I'M ALL IN, DAMNIT!

I hate myself for liking Dancing With the Stars. I don't know why, but this show just fascinates me. On Tuesday night's show the judges were so mean to Mario Lopez. Now, after having his marriage annulled after two weeks because he was cheating on his new wife, for me to even utter the words about me liking him is a big thing.

The judges were so harsh on him. He and his partner did an outstanding job dancing the Tango, one of the most entertaining dances. Afterwards, the judges ripped them a new one. Apparently they "broke the hold" in the dancing. I guess you can be apart at the beginning and end, but once you start holding on to one another, you can't break it. This was so severe a rule breaking that both the girl judge and the gay judge gave them 8s and said they could have been 10s. Boo! I'm sorry, they had the most entertaining performance and isn't this a TV show and not really a dance contest?!? Stupid.

Since Shanna got kicked off last week we didn't have to worry about having to wipe up the herpes from the dance floor. Speaking of Jerry Springer, he was so sweet. He said he wanted to make it to at least next week to learn the Waltz so he could dance with his daughter at her wedding. Ok, I'm totally voting for him. I'm a sucker for that kinda thing.

Surprisingly Sarah did really well. She came out of her shell, straightened her hair and put on some cowboy boots and let the ladies out, if you know what I mean. Unfortunately I fear that without the boots she'll be drab v-neck sweater Sarah again. Monique was fabulous and although she did well, Vivica looked kinda drag. I mean good for her for working the masculinity.

Willa and Maksim are sleeping together. It's so obvious. And trust me on these things, I know what it looks like when two people are having an affair. The judges even told them to stop working on their chemistry and work more on their dancing. Damn, these guys must have their period or something. And Willa also tells us that she hopes her bad girl image doesn't keep people from voting for her. Um, babe, you don't have an image. Who the hell are you? Wait, I'm gonna look her up... Ah, ok, I think I get it now. So she had this one song, "I Wanna Be Bad" and she dated Backstreet Boys' Nick Carter. All of those little girls got all mad at her and started anti-Willa websites and there was a major backlash. Interesting. I feel sorry for her. Mostly because she dated Nick Carter, but also because her career was brought down by 14 and 15 year olds. That sucks. Okay, I'm totally on Team Willa now. You go girl, Maks is HOT!

Joey Lawrence. Wow. So we know the bald thing doesn't work, but I feel he's committed to it, so there's nothing he can do about it now. He's sorta creepy looking and a bit weird, but I can tell he's sincere. Yes, as crazy baldy as he is, he really gets into it and does a pretty good job. He's sweet and over the top and wears weird outfits during rehearsal, oh, and he probably manscapes way too much, but something about him is genuine, and he's growing on me. Now if we can get his hair growing, it'll be half the battle.

Okay, this isn't from last night, but you get the idea. Now imagine Elton John threw up on them, circa 1978

Last night during eliminations, it took them an hour to tell us who was off. I zoned out for most of it, but was sucked back in when some weird ass band started to perform. Tom said their name was Scissor Sisters or something, but I only saw one female performer. The lead singer sang falsetto, which isn't awful, but it was like The Bee Gees and Fleetwood Mac got together and had some weird 70s love child that turned out to be a strange John Waters movie staring Divine. It was just bizarre.

During the 3 minutes they actually did eliminations, it was down to Jerry and Harry. God help me I was rooting for Jerry. I really wanted him to dance the Waltz. Luckily, Harry and his sagging skin didn't make it. His partner was bawling. Calm down sista, you'll be back next season.