I’m getting bored with Idol, I’ve decided. I mean, I like seeing Paula high and I like seeing Simon in the tight black shirts he’s so fond of. Okay, well maybe "like" is the wrong word. Anyway, after the weeks of performances I’m convinced this year’s going to be won by a man. The girls pretty much sucked, except for Mandisa. We lost four people this week, not the four worst, so I don’t know what America’s thinking.
First up for the girls is Paris who’s disappointed me for the past two weeks. At auditions she was amazing, but nowadays she’s just trying to be too cute. She’s okay, but truly, I don’t see her making it into the top 5. Not with the stiff male competition. Ha, I just said stiff male. The judges basically tell her to act her age. Randy’s still on the Paris bandwagon. I think he’s shtupping her grandmother.
Lisa’s next and man I’d like to put her in front of a mirror and show her what she looks like when she sings. Tyra would call it “Fierce”, but it’s not that attractive. She does pretty well with the song, but the judges aren’t blow away. They think she’ll make it to the top twelve, and so do I, but she really needs to pump it up a bit.
Melissa McGhee’s voice is like butta. I really like it and she’s been picking really good songs. Randy and Paula are back on the lovin’ everything train, but Simon’s still running for the station. For some reason he thinks Melissa’s the one to go. She’s certainly not the worst singer.
Next up is Kinnik who does much better than I expected. The three judges aren’t impressed and again Simon tells her to pack her bags because she’s going home.
One of the best singers is Katharine McPhee who she does fairly well with this song. I really like this girl, even though she reminds me of Katie Holmes. Although it wasn’t the best performance the judges think she nailed it. I’ve decided there’s a conspiracy. The judges talk and talk about it being America who votes and decides but we can only vote on what they give us. Not just the judges, but the producers as well. More on that later.
Ayla is next and she sings Natasha Bettingfield. I would think with Ace’s misstep last week with Natasha’s bro, Daniel, they’d try and stay away from the entire Betttingfield clan. Unlike Ace she does okay. I love the song but I’m not too impressed with her and she’s wearing these huge heels that makes her like 6’4’’ or something. The judges aren’t impressed either and Simon thinks she’s too rehearsed. Um, aren’t they supposed to rehearse? I guess he means by the giant stick up her ass.
Next is Mandisa. All the other women should just go home now, really. This woman rocks the house. She sings “I’m Every Woman”. She works that stage and belts it out to make both Chaka and Whitney proud. All the judges love it and Simon insists that all the other girls should hate her since she’s the woman to beat.
Last but not least is cutie Kellie Pickler. She sings Melissa Ethridge and to my great surprise, she does really well. I think this dumb southern blonde thing can get old, but it hasn’t yet. I hope she stays a bit longer, but I don’t see her making it into the top five. Unless she has one of those secret phone bank dialing things where a computer votes thousands of times for one person. I can see some weird nerdy guy being in love with her and setting that up.
Finally the girls are done and we’re on to the real singers, the men.
Gedeon is first and again, I love this guy. I think it still stems from when Simon made that rude comment about his smile. Even if Gedeon doesn’t make it through this competition, he’ll be able to get some sort of record deal. The next biopic movie they make that Chubby Checker or Chuck Barry has to be in, he’s the man. I think he’s adorable and although the judges like him, they don’t think it was his best performance. That’s cool, I think he’s safe.
Chris Daughtry is next and damn he sounds good. His look is kinda growing on me too. I mean yeah, I rocked out to this kinda music in high school, but still, he does an awesome job and he truly knows who he is. Randy and Paula thinks it was amazing, but Simon didn’t like the song choice. Okay, but he kicked its ass.
Poor Kevin Covais is next. Will someone please put him out of his misery. I don’t want to make fun of someone with a speech impediment, but he has one, and shouldn’t be singing. It’s annoying and comes out when he sings anything with an “S”. Randy and Paula really like Kevin and refuse to say anything bad about the performance. Why? WHY? Really. Conspiracy I’m telling you. They just want him to make it to the top twelve so when they tour he can appeal to the younger female audience that buys tickets.
Bucky Covington performs next and there’s something about this kid that I love. It’s certainly not his twin brother Rocky, who’s kinda creepy looking. I know they’re twins and all, but it’s weird to see them both. Bucky’s a sweet country boy who’s just trying to sing his little heart out and I admire that. The judges weren’t too happy with it and although Randy and Paula try to mention how nice he is, Simon brings us down to Earth and says that we won’t even remember the performance by the end of the show.
Will Makar is just so damn cute. He’s definitely the guy in high school I’d have a crush on. I think he does a great job, but since they already have their cute (?) girl magnet for the top twelve, they decide to rag on poor Will. Paula, of course, likes it, and Will, and nearly runs across the stage and tackles him.
Taylor sings next and again I’m forced to close my eyes. I mean he does a great job, singing and all, but he is just not attractive and he does some weird ass dance moves. Because they want to attract old ladies to the top twelve concert, they tell everyone how great he is, but not without criticizing his dance skills.
I’m one of Elliott's biggest fans, but he just doesn’t do well. He seems completely unsure of himself and I think maybe everyone’s high expectations are starting to get to him. Randy and Paula don’t really mention how bad he did, but Simon tells it like it is. He agrees with me that there’s something off about Elliott tonight and although I don’t vote this way, I’m afraid America will not care that Simon called him “potentially” the best male singer EVER in Idol history a few weeks ago and vote him out.
Last up for the night is Ace and quite frankly, he can’t do worse then he did last week. If he barked his way through this song it’d be an improvement. He sang the Michael Jackson song “Butterflies” and I’m already worried. Michael Jackson is hard enough. I’m glad he didn’t try “Smooth Criminal” or “Bad” though, that would have just been awkward. I should have known something was going on, they put him last, which means they at least expected him to be really good. He was awesome. He did half the song in falsetto and although I can’t stand falsetto singing he nailed it. He did everything right for me, he sang right, he looked HOT HOT HOT, and he did the right boy band moves. I’m back on the Ace train. Randy and Paula thought it was great too and Simon had to get an underhanded comment in by saying it’s because of Ace’s looks that he can get away with not so good vocals. Whatever.
Luckily I Tivo’d the results show because most of it was absolutely boring. They sang and so did last year’s runner up Bo Bice. I’ve always liked Bo Bice, but not the way he molests on a microphone stand, that’s just weird. I could have done without all of that though. I just want to know who the hell gets kicked off.
I won’t bore you with all the banter, although I have to admit the first boy/girl eliminations were fairly quick. Ryan did his whole “Last night Paula said… America voted…” When he got to Kinnik, the first girl in the second row, he didn’t waste any time, he just told her he was gone. I mean she was gone. Not sure if Bo Bice’s antics lasted too long or what, but it was a bit awkward. He did the same for the guys and quickly booted cute Will.
Okay, she's gotta stop letting Aunt Lucretia do her hair in the kitchen. That's just atrocious
Next up on the chopping block, if you follow the pattern, were Ayla and Melissa. Ryan brought them on stage for a quick opinion from the judges. Eventually it was Ayla who left. Can’t say I’m surprised and I’m sorta glad it wasn’t Melissa. I think she has a lot left to show us. She keeps getting better week after week. Finally the last guy gets voted out and like I said before, with the exception of Kevin, all the men are pretty good. All with their own style. When Ryan does the thing I can tell they’re not aiming it towards Kevin. Why? He sucks. Anyway, it comes down to Bucky and Gedeon. Yes, Gedeon, what the hell is that about? For reasons I’ve already gone over, the guy I wouldn’t mind seeing go is Gedeon. He has lots of talent and a big career ahead of him. Unlike Bucky who has a motor home and Milwaukee Best in his future if he doesn’t make it into the top twelve. Top twelve will guarantee his spot touring with the group. Luckily I’m only partially hurt as Bucky stays and Gedeon goes. He leaves us with a song that he just nails. Good for him, I’m sure we’ll be seeing him again.
