TYRA MAIL!!

It feels like just yesterday we were treated to women behaving badly but hence, we’re back for another ‘cycle’ of America’s Next Top Model. For those of you not in the industry, ‘cycle’ refers to the shows menstrual state. I won’t bore you with the beginning half of the show. At least the beginning two thirds. Unlike Idol, we’re not treated to loads and loads of hopefuls who think they’re the prettiest girls in the world, although that would have been awesome. We meet the final 32 and there are some real dogs amongst them. I guess they’ll have to do. There’s one girl who if I ever find I’m gonna beat over her head. She’s a racist homophobe who I won’t spend anymore time talking about. I will say that the other girls don’t want to have anything to do with her and hope she’s not going to be in the house with them. Tyra and the Jays wonder how she’ll do in a business that’s full of blacks and gays. She doesn’t really answer and I think she just wanted to get on TV.

During the first hour we meet some of the girls who are bound to make it into the house. Jade, a multi-racial woman who’s okay looking, but at 28 is a little long in the tooth. Of course if you asked her she’d say she was God’s gift and didn’t know why some agency hadn’t picked her up. She should be fun.

Sarah, who looks surprisingly similar to the sorta gay Sarah from last season, was spotted in a shopping mall and asked to audition for the show. Furonda is straight out of the deep south and while that racist bitch runs her mouth she almost hits her. I like her already. A girl named Kari’s also there. She has big hair and big lips and seems like a nice girl. Wendy, from Louisiana gets the sympathy vote since her family was devastated by Hurricane Katrina. She tells the story of the last she heard from her father he was in a car filling with water. Did he call from a cell phone? She tells Tyra that was the last time she spoke to him. She’s pretty but she has no bottom eye lashes.

Something about this picture disturbs me

Gina, the token Asian, interviews with the group and makes a fool out of herself. She insists she’s a strong Asian woman but then talks about not dating Asian men. What? She’s a bit confused and something tells me this competition won’t do anything for her. She’s pretty, but she isn’t Top Model material in my opinion. Leslie shows the judges her tattoo inspired by Angelina Jolie, something about killing people makes you stronger. I don’t know.

Beautiful, just beautiful

Nnenna is my favorite I think. She tells the judges the story of why she has an African accent. Apparently, she was born in Nigeria. She had all sisters and since her father wanted a boy, forced her mother to have another baby, which turned out to be a girl. Unfortunately, her mother died a few days after giving birth and Nnenna and her sister were shipped off to America. She’s now a chemist, living in America.

The top twenty are announced and much to my dismay, that racist bitch is one of them. The girls are told they must do their own make up in ten minutes and prepare for their first photo shoot, a beauty shot. They quickly get ready and do the shoot. When the judges look at their pictures they’re stunned at some of them and happy about others. They narrow the field to 13 and the racist girl is kicked off.

Their first challenge involves the self proclaimed “first supermodel”, Janice Dickinson. Jade thinks she said “oldest supermodel” and I chuckle because the bitch is old. Janice makes an appearance and gives them some advice. She says they need to stand out in a crowd. She then tells them that the challenge will be a press conference. Some no name people are there to ask the girls questions. Jade takes the whole 'make your presence known' thing a little too far. She’s just rude and Janice calls her out on it. Gina makes a fool of herself again when she's asked a question and can't answer it. Nnenna pulls through though and makes a good impression. After the press conference Gina's feeling a bit embarrassed and Jade doesn't help things by confronting her about her heritage and why she thinks she fraked up. One of the girls rightly points out that Jade just wants to make her feel bad to make herself feel good. Luckily, Jade doesn't win the challenge, Nnenna does. She's able to go to the house early with three other girls, and pick their rooms. Only looks like she has about a thirty second head start, but that’s enough to find good rooms.

When the rest of the girls finally see their house, they're surprised at the amazing digs. The house IS sweet. They run around and pick their rooms, which have been made out to match particular supermodels. That night they all go out to eat and Gina decides to wallow her sorrows in some wine. And some more wine. And a little more, until she's fall down drunk. That night the girls hop into the hot tub and decide to go topless. The girls start daring each other for money to run around the pool naked. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, it's all girls, but the viewer has to remember the crew that's not only there, live, but the ones who are gonna see it later when they watch the tapes and then show it to other people in the office. Jade tries to play cool, like she'll do it but when push comes to shove she backs out. The girls realize she's all talk and even though she pretends to have all of this confidence, it's just a show.

Some of them worked...

And some of them didn't

The next day, Jay meets up with the girls at the salon and they’re excited to get their makeovers. Jay tells them all that they’re going bald. The girls are mostly apprehensive until Jay says they’re going to fake it with bald caps. Haha, this'll be great. Sh**, then he tells us it was a joke, they're just going to wear bald caps and head to the studio. Their pictures are with manequins and they have to blend it with them. It sorta freaks me out. Most of the girls are really nervous and Jay calls them on it during the shoot. Some of them, who we thought would be fierce, like, Furonda, who was practicing in mirror, are just awful. Nnenna again rocks it out and everyone's impressed.

The evaluations begin and most of the pictures look surprisingly good seeing that it's the first photo shoot. The two worst are Furonda and Kathy. Kathy's ugly. And quite frankly, so is Furonda. I guess models don't have to be pretty. In the end it's Kathy that gets kicked out and I can't say I'm too upset, although I'd like Jade gone, she's a bitch.