Mary Alice does a little recapping of what happened right after it ended last year. She tells us that, although it sucked for 24 episodes, we're back to where we were the end of the 1st season. She also tells us to forget about the Applewhites and any other part of last year's season that turned your stomach. Which was really most of it. So if you remember, Mike got run over before he could propose to Susan, by Orson, who he nearly called out at the dentist office for knowing him. Gabby just kicked Carlos out for doing Xiao Mei and is going through her divorce, Bree and Orson have gone out on their first date, and Lynette is trying to deal with that bitch Nora, Tom's love child's mother.
Flash now to six months later. Everything is basically the same, except Mei is now enormous and making Gabby wait on her hand and foot and calling her a bitch. Oh no, if she wasn't pregnant I would encourage Gabby to kick her ass. Maybe she can do it now, aim high. Gabby does put her in her place and tell her that she could be living with Carlos in his one bedroom apartment with no air conditioning. That shuts her up. Then Mei calls her a bitch and Gabby says that when she's done popping out the baby she's shipping her back to China or wherever. Mei's upset because Gabby promised to get her an apartment in Chinatown with her friend. Mei runs away and Gabby and Carlos try to find her. Of course when Gabby goes to Chinatown and finds Mei's friend who she's going to work for, things don't work out well and Mei's friend throws food on her. Looks kinda like sweet and sour pork. I hope she eats it, it's probably all the nutrients she'll have in a few days. Actually, that's not true, Gabby looks like she gained some weight. Good for her. Fat girls unite! Edie eventually finds Mei in the closet in Paul Young's house, which she's selling. Uh oh, she's been a wery wery bad girl.
Poor Susan. Unlike Meredith from Grey's, Susan decided eating wasn't her thing. She's devastated over what happened with Mike and goes to visit him every day. She exercises him, and shaves him and talks to him. It's very sweet. At the hospital she ends up meeting Ian, played by Dougray Scott. Talk about a handsome man. Whoa. Unfortunately they don't let him use his sexy Scottish accent, although he does have an English one. Still sexy. Damn. After seeing each other getting coffee a few times, they strike up a conversation, and a flirtation. He buys her a cheap watch because he notices she doesn't have one. He has to take most of the links out of it so it'll fit around her bone.
She brings strawberry smoothies to him in his wife's room. His poor wife's been in a coma for 3 years. While Ian is in the bathroom, he asks Susan out on a date. Crazy hijinks's ensue and Susan whips around in shock, spilling her smoothie all over his comatosed wife. Haha. That was great. Classic. She quickly covers her up before Ian comes back in and tells the nurse to clean her up as they leave. She then goes to Mike and tells him that Ian asked her out and she wants to go, but if he doesn't want her to, to wake up and tell her not to. Of course he doesn't wake up, but it's a touching moment to see how much she really wants him to wake up.
I've never wanted to hit another fictitious character as much as I want to beat Nora. Kayla, Tom's daughter is adorable and how she's not fraked up already because of her crazy mother I don't know. The Scavos are taking a Christmas card picture and Nora insists she be in it. This woman seriously needs to get on some meds. When Lynette tells her it's a family photo and she can't be in it, she tells Kayla that they're not welcomed in the family picture. Of course Kayla's welcome. Finally they say she can be in it and right before the timer goes off, she jumps into the boys laps and takes a stupid zaney picture. I don't know why they couldn't retake the picture. Lynette eventually figures out that Tom's more afraid of Nora then he is of her. I really want to feel sorry for Tom, but I don't. He needs to man up.
It's one of the boys' birthday parties and Lynette lies to Nora and says it's a quiet day. I don't blame her one bit. Unfortunately Nora calls and hears the kids playing and when Lynette hangs up she knows the bitch is rushing over. She gets all the kids, calls Gabby and leaves her a message that they're all going over into her backyard. The plan seems to be working when Nora shows up and Lynette's alone. It's working until a little boy from the party comes out of the bathroom with a birthday hat and his face painted. Nora runs out into the street and tries to find out where the party is. She sees a balloon coming from Gabby's backyard and hurries over. Lynette stops her and she starts yelling for Kayla. Tom and Kayla both come out and Nora tries to take Kayla away. Tom finally man ups, sorta, after Lynette just walks away out of frustration. Tom doesn't really tell Nora off, but he says that Kayla wants to be there and to not take her. He's still a pus, but I think now he'll be trying.
Finally, the most interesting story, I think, Bree and Orson. Mary Alice tells us about Orson's first wife. Orson's not unlike Bree, he's obsessive compulsive. He made his wife, Alma, stack the food a certain way, fold the towels a certain way, and lint roll him right before he left the house. Eventually she decided it was weird and wanted to leave. As she was leaving the house with her bags, she tripped and the cage holding her pet parakeet fell open and it flew away. As she was trying to get it Orson came back into the house because there was a piece of lint on his suit that she missed. He had driven all the way back from down the street. He could have plucked it off and thrown it out the window, but no, he went all the way back. When he caught her on the ground and figured out what she was doing, he closed the door behind him. When their nosy neighbor, played by Jackie from Rosanne (love her!) came over looking for Alma, Orson had some gloves on and was cleaning the floor. To cast more suspicious on him the bird was saying "Orson! No!". He told Jackie that Alma left him and he didn't know where she was, but you could tell she thought he looked guilty. And because Alma didn't take the bird, makes me think he may have killed her.
Flash to the Orson/Bree courtship. Eventually he asks her to marry him. She thinks it's too soon, but he says it's been the best six months and he loves her. She agrees to marry him and tells the girls about it. They're excited, until they learn Bree and Orson haven't done the deed. She says they want to get married before, and of course slutty Gabby thinks that's a load of crap. But Bree wants to stand firm and the girls support her. Later, Orson tries to get frisky but she won't allow it. That's until he's washing the dishes and washes them a second time with some sort of treatment to get the streaks off. As crazy as this sounds, this is the kinda thing that turns Bree on. She and Orson head upstairs. Where the hell is Danielle? I just realized she's nowhere to be found and they don't talk about her. Anyway, as they're about to do it, Orson wants to, uh, how do I say it? Please Bree orally. Yeah. Hey, he is a dentist. Har har. She doesn't want to do it because she's a Republican. Instead she wants to be raped by taxes. He insists and she lets him do it, and she, ah, how do I say this, enjoys it a WHOLE lot. She immediately runs out to the doctor's because she's never experienced this. The astute doctor soon realizes that Bree had an orgasm, something she'd never experienced before. Poor girl.
Bree throws a party that weekend because she finally found the big O. No, to announce their engagement. Unfortunately Jackie crashes it. She comes in and in front of everyone, asks Bree if Orson told her he killed his wife. Bree said yes, but he gave me my first orgasm so I don't care. At least that's what I would have said. But this is news to Bree, and all of their guests. Jackie warns Bree that if he could kill Alma, he could kill her. Good point. Jackie leaves and Bree goes into the kitchen. The girls try to follow but Orson goes in instead. He wants to make sure Bree believes him, that he didn't kill his wife. Bree smiles that "I have constipation smile" and says she believes him, which is not very convincing. He lets go of her hand and he's obviously been holding it tight. She continues the party but we know she's having doubts as later when she takes the trash out in pouring down rain, she doesn't even flinch, and stays out there to get extra wet.
This is a vast improvement from last year. Marc Cherry is now working on the show again, like he did the first season. And thank the holy good Lord for that because the show is finally moving in the right direction.
