Didn't her mother ever tell her she'd catch flies leaving her mouth open like that?After last week's murder of Stevie Wonder songs I was hoping we'd not do a heavy genre again. But alas, we're in 50's night. Yeah, that says 50's. Did they have songs back then? Barry Manilo's there, I'm not really sure why, he's not that old. My roommate informs me that Barry just released an album. Who knows.
Mandisa's the first up and she looks beautiful. I'm hoping she doesn't need to be wrung out like last week. The judges love her and Simon thinks she was sexy. I don't know what song she sang, I've never heard it.
Next is Bucky and he's so cute. He sings the Buddy Holly long "Oh Boy". You know I'm a Bucky fan, I really am, but I really wasn't a fan of this performance, and neither was Simon. Of course Randy and Paula thought it was good.
Paris sings "Fever". Good God, how old is she? Forty? Is it wrong that I'm over Paris? Yeah, she's cute, but she has this weird sound to her voice. I can't really explain it. I have to remind myself that she's seventeen and when I was that age I didn't know my style either. Hopefully she'll find it so I can want to vote for her again. Since the judges want her to go through they kiss her ass and tell her how great she is.
After the break we come back with a nice product placement about downloading songs or something onto your phone. Ryan's taken some poor little girl out of the audience make the segment "cute". They're nearly the same size. Luckily that ends and Chris Daughtry's up.
Wow, "Walk The Line". What an interesting song for Chris to sing. I saw the movie on the plane about a month ago and Chris and Joaquin don't sound anything alike. But he sounds great. Can this guy ever do wrong? He kicks major ass. Talk about a dark horse, I had no idea he'd be so great. Paula loved it, she's even doing the lasso move, the teenage boy behind her better watch out. Randy didn't think it was the best vocal but that Chris is always true to himself. Simon didn't think it was the best vocal either but he thought it was great. Then he put Bucky's performance down, which I didn't like.
Katharine McPhee is next and she goes off on some tangent about Simon not knowing her name in an interview she saw that morning. Look, the only reason I know it is because I write it down every week. And even then I barely know her name, I think of her as Katie Holmes. She has a great voice but she's BORING. She has a "I don't give a sh** " look on her face and who the hell dresses her? She finishes the song and I have to wipe the blood from dripping out of my ears. Randy tells us that it was a tough song to sing. Okay, if you say so. Paula wakes up from her drug coma long enough to tell Katharine how good she did. Simon thinks Katharine turned into a star. I think Katharine shoulda worn a bra.
Taylor Hicks decides to come into meet up with Barry and make an impression. Oh no, is he doing that damn harmonica thing again? No, instead he sings "Mandy". Then Barry says, "In tune". Damn, Barry's a bitch. Barry does like Taylor though, saying he's one of the best male vocalists. As much as I like Taylor he doesn't impress me. I can't look at him when he sings and his voice isn't that strong, not compared to Chris. Instead of crazy ass dancing he holds it together mostly, from what I can bring myself to watch anyway. He's such a sweet guy, but that song wasn't great. Randy liked it and Paula thinks he was fantastic. I don't think she's talking about his singing though. Simon brings everyone's head out of their asses and tells him that he wasn't great. Paula freaks out about how great Taylor was when he was dancing. Whu whu what? Someone's spiked Paula's drink. She couldn't have chosen to be this high.
Next is Lisa Tucker and Ryan wants to know what she's gonna do to make sure she's not in the bottom three. I don't know, not suck? What kind of question is that? Barry's giving her some tips on singing and I hope he gives her some tips on not making faces. Nope. She sounds really out of breath while she sings, but when she goes for it she sounds great. Paula's on the table with her bra off slinging it around above her head. Seriously, she needs to be checked in somewhere. I'm told Kevin Covais is next and I want to jump out of my window. It's only one floor up so I wouldn't die, but I'd have to go to the hospital for at least a few hours and could miss him butcher another song.
The world is "Style" S-T-Y-L-EI guess I have to talk about him. Can I make fun of his lisp and beady eyes? You know what, I'm gonna. For having such a big lisp he has some little lips. SSNNOORREEE. This reminds me of the nerdy guy in high school serenading the head cheerleader. It's really sad. I'd buy his album, so I could run it over with my car. Is someone stabbing him out of the camera's view. Is he tossing Randy's salad after the show or something? Why does he like this kid so much? Paula thinks he has "moxy". If by "moxy" you mean he's an a**hole, then yeah. Simon saw him in the corner crying last week so he's easy on him. Thank the Lords of Kobol Elliott's next.
Elliot tells us he wasn't fond of Barry's song before he met him but now he's a "Fanilo". I'm glad Barry's there because he's telling Elliott to be more emotional. That's exactly what he needs. He does a really good job, and I can see why they think he's such a great singer. Randy thought it was great because it was such a tough song. Paula rambles and Simon tells Elliott that his singing was "fantastic".
Two more people to go, Kelli and Ace. Kelli chooses a Patsy Cline song, which is spot on. Unfortunately Ru Paul got into the make-up room and attacked Kelli. I gotta say though, Kelli worked this song out! We need to get a shot of adrenaline for Paula pronto. Simon can straddler her on the table and plunge it in, Pulp Fiction style.
The big headed kid that did the product placement earlier with Ryan tells us that her favorite, Ace, is next. Ace is doing "In The Still Of The Night". My expectation are pretty low, but because he's last I have hopes that he may be sorta good. I think he ran out of the shower and jumped on stage. Yeah, I'm not impressed with Ace. Yeah, I'd do him, but I wouldn't buy his album. Simon's right in saying it wasn't the strongest performances of the night
Everyone's on the stage at the final send off and I vote for my favorites. Can we do negative voting and take votes away from someone because I so want to take votes from Kevin. Ryan thanks the judges and Paula's in the back getting her stomach pumped.
Again, I won't bore you with the ins and outs of the results show. Barry Manilo sings and... wait, I said I wasn't going to bore you. The bottom three are sorta expected, by me anyway. Lisa, Bucky and thank the Lords of Kobol, Kevin. When Lisa gets sent back to the chairs I start to worry that it will be Bucky. I mean, sure, there were millions of grandmas voting for Kevin and just guys in recliners drinking tall boys voting for Bucky, and me. Yes, I did vote for him, I won't lie, because I wanted Kevin off. And my five votes for everyone else paid off because guess who gets booted? KEVIN! I was a little sad for the guy, until they showed the little montage of him. Afterwards, he gave us these parting words, "America, be smart. Pick one of these amazing people here." Well, obviously! I'm thinking maybe he meant that some of the people on the stage aren't amazing, and we should only pick the amazing one. He needs to clarify that for us.
