Again, I was pleasantly surprised that the show didn't suck. All of the stories moved a long and Bree almost got laid. You gotta love that.
Speaking of Bree, ever since she's been hanging out with Peter, her AA sponsor, she's been having the time of her life. He doesn't seem like her type necessarily, but he looks like he can really give it to her. She kisses him on the cheek one day while they're playing chess, or checkers. I guess with Bree it'd be chess. He tells her that he's not just in AA, he's also in SA, Sexaholic Anonymous or something like that. I was in SA for awhile, then I got kicked out for always showing up drunk. He says that they told him to get a plant and then if the plant doesn't die get a pet, and then if the pet doesn't die, to start dating again. Usually it takes a year and he's still on the plant phase. Because she hasn't gotten it in a really long time, and says she doesn't believe him and kisses him again, this time on the lips. He can't take it and throws her on the table. They start going at it pretty hot and heavy and then he pulls away, telling her that this isn't right. He leaves and she goes upstairs to her room to where she keeps all that stuff Rex bought her.
The next AA meeting Peter introduces her to a woman, Donna, who takes over being her sponsor. Bree doesn't like the idea of not having Peter around anymore and tries to call him and tell him how much she likes him. She says that for a long time she hasn't been able to connect with anyone and be her drunk ass self. He doesn't want her to ever call again so she does what any good manipulating woman does, she gets drunk and calls him from the bar to pick her up. I could drink this woman under the table because when he finds her she's passed out in the corner. He carries her out of the bar.
Being alone and drunk in the corner of a seedy bar isn't her only problem. Andrew, her demon spawn is moving forward with his case to be emancipated. Bree goes to Lynette's to smooth things over from when she nearly had her children killed. She apologizes for it and tells Lynette about being in AA. Lynette's not stupid and wonders how sincere her apology is since she needs her testimony. Lynette doesn't want to lie and Bree's disappointed that her friend won't back her up since all Andrew wants is money and a new car and will do anything to get it. Later, Andrew lawyer approaches Lynette at work and wants her to testify for Andrew. He shows her the picture of Andrew's face beaten up and at first Lynette is shocked that Bree would do this. When she shows the picture to Gabby she thinks Andrew made it up and is completely on Bree's side. Lynette does her own sleuthing and when she brings home a new SUV she and her company are writing an ad for, she calls Andrew over and says he's her demographic. He's extremely excited to drive the car but changes his tune when she brings up the case. She can tell by his attitude and the fact that he's drooling over the car that maybe Bree's right, maybe he's a little bastard who needs a shot of his own medicine. At the deposition Andrew's lawyer questions Lynette about the incident with her kids and she sees the pained look on Bree's face and all out lies under oath. Well she doesn't completely lie because she admits that her children are slick little bastards and could get away from even the most watchful person. The attorney's flabbergasted and I wonder what Mrs. McCluskey's going to say in her deposition since she was a part of it too.
Over with Susan she's getting around better now on her cane. Even though Dr. Ron called her at the end of last episode we don't really know what was said because it doesn't seem like they're talking anymore. In fact the only people doing the talking are Karl and Susan, who Julie thinks are way too chummy. Julie's a bit worried because Karl is engaged to Edie and he won't have enough time to divorce Susan before his wedding. He's confident that won't happen since most women like to plan months in advance for their wedding. Not Edie, she figures if she found someone that's actually willing to marry her she has to hold on to him. She tells Susan and Julie that she's planning to surprise Karl with a wedding at their engagement party that weekend.
Susan's able to stop Karl from going into the house and tells him Edie's plan. She says that he should stall, be the woman and want a big wedding. When they walk into Edie's house, who do they see? Dr. Frickin Ron. Yup, he's so pissed at Susan for what she did that he's told Edie that Susan and Karl are married. Nothing about Dr. Ron ever made me think he was capable of this, in fact, it's really out of character and stupid. I'm letting it go though. Edie's pissed and throws a vase at the two of them. Edie eventually calms down and says that she'll forgive them, if they agree to a few rules. I guess because she can turn them in for fraud they go along with it. Have fun being married to that one Karl. She wants Karl to pay for an elaborate wedding, three times the amount he can afford. She does realize that when they get married his debts will be hers right? She's a dumb bitch. For Susan she wants Susan to plan the entire thing because she doesn't want to lift a finger. Those people are called Wedding Planners, invest it one. I hate Edie.
Also on the street Felicia goes up to Mike and is furious that Paul's still living on the block and no one seems to care he murdered her sister. That weekend is Edie's engagement party and since more people mean more gifts, she's asking Paul. Not a good idea when you also ask Felicia. When they get to the gift giving part Felicia has so nicely given Edie the best present yet, a pair of dentures. The dentures were once in the head of Mrs. Huber, and since she and Edie were friends, Felicia wanted her to have something of hers. Isn't that nice. She then mentions that it's hard since Paul still lives on the same street after beating Mrs. Huber to death with a blender and burying her alive. Paul takes this as his cue to leave. Later at the party, per Edie's request, Susan is her bartender. I know she wants to punish her but that would just punish me not having good drinks served at my party. Inside the Bartenders Bible (the 4th edition is the best) Susan finds a picture Karl has hidden of the two of them together. She's touched and a bit confused. In the coat room she confronts Karl and he admits that he looks at it when he gets tired of looking at Edie which is nearly all of the time. He then tells Susan that if she wants him to he'll call off his wedding to Edie. Before she can answer Edie starts to walk in so Karl flips Susan over the bed onto the floor on the other side. Priceless.
Gabby and Carlos are still trying to bribe the mother of the child they want to adopt with gifts. Her boyfriend sees this and is upset because he doesn't have any intention of giving the baby up for adoption. He actually, get this, loves the ho. At their attorney's office he's furious they went behind his back to get the baby. The only thing he can do is slyly slip them a paternal rights form of some kind that if the guy signs, he can sign over his rights. They decide to try bribing him with thousands of dollars. The guy's not taking the money though, he seems to be semi-decent. I don't know how decent he can be though he works at a strip club and screws a near hooker. When the girl realizes she's not going to get any money for the baby without the father's consent she admits the baby's not his. She says she was at some convention and slept with a lot of guys. As nasty as this is it's actually good for Carlos and Gabby seeing that now they don't have to worry about getting the father's permission.
Aw, Gabby and her Cabbage Patch doll
While at Edie's shower they get the call that tramp is having the baby, four weeks early. They get there just after the baby's born, it's a girl. After some quick bonding the father shows up drunk to stake claim on the baby. She keeps saying the baby's not his and I'm worried she's just lying, but she's not, she blurts out that she's his nineteen year old brother's daughter. This worries Gabby and Carlos because now that the father's been identified, he can claim the baby. Without thinking Gabby steals the baby with Carlos following right behind. They buckle her into her safety seat and leave. As much as it surprises me to say, I really hope they get custody of her. I guess to make us want them to be parents they've made who the baby comes from so repulsive that Carlos and Gabby actually look like a good alternative.
