I love this show!
Now come on, it could be a bit better then that. If Darryl Hannah wasn't in jail she'd be rolling over in her grave.
While Miguel was out fishing he fell overboard and was rescued by this beautiful mermaid. He didn't realize she was a mermaid and when Fox went to follow Kay who was looking for Miguel, instead of finding Kay and Miguel making out, naked, he found Miguel and this mermaid making out. Her tail had turned into legs by now. It's amazing to me how this show rips off so many shows and movies yet is completely authentic. Anyway, the girl makes up some story about her boyfriend leaving her and says her name is Siren. I don't know why they didn't hear the Siren in the background and know she was lying. She's also on the beach in a gold bikini. She claims her boyfriend took everything. Fox and Miguel are mesmerized by her and believe it. Kay on the other hand knows something's up. Miguel and Siren then start hooking up with Kay over their shoulder wondering why she's a dumb bitch. I fast forward through most of this because it's dumb. Eventually Kay finds out that Siren is in fact a mermaid and that if Miguel makes love to her the "mermaid curse" will come true and he will never want to be with a human woman again. That sucks. Of course no one believes her, even though as she points out, stranger things have happened, you know, like her house being sucked into Hell.
Most of Harmony is in Rome, each for different reasons. Fancy first went to get her mind off of Noah. See Noah's ex came into town and come to find out, the two of them witnessed a murder a long time ago. Now the partner of the murdered guy is looking for who did it and for some reason thinks Noah and Maya can help. Because he doesn't want Fancy in any danger, he's pretending he's with Maya now. This whole storyline is just asinine. Noah and Maya make their way to Rome too, under the instruction of Lena.
What's not dumb and I've been waiting for forever is Luis coming back. Sheridan and Chris were in Hawaii looking for Marty. They knew where he was. They also thought that if they were going to get him back, that they should be married, for legal reasons, in case one of them gets killed. Dumb! They get married and the next day go to some mansion to find Marty. While there, Otto, the main bad guy, blows the place up, but not before Chris pulls some poor dude out of the house. It takes forever and a frakkin' day for her to realize that the guy bandaged up in the hospital is actually her long lost love Luis. They're reunited and I'm happy. Oh yeah, she's married to that Chris guy, damnit! After letting Luis believe that they got married in a quickie wedding at the hospital, she takes him home for some joyous reunions. What I love about the soap world is people don't seem all that surprised he's back from the dead. They're like, "Hey man, I heard you were alive." I'm sorry, if my son returned from the dead I would have thrown up, or passed out, or been a bit more emotional than Pilar was. Anyway, eventually Luis figured out that not only was Sheridan married, but that she was pregnant too. I wouldn't be surprised if down the road we realized it's Luis'. They did have one night where they both fell asleep and did it. Just like Shawn and Belle on Days. To win Sheridan back, Luis decides to follow up a clue he found and go to Rome to find Beth and Marty.
Theresa also get a clue that brings her there. Well first, she finds out from Crane security that Jessica, Simone and Paloma are now in Rome too, following the clues to some stolen paintings, ala Da Vinci Code. She goes to Ethan to come with her and although Gwen's pissed, she tells him to go help find his sister. Of course Theresa uses this time to try and talk Ethan into dumping Gwen and being a family with their daughter and Little Ethan. She thinks that if she proves that Gwen is the one who sent the tabloid the story about his paternity, then he'll realizes what a lying scheming bitch Gwen is and come back to her. Which I think he would. They meet up with the other Harmonites in Rome and discover an e-mail that tells Theresa that someone from Harmony will die in Rome. She does get some good news though. The tabloid reporter that exposed Ethan's paternity for Rebecca and Gwen is in Rome. She finds him and at first doesn't know it's him. She eventually sees a picture of him and Rebecca in bed together, and Rebecca and Gwen call him to warn him that Theresa's looking for him. He tries to give Theresa some rufies but it backfires and he drinks it instead.
Unfortunately when Theresa comes back with Ethan, the guy's gone and Ethan thinks she's lying. Eventually they find the guy and he's on the phone with G&R, having just been bailed out of jail by them. She gets him to admit the truth, that it was G&R who sent the story to him, not Theresa. She does have a fatal flaw though, she offers him money as incentive for telling them the truth, and because of that, Ethan doesn't believe him! Damnit! Damnit! He wants some tangible proof that they did it. You know, like phone records, a picture, or a receipt from the cops of the bail Gwen sent to bail him out. I don't think Ethan's ever going to believe it. JT, the reporter, even tries to push a cinderblock onto Theresa's head, but Ethan takes it for her, coming out nearly unscathed. You'd think this would also be proof of something shady because why would he kill her if he wanted the $10M she offered for the truth. Ethan's not the sharpest tool in the shed.
Paloma, Jessica and Simone are running around being chased by the bad guys. I don't know any real details on this because I've been fast forwarding it. They eventually find a painting and know it's important. Also in Rome is Spike, Jessica's pimp. He kidnaps her a few times, but she gets away. We find out that he's involved with Lena and that he was sent to Rome to kill Noah. Noah remembers that the person who killed Lena's partner had the same symbol on his arm that we've been seeing for weeks. Jessica had it tattooed on her, it was in some club in Rome, and it's in some of the pictures that have been stolen. When he tells this to Jessica she remembers that Spike's the one who has that tattoo, and that he killed her partner. Noah and Jessica find Spike and take him to Lena, only to realize that not only are Spike and Lena working together, but Maya's in on it too.
I totally just noticed the face in the chalice. Creepy!
Chad's in Rome as well because he's followed Whitney. I'm glad Whitney's finally on the show again instead of just off in some convent. While she was in the convent she was approached by a monk who wouldn't show his face and insisted he was God. She believed him and followed him to Rome, but not before donning a great disguise. And by great I mean awful. Apparently there's some chalice in the Vatican that does something and he wants to get his hands on it. He has some virtual reality goggles and she tries to use them to go through the Vatican to find the chalice. It's great. I love Passions. She eventually finds it and before they go get it she starts to doubt the monk. She pulls his hood off and he's all disfigured. Even though she was going to leave him there, when she sees he's all burned and what not, she decides to stay and help him because disfigured people can't be bad, right? Turns out, the disfigured person is Allistair in disguise. Yes, he's no longer in a coma. He's been controlling everything that's been going on, including hiring Lena to break up Fancy and Noah. He and Whitney break into the Vatican and make it to the chalice just as Paloma, Jessica and Simone figure it out along with Chad. They try to stop Whitney from stealing it, with the help of a nun, but she thinks she's doing God's work since she's trying to make up for the sin of doing it with your half brother and having a baby. Simone and Paloma pick the lock to the room to get to them. Allistair looks crazy as he gets his hands on the chalice, which in the hands of evil is a bad thing. It's some magical chalice or something.
Back in Harmony, Sheridan's worried for Luis, much to Chris chagrin, since he knows where Sheridan's heart lies, but doesn't care because he too is connected to the symbol and therefore Allistair. He has the symbol in his luggage. He overhears Sheridan's conversations with Luis from Rome and can't stand to hear how concerned she is. Sheridan's having nightmares about her father and with Chris, Julian and Eve, they go to the hospital to make sure he's still there. He is, and Julian puts a pin in his arm to make sure he's not playing possum. He's not and they leave. Later, Sheridan returns and notices what looks like plastic on his neck. She pulls it off and turns out it's just some poor guy lying there, with an Allistair mask on. That was a full week ago and she hasn't called Luis yet to warn him. She's a little mad a Luis though.
Kick her ass Luis!
In Rome, Luis and Fancy have gotten a bit closer. It all started when there was a cave in in the catacombs and Luis and Chad were stuck. When Noah and Fancy pulled Luis out he thought she was Sheridan and gave her a bit wet one. She kinda liked it, and really, who wouldn't? Noah didn't though. Because of the e-mail Theresa got, Luis didn't think Fancy should be alone and moved into her room with her. She didn't like that and went out on her own. Who did she end up meeting? Beth! At first Beth didn't know who she was, but then she saw her with Luis and figured Luis and Fancy were together and vowed to kill her. The first time she tried to do it was in the Roman ruins, which we've seen about three times now with different characters. Passions doesn't skimp on sets now does it? Luis of course showed up and it didn't happen. The next time she tried to kill her she snuck into the room as Luis chatted in the bathroom with Sheridan. He's a cop right? She tried smothering her but it didn't work, Luis came out and stopped her and finally had a hold of her. Unfortunately Fancy fainted and hit her head, causing Luis to let go of Beth and completely forget about her while she ran out of the room. The next time she tried to kill her was at this huge party at an art gallery. She tried poisoning her drink. I don't think Allistair would be too happy with this dear daughter Beth if he knew what she was doing since he loves Fancy, unlike everyone else he knows. In fact, he made himself known to Beth in Rome and she was happy to see him, even though he didn't look thrilled to see her. Without his permission she also recruited Spike to help kill Fancy, which didn't work since he got sidetracked with Noah and Jessica.
Luckily for Luis he was able to see Marty a few times, with Beth running away with him. Sheridan was happy to hear that, even though Luis didn't manage to get him, even with Chad's help. The last time he had Beth, Fancy fainted again, this time because of the poison. He didn't want Fancy there anyway because he realized Beth wanted to kill her. Noah didn't want her there either, but probably because he walked in on Fancy and Luis in bed together. Before she could deny it he drew his own conclusion and talked too much and didn't let her explain in typical soap opera style. Eventually he and Luis came to blows and he didn't believe they didn't hook up. At the party, Luis went to Fancy after she drank the poison and again Beth got away. I hate Fancy. No, I like her, but Luis needs to focus a bit better. Fancy and Luis ran out of the party to look for Beth. They spotted her as she got in a cab and hopped on a motorcycle to go after them. They rode through the Universal lot which doubles at Rome and eventually the cab crashed into some steps and exploded. Luis tried to save Marty but couldn't.
Coming up on Passions... Gwen comes to Rome to tell Theresa Allistair's out of his coma... Ivy wonders if Kay's in love with Miguel and the showdown we've been waiting for begins between Allistair and... everybody.
