a pretty decent show though b/c finally Bree and Gabrielle started to see the light.

Because of Caleb's "attack" on Gabrielle (the brother just wanted some ice cream) which I was happy to hear Gabby say it wasn't really an attack, the community gets together and tries to decide what to do. Mrs. McCluskey, love her by the way, wants to vote on setting up a neighborhood watch. Because Betty thinks that a good distraction will keep people from talking about this ever again, she plays them a song on the piano.

Susan's mother, Sophie, and Morty are getting married, and her mom is wearing white, I just don't get it. Susan wants Mike to still be her date. Ha, ha, ha, sorry, I just can't get over her stupidity. Anyway, Mike is cleaning out the gutters when Susan comes by and starts blabbing about him going to her mother's wedding with her. Seriously, I think the lack of food is depleting her brain cells. As they talk he throws the mud and leaves from the gutter nearly on top of her. Of course he's not going with her, and she better back up because he's still pissed. She also mentions her never talked about father, the Merchant Marine who fought and died in Vietnam. Mike informs her that the MMs didn't fight in Vietnam. Huh, curious. Later, at Sophie's wedding rehearsal Susan questions her about her father. Sophie gets frustrated and angry and storms off. Morty says he knew this would happen one day and Susan gets him to admit that Susan was conceived from a one night stand. Susan of course is upset at her mother, but eventually forgives her, saying that everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes like the one Sophie finally admits to in true Mayer style, at her wedding reception, with a microphone in her hand. She tells Susan that she does know her father, in fact, one of the wedding guests tells her that he knows the man, and he works in town. Susan of course is furious and runs out.

Meanwhile, Lynette comes home from work at 9pm one night and finds her kids outside, in the street, playing football. Man, these kids are little assholes. Anyway, she scolds Tom for it, telling him that the kids could get kidnapped. Although, if they were taken my guess is they'd be back in a few hours. No one but Tom and Lynette can stand those kids. Tom then trains the kids to run away from strangers who try and snatch them. Lynette's not buying it so she asks a guy at work to "kidnap" her kids. As Tom and Lynette watch from the house, the guy lures the kids into to the car with candy. Mrs. McCluskey sees this and zaps the guy with her stun gun. Man, that sure was funny.

Betty catches son Matthew leaving the house in the middle of the night. He claims to be searching for Caleb, but in reality he's meeting the newly whorified Danielle Van de Kamp at the park. Seriously Bree, don't you even pay attention to these kids anymore?

So, Gabrielle tries to put the miscarriage behind her by shopping. The girls come over to console her, but she's not having that, she's got some baby clothes to return. Luckily she tells the girls she'll pencil them in for later in the week. Carlos on the other hand is inconsolable when Gabby visits him in prison. They have him hopped up on downers because he's been tearing up his cell since he heard the news. He's a bit irritated when he realizes Gabby has on a new sweater, wondering how she can shop at a time like this. She does point out that everyone is different, which I agree with. Carlos just gets mad and storms back into prison. Later when Gabby is doing yoga in her living room, a tattooed Latino man is staring in her window. She's frightening and he tells her that Carlos sent him to look out for her. She doesn't let him in so he sits on her porch and watches her come in and go out, each time bringing more shopping bags. Finally she gets fed up of him judging her and wants to pay him off to leave. He smoothly tells her that he doesn't have a bank account, and wonders if she'll drive with him to the bank. Of course she'll get into a convicted felons 1985 Impala with dirty windows. The dumbass notices too late that there aren't any window or door handles on the inside panel. He tells her that Carlos didn't send him to look out for her. Key scary laughter and a crash of thunder as they pull away. He takes her to the park, noting that it's nice and disserted (guess he's gonna kill her on the seesaw). She takes off running once she's out of a car and thinks he's reaching for a shovel. He tells her to stop, and pulls out a red balloon. Carlos didn't hire him to look after her, he hired him to help her get over her grief. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense then a grief counselor. How long has Carlos even been in prison to make friends like this? Anyway, he tells her to let go of the balloon as a symbol of the baby she lost. She thinks it's supid but has trouble letting go of the balloon. She finally does and thanks the man for not killing her.

Over at Bree's delusion, she sees her wedding announcement in the paper. She's furious at George who says he forgot to cancel it since they decided to keep it low for awhile. I mean, it's only been seven weeks since Rex has died, you have to at least wait eight before you annouce you're marrying his killer. Speaking of killers, not once in this episode do they mention the demise of Bree's therapist. I guess she must only see him once a month or something. Whatever. George notices that Bree isn't wearing the engagement ring and insist that she put it on. Later, an old girlfriend of George's tracks Bree down and insists that George is crazy. She says that George saw her talking to an old flame and then set the guy's car on fire. Bree doesn't believe this and kicks the woman out. When Bree approaches George about it at the pharmacy, he claims the woman is psychotic and shows Bree her prescription order which of course is faked. George takes Bree out for a nice dinner of crazy and notices she's not wearing the ring again. She tells him that the stone is loose and doesn't want it to risk losing it. He says he doesn't care, cue Bree's old hunky flame who shows up. They haven't seen each other in ages (or Bree invited him to find out if the old flame's story was true) and George doesn't look too happy. Because she's irritated at George anyway, she asks her OHF to dance. As they dance George boils over and runs up to them, forcing the ring on her finger. She, finally, breaks the engagement off and he runs out of the restaraunt, not before stealing the OHF's valet ticket. Five dollars for anyone who can guess what he does. Yup, he burns it. Man, ya sure can't teach an old dog new tricks.

Finally, we get to see Mike again as he notices Caleb running through the yards at night. He tackles him and yells at Mrs. McCluskey to call the police. Gabby identifies him as the man in her house and the neighbors watch as the police cart Caleb off. Betty puts her fingers to her lips and Caleb nods that he won't say anything. Does he even talk anyway?