I think my neighbors think I'm crazy. I spent over 3 hours yelling at my television on Tuesday night. Between Deal or No Deal, American Idol, and The Race, I nearly went horse. Thank the Lords of Kobol for Tivo or else none of this would be possible. A programming note... Since there are eleven teams and I am trying to get some work done today, I can't go through every single team and their exact movements. As the teams dwindle I'll add more detail about every team's place in the pack. For now be assured that I'm giving you what I think are the highlights. If you want a recap of the teams, or want to reference who I'm talking about, follow this link...
The Race starts out like all others, introducing us to all of the teams. I really don't like many of them, right away, from the little back story we're treated to, but I'm going to hold off judgment until at least the middle of the show. BJ and Tyler, the hippies, look like they can be fun, and Wanda and Desiree, the mother/daughter, I find genuine. Also a fun team, Lisa and Joni, sisters. Good friends, Scott and John, look more like lovers. Scott tells us that his father calls John is tall daughter. Um, ok.
The teams are in the Mile High City and meet up at some famous landmark, the Red something or another, I forget, because it wasn't that interesting. Phil gives them the lowdown on how The Race works. He has a new haircut and I can't decide if I like it or not. It's sorta cute, but it's a bit square for his face. Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, you get money, you have to make your way places and eight destinations are eliminations. I tried to do math on how many that would be that are non-elimination, then I realized there is no math, I don't know how many episodes of the show there are.
Phil does a very dramatic, on your get mark, get set, go, and the teams run off to their waiting luggage and cars. You can immediately tell who's going to be the best racers. The poor old couple, Fran and Barry, take their sweet old time getting to their back packs. The clue tells the teams to get to the airport and get on one of three flights out to Sao Paolo, Brazil. Yay!! Not even fifteen minutes into the season and we're already going out of the country. I missed you Amazing Race, I'm glad you're back. Once in Sao Paolo they'll have to find the Unique Hotel to find their next clue. Everyone takes off in their nice Mercedes and we start to see personalities right away.
Until he gets booted or I can find a really unattractive picture of this douche you'll never see him again on my site
Until he gets booted or I can find a really unattractive picture of this douche you'll never see him again on my siteLake and Michelle decide to pull over and try and book a flight out before they get there. Unfortunately Lake didn't read the clue correctly, and you can't book a flight unless you're there in person. From their download we learn that she's a typical southern woman. Being from the south I take offense to that, not all of us like it when our men tie us to the stove and beat us with their deer hunting riffle. Basically she tells us that she's a doormat and whatever her husband says goes. I hate them already. Maybe on this trip she'll grow some balls. Oh, no, maybe he'll get arrested in Turkey or some other foreign country. Yeah, let's hope for that.
Of course like every beginning of the race all the cars are racing down the road, trying to beat each other to the airport. Doesn't seem like directions can really get you too lost in this first leg, so everyone pretty much makes it there in relatively the same amount of time, except for Lake and Michelle. Michelle decides to read the clue her husband was supposed to have read at the beginning. She reads that they can't book ahead of time and you know what his response is? "That was... partially my fault" Partially?!? PARTIALLY! No motherf***cker that was ALL your fault. You read the damn clue. Please see following paragraphs to know why this a**hole bothers me so much.
I'd cry too if my head were that misshapened
I'd cry too if my head were that misshapenedThe three flights the groups are trying for leave about half an hour apart. Everyone, of course, wants to try and make it to the first one, even though they don't know what times they all get in. Once at the airport, they leave their cars and jump onto a shuttle. Dani and Danielle have big boobs, I'm sorry, I meant a big lead, and make it to the ticket counter first, securing a seat on the first flight out. The next shuttle carries a whopping seven teams. Crazy hippies BJ and Tyler and older couple, Fran and Barry are among them. Once they're able to get tickets, they're surprised they got on the first flight since they were among the last to leave. Yeah, we are too. Even though Eric and Jeremy make the mistake of going to the last leaving airline first, they're able to run over to the other airline and hop on the second flight out. The best part of the airport nightmare is when dating couple Joseph and Monica are standing in line. They realize they're not going to make the early flight and Monica looks like she's going to cry. Surprised, Joseph looks at her and says, "Are you going to cry?" Haha, yeah she is.
Okay, so here starts my hatred for everything Lake and Michelle. They arrive last at the airport and are searching for the ticket counter. Michelle tries to give her opinion on what to do and he tells her to "Shut the f**k up". Wow, the last thing I'd do if my husband told me to shut the f**k up is shut the f**k up. Strike one. They get to the counter just as the other teams, including Ray and Yolanda, learn there's no room. They all dash to the last flight. I don't know why, they'll all get on. Anyway, Lake yells, "Beat that black girl" or maybe it was, "You can't beat that black girl". Either way, he says it like he's talking to his toothless cousin Billy Bob. Strike number two. I don't know if Ray and Yolanda didn't hear it or if they're just ignoring it. Regardless, I like these two. I especially like Ray because he tells us in their back story that he grew up in the "hood" and he became an attorney so he could give back to the community.
Finally everyone is on their way to Brazil. When they arrive, the first flight out has been delayed, so the second flight gets in first. The second plane contains Eric and Jeremy, Wanda and Desiree, gay couple, oh I mean good friends, John and Scott and nerdy couple, Dave and Lori.
They all head off to find the Unique Hotel. The second flight finally lands, nearly forty minutes later, but hippies BJ and Tyler seem to make it out of the gate and move past Dave and Lori from the first flight in.
Early leaders Wanda and Desiree
Early leaders Wanda and DesireeWanda and Desiree are the first to the Unique Hotel just about as everyone on the last plane arrives. The hotel's claim to fame is that it's shaped like a boat. Oohh, how Unique. Anyway, once to the roof they get the clue from the box which instructs them to make their way to a large historic bridge. Once there they'll find the next clue. Everyone else starts arriving one by one at the hotel and race to the roof. Eric and Jeremy, who had their sights set on Dani and Danielle from early on, are typical frat boys. They introduce themselves to the girls who politely smile and run up to the clue box. Once back in their cab they laugh at the boys and how cocky they were, introducing themselves. Those bastards, trying to get to know them. What the hell?
Everyone loves the view from the top of the hotel but take off as soon as they can for the next clue box. Wanda and Desiree are out ahead and find the bridge and clu first. It's a detour, which is a choice between two tasks, Rotor Head or Motor Head. Who comes up with these names? They're great. In Rotor Head the teams have to go to a helicopter hanger and find a certain building on a map by using a directory. When they find it they'll get the pilot to fly them to the spot they've chosen. Once there they'll have to search the area for a clue. If they choose Motor Head, and really, who would, they have to find a motorcycle shop somewhere in the city. At the shop they'll have to put a bike together, nearly from scratch, with only a finished bike as their guide. Once the little dude can start the bike, they get their next clue.
"Where is that damn clue?"
"Where is that damn clue?"Wanda and Desiree head to the Rotor Head one. Monica and Joseph, who have named themselves "MoJo" see Lake and Michelle and call him "Scott Peterson". Haha, they've sure got his number. As Lake and Michelle run and get the clue, Lake asks some local if he's seen a black couple come by. Strike 3, he's officially on my sh** list. Why'd it have to be the black couple? Why didn't he ask if they saw people being following by a camera? Or the two blondes? The old couple? One by one the teams come, run across the bridge, find the clue, and leave. All but one team. Fran and Barry, poor Fran and Barry. Okay, old people aren't dumb, in fact, old people should be the smartest team out there since they have worldly experience and all that crap. I miss Gretchen and Meredith. Fran and Barry run up and down the bridge, searching for the clue box. The cameraman following them quickly pans to the box every time they walk by it.
"Ah, we're, like, here to put together motorcycles. Um, do you like our pink outfits?"
"Ah, we're, like, here to put together motorcycles. Um, do you like our pink outfits?"Just so you know, most teams choose the helicopter one. And why wouldn't you choose that? You get to see Brazil in a helicopter for heaven's sake. Only four teams pike the bike one. Dani and Danielle, for some unknown reason, think they can put together a motorcycle. Ha. Ha. Ha. Sorry. They go to the shop and try and figure it out. When they realize what a stupid mistake this was, they go into the street and try and get some poor sap to help them. I guess this is how they get by in life, getting other people to do things for them. Why am I not surprised. They pick some guy and drag him into the shop. When they get in he tells them that he has no idea what he's doing and eventually leaves. Next in the shop are Fran and Barry. Fran's confident she can put the bike together, I mean, in high school she helped her dad work on an Edsel, so she has some mechanic background. Once seeing it she's not so sure. Dani and Danielle, after watching Fran and Barry for a few minutes, decide to go off and do Rotor Head.
Ray and Yolanda workin' their magicThe other two teams that do Motor Head are Lake and Michelle and Ray and Yolanda. Why am I not surprised Lake can put together a motorcycle? He starts whizzing through it and tells Fran and Barry that he'll help when he's finished. Luckily Ray and Yolanda don't have to deal with him and are outside putting their bike together. They're also surrounded by a bunch of locals who decide Yolanda has a nice body and they're nice enough to tell her. They spend the time yelling and laughing at her, as she bends over, helping Ray. Either we're treated to great editing or they both ignore the cat calls and comments.
Candomblé ceremony
Candomblé ceremonyThe helicopter teams make it to the hanger, most passing the actual entrance and having to turn around. They find the locations in the flight directories and fly off. One by one they land on the buildings and search for the clue. It doesn't take too long to find them. They're next destination is a warehouse where they will witness a traditional Candomblé ceremony, full of snakes, candles and people dancing in a circle.
Lake finishes the bike and because he's a man of his word, as he's getting the next clue, he quickly tells Fran and Barry what to do, although he goes too quickly and assumes she knows what an engine is. He and Michelle run off without really giving Fran and Barry any help. Frustrated, they decide to do Rotor Head and head out. Of course Ray and Yolanda see this and get freaked out, thinking two teams are ahead of them. They soon finish and go to get their next clue.
"Oooh, we're still in it!"
"Oooh, we're still in it!"John and Scott and Joni and Lisa aren't having much luck with the taxis. John and Scott finally get out and ask for directions, but the locals don't really care and blow them off. Makes me not want to take my next family vacation to Sao Paolo.
When Joni and Lisa finally make it to helicopters they've pretty much given up, walking in, just enjoying being there. Then they see the other teams show up and realize they're still in the game. They hurry and find the building in the directory they're looking for and head off. One of them is so excited she thinks she's gonna pee herself. Let's hope not, that helicopter is tiny. Now it's a battle between the old couple and John and Scott. John's being a dick to his boyfriend, I mean friend, frustrated that they're not finding the building.
"Phil, man, we're gonna be scopin' some babes later, wanna join?"They all finally head off in the helicopter as most teams get to and finish participating in the Candomblé ceremony by lighting a candle. The clue they get afterwards tells them to make their way to the first pit stop. Everyone begins to arrive, and Eric and Jeremy take first place. They're told they've each won ten thousand dollars for coming in first at which time Eric said, "Yeah dude, you know how many kegs that buys?". Tools. When Lake and Michelle finally arrive and realize they're not last, Lake starts screaming like a mad man and I'm afraid for Michelle's safety. He looks like he's going to punch her. Poor girl. Wait what am I talking about poor girl, the dumbass married him.
The race to make it there second to last is on between Lisa and Joni and John and Scott. Fran and Barry had the helicopter take them to the closest building. Nice editing makes it look like there was a smaller gap, but something tells me it was fairly long. Luckily, the team that makes it to the mat first is Lori and Joni. I know these two women can be a little annoying but they crack me up.
