WILL YOU MARRY ME? NOT YOU... YOU

This is how I wake up every Saturday morning

It's been a few days since I watched the show and I really don't remember what happened. I mean, I do, and I'll remember it well enough to tell you guys about it, but this show really is being forgettable. No more are we (me and my colleagues) talking about it on Monday morning and about how great the writing/stories are. When you start off so spectacular and then just fall off so fast like this, it's worth bringing up. What's going on to make this season just so awful? There's been talk it's because of the writing staff and how the creator, Marc Cherry, isn't writing any of the episodes. Who really knows. At least this week some stories moved forward a bit.

From last week's episode we know that Susan's getting surgery on her "wandering spleen" and needs to get married for the insurance. Karl's agreed to marry her with the understanding that Edie won't find out. He tells Susan that he wants to use his grandmother's ring, the one he gave her for their wedding however many years earlier. Unfortunately Susan doesn't have it. When she found out that Karl was cheating on her she threw it out of the car on the highway. Okay, so I get it that she felt betrayed and hated him, but come on, she could have sold that thing and gotten some money for it. And it was kinda wrong for her to throw his grandmother's ring out of the window. Karl is so angry he makes Susan go out to the highway with a metal detector and find it. How many years has it been since they got a divorce? At least a year, probably more, and it's still there? Dumb. Karl's had a prenup drafted as well for the two of them.

They clean the ring up and Julie takes it over to Karl and Edie's. Susan warns her to make sure she doesn't let Edie see it. I give you two guesses what happens. Edie's yelling at Karl to come help her clean up. He's in bed watching football or figure skating or something. While she's nosing around she finds his briefcase. She does what any woman would do, she looks inside. She finds the ring and the prenup papers and gets all excited. Why she's excited to marry this jerk I don't know.

She's waving to her plastic surgeon

Later, at Susan's house, Dr. Ron has spent the night. I didn't realize he was still around. He wants to move her surgery up a day and she blurts out that she has a wedding to go to on Wednesday. Curious, he questions her about a Wednesday wedding. "Oh, it's the new Saturday" she says. Okay Suz, didn't we learn from the whole Mike experience what not to do to hold onto a man. Lying really isn't her forte anyway. He apparently is a moron too and doesn't question it. They decide to have Valentine's Day dinner and guess who's there? Edie and Karl. She's making a fool of herself because she's thinking, "hey, it's Valentines Day and some poor schlub wants to actually marry my skanky ass". Karl suggests they have the dessert and when she declines he insists, winking at her and telling her "it'll be gooooood". She gets all nervous and excuses herself. She grabs Susan and pulls her into the ladies room. She tells Susan that Karl's about to propose and Susan realizes Edie's mistake. When they leave the bathroom she has a waiter give a note to Karl. Unfortunately, the dumbass gives it to someone else. When the dessert arrives Edie starts digging through it like a madwoman and of course, doesn't find anything. When Susan gets home later she and Karl meet up and she tells him what happened. He says that he'll just have to propose now. Susan's a bit taken aback since she wants to have her cake and eat it too, and then go throw it up. Karl doesn't seem too thrilled to marry Edie, but shakes it off. Later the two marry very anticlimactically.

I just needed a picture of a hot guy

Crazy Zack asks Paul about his real father. He already thinks something's up with Mike since he found out from the blabby Red Cross lady that he and Mike share the same rare blood type. Paul tells him to shut up and slams his head in a door. Mike visits Paul's house and warns him that Noah, Zack's grandfather, wants to see him. At first Paul is pissed that Mike's there, but then in a show of unity they both decide that Paul and Zack should leave, at least until the sick Noah croaks. Mike says some comment about "his boy" and Zack is listening in. Noah tells his Detective Sullivan to do whatever's necessary to get Zack to him after he finds out that it was Paul and Mary Alice that killed his daughter, Dierdre. Felicia listens in and is please because this could mean her sister's killer, Paul, could get hurt.

Don't worry, it's just an eye lash

Meanwhile, Bree is at her favorite Italian restaurant. There's some Pavarotti dude singing some sad ass songs. Bree of course is crying her eyes out and drowning her sorrows in wine. The waiter recognizes her and she admits that she and Rex used to come there before he was killed by the pharmacists, and she got engaged to the guy who eventually killed himself. She orders another bottle of wine and the waiter insists on calling her a cab. Thankfully she agrees. When she gets home she's so drunk she collapses on the lawn. The next morning Mrs. McCluskey finds her and tells Andrew. Being the sweet kind son he is, he turns on the sprinklers. That sure gets her up. She rushes into the house, not too embarrassed. In the kitchen later Danielle and Andrew are asking her about her drinking problem. She claims it's her allergy medicine and that she had a reaction. She pours her medicine down the sink. Let's hope she doesn't have any nuts later. Andrew suggests she just have some more wine, you know, hair of the dog.

I'd be drinkin' too if I had to spend time with those brats

Speaking of nuts, Lynette and Tom call Mrs. McCluskey to watch the devil's spawn she calls her children. Lynette's not comfortable with that, since McCluskey's pretty damn old and her children are little a**holes and would walk up behind her and scare her into a heart attack. Lynette goes over to Bree's and asks her to watch them. Bree, who doesn't want to admit she's hung over, agrees. When the boys start banging on their drum/piano thingy, she does what any rational human being would do, she starts drinking. Unfortunately she passes out. She really needs to learn how to hold her liquor. The boys put Penny into her stroller and head out for a little walk. Bree wakes up and realizes they're gone so she freaks out and runs out after them. Mrs. McCluskey sees her. Lynette and Tom are called at work and rush down to the beauty parlor where the punks were found. I guess they needed a trim.

Thirteen bottles of wine on the wall, thirteen bottles of wine, take one down pass it to Bree, twelve bottles of wine on the wall...

When they get home Bree runs up and apologizes. One of Rosemary's babies tells Lynette that Bree was asleep on the couch but she claims that she was making cookies in the kitchen when they left. One of the kids tries to defend himself but Lynette scolds him and sends him in the house. McCluckey comes up to Lynette later and questions her on letting Bree, the drunk, watch them instead of her. At least she's awake and not inebriated. Lynette's curious about this and goes to Bree who's putting her trash out. She confronts Bree, who of course denies that she has a problem and gets mad at Lynette. After she storms off Lynette goes through her trash and finds dozens of wine bottles. She puts some of them all out on Bree's porch so when she comes out she sees them and finds a note that says, "Still think you have a problem you alcoholic bitch" Okay, so if you think that your trash gets collected once a week, and she has thirteen bottles there. That's more than a bottle a day. Damn, she is an alkie.

Oh look, momma's a bitch too

Over at Gabby's she comes home after a day of shopping. As she's walking into the house she see Carlos through the window with a woman. The woman's dressed in a bathrobe and has a towel on her head. Gabby's pissed and runs into the house. Turns out the slutty woman is her mother, Lucia. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Gabby and Carlos go to the fertility doctor and they tell her that she probably won't be able to have children. When they're talking to Lucia they tell her the news and she volunteers to be a surrogate. Carlos thinks this is a great idea since he wants it to be his seed. Gabby's not having it and Carlos doesn't know why not. Maybe it's because Mamma Gabby is flashing her ta-tas around. Gabby gets fed up with her mother and dumps her at a hotel. When Carlos questions her about it she tearfully tells him about her step-father and implies that he abused her, and that's why she left so man years ago. Carlos encourages her to talk to her mother about it, but Gabby doesn't want to. We find out why when Carlos goes to see Lucia at the hotel. She tells Carlos that Gabby was asking for it, that she was always jealous of her mother. Carlos of course is flabbergasted, since Gabby was only fifteen. We realize her mother is a nasty bitch and I feel really sorry for Gabby. When Carlos gets back to the house he tells Gabby that it's okay if they adopt, that blood doesn't mean anything. I really like the way Carlos and Gabby's storyline is heading, but even though there're touching moments every other episode or so, by next episode she'll probably be getting on my nerves again.