Wednesday, August 09, 2006

SLOW BOAT TO CHINA


I think I've been prolonging writing these recaps because it brings me joy to think back to the show and I relive it as I tell it to you. And we won't see Jack or Chloe, or even that dumbass President until next year, '07 folks. How frakked up is that? On a personal note, last weekend I saw our dear old Jack Bauer driving on Santa Monica Blvd. in a gun metal grey 2006 or 2007 Range Rover. How hot is that? My roommate and I wanted to yell, "Hey Jack Bauer" but with his reputation of being a bad ass I didn't want to risk it. Plus, we had just come from the gym and I didn't want my first impression to be a sweaty mess.


Last we left the love of my life, they were preparing to let the Attorney General hear the incriminating tape of Logan and Henderson. Miles and his weasel self walked in on Chloe and somehow erased the file from the recorder. Thankfully they decide to listen to the tape beforehand, just to make sure everything's okay. Well, when Chloe starts it Jack immediately realizes the tape is blank. He fumes at Chloe, wondering what happened. Even though the Attorney General's waiting on the phone, with lovely on hold music I'm sure(The Girl From Ipanema, instrumental), they don't have anything for him to listen to. Chloe says that she's had the tape the whole time, but then remembers that Miles came in, saying Karen asked him to. Of course that's not true so Jack storms out of the office in a blind rage. He knocks out an incoming security guard and grabs Miles by the throat. Snap his neck Jack. SNAP. IT! Jack has more restraint then I would have.


Get 'em Jack

Karen realizes he's packing his desk up. He says he's been transferred. Wow, I really wish our government actually worked this efficiently. It's four AM and his transfers orders already came through. Jack walks away in disgust, knowing he's going to the White House.



Chloe goes off to see if there's any way to repair the tape and Logan calls. He has a shite eating grin on his face when he asks Karen about the call she scheduled with the Attorney General. Of course she doesn't say what the call was about, just that it's no longer happening. He says that he's rescinding the arrest warrant on Jack. She wonders why and he says because he already got the tape, he didn't need Jack. Actually, he doesn't say that, he says that the evidence he supposedly has is just flimsy, and not good enough. I bet Martha says that too. BAM! She wonders if she needs to still hold Jack, but Logan says she can do what she wants with him. Uh oh, I know what I'd do. After she hangs up, Jack figures out that not only did Logan let him go because he got what he wants, but that he's now been exposed, and he has no protection anymore from the Chinese. Oh yeah, that's right. I keep forgetting about the Chinese.


Now they learn that Bierko got away from the transport. Luckily one guy survived. He must have played possum under another dead guy. They get the guy on the phone and I think he looks like the guy from the last season who's face was exposed and who the Chinese took hostage and made tell them about Jack. Maybe it's not him. Anyway, he overheard them talking about another canister of the nerve gas. This was news to them since they figured all of them were destroyed at the plant. Karen decides that finding Bierko should be their number one priority. Good thing too because Bierko arrives at his hide out and his cohort shows him the last canister.



We finally get to see what the first lady's doing. She's playing around with her crazy pills. She puts a bunch of them on her mouth and they stick there. Instead of swallowing the pills, she throws them across the room. She sulks for a bit, but then notices Aaron's cell phone on the mantel. She takes it to one of the agents nearby and asks him to send to the Aaron in Washington, where she was told he was transferred at midnight. Of course he's not in Washington, I'm worried he may be dead.



Thankfully, he's not. Unfortunately, he's not doing too well. He's beaten up and handcuffed in one of the stables. Logan comes in and feigns like he's surprised at Aaron's condition. Agent Adams is also there, and I think he's the one who did this to poor sweet Aaron. Logan explains that Aaron was told about some recording, a recording that doesn't exist anymore, wink wink. Aaron doesn't want any part of that, and calls Logan a traitor. I get it that he's an honorable guy, but I don't want him to be a dead guy. Can't he just fib his way through? At least until he's uncuffed. Logan realizes Aaron is a problem and silently agrees to kill him.

"I just realized I was a tool"

Logan takes the time to call Graham to tell him what's going on. Of course Graham's a little surprised to hear from him, you know, since the last he knew Logan was putting a gun in his mouth. Logan tells him about the evidence being destroyed, Martha cooperating and Aaron being taken care of. Graham also confirms that the plans for Jack are already in motion. Hhhmm. I wonder what those are. Graham's impressed and Logan spots Mike and hangs up with Graham. Mike comes up to him and gives him the news that Bierko has escaped and is most likely going to use the remaining canister to do something real real bad.


Chloe searches satellite footage for Bierko and can't seem to find it. Bill and Karen think the only option they have is using Christopher Henderson. Jack doesn't like the idea, but it seems to be their only one, so they have to do it. Jack goes to Henderson and says that for information leading to Bierko, they'll grant him immunity. Luckily, even if Henderson's let go, he won't be safe, the tape was his only safety net and now it's gone. He wants him and his wife to be able to go underground, disappear like Jack did. Oh, now he cares about his wife? Earlier he let Jack shoot her in the leg. Jack agrees and Henderson tells him to give his word because his word is his bond. That's true. Henderson then supplies him with a bunch of names that could be involved and Jack has Chloe check them out.

Audrey's in the same boat I am, she doesn't like the idea of Bierko helping them out. Chloe finds a guy, Victor Malina, that she thinks is connected to all of this. In fact, he got a call from a payphone in Van Nuys. Seriously, what's this obsession with Van Nuys? Henderson doesn't think this will work, going in there and trying to get him to roll. He thinks he can go in and talk to him and get the information they need. Of course Jack doesn't trust him, but with no other option, Karen and Bill insist they do it, with Jack there.


I've never been happier to see someone outside smoking then I am now seeing Martha standing outside doing it. In fact, while she's out there, she sees a car pull into the stables. You know, where they're holding Aaron!! She's curious, and goes in, just as Adams is loading Aaron into his car. Aaron fights back and luckily Martha's able to get Adams' gun and shoot and kill him. Nicely done Marty.


He really needs some hair plugs

Meanwhile, Curtis is driving Jack and Henderson to Malina's place. Henderson won't wear a wire, that bastard, so Jack gives him ten minutes or else he's going in there after them both. Henderson gets into the highly secured building, let in by Malina. Because Jack is utterly suspicious, he goes up into the roof and decides to listen in from one of the conveniently placed windows. When Henderson gets in, he tells Malina to secure his files on a system because there's a CTU unit outside coming to get him. Jack's pissed and radios for Curtis to move in. Malina is busy crashing his system when the team comes in. Curtis is hit in the shoulder, but looks to be okay, and Jack's able to take Malina out. He yells at Henderson that he double crossed him. Of course, Henderson tells him that it was all in his plan, that the guy was dropping the firewall on his system to trash everything, and if he had more time, then they could have gotten the unencrypted files off. Um, why didn't you say that in the first place Robocop!? Jack sends Chloe the files in hopes to decode them.

In the stables, Aaron tells Martha what's going on, you know, her husband trying to KILL him! She knows about the plot and can't keep quiet any longer. Aaron says Logan has to believe he's dead, and wants her to go inside and get Mike.

With Chloe's help they figure out from Malina's computer that a Russian sub is being inspected by the Navy, because of Logan's treaty. Henderson confirms that there's a sub docked in Van Nuys, no not Van Nuys, probably San Pedro, that has non nuclear warheads. Jack tells Audrey to use her DOD connections and get him on the phone with the head sub officer. He also orders Henderson to come with him since he knows the weapons. They get on a helicopter. Once on, Audrey connects Jack to on of the sub guys, but it's too late, Bierko is there. Jack hears it and tells Audrey to warn DOD.



Beirko then drops the Sentox gas canister down the hatch and lets it work its magic. The crew collapses in what we now know is a violent and nasty death.


Bierko and his crew come aboard and he uses the codes he got from Malina to gain access to the weapons system. They flush out the Sentox gas and he tells his guys to begin the launch countdown. If we didn't think he was a bastard before, we do now. He's going to be targeting high population areas to make the American's pay for allying with Moscow. Damn, he's bitter. Saucer of milk table two, rrreeawwrr! This sucks, I live in Los Angeles and 24 keeps trying to kill me.

Audrey calls some sort of Admiral guy and tells him what's going on. She wants him to send fighters to blow the sub up, since all the crew is dead anyway. When the hell did she get authority to do that? Anyway, it won't work because the missiles will be launched before then. Jack realizes that he, Henderson, and the one guy they brought along are their only hope. Okay, the car they came in is at least a four seater. They couldn't fit anyone else in? Henderson does notice that there's a buoy in the water which is a signal that someone made it on the crew.


See what I mean about the girlie thing?

Jack wants to go in, but Henderson won't go unless Jack gives him a gun. Reasonable request, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. And that's not very far. Jack finally gets in touch with the one guy who survived inside the sub. He's a cute little petty officer who looks like a little girl. I'm thinking as soon as they get in this poor kid is dead. He tells Jack his location, right near one of the openings. Unfortunately there's a guard there and Jack says that the officer, there's no point in telling you his name because I'm sure he'll be dead soon, says that he's just an engineer, he can't kill him. Didn't he go through boot camp or something? Jack explains the deal and that this douche is part of the crew that killed all of his fellow crewman. The officer sees one of his guys, dead on the floor, and gets pissed. Yes, I love it when people get pissed and want to kill someone and there's someone there who just happens to need to get killed. Jack finally gives Henderson a gun and they move in.

Mike goes to Logan and tells him about Beirko and the missiles on the sub. I'm sure Logan says something stupid, I just don't remember it. Martha's watching from the hall and calls Aaron to tell him not to move the body until she talks to Mike. This was Aaron's idea, he knows what he's doing.

The wrong way to slit a throat

Jack knows it's less then ten minutes before the missiles launch and wonders how long it'll take Henderson to deactivate it when they get there. Just about that long. The officer's made it to the guy and Jack tells him how to slit someone's throat. Grab him from behind, cover his mouth, then slit it. Oh Jack, talk dirty to me. He does it and Jack and the team run on the top of the sub, shooting the one guard. Just then the missile doors open, preparing to launch. They go inside and meet up with the officer, who shows them where the control room is. Jack tells him to go to the other side and make a distraction, allowing most of the guards to leave the control room so Jack and the others can take it.

The right way to slit a throat

The officer goes around and pushes over a cart. Beirko and a few guys leave the control room to see what it is. Bad ass Jack sneaks his way to front of the control room and crouches down in front of a panel where a guard is pacing near. He has Henderson give him a signal when the guy is right over him. He signals and Jack hops up and stabs the dude in the throat. BAD ASS!


Jack's magic legs

Henderson goes to work on shutting down the launch as Jack goes for Bierko. He and his men fight a bit, Jack doing some bad ass moves like putting a guy's face to a hot pipe. He grabs on to another pipe and grabs Beirko around the neck with his short little legs. He twists and breaks his neck, just as Henderson disarms the missiles. Everyone at CTU is happy and Karen calls off the pointless fighter jets. Jack's not so happy because he can't find Henderson.


Ha! Ha! Fooled you!

Jack runs after him and finds him on the deck, with a gun pointed at him. Henderson calls Jack's bluff, that he wouldn't have let him go. He then pulls the trigger, but it clicks. Hahah, Jack gave him an empty gun. Well played Bauer. Well played. Jack's pissed. This guy killed, Palmer, Michelle, and TONY!!!! Yes, we saw him directly kill Tony too! He does what I would do, he shoots Henderson, dead. Our petty officer is alive, and he just saw Jack kill Henderson in cold blood. Look, he doesn't know all the facts. Jack tells CTU he killed Henderson in self defense and drives off in one of the transports that just arrived. He claims he's coming in, but tells Chloe on a secure channel that he's going after Logan himself. He drives towards the retreat.


Logan is happy everything worked out with the missiles. He also tells Mike that he wants to say a few words at the ceremony at the airport to take Palmer's casket back to Washington. Mike leaves to write the speech. Martha catches up to him and tells him to follow her, once she realizes he's upset too at everything Logan's done. Logan calls Graham and tells him what's up and that Jack will be taken care of.

Aww

In the stables, Mike shows up and Aaron and Martha explain to him everything that's happened. He finally begins to put two and two together and realizes what a bad bad man Logan is. He wants to drive Aaron away from the retreat, which I think is a great idea. Aaron and Martha have a sweet goodbye. Outside of the retreat, Aaron and Mike are dumping Adams dead body in the woods. Jack calls and says he's on his way to the retreat, he'll be there in twenty minutes. He needs Mike to stall Logan, who's about to go to the ceremony for Palmer at the airport.


At CTU, Karen tells Bill that she has to go to Washington, that the White House has requested her. Chloe comes to her and wants Karen to give a new employee high clearance. He's a tech specialist named Morris, and he's also Chloe's husband. Whu whu whu?! Nice. I like this Morris guy already. She tells him she needs him to do a digital audio transfer. I have no idea what that means.

Mike goes to Martha and tells her about Aaron being safe (in the woods?) and how Jack needs Logan to confess. He also needs Martha to keep Logan here for awhile. Wink wink. Jack finally arrives at the retreat, less then fifteen minutes after he told them twenty, but I won't be nit picky. Aaron's there and tells Jack that Logan will be riding on the Navy helicopter to the airport for Palmer's ceremony. Jack wants Aaron to get him on that chopper.


Martha finds Logan and apologizes to him for being a bitch earlier. All this killing he's doing brings out the worst in her. She says she still loves him and although he's preparing to leave, she puts the moves on him. He calls and tells his people not to interrupt them, that he needs some time with his wife. They start kissing and I excuse myself to go puke.


Yes, because the other pilot won't think you're crazy for wearing the "sun" visor in the middle of the night

Jack and Aaron make it to the empty Secret Service building near the helicopter. They find out that Martha's worked her magic and the take off is delayed. Aaron's wondering how far Jack's willing to take this, and he confesses "As far as I have to". BAD ASS!



The next we see of Logan and Martha, they've done the deed. Okay, how bad is this? They started it at 5:53am and now it's 6am. Hahahahaha!!! Poor Martha. They figure out a way for the real co-pilot of the helicopter to be pulled, some sort of paper work, and are able to get the right paperwork for Jack to take over. Gotta love fax machines. Martha calls Mike and tells him that she delayed Logan as long as she could. Really? 7 minutes is as long as you could have delayed him? That's just sad. The co-pilot goes into the Secret Service building to see what's going on with his paperwork. Jack knocks him out and takes his clothes........ sorry, I had a visual. It was nice. Jack goes to the helicopter and get on, with the newly acquired paperwork.

Logan arrives at the chopper with Martha, who Mike tells to make an excuse not to board. She says some bullshite about him exiting the chopper by himself. He agrees because he's a narcissist and gets on board and it takes off. Once it takes off, Jack pulls a gun on the pilot and disables his comm system. He goes back to Logan and stun guns the two Secret Service agents around him and handcuffs a shocked Logan. Karma baby, karma.


Chloe instructs them where to land and Jack won't answer Logan's questions. Chloe then lets Morris know where to go, and tells him to give whatever it is he has to Jack when he gets there. They land the chopper and Jack stun guns the pilot. Logan tries to explain and bribe Jack, but Jack's not having it. He takes everything out of Logan's pockets and cuffs him to a pole. Morris pulls up and goes into the building, handing over the briefcase and is shocked to see Logan. He follows Jack's orders though and leaves. Jack and Chloe talk about having less then ten minutes until the response team is there. There's no way Jack can get a confession. I mean, he's good, but ten minutes?!


It's like an intervention

Jack tries to question Logan, who's being tight lipped about it. He doesn't seem to be trying too hard, bringing up everything he thinks/knows Logan did. Jack threatens to kill him, but Logan pretty much calls his bluff. Jack points out that it was Logan who made him go undercover last year, because of the Chinese and that he's responsible for a lot of people he cares about's deaths. Now he has nothing to lose. Still true. He points the gun and starts to count to three, Logan doesn't seem to care as much, thinking he'll just be a martyr. Jack gets to three but then whimps out. Logan's relieved just as a TAC team comes in and Jack surrenders. Logan takes all of the things on the table that Jack took out of his pocket. Wallet, lighter, PEN, condom, 1985 Reggie Jackson rookie card. Yeah, I have no idea. But he definitely put back a wallet and PEN. Chloe types a few things into her computer, and then quickly closes it. PEN!!!!


The helicopter lands and Mike, who's with Martha, tells her that Jack wasn't able to get the confession. She winces. When Logan approaches, as Palmer's casket (RIP) is being ceremonially taken out of the hearse, Martha starts flipping out, crying and what not. Oh, and it's light out by now, which is nice. Logan tries to comforter her but she starts accusing him of being a murderer. Logan has her taken into a nearby hanger as she yells that he isn't fit to be President.



Once in the hanger he tries to slap some sense into her crazy ass. Then he frisks her for a wire, even emptying her purse and doesn't find anything. PEN!!!!! Logan realizes she delayed him taking off earlier so Jack could get into the chopper. He wants to know why she did it and she explains, again, what an ass he is for having all of these people killed. He says he did it for the country. He then tells her that if she doesn't keep her crazy trap shut, that he'll have her pumped full of drugs and shipped to a mental facility in Greenland or something. He's ugly when he's angry.

After their little chat, Logan and Martha come out of the hanger and go to the podium. He starts his speech and talks about how cool they are for getting the terrorists the day before. At CTU, Chloe tells Karen and Bill that she set up a conference call, again, with the Attorney General. They're shocked, but she tells them about the listening device Jack planted on Logan. PEN PEN PEN!!!! Chloe plays the recording, its of the conversation that just went down in the hanger. HA! BAD ASS! They realize Logan admits to the terrorist plot and being responsible for Palmer's death.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

As Logan speaks to the audience, one of the cop like people gets a call from the Attorney General. The guy looks confused, but then agrees to carry out the order. Logan notices all the hubbub as he speaks. The Secret Service approach him as he ends his speech. One of them whispers something into Logan's ear and he doesn't look too good. The guy takes the pen out of his pocket and shows him the transmitter planted inside. Logan looks over to Martha and Mike, knowing they set him up. Martha gives him a little grin. BAD ASS! He's escorted away as Palmer gets a 21 gun salute and the casket is loaded onto the plane.


This picture has no significance, I just thought it was pretty

Back at the warehouse, Jack and Audrey are reunited. I guess since they realized he was trying to set up Logan, and it worked, he was let go. They have a moment of closeness, when an agent tells Jack he has a call from Kim, inside the building. How'd she get that number? Why didn't she call his cell? He tells Audrey to wait for him outside, and goes into the building.


He gets to the white courtesy phone and guess what? No one's there. Suddenly, but expectedly, a guy jumps Jack, putting a rang over his face, making him pass out. They pull him away.


This picture looks fake

At CTU, Karen tells Bill she thinks Logan will cut a deal. Probably. Bill thinks since the VP is now going to be President, that he'll be fired. She assures him that she'll make sure he's running CTU. She also apologized for being a stupid bitch earlier in the day. He's cool with it, in fact, he wants to have breakfast with her. She can't because of a briefing, but she wants a rain check. Hook it up. After Karen leaves, Bill tells Chloe what a good job she did, and gives her something found in Edgar's belongings. Was he going through them? That's rude. It's a picture of the two of them. She starts to tear up, and then Morris comes in and comforts her. I like this guy.

Audrey's starting to worry about Jack. It's been 6 minutes! She goes into the warehouse and doesn't find him. She gets worried and is on the ball, going outside and telling the agents that Jack's now missing. He can't be too far, it's only been 6 MINUTES! I don't know why she doesn't think he just went underground again.


Unfortunately, it's been long enough for Jack to have been dragged into a room. He's all beat up and not looking too good. The guys remove their mask and they're Asian. I'm assuming Chinese. Then, the guy from the Consulate, Cheng, who was demanding Jack's head last season, shows his face. He tells him that China has a long memory, sorta like an elephant. Jack finds it hard to talk, and wants to make one phone call, which they brush off. Then Jack just wants them to kill him, but Cheng tells him that he's too valuable. They pull back to reveal that they're all on a some sort of boat, on their way to China. How the hell did they get there in less then ten minutes!? Our poor Jack!



All in all, I thought this was a good an exciting season. I love that it's on every single Monday, straight through the whole season. DO YOU HEAR ME LOST EXCECUTIVES????? What's going to happen to our dear Jack? Can I stand a season without Tony?!? And will Audrey finally be able to move her mouth when she talks?!